Your Relationship
Stories
It's been my experience that unless we change our behavior along with our
thinking, nothing much changes.
Change is often difficult. It feels uncomfortable and often downright
painful. We must decide if the pain of changing is greater or less than the
discomfort we feel by doing nothing.
Here, we can share our good and not-so-good relationship stories with the
idea that they are all learning experiences. Read the stories and comments
below. Pick up relationship tips and insights from our visitors. Take the ones
that are meaningful to you and implement them in your personal and business
relationships and your life.
You can participate in this ongoing conversation too.
Post your comments here.
| Name - Nickname - Email Address |
Your Voice Bulletin Board: HealthyPlace.com Relationships Community
| adsfa - asdfa | | Comments - asdfadsf |
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| maggie ligon - maji_13@hotmail.com | | Comments - learning is the most important thing in life,you cannot achieved something without learning from your mistakes. |
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| Debi - AnnaDeffy@aol.com | | Comments - I feel in love when I was a teenager, my parents broke us up.He went on with his life and I went on with mine.We both got married and had children etc.He would still visit my mother with his wife &kids alot of the time when I was going to be there with my husband and kids.I really loved him with all of my heart(but my mother told me he didn't care for me.I listened to her )Every time I saw him I was in pain.I found away to block out my feelings .I forgot all about him with drugs and booze.I am clean today .I forgot about my feelings towards him.I found another man my marriage didn't work.I thought I was in love with my new man.My brother passed away, and my childhood sweetheart showed up at his funeral.Well I had forgot my feelings for him I felt to comfortable with him ,when our eyes met,I felt warm I couldn't understand why at the time.He called me sweetheart I melted and I didn't know why.Two weeks later at work a song came on the radio and my memories started going crazy.My feelings are just as intense maybe more since I had them hidden all this time.My feelings for my relationship now have gone.I'm not a child I'm 46 & I don't know what to do.I have his phone number but I'm afraid to call.He's married his 3rd marriage.I need some feed back.I feel for me to have the feelings I do ,he must to.Should I call.He might not know how I feel.Please help. |
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| Debi - AnnaDeffy@aol.com | | Comments - I feel in love when I was a teenager, my parents broke us up.He went on with his life and I went on with mine.We both got married and had children etc.He would still visit my mother with his wife &kids alot of the time when I was going to be there with my husband and kids.I really loved him with all of my heart(but my mother told me he didn't care for me.I listened to her )Every time I saw him I was in pain.I found away to block out my feelings .I forgot all about him with drugs and booze.I am clean today .I forgot about my feelings towards him.I found another man my marriage didn't work.I thought I was in love with my new man.My brother passed away, and my childhood sweetheart showed up at his funeral.Well I had forgot my feelings for him I felt to comfortable with him ,when our eyes met,I felt warm I couldn't understand why at the time.He called me sweetheart I melted and I didn't know why.Two weeks later at work a song came on the radio and my memories started going crazy.My feelings are just as intense maybe more since I had them hidden all this time.My feelings for my relationship now have gone.I'm not a child I'm 46 & I don't know what to do.I have his phone number but I'm afraid to call.He's married his 3rd marriage.I need some feed back.I feel for me to have the feelings I do ,he must to.Should I call.He might not know how I feel.Please help. |
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| metta - nfdowning@yahoo.com | | Comments - For the last 6 years I have been in love with a man 12 years younger than myself.
We have had our high points and our low points. But we have never broken up. He refuses to let go. I have worried that the age difference is too great. Sometimes he worries about it too.
He has never been with anyone but me. I have been married 3 times. He makes a ton of money, I live month to month. He's Jewish, I am Buddhist.
There is a lot of things that are different about us, but without question, we love each other.
We take one day at a time. I have been on lot's of agegap boards but I dissapear as soon as the hecklers come around. I think that there should be a limit on the agegap, I think if you are old enough to of been that persons parent, then the gap is too wide.
Agegap relationships are not easy, so in order for them to last more than a couple of years, you have to be totaly in love with each other.
It is harder when the older one is a woman. There is pressure on me to look young. There is pressure on him to start a family.
I am proud to say that we compromise on such issues, instead of fighting. |
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| Dimples - juan@cei.net | | Comments - I've met this man six months ago, and am truly obsessed with him. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to stop thinking about him. Although we've known each other 6 months, the time spent with each other has been minimal. My head tells me that this is going nowhere, that he really doesn't care about me, but my heart just can't seem to get over him. This man is somewhat of a loner. I realize this is not much information, but just what I'm feeling at the moment. If I don't see him or talk to him, it makes it easier to get on with my life. Initially, I thought this was the person for me. I know very little about any past relationships he has had. What started out as being a beautiful thing, has turned out to be very painful for me, BUT he is still on my mind... |
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| lillian - verneva@yahoo.com | | Comments - im 36 years old i have been with my mate 19 years
we have been seperated for one your he had and i had a fling after that he didnt want to be together anymore. he is still in a some kind of relationship with the he had a affair on me with
i think. we still have sex and coexist in a business. i dont know how to go forward. i kinda
want him to want to get back with me. we have two kids and he just having the time of his life with me still , i dont know. |
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| Marcia Waldrop - marcia.waldrop@risd.org | | Comments - I am on the verge of ending a 7year relationship with a man I've always seen as absolutely wonderful! He has been there to help me with raising my three sons after the sudden death of my husband which occured about 10 months before I met him. He has never been married and repeatedly told me how fearful he was of committed relationships, even though he had so much love to give and truly did not want to grow old by himself. I now have reason to believe he is a very skilled narcissist who has just painted a beautiful image of himself for me and I've responded in a most loving way to make sure I showed him how trustworthy, responsible, and dependable I am. I am now so angry with myself for being so gullible and for throwing so many years away with this person. I want to make sure I can see this type of person earlier next time. Can you recommend a support group, books to read or other suggestions to help me get through this very difficult time?
