Sharing Your Favorite Principle
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Whew! Sometimes it's tough living by principles. But having them
really helps us improve ourselves and the way we live.
For instance, how can you get rid of a negative feeling in a positive way?
Here's my principle for that: "Relieve negative feelings by turning
your attention to purposeful activities." Seek escape from unnecessary
negative feelings by fleeing into a purpose. It will take your mind off the
negative thing, giving you a healthful break from those negative feelings. The
side effect is that something purposeful and productive gets done in the
meantime. And that will give you something to feel good about.
Here are some of the principles that have worked for our visitors.
When you're done reading them, you can
share your principles too. That way we can all learn from each other.
| Name - Nickname - Email Address |
Self-Help Principles That Work - HealthyPlace.com Relationships
Community
| HPC-Phyllis - phyllis@healthyplace.com | | Comments - I am a great believer of watching the way we think. This has helped me in my own battle with anxiety and panic disorder. Unknown to me at the time was the fact that I was a very negative thinker -- loads of "what if's" and a lot of catastrophizing.
With the help of a wonderful therapist I learned to use cognitive behaviot therapy and it has made a tremendous difference in my life. It has become my favorite principle!!!! Remember that the way you think determines how you act and feel.
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| Sam - samuelcarr@hotmail.com | | Comments - "you get what you put in"
That is, the amount of effort that you put into things will determine what you get out of things.
I have learned that in my relationship with my long term fiance, their are times when I have to TRY very hard to sustain things. This might mean resisting temptation on my part, doing things for her, sacrificing things on my part, and at times going through difficult emotions, but at the end of the day, it is because I do all this TRYING that I love my fiance as I do and that our relationship is still functioning. |
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| Fran - frannybabes@att.net | | Comments - It takes more energy to be angry than it does to be nice.
This is a principle I remind myself about frequently and share with others. Think how you feel when you get angry. Does your adrenaline surge, your body temperature rise or your pulse-rate increase? Think of how much energy that takes and how it must be affecting your health negatively. I firmly believe anger ages us! Think of how much energy it takes to work yourself up to be angry.
Now think of how you feel when you are happy or laughing. Your body undergoes changes just as it does when you are angry. You may laugh so hard you cry, your muscles become limp and relaxed and a great sense of relief comes over you. Think of how being happy effects your body positively. It rids and releases your body of stress. It is also so much easier to be happy. |
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| Keith Carney - kcarney@cox-internet.com | | Comments - Change our destinies as individuals, we change the destiny of the whole planet. |
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| jamyssa - jamyssa@yahoo.ca | | Comments - You teach best, what you most need to learn yourself. |
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| Merlijn Bergisch - mbergisch@hotmail.com | | Comments - You cannot find something that you don't know you have lost. |
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| Lisa - precious7839@juno.com | | Comments - I read somewhere that life is 1% what happens to you and 99% of how you react to it. That really changed my thinking, I used to think the opposite-that most of life was what happened to you. Thinking in this new way is very empowering, because it gives you control over the way your life turns out. |
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| Bea Pullar - beapullar@iprimus.com.au | | Comments - For many years I have helped people recognise that they have the resources to be the best they can be, however, that implies some negativeity. So, now I sign of with the line, "Expecting the best." |
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| Elva Owens - eowens@centurytel.net | | Comments - This quotation from Winston Churchill is posted on my office where I see it every day to remind myself: "We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give." |
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| Robert Fuller - rkfuller@Gorge.net | | Comments - open your heart to the serenity around you your mind and body will follow. |
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| chloe - | | Comments - Life isn't about finding yourself.. it's about creating yourself. |
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| Dorothy Bucher - dorothyblueeyes@computerguyz.us | | Comments - I put on the wall the sign,"Why do something about a problem,when you can bitch about it instead?" My mom hates it, when I tell her to do something about a problem,when all she does is complain about it. BuT she LIKES bitching, rather than DOING.She's not going to change,cause she doesn't WANT TO.
So, we have a lot of conflict,because we don't respect each other's philosophies of life; she likes to bitch, and I like to do something about it.And I find that is a major source of contention in life that people who solve their problems,and those who like to just bitch about them,are usually hating each other.They are natural enemies; the bitchers leave their messes, for the problem solvers to clean up; the complainers and blamers blame everyone else for the Hell that they do,and are irresponsible.The doers try to solve the problems, and end up as the police and prison guards and rehab administrators and therapists and wardens and school principles.
