Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited

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Narcissism List

Part 12 cont.

12. Somatic versus Cerebral Narcissists

A somatic narcissist uses his/her body to seduce. It is the act of seduction that matters, not the actual physical sex that sometimes follows. In other words: the somatic narcissist derives his/her narcissistic supply more from his ability to discernibly influence others (=tease) than from actual sex (let alone, from a romance, or a relationship). This is so much like histrionic PD (HPD) that I once suggested that HPD was, in effect, NPD where the source of Narcissistic Supply was the body.

(In the following sentences male=female)

A somatic narcissist might also derive his NS from cultivating his body, observing his nutrition and health (up to the point of developing an eating disorder - see FAQ 65- and hypochondriasis), exercising, competitive sports. In short: anything related to the body.

Somatic narcissists are often infidel and serial lovers.

13. The Narcissist and the Therapist

The Narcissist thinks (and often says aloud):

"I know best, I know it all, my therapist is bound to be less intelligent than I, I can't afford the top level therapists who are the only ones qualified to treat me (as my intellectual equals), I am actually a therapist myself...." 

This is a litany of self delusion and fantastic grandeur (really, the manifestation of defences and resistances).

"He should be my colleague, in certain respects HE should accept my professional authority, why won't he be friends with me, after all I can use the lingo (psycho-babble) even better than he can? It's US (I and he) against the ignorant world."

Then there is: 

"Just who does he think he is asking me all these questions?"

"What are his professional credentials? I am a success and he is a nobody therapist in a dingy office, he is trying to negate my uniqueness, he is an authority figure, I hate him, I will show him, I will humiliate him, prove him ignorant, have his licence revoked (transference)."

"Actually, he is pitiable, a zero, a failure ..."

And all this - in the first three therapy sessions...

14. Being Nice to Others

Narcissists (full fledged, etc.) are nice to others if:

1. They want something - narcissistic supply, help, support, votes, money... They prepare the ground, manipulate you, and then come out with the "small favour" they need, or ask you blatantly or surreptitiously for narcissistic supply ("what did you think about my performance .." "do you think that I really deserve the Nobel Prize?").

2. They feel threatened and they want to neuter the threat by smothering it with oozing pleasantries.

3. They have just been infused with an overdose of narcissistic supply and they feel magnanimous and generous and magnificent and ideal and perfect. To show magnanimity is a way of flaunting one's impeccable angelic credentials. It is an act of grandiosity. The recipient are not relevant, a mere receptacle of the narcissist's overflowing, self contented infatuation with his False Self.

It is transient. Victims tend to "thank God for little graces" (God being the narcissist). This is the Stockholm syndrome: hostages tend to emotionally identify with the terrorists rather than with the police. We are grateful to our abusers and tormentors for ceasing their hideous activities and letting us breathe for awhile.

15. Prostituting our Selves

Women who, otherwise, have struck me as charming, witty and emotionally delectable often engage in berating themselves and upbraiding their own behaviour. A random selection: "slut", "dirt" and "tramp".

It is one thing to feel bad about indiscriminate, short term, unfulfilling relationships - and another thing to mislabel oneself.

Our society is still male chauvinistic. We still maintain the infamous double standard. To engage in sex with many women is an achievement (for a man) - to do the same with men is prostitution (for a woman). To allow others to make use of your BRAIN for money is to be a consultant - to allow them to make use of your GENITALS for cash is to be a whore. To enjoy sex in the framework of an exclusive arrangement is almost mandatory - to enjoy the same with many men is considered degrading.

To sell your sexual services on an exclusive basis to one man (no matter how abusive) is to be a respectable wife - to do so serially with more than one, no matter how empathic and helpful - is to be a sinful slut.

My training is in philosophy. Each of the statements above and all of them put together are INDEFENSIBLE. No rigorous, rational and culturally independent argumentation and reasoning can yield the above conclusions. Men instilled and embedded in women these insidious control mechanism to protect their sexual exclusivity and to maintain it and to ascertain that their progeny was indeed theirs. It is moral hypocrisy to call a sexually active woman "dirt" or "whore" or "slut".

The very definition of promiscuity is highly dependent on the specific period, society or culture. In many societies and cultures in history, prostitutes officiated in RELIGIOUS rites. In others, they were considered sacred and privy to divine information. Unlimited sex constituted an integral part of many religions. In some cultures uninhibited sex was encouraged among women and taught to them from an early age. In others, guests were invited to share the host's female folk (never against their will, by the way).

Feel GOOD about your body and your sexuality. I have yet to come across something more aesthetically elating than an excited and exciting sexual woman. Don't let society, culture and the men in your life tell you what you are.

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