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| beth - reijyn@hotmail.com | | Comments - I've been with my boyfriend for more than 3 years now, i know i love him and i try everything i can to understand him whenever when we are in a tough spot. He said he has problem trusting me coz back then, i lied to him once but no i never cheated on him, but he thinks that i did just by talking to some guy, i was new to this town before so i wanted to befriend with someone around and it happen to be a guy but i told him about that incident and from that point he never believed in me on whatever i say, he thinks that i'm such a flirt coz i talk to someone stranger and i already have a boyfriend. Now, my problem is that i can't make him believe me whenever i say something he keeps turning things around and blame me for nothing. I'm being loyal and devoted to him but he couldn't see that coz he's blinded with his thoughts and he thinks that he's always right... i know he loves me but what can i do to make him believe me if he doesn't open his ears, mind and eyes that in fact i'm not what he thinks i am. I talk to him about this already a lot of times but whenever we talk about this he never listen, and don't understand that he's hurting me so bad.... i have done nothing wrong yet in his eyes and mind i am already wrong and guilty of doing something in his thoughts... I am seeking for advice to anyone if so please do..... thanks .... GOD BLESS.... |
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| Lola Lempecka - ClassyInRed@yahoo.com | | Comments - I am a 46 year old divorced mother of 3 grown children, and guardian of my 5 year old grandson. My first marriage lasted pleasantly for 23 years. But the Divorce was a 3 year advesarial fight for assets, since my husband was the successful businessman. But he was logical and I can't say anything bad about or his decision to leave. BTW I was awarded 65% of the assets and he 35%.
I began dating a man who was "Prince Charming", he was kind, gentle, compassionate, considerate, and I believed a wonderful companion. We began our relationship 3 months before my divorce was final. And were married 8 months later. I was more in love with him at 45 than I had ever felt in love in my life.
Since I had been married for 20 years, some of his belief systems in sexual areas, I assumed was of the "new millinium type", he had an intense desire to always please me. We would stay in bed for weekends. And up until 2:00 am. when he worked and left at 6:00 a.m.
He left me notes each morning we were together always something very loving. I sincerely felt loved and cherished.
He had told me when we first met, that he had drank a half gallon of MacNaughton's each evening after work for 15 years. But he was sober for 10 years when we met. And he had "fake" beer in his refrigerator. It was hard for me to think a person could consume such an amount. But his words were backed up by his ex-wife, and few friends.
From the beginning of the relationship he had porn on his computer. He visited porn websites, and had an account with "Match.Com", and talked to "Ask Venus" alot. This was all very new to me I had never participated in any form of sexual internet websites, Porn pages, Gift shops so he could purchase me sometype of sexual play thing. I felt he was wonderful himself.
Two months before we were married he was on Gay chat session. When I came into the room, I looked and asked what he was doing on that chat session, he sayed "Just giving these guys a hard time", I responded "Oh," I didn't know if in this day and age single men, actually did or did not do these things. I and I felt he loved me, and I trusted him, and his values.
Not long after that he had gone to an amatuer porn-site and put a photo and story with an email address, it was me in Hawaii with a skirt and lei on but no top. When I seen all of the email he was receiving on a "Hotmail" account I asked him what he was doing, and he said "Oh, just sending some email". So I said "oh". But, I went to bed and I thought...and somethings were starting to be somewhat unusual. So when he left for work. I got up and went to his computer history. I then went to the website. I was hurt, I felt betrayed, and used. I told him I wanted us both to see a therapist before we got married. It took a couple of weeks but I found a good couples therapist. We talked and the therapist felt if the issues were worked on we could proceed with our marriage and be successful. Also during this same time he began "sipping" a liquor. And also on two occassions ordered 10 viagra pills. I told him I thought he was great and I wondered why he wanted to pay 10.00 a pill for them. He didn't really give me a solid answer. So I assumed he was going to see if things were better if he took them. However when he took one he would always elbow me, and say "I took one of my pills" to I suppose get me excited.
