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Personality Disorders
Community Wall
| Lyndon - deathsaber_2002@hotmail.com - 15 | | Comments - the last year I've been suffering from extreme depression. I feel that no-ones listening to me even though Im trying to scream out, nothing comes. I dont think anyone cares or really knows how I feel, I wish i could talk to someone. im so alone, and trying to cope, I just dont know if anyones there. i dont have any motivation to do anything anymore, i'm falling behind in everything, if i get away from this pain I never want anyone to have what i felt and i feel as if it wont ever stop |
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| Lyndon - deathsaber_2002@hotmail.com - 15 | | Comments - i hate it. when it finally goes away after weeks it comes back worse, and its harder to deal with because you know how happy you could be |
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| Melissa - candy_apple6@yahoo.com - 24 | | Comments - I have been suffering from severe depression for a long time. I have been in and out of the hospitals since I was 17 years old. First they told me that I was bipolar 2 and now they tell me my diagnosis is BPD. I don't know where my life is going, and I wish that I did. I am engaged to a wonderful man that tries his hardest to understand me but it's getting hard for him to deal with me. He gets sick of it and wants to leave me all the time.All I want is for me, to understand myself and to help him to understand me. Here is a poem I wrote when I was 16 years old and I live by this poem everyday of my life.
" Life"
O'God, O'God,
Why do I cry,
I wish that I was in peace and,
I wish that I could die.
This world is crazy and
it's not for me,
I wish that you could see
that I'm not happy.
Take me far, far away,
Kill me,
Please don't make me stay.
Kill me now, I don't care how.
I wish that I was dead,
Just chop off my head.
Bury me upside down,
so that I don't hear any sound.
This world is crazy and it's not for me,
I wish that you could see,
that it's me thats not too happy! |
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| dorothyblueeyes - nope - 56 | | Comments - Ahem; it is a crock that you can get over a major personality disorder; why? Cause your personality,your identity, is modeled on your parent's,and your entire brain pattern is not able to be changed like that.It would take psychosurgery, operating on the brain, to change it,and they have not invented that yet. So, just accept yourself the way you are.(Like AA says.) ACCEPT YOURSELF. You're not that much worse thanm anyone else out there. Try to manage your behavior,not your mind's pattern,and that has the most effect. Personality Disorders are worse than psychosis to change. At 56, I accepted mine, and now I feel a whole lot better; now,I'm just doing what I like,and not busting my head against a wall, trying to make=-over my brain pattern. I know that kind of "miracle" is rediculous and immature,and I feel a whole lot better about myself for having matured. Psychiatry is not a science; it's a theory, and a lot of medicine,and that's it. I went back to AA, to get into Acceptance,and it helped a lot |
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| Dan Swiatek - swiated@ufrsd.net - 18 | | Comments - I don't know exactly which things i have, as i might be biased in my dianosises, but i'm afraid of seeking professional help for fear of institutionalization and lack of confidentiality. I cut myself, not suicidally, but to get the pain out of my head. I have had a few short struggles of relationships which i screwed up majorly, due to being an arsehole, plus my self hatred, moodiness, non-existant self esteem and constant and extreme self doubt and paranoia. I always feel like my girlfriend is going to find someone else or dump me for for anyone, cause anyone is better than i am. I have a feeling i did this wrong. ..? If someone can tell me about how it is to get help from a psychologist, please email me. I am very curious about the confidentiality, and if you have any option to decline treatment. |
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| Marci - bktmom@comcast.net - 45 | | Comments - Wow...I just found out the reason my 25 year marriage ended. I just thought he was a selfish jerk, with no real feelings for me anymore. Anymore? Try always. Thank you all. |
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| Kim - Iamdoingmybestok@aol.com - 44 | | Comments - I just found out a few months ago. I have MPD. I am strongly looking for someone who can relate. With knowlege or simple conversation. I feel I scared and shocked, but determined to do everything in my power to help myself. |
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| Sharyl - PiXie6736@aol.com - Almost 14 | | Comments - Ive been in and out of a hospital since i was 12 years old. at first i was diagnosed PTSD, then major depression, but now theyre telling me that after "observing " me for so long they can definitelly say i have BPD. i feel confused on how i got this and what some of the problems assoc. with it are. if i stop cutting will i be cured?? if anyone has BPD and would not mind talking to me please email! |
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| Anne - neonatal2002@yahoo.com - 58 | | Comments - I was diagnosed with MPD fifteen years ago. I am a qualified counsellor and I have been working in this field for twenty years. I have also begun to write a book on how we came to be who we all are. I am married and very happily with a very supportive husband. |