Thus, they are the 2 main types of people in the world; the bitchers, who complain about the world,and blame everyone else,and do nothing; and the doers who accept what they do,and try to DO SOMETHING TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM.These 2 types of people will conflict over what to do,and how to approach life, until the end of eternity. And the bitchers will try to screw over the problem solvers, run rampant, blame everyone else but themselves,make wars,and do anything they like except take responsibiltiy for what they do. The problem solvers, and the doers, will have to try to keep the world from blowing up. |
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| dorothyblueeyes - dorothyblueeyes@computerguyz.us | | Comments - BOYCOTT THE DEPRESSION SCREENING PROGRAM. WHY??
The depression screening program that is going on, is being paid for,and promoted,by Eli Lilly,the huge pharmaceutical company. In "Parade" magaine, they stated that the REAL REASON for depression was; a person's GENES, and a CHEMICAL IMBALANCE IN THE BRAIN.
That is a lot of bull----. The main reasons for depression are, suppressed pain and anger,and often childhood or teen age physical or sexual abuse,or childhood trauma. Depression IS NOT CAUSED BY GENES!!! Depression is NOT CAUSED simply by CHEMICALS IN THE BRAIN!! People have mental and emotional problems that cause them to be depressed; antidepressant drugs can HELP, but they are NOT A MAGIC BULLET TO CURE DEPRESSION.
Ask therapists who treat depressed people for years and years; ask patients who are depressed. THEY'LL TELL YOU; it is not simply brain chemistry, or bad genes.And antidepressant drugs can only do SO MUCH; They cannot simply cure the condition, and just MAKE IT GO AWAY.
If that were true, all the depressed people on drugs, walking around, would feel FINE and function normally in life; THAT IS NEVER THE CASE!! Depression is much more complicated than that, and requires a lot more than a bunch of drugs to cure it. Nor is electro-convultion therapy likely to be a cure-all.
These drug companies are simply trying to sell everyone antidepressants,and hook the whole nation on prescription drugs. And that IS NOT THE ANSWER TO THE PROBLEM OF DEPRESSION. |
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| dorothyblueeyes - dorothyblueeyes@computerguyz.us | | Comments - "Never give up on Life"'
"Never give up fighting for the ones you love."
My sister just told me her doctors said,she may get hit by a devastating stroke; high cholesterol,ect.ect.
So, I drag out this radical,vegatarian medical diet,that researchers say can lower your cholesterol, one third, in about 30 days, if you stay on it. It has very good results;and I tell her, let's go on it, for 30 days, to see if she can get her high cholesterol down.What's she got to lose?They're telling her,she could be hit by a huge,killing stroke,cause of the cholesterol and blood pressure. I was a semi-vegetarian for years,and I'm much healthier than her. "What do you have to lose?You might wind up a vegetable, or dead,from a possible stroke, anyhow!!Let's go on this medical diet,and see if we can save your life!!You're worth any amt. of oats,eggplant,barley,okra, ect.ect.,to me!!" I let her know that I loved her more than anything,and even a radical,experimental medical diet would be better to risk, than just sitting there, and letting a stroke get her. Her doctors don'[t know what to do, to save her, ok. But when people are desperate to save their loved ones, they'll get out there,and fight for them. Any way they can try.
I don't know any other way to live; I am a tough,nasty,dissagreeable person, non-conformist, and I am willing to do something that actually WORKS, and not judge it for being out of the medical norm. I was a health-food fiend, years ago, way before it became fashionable and main-stream, and I like to think for myself, and not go along with the "Herd" mentality.
So, I'm gonna bug my sister to try this medical diet, cause I refuse to give up on her. That's my idea of what real love is; you don';t give up on someone you really love. |
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| dorothyblueeyes - dorothyblueeyes@computerguyz.us | | Comments - Plato said,"The only true way to gain empathy is to go thru the same experience yourself; there is no way to gain empathy without it."
People who pretend to understand, cannot do so, without being put thru the same pain ful experiences themselves. |
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| dorothyblueeyes - dorothyblueeyes@computerguyz.us | | Comments - One of my favorite principles;
Study philosophy and religion. It makes you feel as if you can finally grasp some of the principles, and meanings, of the Universe, and the world. You no longer feel alone. It gives you perspective, and understanding of all those things we do not understand and appreciate.
Anyone can do this; start with Early Greek Philosophy, the basic. You don't have to be a major brain to do this. All these problems that we have, they always had to contend with, so many ages ago. Makes you stop whining and feeling sorry for yourself, too.
Philosophy is studied for a reason; to get an understanding of all those things that hurt and confuse and baffle us in life. So that we can more easily accept all those tough, painful things in life that plague us all, that we think we shouldn;t have to bear.