I was unaware but his drinking increased. I would see him only drink one drink 3 times a week then one drink every night. But we became distanced in all aspects. And we were only newlyweds. I would try and try to communicate with him to build a foundation, but he would not talk. It became very frustrating for me. He would leave, sometimes for a night or two. And I didn't know what was wrong to take such a drastic step. But the behavior continued. I felt so alone. I was sad. And I felt I had lost the "Prince Charming" that I fell in love with and never wanted to leave his side. But to advocate him and encourage him. But my value system and his differed. He blamed me for all our problems. Everything pointed toward me. I didn't know what to do. During this time he ordered 90 viagra pills and never said a word to me, when he took them nor when he bought them. I found an empty bottle, and checked the credit card statement and was shocked about the cost for a pill that he had in the past made such a sexual advancement thing, into a secret. I asked him to explain what he was doing taking all of the viagra when we were distanced. He never told me an answer that would be justified to our situation. So I dropped it. He started going on his business trips alone. He said that we weren't getting along and he would like to go alone. Of course I felt sad, and alone, seeing that what we had at one time had fun doing he was now doing alone.
We were married 14 months when he left me. He will not communicate with me, he still blames me. Our divorce has taken longer than it should have, but I love him. I married him sincerely, for the rest of my life.
After our separation I was receiving the mail. And the Bank Statements where he had been using his debit card 3 times a week at liquor stores, and also porn video stores. And now I am not sure what he has been doing on the internet. I have been seeing a ph.d therapist. He told me he feels that my husband has two addictions, one his alcoholism, that he kept secret. And a sexual addiction, where he must feel the hero at all times. This situation is far more than my mind can accept. As I am am educated woman, and a successful business owner. I could not believe what my therapist told me that he does on the computer. (signed consents were given to my therapist and the therapist he had seen in the past.) Here all along I thought that his liver was not processing "one" drink he had in the evenings. And when he came to been and I could smell it coming from his body I was concerned, and told him I was worried that maybe he should have his liver enzimes tested. He would be angry and blow me off. He was a very unhappy person. He was grim. And never talked. I tried and tried to build our marriage back. But to hear that I had been married to a man who had been spending $60.00 a week on alcohol, and occasional movies, and had a sexual addiction has set me over the side. I have lost 20 lbs. instead of a size 7/8, I wear a 1/2, and I am 5'9".
He hates me. He will not talk to me or be workable towards a mutual goal in ending the marriage, or going to work on himself to take a step to show his good will. He told me he married me for the wrong reasons. And I do not know what those could be. I love him. I am sad that a person must be so consumed with these things that they would rather have them than a wonderful life.
Do you agree with the therapist? How could I have been so naive? I am having a very hard time laying this marriage to rest. We had no time to build an intimate relationship, that I wanted to cherish. I work to fix things, and I don't give up. But I understand that my value system and his are different. I would appreciate any clairifcation as to the signs along the way that would have shown someone there was a serious problem. Also my therapist asked me if I felt my husband was Gay. I said no. He said "Well how about in 5 years"? I said no. So he never has replied as to what he was trying to tell me, do you have an educated guess?
Thank you for the opportunity to share this with a webpage :).
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| Molly - mythoughts77@hotmail.com | | Comments - PLEASE E-MAIL ME WITH ANY ADVICE!...My boyfriend and I have together for 3 years. Almost everything is great, except that he has problems expressing love and being emotionally open/vulnerable. His previous relationship was a short one, but it was the first time he said he fell in love and thought he was going to marry this girl after only a short amount of time. But as it turned out, she had been lying to him the whole time and been sleeping with her ex boyfriend. When he learned about this, he broke it off, but has developed a fear of saying "I love you", etc. Now I should have been smart and known from the beginning that this would equal trouble later, but here we are, 3 years into our relationship. The thing is he says everything is great, he loves everything about me, etc, etc...but he can't let him self feel that way again. I have talked to many people who say that this is a psychological block, and I believe it is true. I think that he feels that if he allows himself to be that vulnerable to me, something bad will inevitably happen. I just got him to consider the idea that he is afraid. Now my question is does anyone know if this is something we can get past? I know he either needs to get past this, or it is over. Any words of wisdom, PLEASE????? |
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| darklord - panster@xmission.com | | Comments - i am 50 stocky and intense. i was married for 17 years to a very beautiful woman and because of my sexual and personal traits we needed to seperate.because she was very strong intellectually and sexually i needed to dominate her in ways that some may feel kinky, intercourse while she was asleep or anal intercourse. she was a very good and responsive lover but feared that regular sex would and often did excite my dominant fantasies. |
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| Jan D - jan.nickd@verizon.net | | Comments - I just wanted to share my relationship story with those out there who may be struggling with the fact that they are in an age gap relationship. My hubby and I have now been together nearly 4 years. We have an age gap of 20+ years and have had to overcome numerous obstacles to become the happy committed couple we are today. We found that we had no one to turn to for advice or support when we first decided to become engaged and marry. All our friends and family were in age equal relationships. This was very difficult to say the least as we had many questions and a lot of reservations about what the present and the future would hold for us. One of the key factors that helped us to overcome our anxieties was the fact that we communicated our fears to one another. If one of us was bothered by something we talked it out. No matter what stressor we faced we overcame it together. Over the course of our relationship we have had to deal with less than supportive friends and family members. We have also encountered problems with an ex spouse who was less than happy that I had found someone to share my life with who just happened to be younger. We both feel that overcoming these difficult times together has actually made our relationship stronger. We now have a support group for other couples in age gap relationships as we feel strongly that other couples such as ourselves should have peers to turn to for support. After all, no one should be made to suffer simply because they have fallen in love with someone younger/older than themselves.