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| Mee Lin - ConfirmTruth@aol.com - 45 | | Comments - I have cut people off from me my family and friends. i cometo realize my family quality is they are very narcisstic that is a trait in my family. I do not feel special. i have done so much for my family i have been a loyal frind and people take that for granted i feel that i am special to know one and i neve have been and when people i have been with make me feel special its always at a price . I feel like a little girl alone abandon unloved in a grown womens body. |
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| E - escdmusic@yahoo.com - 27 | | Comments - Does anyone know how to find resources for assistance in dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder? |
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| emily - irl2@earthlink.net - 52 | | Comments - |
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| fluff - fluffy_chips@hotmail.com - 16 | | Comments - I am lonely, so lonely, i long for friends and acceptance but i just dont dare to get it. I sit alone, wishing i could sit next to someone.....i dont dare. Im constantly evaluating my words when i speak to people hoping that i wont say something stupid, i look for clothes that other people like not what i like. Im shy yet i wish i was load, i cant be load in case people hate me. someone asks me to sit next to them.....i sit alone wishing i had said i would, i look back and cut, cry, scream howcome i diddnt say yes?? i avoided it again. I have now turned reality upside down, i have a friend, an imaganary friend, a friend who doesnt judge. i feel so lonely. no one want to understand, parents just say i have avoident personality disorder....with a disorder who will ever want to know me?? |
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| fluff - fluffy_chips@hotmail.com - 16 | | Comments - I am lonely, so lonely, i long for friends and acceptance but i just dont dare to get it. I sit alone, wishing i could sit next to someone.....i dont dare. Im constantly evaluating my words when i speak to people hoping that i wont say something stupid, i look for clothes that other people like not what i like. Im shy yet i wish i was load, i cant be load in case people hate me. someone asks me to sit next to them.....i sit alone wishing i had said i would, i look back and cut, cry, scream howcome i diddnt say yes?? i avoided it again. I have now turned reality upside down, i have a friend, an imaganary friend, a friend who doesnt judge. i feel so lonely. no one want to understand, parents just say i have avoident personality disorder....with a disorder who will ever want to know me?? |
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| fluff - fluffy_chips@hotmail.com - 16 | | Comments - I am lonely, so lonely, i long for friends and acceptance but i just dont dare to get it. I sit alone, wishing i could sit next to someone.....i dont dare. Im constantly evaluating my words when i speak to people hoping that i wont say something stupid, i look for clothes that other people like not what i like. Im shy yet i wish i was load, i cant be load in case people hate me. someone asks me to sit next to them.....i sit alone wishing i had said i would, i look back and cut, cry, scream howcome i diddnt say yes?? i avoided it again. I have now turned reality upside down, i have a friend, an imaganary friend, a friend who doesnt judge. i feel so lonely. no one want to understand, parents just say i have avoident personality disorder....with a disorder who will ever want to know me?? |
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| Jim - jimadamsz28@hotmail.com - 51 | | Comments - I reciently found out that I have MPD and would like to talk to someone in the Orlando Florida area. This is scary and a relief to know at the same time. Does anyone feel my pain? |
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| Tonia - sunshindaz2@cox.net - 26 | | Comments - i dont know how to make my life worth something, I ruin everyones lives that I touch. |
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| Tonia - sunshindaz2@cox.net - 26 | | Comments - Soeone please help me, i dont know where to go for help and i fell like I am slipping so far I wont be able to get back!!! |
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| Christine Prieur - babie_barbie@hotmail.com - 19 | | Comments - Hi! I am a borderline and a SI. I have been cutting, burning and picking since I was 12. Now I am simply looking for people like me to exchange email addys and snail mail and telephone numbers. feel free to write me babie_barbie@hotmail.com |
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| BambooSundown - - 24 | | Comments - I am a complicated one- GAD, Major Depression, BPD. I just applied to have an online journal here and I hope I get accepted because I think my pain and disappointments and lifelong suffering and what I have been and continue to go through will help others, especially those like me. Everyone keep up the talking and communicating because it helps. It does me. Thanks for being so honest on here. I feel connected to all of you. |
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| Trip - savedbyone@cableone.net - 39 | | Comments - Hi . I have DID. Sometimes it's not so bad and sometimes it is horrible. I started realizing that I may be multiple in 95. I have been in treatment ever since and with a wonderful husband, who takes care of all my different parts, and the love of Christ I have made tremendous strides.Next time I write I will write one of my poems.
