Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited

THE CONCEPT OF NARCISSISTIC SUPPLY

Chapter 6

page 1

Women possess things that the narcissist needs.

They have the biologically compatible equipment for sex. They provide emotional comfort through their friendship and love. This kind of emotional resonance is not available from any other source.

But, as we said, in the narcissist's world, to need is to be inferior. To admit to the existence of a universal need, means to compromise one's uniqueness. To be in need of a woman is equated with being inferior and with being a commoner.

The narcissist – aware of this negating power reified and possessed by women – envies them for being emotionally more adept. He is also mad at them for creating in him this conflict between needs and the price he has to pay to satisfy them (inferiority, loss of uniqueness, etc.).

Moreover, to satisfy his need of women, the narcissist has to convince them to be with him. In other words, he has to promote himself and to win them over. This casts women as judges. They are granted the power to compare, evaluate, rate, adjudicate, accept, reject, or abandon. They possess the capacity to hurt the narcissist by rejecting him or by abandoning him – and he feels that they flaunt this power. This realisation cannot coexist with a feeling of omnipotence.

To restore the proper balance of power, the narcissist must frustrate women. He must re-acquire his superior position of judgement and decision-making. Women are anti-narcissistic agents. They are perceived by the narcissist to have an all-pervading, all-penetrating "X-rays" look, the kind that might reach the narcissist's TRUE Self. This is a real threat. These ominous supernatural capacities evoke strong emotional reactions in the narcissist.

These reactions may appear as focused on certain features of the feminine anatomy (vagina, feet, breasts) in the form of fetishes. Many narcissists are fetishists and even (more rarely) cross-dressers. But usually they more diffusely target women as an abstract category.

We already said that the narcissist feels inferior in the presence of women, that his feeling of omnipotence is effected, that he is envious of women's emotional skills, and that he feels that his uniqueness is at risk. The narcissist also becomes very angry. Enraged, to be precise. All this is accompanied by the eternal "background emotion": the fear of being exposed as an impostor, a fake.

This rage, deeply explored, leads to the very heart of that darkness, the narcissist's soul.

All of us search for positive cues from people around us. These cues reinforce in us certain behaviour patterns. There is nothing special in the fact that the narcissist does the same. However there are two major differences between his type of consumption of social cues and that exhibited by a normal personality.

The first difference is quantitative. The normal person is likely to consume a moderate amount of this intoxicating exchange of social approval – verbal and non-verbal. The narcissist is the mental equivalent of an alcoholic. He asks for more and yet more. He directs his whole behaviour, in fact his life, to obtain these pleasurable titbits of human attention. He embeds them in a coherent, completely biased, picture of himself. These cues could and do emanate from his family members, business partners and milieu, or from colleagues. If they are not forthcoming, the narcissist demands them, at times extorts them from his environment: from his workplace, his country, his society. Money, compliments, a favourable critique, an appearance in the media, a sexual intercourse are all transformed into the same currency in the narcissist's mind.

This currency is what I call Narcissistic Supply.

There are two immediate and easy Sources of Narcissistic Supply: publicity (celebrity or notoriety, being famous or being infamous) and a mate or a companion. Publicity can be obtained by self-exposure, through creative activities, or by provocation. The narcissist resorts to all three shamelessly (as any drug addict would do to secure his daily dose). But the full picture is more complex.

It is very unpleasant to be a narcissist. He is constantly in and out of dysphorias. This is such a predominant symptom that it can be argued that recurrent dysphorias is a differentiating symptom of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

The life of the narcissist can be described as a dysphoric continuum, disrupted by outbursts of acute depression, which last a few days each. The nadir of each depressive bout is coloured by suicidal thoughts and anhedonia (a loss of the penchant for living). The narcissist does experience euphoria – but it is usually exogenous and reactive while the dysphoria is endogenous and of dubious aetiology.

This sorry state can be directly traced to the economy of Narcissistic Supply. Whenever there is a loss of Narcissistic Sources of Supply – there is a reaction of dysphoria (depression).

There are few categories of Narcissistic Supply Sources (NSS):

Publicity (adoration, adulation, applause), or its substitute: attention. Public attention can well be derogatory. Infamy is as useful as fame, notoriety as good as being renowned. This is the Primary Source of Narcissistic Supply.

To the narcissist his "achievements" can be imaginary, fictitious, or only apparent, as long as the public believes in them. The important element is not truth but its perception. This is somewhat Marxist: consciousness moulds being and reality.

Then there are normalcy, secure living conditions (economic security, social acceptability and mobility, etc.) and companionship. These are Secondary NSS.

All these sources, primary and secondary alike – or rather the Narcissistic Supply provided by them – are incorporated in a Narcissistic Pathological Space.

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