Thank you |
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| Pauline - paulinejean19@hotmail.com | | Comments - I was first married at 19, divorced at 23, remarried at 24 then widowed at 38. I thought I would never survive losing the love of my life. He died so unexpectedly asleep in bed next to me. I know, in my heart, that he never even woke up. He had a heat attack and was gone. I thank God he never suffered, he didn't deserve to. He was a good man who treated me like a queen, probably too much like a queen, if the truth be known. Basically, if I was happy, he was happy. We were married for over 14 very happy years and our life together was good. Then in one split second - it was all gone.
Well the next ten years were filled with so much grieving and so much pain. I was the worlds best actress and nobody realised the trouble I was really in. From alchol to soft drugs - I turned into a two people. During the day I was the hardworking, funloving, clown at work but after hours I was a drug-induced zombie living a hermit-like existance, escaping from the pain and the reality of life.
Then last August I ended up in hospital with renal failure. I know it sounds rather dramatic but I had to decide whether I wanted to live or die. I made the decision to live, that I still had something to offer the world and my life didn't have to be over. I lost 25kg in weight and started exercising and getting fit. I gave up the drugs with alot of help from a therapist who helped me realise that I am a unique human being who is smart and funny and does have a lot to offer the world. So I started the long road back to self-respect and realised that the world is a wonderful place even when you are alone. Then 7 months ago I received an email that changed my life even further. It was from a guy that had seen my profile on RSVP. I had received many emails before and never ansered them. With this particular email - at first I ignored it because he had 2 teenage kids and I didn't think they would fit into my life. I had never had any children but loved kids as long as they didn't belong to me. I put his email aside, but time and time again, I kept coming back to it, til one day I emailed him back. That was the beginning of a whirlwind romance. He is the most wonderful guy in the world and I have never been happier. We are truly and deeply in love with each other and about 4 months ago we started living together. We are still in the "Honeymoon phase" I suppose but the depth of feeling is something that I have never experienced before. His kids live with their Mother and we have them stay every other weekend. We all get on so well together and have so much fun that I wonder sometimes what I was worried about. My gorgeous guy and I have so much love and laughter in our lives, that I never thought it could be like this. I have let my ex Husband go and know that I will never replace him in my life but I have filled the void he left behind with someone new and very different. My new life partner wanted to know all about him and encourages me to talk about him if and when I feel the need. There is no guilt or jealousy. Just a wonderful new loving relationship that makes me so glad that I made the right decision in hospital last year. I feel we both have finally found the happiness and love hat we deserve. |
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| crystal - princess444443@aol.com | | Comments - i was with a guy for tow months and when we first met everything seemed great. he seemed like he really loved me as time went on things just felt more distant i didn't feel close to him i don't know why but i knew we were going in different directions. i thought by having that guy in my life i could be happy but then i realized that you have to be happy with who you are to be happy. i thought about it when when my boyfreind said to me we need a week off so i can think things through. he has helped me in so many ways that it isn't funny. i found myself through this i have figured out what i want to do with the rest of my life i am taking hummanties social science. i want to help others that's what i decided. we might even be getting back together but there is so much we need to talk about first. i kept apart of my life from him i didn't think that the fact my dad was gone and i missed him so much mattered but he told me it did you know that little things but i know now it did it refleted how i felt about life. he always said to me you don't seem happy it was because i wasn't happy with who i was had nothing to do with him. so my advice to all out there be honest with your self and to those you really love you can lose those special people over something so small. i almost lost my first love until i left things on his machine telling him how i felt and who i was. i love him with all my heart and soul.
thats my story |
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| amie - luckieamie@yahoo.com | | Comments - my relationship is a complicated one. its more like a love hate thing. we either hate each other so much we're in love or we love each other so much that its hate. our fights get physical. but in the end we are ok some how. we both have our faults but its like neither of us recognize them, until its too late to say i'm sorry. we have a baby on the way but its like he is too much of a child to realize it. he thinks more about himself and thinks that when the baby gets here it will be ok. i know it won't be. i'm the only one working, and he isn't trying too hard to get a job. he insists that the baby will have everything it needs but my paycheck doesn't make it very far now as it is. could you please give some advise on what to do? is it time to call it quits? or do i need to keep trying. we've been doing this for 1.5 years. |
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| MRS.SALMATA DOUMBIA - domusalm@yahoo.fr | | Comments - FROM :SALMATA DOUMBIA
ABIDJAN CITY.COTE D'IVIORE.WEST AFRICA
domusalm@yahoo.fr
DEAR SIR,
I KNOW THIS LETTER MAY COME TO YOU AS A SURPRISE SINCE
THIS IS INTRODUTORY MESSAGE . I GOT YOUR CONTACT
THROUGH THE COTE D'IVOIRE CHAMBERS OF COMMERCE AND
INDUSTRY FOREIGN AFFAIRS DIVISION.
MY NAME IS MRS.SALMATA DOUMBIA,
THE WIFE OF THE LATE MR FAVOUR DOUMBIA.