Sincerley,Trip |
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| Una - sutton@surfacemarking.com - 33 (as far as I know) | | Comments - Unity in Chaos |
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| Roxanne - rsikes@comcast.net - 44 | | Comments - The 13 of Us
How do we do it?
When many of us want to come out,
There is so much doubt.
of what we are about.
Can we all fit? |
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| Lex - i_am_not_you89@hotmail.com - 15 | | Comments - we walked down the l.a streets with gold in our eyes
plastic supermarket whores
mascara running down our faces with the miniskirts riseing up
the putrid love was resterdays fantasy
and tomorrow we will slit our rists and
the diamond incrusted blood will fill the bath tubs we rub our hate off in
i forgot the time i prayed, but jesus was just a pimp down in compton then
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| tash - naughty_chick25@hotmail.com - 18 | | Comments - since i was 12 years old i have been told i was an attention seeker. I tried to commit suicide for the first time when i was 12 1/2 then i got moved to a care and protection unit where i went from drugs to living on teh street to mental wardas and everything being told i suffer from bi polar until the police ordered that i get a asssesment when boarderline personalilties came up suddenly everything seemed to fit and i got put on the right medication. its been a year today since i last cut myself and a year since i was on the streets. its hard workand i find that im fighting to survie sumtimes but its a good feeling to know that ur not going insane and that things can be good in ur life. go hard everyone one kia kaha(be strong) |
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| John - nobody@aol.com - 16 | | Comments - Hi im john and i am coping with a personality disorder. i feel very uncomfortable about talking about it and i added my name to the aol list. i was confused with the list and i did not know that it would be a public thing. i would appreciatse it if the advisors of this site could please take my name of the list. i am john and just recently added it. i dont want to say my last name again but it begins with an L. i would really appreciate it if someone an advisor could please take it off the list so i dont have to worry about this 24.7 now. |
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| Jessica - hellsangel792 - | | Comments - how do u know if you have a desise...my consler thinks im adhd and my friends think im either bipolar or depressed...im really confused |
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| Jessica - hellsangel792@yahoo.com - 16 | | Comments - how do u know if you have a desise...my consler thinks im adhd and my friends think im either bipolar or depressed(i cut so tats why they think that)...im really confused |
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| Deb - debc90@hotmail.com - 49 | | Comments - I dont know where I'd be if I'd never been touched, but I do know I dont like me very much! |
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| Jessica - darknessdwells@hotmail.com - 15 | | Comments - With the razor that’s cutting into my vein
I’ll take away all my crying pain
There are 2 many reasons why
Too many days you never saw me cry
You’ll never understand that I don’t actually want to die
Just make the pain go away
So I can be happy someday
Can I do nothing right?
There’s just no way I’ll ever find the light
So help me God as I cut and slice
I’m sick of thinking this over twice
It’s beyond my control
Starving I wish I were thin
There is not beauty within
But this you’ll never know
Oh well here I go
Its a poem of mine. |
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| Jo - JourneysInside@aol.com - body age 28 | | Comments - Our system is survivors of extreme abuse at the hands of the parents. Diagnosed with DID in '94 after several hospitalizations as a teen... current therapist has also dx'd psychotic depression, but I'm having a hard time searching info on that, a lot of the symptoms are similar to DID aspects.
Feeling really lonely, isolated and looking to communicate with others who understand.... journeysinside@aol.com |
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| C. Canning - ccanning2005@yahoo.com - 00 | | Comments - Feel free to post:
Practiced Deception within Relationships.
http://exploringpersonalitydisorders.1hwy.com
Lying, deceit and manipulation within relationships.
Are there benefits to pretending to be living within a negative environment?
Does having been abused when a child produce adult "Victim" role-playing?
This site explores signs of self-defined victimization.
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| JuJuBeans - LQQK4mehere@aol.com - 47 | | Comments - We are very fragmented today..Like being in the middle of a merry-go-round seeing the rest of the insiders whiz by. <> |
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| ManyMults - ManyMults@hotmail.com - 20 | | Comments - We are glad We are Multiple, though the docters say other wise...
