Helping You Cope With An HIV Diagnosis

by Cynthia Teeters, MSW

Introduction
Talking About Your HIV Status
Handling Partner Notification
Considering Peer and/or Professional Support
Support Resources
Finding an Experienced Doctor You Can Trust
Substance Abuse and HIV
Investigating Your Health Benefits
AIDS Drug Assistance Program
Protecting Yourself and Others
Educating Yourself

Introduction

Testing positive for the HIV virus generates many feelings. You may experience fear, anger, guilt, surprise, sadness, or relief. There is no right or wrong response to your HIV diagnosis. Remember you are not alone; many people have been where you are now. Having HIV can be difficult and will be stressful at times. Thankfully, recent medical advancements have made living with HIV more manageable. There are many issues to consider that can help make your journey easier.

Talking About Your HIV Status

When coping with any medical condition, it is important to have someone to turn to for support. HIV is no exception. Unfortunately, the stigma that is often associated with HIV may make it more difficult for you to share your HIV diagnosis with loved ones. This is a personal decision with no right or wrong answer. Many people struggle with whether or not to share their HIV status with family or friends. Certainly you do not need to share your private information with everyone. However, it is important that you should not try to go it alone. Try to find a natural balance that works for you.

Talking with loved ones about your HIV status may be stressful. People often cite fear of rejection, lack of understanding, or burdening family and friends as primary reasons not to disclose their diagnosis. If you choose to tell a trusted family member or friend, find a private time that is devoted to your discussion. Decide how much information you feel comfortable sharing regarding your illness and treatment. For instance, your loved one may have questions about the status of your treatment or how you contracted the virus. Remember, your loved one may need time to process this information. The initial talk will likely be the first of many discussions with your loved one as you both begin to learn more about living with HIV. Don’t forget to let your loved one know how he or she can be helpful to you (for example, by accompanying you to the doctor or by helping research support services). It is important to consider that by not sharing your status you may be depriving yourself of much needed support.

Handling partner notification

A very difficult question regarding disclosure is talking with a partner or spouse with whom you have had unprotected sexual contact. If they are advised of their possible exposure to the HIV virus, they can then be tested themselves. If they are not tested and have HIV, they may be at risk for progression of their disease to AIDS and death. Therefore, you should notify them as soon as you can. If, like some people, you feel unable to disclose your HIV status to a sexual partner, there are some alternatives. Your doctor or, if you have one, your social worker or therapist, can help you with notification and can be present when you inform your spouse, partner, or prior sexual partners about their potential exposure to HIV. Also, in some states, there are Partner Notification Programs that can assist you with this very important process. Partner notification programs will contact a partner to advise that they may have been exposed to the HIV virus. Your identity and your HIV status will not be shared with this individual. You may want to contact your state health department to ask if they provide assistance with partner notification.

Considering Peer and/or Professional Support

Whether or not you choose to disclose your status to a friend or family member, you may want to consider joining a support group or talking with a counselor individually. You must decide what form of support will be most helpful. Joining a support group allows for information about coping with HIV to be freely shared in a safe environment. Most community-based AIDS service organizations run a variety of HIV-related support groups. These may include groups for women, gay men, parents, and people struggling with substance abuse and HIV. If you have a choice of groups or community organizations, you may want to shop around to find the agency that best fits your needs.

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Some people may feel more comfortable addressing their concerns in a private setting. A therapist or counselor who is experienced in working with people with HIV can be instrumental in helping you sort out your feelings about your diagnosis as well as work with you during your decision about disclosure. It is important for you to find someone who is experienced and comfortable dealing with the issues facing people living with HIV. It is also important that you feel comfortable with this person so that you are able to open up to them and share your true concerns and feelings. Keeping secrets from your therapist will prevent you from accomplishing much with your time together.

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Cynthia Teeters is a social worker with The Center for Special Studies AIDS program at New York Presbyterian Hospital, Weill Cornell Center.

Last updated: 10/05

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