MY LATE HUSBAND WAS GOLD AND COCOA DEALER BASED IN
ACCRA-GHANA AND ABIDJAN-COTE D’IVOIRE, HE WAS
POISONED TO DEATH BY HIS BUSINESS ASSOCIATES ON ONE OF
THEIR BUSINESS TRIPS.BEFORE THE DEATH OF MY HUSBAND
EARLY THIS YEAR IN A PRIVATE HOSPITAL HERE IN ABIDJAN-
COTE D’IVOIRE, HE SECRETLY CALLED ME ON HIS BEDSIDE
AND TOLD ME THAT HE HAS THE SUM OF TWENTY FIVE
MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS (US$25.5M)LEFT
IN A SUSPENSE ACCOUNT IN ONE OF THE PRIME BANK IN
ABIDJAN-COTE D’IVOIRE, THAT HE USED MY NAME MRS JOY
ROLAND FOR THE NEXT OF KIN IN DEPOSITING THE FUND.HE
ALSO EXPLAINED TO ME THAT IT IS BECAUSE OF THIS WEALTH
HE WAS POISONED BY HIS BUSINESS ASSOCIATES.HE ADVISED
ME TO SEEK FOR A FOREIGN PARTNER IN A COUNTRY OF MY
CHOICE WHERE I WILL TRANSFER THE FUND FOR INVESTMENT
PURPOSES.I AM HUMBLY SEEKING YOUR ASSISTANCE IN THE
FOLLOWING WAYS.
1) - TO PROVIDE A BANK ACCOUNT INTO WHICH THE MONEY
WILL BE TRANSFERRED
2)- TO SERVE AS THE GUARDIAN OF THIS FUND SINCE I AM
IGNORANT OF WHERE AND HOW TO INVEST THIS FUND.
3)- TO MAKE ARRANGEMENT FOR ME TO COME OVER TO YOUR
COUNTRY, TO SECUREAND INITIATE THE TYPES OF VIABLE
VENTURES TO INVEST.
I AM WILLING TO OFFER YOU 15% OF THE TOTAL FUND FOR
YOUR ASSISTANCE TO TRANSFER THE FUND IN YOUR NOMINATED
ACCOUNT WHILE WE SHALL DISCUSS YOUR SHARE OF THE
PROFITS THAT WILL ACCRUE FROM EVERY INVESTMENT. 5%
WILL BE SET ASIDE TO OFFSET EXPENSES THAT MAY ARISE IN
THE COURSE OF THE TRANSACTION.
I AWAIT YOUR URGENT REPLY AS SOON AS YOU RECEIVED THIS MESSAGE.
domusalm@yahoo.fr
YOURS SINCERELY,
MRS.SALMATA DOUMBIA.
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| enigma_girl - samira19f@hotmail.com | | Comments - first ,excuse me for my long story and my bad English :)
5 months ago , I've met a guy accidentally in a chat room , who was in the same university that i'm , and when i said i'm studying Computer eng. he said the girl ....(he gave my specifications) is the most beautiful girl in u'r major , and then i told him that girl is me . Then he bumped into me in the uni and we talked and then chatted (online) EVERY night and we had many things in common and we met eachother (dated) in the uni a few times , but not seriously involved . after 1 month I asked him if he has a girlfriend and he told me yes! , a gf of 1 year and he likes her and she is so nice and that he wanted to tell me this sooner.
I was so upset cuz I already begin to like him so much , however , the next night i told him (in chat) that i didn't want to talk with him or see him any more , but to my surprise , he said that he liked me so much and he had been thinking about me all day long all these days and asked whether I will marry!!! him ? .... (not seriously cuz we are both 19!) but i accepted to continue chatting and dating. then he told me HIS GF is going to leave him and he don't like him that much any more. This summer ,he went to europe for about 1.5 months , and he called me EVERY day and we chatted (by internet) about 2-3 hours daily , and i started ignoring his gf. When he came back , we dated 2 times , and he was GREAT , but the third time , he was SO COLD and VERY upset , SO THAT while we were leaving the coffeeshop I asked him , "u don't want us to date any more , no?" and he said : " how could u understand that?!!! ", and that it's because he's afraid if his gf understands it. Anyway , I rejected his expensive gift and changed my phone number and I didn't call him any more.
1 month later , he send me a message when I was online and told me that he loved me so much and that day , he had had JUST said he wanted to eliminate "going out" from our relationship (cuz his gf will understand by callinh him ,...) and he wanted me to go to his home instead. I told him a definite NO and that he wanted me just for sex! (he is REALLY not such guy) , and he became SOOOOOOO angry and told me that he loved me and just because of me , he hasn't touched his gf for 5 months and he should have told me lies instead of being HONEST!.... anyway ,now the new semester has begun and I see him frequently and we have eyecontacts but we keep ignoring eachother. Now i'm missing him so much cuz he was "perfect" , wonderful and very sweet and totally different from ALL the guys I know . and I'm SURE that he truly liked me (I don't know if he still does). Now ,Is this a good idea to call him and ask for resuming our relationship? ....Does he still likes me? ...Will things like that happen again?
BTW ,he had told me SEVERAL times that he loves me but he just CAN'T leave his gf cuz "she will DIE if he do so" and he wanted me to give him time for leaving her gradually. and , I confess that I don't care about his having a gf that much , cuz I basically like him for being so caring and fun and handsome .