All of these unpleasantnesses of life, of the world, have always been with us, and philosophers can give you a good management of it. Mostly, you won't feel so alone. Even today, sometimes I feel that Shakespeare is speaking to me, personnally, insome of his sonnets, from long ago. |
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| Kim - Intimatcyexited@aol.com | | Comments - I have been in counseling over the years since the age of eighteen. As a young teenager I was sexually molested by a boyfriend of my Mothers. I learned very early on that "Bad things happen to good people"....And I lived with myself knowing that I wasn't at fault. I learned to respect my body and self first...and haven't attended a pity party in years! ... |
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| Kate - kmessreni@yahoo.com | | Comments - The only thing lacking in any situation is what i am not giving. |
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| lin - gannie819 | | Comments - let the past go
let the pre |
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| tom w - newviews@nac.net | | Comments - don't hide a negative motivation under a positive motivation. |
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| Ann - ann@parentsagain.com | | Comments - Detach, depersonalize. What other people are doing is not about you, it's about them. Learn to love someone from a distance if that's what is required. Not taking things personally is the single biggest thing that has helped get over many an unpleasant situation. |
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| Mike - inform1950@netscape.com | | Comments - As an adult ADHDer diagnosed in my 50's
i had missed out on many things thanks to
"Getting it Wrong" too often up to that
point in my life. Today and every one in
what ever time i have left to me this little Catchphrase is 1 that i use,
"Today is a New Day with New Possibilities" simple is it not?, well it
works for me. Cheers |
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| mel barclay - melvine52@shaw.ca | | Comments - while running through a forest if i got hit by a twig in the face i would not stop and chop the tree down but continue running down the path i have chosen |
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| Katie - ibuildfuru@yahoo.com | | Comments - After being groomed by an abusive family for these people, marrying and leaving one, being in business with another and having a woman "friend" who I found was like the rest: I learned.
1)Have and know your core values. Develop your boundaries and let no one cross them.
2) Know the signs of a potential problem person and steer clear of them.
3) Do not allow yourself to open up to people easily -- hold back and let them earn your trust.
4) Your body and your mind is your temple. Let no one ever knock either down.
5) Let no one tell you who or what you are or your value.
6) Trust your intuition.
7) Be honest always and strong. Manipulators and users hate people who show inner strength and resolve; they'll stay away from you.
8) If you need to leave a relationship, make a plan first - and in secret. Be the wise fox and never let on about your plan until you execute it.
9) Many women stay in bad relationships for fear of poverty. This is a lie. Poverty will not kill you. It will not make you bad. This is the lie of our society.
Women are pressured to look pampered and show signs of being supported by someone else. It is all over the media. "Low maintenance" "rough" women are scorned, most often by other women. Jealous? Don't get caught in that trap. Don't listen to them. Be free. Find yourself. Wear what's comfortable for you, be true to YOU.
Poverty is often the road women have to take after being controlled economically. Fear of this keeps them trapped. Also fear of being alone, but I think poverty is the core of the "aloneness" I know it was for me.
I can't tell you that it will be easy. Most psychopaths are not going to give you a dime or if they do, they'll make you pay for it dearly. Why care? Don't fight and they have no control.
Take away their knives and they cannot stab you.
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| becky - beckyed@rcn.com | | Comments - Love the humorous Alanon saying: "Anything worth doing is worth doing half well."
Helps you to ease up on the perfectionism thing. |
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| M.J. Herndon - | | Comments - The Only person you ever meet in a relationship is yourself! |
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| Anjela - ag203@aol.com | | Comments - I had something 'interesting' hapen to me once and wanted to share it.
I thought I was sharing a relationship with someone with whom I had grown very fond of.It was a time of extrreme everything...children entering high school one preparing for university and my mdivorce had come through. In the midst of all of this an amazing man came into my life in hindsight I was probably too needy too clingy too much in love but I thought it was mutual. A year after our initial meeting we met once again and enjoyed an intimate time unknowingly he had no intention of loving me. And so it ended and I felt very hurt. Time never heals but it fades memories and 3 years later I met someone with whom I felt no chemistry. I ended the relationship BEFORE I was intimate and offered him friendship in a way was able to see how endings can be done with caring whilst not compromising ones integrity or whatever it is.
We are friends and its fine...for both of us.
The former relationship became an open sore with no resolution. He dismissed me and never gave me a chance to even stay in touch.
I feel by past we can learn and indeed go on to heal. |
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| littleone - | | Comments - What lies behind us or ahead of us is nothing compared to what lies inside of us.
Author Anonymous |
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