Tahnks for this wall. :). |
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| imaginaryfriend - nagnesangst2@aol.com - 52 | | Comments - i have been explorying my lifelong pattern of going into a fantasy under stress.i seem to be coming out ot it.i havent heard anyone else talk about anything similar and would be interested in hearing other people share their pathological daydreams.thank you-if |
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| Stephanie - koalabb1234@yahoo.com - 19 | | Comments - Dear Rita:
Baby, ilove you so much and i miss you. You are so pretty and you are my angel on earth. You are as pretty as the star on the sky. I want to hold you and just to have you in my arm. I wish you could be my girlfriend.
Merry Christmas.
Love
stephanie |
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| tp - alesco39@aol.com - 42 | | Comments - Hi I am strggling with BPD and I am not sure if I am delusional too. I have sexual identity issue as well and am not sure where I am heading. Would like to exchange experiences with people having similar issues. I have been in therapy for 15 yrs and I do not know how to help myself. |
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| sage - flincess@verizon.net - | | Comments - Hold my hand
While I look for home
Be near
So I can hear you breathe
Cry
So your tears become mine
Let go of your pain
So I can feel it
Look deep
Find where I hide
Sorrow grow roots
Burrows deep
Blossoms where there is no sun
Needs no rain
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| - - | | Comments - to all of you bump on a log pseudo psychologists who dont do a goddamn thing for your patients: fuck you too |
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| sarah - indie_rah@yahoo.co.uk - 22 | | Comments - why do i feel like hurling myself against you?
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| Marita - sparrow1113@hotmail;.com - body 68, spirit eternal | | Comments - I'm struggling with DID. Diagnosed 2 years ago. I want to connect w/other people w/this disorder. Maybe email. I really need support. |
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| Marita - sparrow1113@hotmail.com - Body 68, various ages inside | | Comments - First, I want to send a word of encouragement to all who post here. It's a tough journey sometimes, but it can get better. At any given moment,"This too shall pass." I just want to send out hope and encouragemnet to all of you.
If I had written this afternoon I would have come from a very depressed, isolated, fragmented place. I was really suffering; then my good friend called me. We have known each other 16 years and talking with her got me focused again and now I feel new strength and hope. So..........don't give up. You are important. No one else in the history of the world has ever been born who is like you. You are special and God loves you.
PS. I have DID,PTSD,Recurrent Depression. |
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| Elifelet Sara - Leafy@walla.co.il - 22 | | Comments - I choose to accept myself either way that i am at any momment. I choose to help myself overcome my fears and troubles every momment in life. I accept this cohise as a default, since i am alive, though been so many people in my life didn't think i deserve. I choose life. |
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| Rhoda Compestine - lt.grandma@comcast.net - 56 | | Comments - I live with this disorder every day. Please do not give up on yourself. Your worth loving. |
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| Rhoda Compestine - lt.grandma@comcast.net - 56 | | Comments - I live with this disorder every day.
Please do not give up on your self your woth loving and Iam here to listen and
hear from someone who understands. |
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| Rhoda Compestine - lt.grandma@comcast.net - 56 | | Comments - I live with this disorder every day.
Please do not give up on your self your worth loving and Iam here to listen and
hear from someone who understands. |
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| Sharon - sld@wideopenwest.com - 46 | | Comments - Together we shall overcome. |
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| Tabitha - venussky@gmx.net - 31 | | Comments - Father God
I awoke this morning with the realization that God is truly present and in everything around us.
Before I even opened my eyes, I heard the birds singing there songs of praise to this awesome creator,
I smelled the rain cleansing all that it is on this earth, I felt the wind blowiing mightly against our building reminding me of how powerful and mighty God truly is, and I rolled over in my slumber and opened my eyes, only to be reminded of God's unconditional love for us when I saw my precious sleeping husband, I feel truly blessed.
At times like these I often feel overwhelmed, I truly question whether I could have been a better person, whether I can be more kind, caring or considerate, I feel true humility at these moments , and sometimes I may even begin to feel shame, but then as if my Father God reaches down from heaven and touches me, I am reminded gently that I am loved, and that in his eyes I am just another of his perfect creations, even with all my flaws....... What a glorious revelation, and truly beautiful inspiration.
With this I pray that each day I will remember that I am not only human but a child of God, and that his light may shine through me to all those around me, and each person who he wants to touch.
Thank you to for allowing me to share!