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| Ellie - Cutie ba to te 1 @aol.com | | Comments - Okay my boyfriend and I have been going out on and off know for awhile, but he told me he was taking pills about a month ago and I want him to stop and I have tried to saythings to him to make him stop and latley I have been having these dreams about him taking to much and having to go to the hospital and him being in life support and his mom taking him off and him dieing right in front of my eyes but I guess is what I am trying to say is I need help telling him how I feel and also I need help trying to make him STOP! |
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| christine Gunther - chrissy_loves_timmy@hotmail.com | | Comments - I want to know one thing. Is touching similar to sex? Does that show love? Is my partner has the right to touch me when i dont want him to? I dont think he really loves me. What will i do? |
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| katt - | | Comments - I was with my boyfriend for almost three years and about a week ago, he broke things off and sent me back to live with my parents. I was and still am very much in love with him, and would love more than anything to have him back. although he had a lot of trouble expressing himself to me, he was amazing. he had a lot of problems in his lifetime, and thus, could not communicate with people well at all. I gave him the oppourtunity to express his emotions to me many times, and now I realize that I didnt acknowledge that he was trying to make things work. I have major anger issues and would love to get help. I am trying very hard to get help with my anger and selfishness. Devin and I broke up about a month ago, but I had no way of getting back home, so it was very difficult to live with him knowing that I could not hold him or express my love in any way. eventually, I promised to go home the next day for a few months until I could deal with my anger issues. In the whole week we were together again, I tried controlling my anger, but I blew up one night and called him a lazy prick. He then told me that he was sending me back to live with my parents. I've been back here now for 4 days, and spend most of my time on the internet viewing anger help web sites. I feel that if I deal with my anger that he might take me back., All I can do right now is give him space and respect that he does not want to talk to me. I don't think that he will accept me back again, because I've hurt him in so many ways. My best advice to all of you that read this is that if you are going through a rough time in your relationship...think about the root of the problem, and if you decide that it is you, get help as soon as possible. You could very well end up losing the love of your life just because you never took the time to analize the situation and realize that there was more that you could have done.
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| Yasmina - dakarcherie@yahoo.com | | Comments - It’s a long, long, story. But I am going to try and make it shorter. I don’t know if this is important, but I am a black woman and he is a white man. We met overseas in 1980 while he was on assignment in my country, and I was a freshman in college. He was the first man in my life, although I did not choose to start this relationship: the way it started is that he took me by force, one evening on the beach(I won’t not call it rape, because I actually enjoyed it, although he displayed little tenderness while doing it). He was a very handsome young man with a brash, arrogant personality. Icy light eyes. Loved country music, I remember. We dated for about 2 months before he announced that his fiancee was coming over to visit. I did not know he had a fiancee back in the States. With that, he stayed away from me for about 2 months until she left. Amazingly, he then came to my house accompanied by his best friend (for moral support, I suppose). They invited me for drinks and he left my house furious when I turned down the invitation. Disgusting arrogance! But I was curious to hear what he had to say about what had happened, and I ended up visiting him (keep in mind that telephones were not readily accessible in my country in 1980). That visit ended in bed. The morning after, I told him that I needed to leavehim because I don’t want to suffer and he just responded: "I accept" in a voice as icy as his eyes. After several weeks of struggle, I could not take it anymore and the relationship resumed once more. He took me to the nicest restaurants and hotels but verbally put me down in public several times. He also took me to official functions where all officials and other guests knew he was engaged to be married. Eventually, he left my country for his next assignment. The separation was emotional, and he said that he wanted me to come and see him in that other country. From there, however, he soon wrote me an unnecessarily abrupt letter asking me to never contact him again.
That was 23 years ago. I never married (I don’t know if that has anything to do with this or not) and I finally moved to the US when I got a very nice job offer; I am now pursuing a rewarding career. For sure, I was never able to get him out of my mind. But it recently turned out that he lives with his wife (the then fiancee) and kids about 15 miles from where I am. And the other day, my phone rang. I picked up, but the person on the other side did not talk for a long time, then suddently asked to talk to whoever, and I recognized his voice, 23 years notwithstanding. I just said: “wrong number” and hung up. It looks to me like faith has it that this undeserving, uncaring man will never be out of my life. I know that, should he find a way to make actual contact with me, I will be unable to avoid going back to being his mistress: he’s got my number. I am praying for strength, but I am also preparing mentally to try and be a “happy mistress”. Since it seems impossible to shake this addiction, here is a scenario in which I would have a relationship with him, but continue to live my life normally. Sometimes, he would be able to see me, sometimes he would not. I would put my own priorities first. I would not expect him to leave his wife, would never attempt to let her know about me. Meanwhile, I would have a nice relationship with him and be happy.
I can almost hear you gasping. But I do believe that this could be just what I need to break this cycle of addiction. No longer remote, no longer unattainable, no longer the young big shot living high under the tropics, my experience and my age push me to suspect that I would simply stop being obsessed with this man the way that I have been for the past 23 years, and that I would finally be ready for a real relationship with my real soulmate. Or perhaps it would not even take going to bed to achieve that: maybe seeing him 23 years later, I will not even be attracted to him. That’s what I am hoping for, but I don’t think so.
Please do not condemn me: I really, really, want to break the spell that those icy green eyes threw on me back then. I always thought that addiction of this magnitude only happened in songs and movies. To you all young people out there: it happens in real life, and I am living proof. I have been trying for the past 23 years, and this is the only way I think I might finally find peace and freedom. But I need to know what you think. |
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| StrugglingWithMyself - DROP_A_LINE_MY_WAY@hotmail.com | | Comments - Hello...I'm not sure where to begin.
I'm a 25 year old male that is married, I've been married for almost two years. I have a great relationship with my wife, on the outside looking in we are perfect. When I'm with her I am happy. I guess I have a dark side...let me go on. I find many women attractive, and I long to pursue them. I think sometimes about girls that I have dated in the past. I feel like there is something wrong with me, I can't seem to be statisfied. I really want to be satisified, but I can't seem to shake the want and sometimes overwhelming desire to pursue other women. FOR THE RECORD...I never have been unfaithful in my current relationship. I really believe that I love my wife, I really do. Like I said we are perfect. She is very attractive. I honestly don't know what my problem is. Like today (almost every day is like this), I seen a women that I found attractive and spoke to her, nothing like I was trying to pick her up, I just chatted with her for a second...afterwards I began questioning myself why. I never want to hurt my wife, it would be unbearable. I feel like a total asshole for feeling this way, and thinking the things that I do. So tell me, am I normal? Do all men feel this way? Do we all think this way? I never plan to act on these feelings or thoughts, I just need to know if I am as happy as I think, or if I'm just a asshole. Please help!
thanks,
Strugglingwithmyself |
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| Kayla - Cherish1987@aol.com | | Comments - My story is, that my brother sent me a letter in the mail, telling me to make sure that I was happy with the guy that I am with now. Before anything else gets much more serious between me and my boyfriend. I know I am happy, but yet I dont know why yet in the back of my mind I am questioning that. I really dont know what to do, cause I love this guy and I know I am happy, but what my brother said is kinda really bothering me, and I dont know what to do, cause its kinda making me think the other way around. |
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| claudia - freyasways35@aol.com | | Comments - I have been involved with someone for 6 years now. I feel this realtionship is very toxic and I enable him alot. He is currently in jail and he is clinging to me for dear life. I feel this is my time to break free from him but dont know how. This reltionship has been at a standstill for 6 years and I dont see it goint anywhere. |
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| joe - jcowboys8@bellsouth.net | | Comments - Hi,
I was in a relationship for 11 years. My failure to communicate with my wife ended up in our divorce.We could have fixed our situation if not for her father. he did everything he could to end our future together. he bought her off literally. He bought her a house and paid all of her bills then made it clear that if we reunited she would be cut off. Any way I love my wife still do. If I learned anything its to listen and respect your spouse. Communicate and open your mind. |
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| sam - simmeeuk@hotmail.co.uk | | Comments - Need some advice.
I'm from an asian family, been supporting (living)with my widowed mum and younger two siblings for last 7 years. I would like to move a way, job etc live my own life, but am concerned how my sisters would cope with looking after my mum. Basically my mum hates to be alone, in the past we have juggled the time between us. My mum bought us up singlehandley and i feel indebted to her.
I have an older married brother who lives 50 miles away and comes over on his own every saturday to help. He now wants to move to live closer too us to ease the pressure, but his wife won't agree at all. This is now causing very serious rifts between them, he feels she is not supporting him and she feels that it is not his entire problem, he is doing enough all ready. I don't wish to be the cause for his relationship breakdown, but I want me, my sisters to have a life. In our culture he is the head of the family and should be looking out for his wife, mother and sisters.
What are your thoughts, how do we get out of this mess.
I don't want my mum to feel like she is a burden either, which she is starting to feel. |
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| heartsick - | | Comments - I just got out of relationship that I know was meant to be. I have been dating this girl for 3 months and I have known her for 10 years. We are always ending up in each other's lives. This time with some extras, since i last saw her she is now a mother of a 1 year old and the father and her are no longer in a relationship but he is still a part of their lives. Only it is in a negative way he watches his son on occassion but still continues to harrass my now ex-girlfriend and I about our relationship and the fact that I am in his son's life. That is problem one. The other problem is my now ex doesn't do anything to keep the harrassment from stopping, it is as if she likes the attention. I tried to pleed with her to get rid of this guy because he is not stable mentally, in their son's life and hers. She argues with me and doesn't want her one year old to not have his father around but he makes more trouble than he does good. I had to walk away because this not healthy for me, her, the son, or this other guy. It is going to end in tragedy for them. Now, the problem is I know I made the right decision but I've never felt so down and wrong about it. I really miss this girl! |
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| confused - | | Comments - My story starts 3 years ago when i started to date this special person that I knew from highschool, we had been out of school for 4 years now and I though about her alot. Amy and I met up one day and we went out a few times but I met someone else. I chose the other person over her. For 2 years I thought about her and thought that I made a mistake and should have stayed with her. I saw her again about 5 months ago and we started dating again. I came to find out she had gotten pregnant and had a little boy in the 2 years we were apart. This didn't bother me but the father of her child was involved in the baby's life but not hers, they broke up. So, months went on of harrasement from her baby's father. Calling me and telling me to stay away from her and his son. It got very heated and we had an altercation. I didn't blame Amy but I expected her to stand up for me if she cared about me. Tell him to leave us alone or take legal action. Everytime I would bring that up to her we would argue. She made it feel like I was doing something wrong everytime he harrased me or her. The other night after 3 weeks of peace the harrasement started again. I decided to call the police and she got pissed at me and was acting funny. I lost it and told her we shoudln't see each other any more. I really love this girl and the fact that she is a single mother doesn't bother me. The fact that her baby's father is a part of his son's life and doesn't want anyone else to be, I understand. I don't understand why she let's it run her life. I feel she would rather not be in our relationship than do something to annoy her ex. She states that she loves me but if you love someone to you stand by and watch them get hurt. I miss her but I don't miss the constant looking over my shoulder for her ex or the harrassing comments made to her and myself. my question is should i let this break up something that I have been wanting for a long time. (amy) |
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| Berniece - gods_child564@hotmail.com | | Comments - I have had a few relationships, not just a intamite on, but also friendships. I have found, that I know many would disagree with me on, is not to trust the same sex around my guy. This comes from a good friend of my ex, and him cheated on me. It would not been so bad, but they did it under our roof.
There has been several good ones to. Forgiviness in a relationship is hard. It comes from missunderstanding, I find. It may take a while to forgive a person that you really care about, but usually the rewards are awsome in the end. |
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| Claire - casualfrnd2004@yahoo.com | | Comments - I'm in a wonderful long distant relationship, or I thought I was. Everything was great, until I found out my b/f placed "phone ads" for a sexual encounter. He used a bogus name and said he never called anyone or met up with anyone. I'm having a very hard time dealing with this. We went from a great loving relationship to me now doubting his every move! |
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| Paul - ParkJogger@AOL.Com | | Comments - about 6 yrs ago, I met a girl, I was 50, she 44, she was seperated from her 2nd hubby, we would go out, did not meet her family for about 2 years. I wanted to be sure, she was the one, well, I finally did, and we all got along. Would drive on weekends to see them all, come home, would talk on the phone for hours. Well, as time would have it, she broke it off w/me, seems like every 6 or 8 months, then we would get back togather, this happen 5 tims, this last time, 8 months ago, she sent me a letter, saying she did not feel comfortable around me, and that she would never come back. I was heart broken, but, I moved on, durning this time, I did not go out, did not date anyone, I just prayed that God would help me, then the other day, was the eve of my birthday, as I drove up the drive way, I told myself, since tomorrow is my birthday, my present to myself is to for-get her, and I have to admit that the feeling had actually been around a month or so. Well, in the mail box, there I saw it, a birthday card from her, wishing me a happy birthday, and that she missed our talks on the phone. Then in the end she simply ask "Friends ?" Well, I decided to give myself some time, a few days as to how respond to this question, as the days go by, I will simply return a thank you card, and say, I too miss the phone calls, but, I know, in my heart, that the past is, simply the past. I also know, that what ever comes out of this time of talking, that there are many people involve in this, family on both sides, wanting us to get togather, but, for me, its really about forgiveness, and moving on, with her, or without her. |
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| Tiffany - Thomas | | Comments - My boyfriend once beat me almost to my death bed!! |
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| BENjamin A. OLUWAPELUMI, (rev. Dr.) - bethlehemchristianlibrary@yahoo.co.uk | | Comments - Dearly Beloved Larry James
Greetings in the Name of Our LORD.
I'm Benjamin, a consultant to Christian-organizations, called to Perpetuate Christ-life message and the kingdom principles, as well as Training, equiping and mobilizing the church for the work of the Ministry; along with being a networking-channel to Christ-centered ministries. I've been running a free public Library known as Bethlehem Christian Library (B.C.L) since 1994 that opens to Believers (of different streams ) in Abeokuta, and also being a teacher in the Body of Christ around Africa.
At this point, I'll like to share with you a major need of the Church in my base. As of today, B.C.L is the only public Christian Library in the City that houses close to two millions Christians. This enveloped us with the responsibility of making learning-items available to the Library's users and the Church at large.
In regards, I'm soliciting for your support of learning-items like: BOOKS, DVDs, VCDs, CDs, AUDIO + VIDEO TAPES, JORUNAL/PERIODICALS, SOFTWARE, GENERAL REFERENCE MATERIALS (dictionary, encyclopedias, different study Bible & versions apart from KJV) and many more. We believe it will please God to use you, to meet the need of His church in this City, through donation of the listed above resources.
Your own produced learning-resources of any kind will also be highly welcomed.
God bless you gloriously great.
Your Fellow brother,
BENjamin A. OLUWAPELUMI, (rev. Dr.)
Bethlehem Christian Library
bseide Fatgbems petrol station,
CARWASH,near ADATAN,
p o box 764 Abeokuta, 110001,
NIGERIA
phone +234 803 725 1978
bethlehemchristianlibrary@yahoo.co.uk
bclibrary@gmail.com
N.B: The following people COULD be asked about us and our work:
Dr. John Roy Bohlen 715 866 4060 gcmco@juno.com
Rev. Joshua P. Bohlen 701 255 1042 indavine@yahoo.com
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