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| Sad Lisa - ketchamlisa@yahoo.com - 38 | | Comments - Where do I begin? To keep it short, I am a sexual abuse and emotional abuse survivor and am married to an emotionally abusive person (15 years). I suffer from PTSD, anxiety, severe depression, Bi-polar disorder, eating disorders and am in recovery from alcohol addiction. I am currently struggling with cutting as a means to change the mental hurt into physical pain to change my focus. Also in therapy for 5 years. |
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| Amber - crazycool91579 - 25 | | Comments - misunderstood you think I'm crazy you kjudge me you don't knowyou don't trydo you think your better than me?all i need is affection love,hope.. to know that i matter all my life iv'e felt like nothing not wanted if i was drownding you would let me I am not perfect all though you want me to be just SHUTUP quit judging me and just understand me! |
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| Amber - crazycool91579 - 25 | | Comments - misunderstood you think I'm crazy you kjudge me you don't knowyou don't trydo you think your better than me?all i need is affection love,hope.. to know that i matter all my life iv'e felt like nothing not wanted if i was drownding you would let me I am not perfect all though you want me to be just SHUTUP quit judging me and just understand me! |
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| sammo - sammo@janes.ie - 29 | | Comments - "same shit different day" |
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| jimmy - truthmanagement@msn.com - 31 | | Comments - hello world i am just a man trying to deal with a problem. |
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| anon - gene_sullivan@yahoo.com - anon | | Comments - I can be responsible for my actions (including speach acts) only to the extent that YOU are responsible for your interpretations of my actions. |
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| Niki - nikilotta7@usa.com - 25 | | Comments - Just diagnosed with BPD...just another name on the wall. Is there any hope? any light at the end of the tunnel? My husband believe it or not works in the mental health field and is considering leaving me since he can't deal with it at home as well. I'm not sure if i'm typical of bpd or not. sexual abuse survivor if you want to call it that, cutter, battled eating disorders for twelve years and depression. My uncle committed suicide last year and I think that I'm losing it. If someone can forward any helpful info on bpd i would appreciate it. I'm all alone. no friends and the husband isn't helping. thanks |
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| Kristen - klsherman@paonline.com - 36 | | Comments - I am dealing with dx of DID, i am struggling with this and just want ideas on how to cope especially when the others are out, body memories are happening, and things are loud and intense. In the past I've had a part or two that punish body by cutting to try and rid self of those feelings but it doesn't work any more and it just gets me in "trouble" with my therapists and other parts. |
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| Kristen - klsherman@paonline.com - 36 | | Comments - When you are using BPD are your referring to Bi-Polar Disorder or Borderline Personal Disorder??? |
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| Candace K. - kcandace@hotmail.com - 30 | | Comments - Hello everyone. I am a survivor of sexual, physical, emotional and psychological abuse that has manifested itself throughout different points in my life. I have been diagnosed with four different mental illnesses, but feel it may be possible that I am struggling with a Personality Disorder also. If you ask me how i felt about myself, I would seriously have to think about that, because I often don't feel connected to myself at all! |
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| Dawn - dawn1hodson@hotmail.com - 39 | | Comments - Hello All and many Blessings and with Hopes of Healing to all!!
I have come to the conclusion that I am a narcissist. I hate myself right now. I have used people and have hurt them and seem to continue to do so even after this awaking. I want help so bad to stop and not hurt (on purpose) others. I want to know why I behave this way and the steps I can take to stop this awful behavior!!! You are welcome to write me at my e-mail addy at dawn1hodson@hotmail.com Have a nice day and again many blessing!
Dawn
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| Dawn - dawn1hodson@hotmail.com - 39 | | Comments - Damn I hate myself. I hate how I treated my kids. I hate what I am doing!!! I just hate me and want to change. I feel very alone,lost and stupid! I want to stop hurting my loved ones but I also know I wanted my way! My way is the lonley way!!! |
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| allieMessage - lulukitty1b@aol.com - 45 | | Comments - It has been almost a year since my
diagnosis of BPD. My realtionship of 13 years ended and I ended up being hospitalized. Over the last 7 months I have been in an inpatient facility. I then went into a Intensive Outpatient Hospital program and 5 months in a DBT program. I look back on where I was and where I am now gives me hope. DBT I found was extremely helpful. Each day brings challenges to just stay grounded.
I find it to be a relief to finally understand why I am the way I am.I am thankful I have a wonderful therapist. Those out there that have BPD keep on plugging away. Do not give up. |
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| debbie - concrete_angel4312000@yahoo.com - 44 | | Comments - I feel like there are days when I am just spinning out of control waiting to hit that wall, hitting that wall would probably only have me spin in the other direction. Not sure where to turn and afraid if what I might find when I get there where ever that may be. Just so many things all at one time and no control over any of it it seems. But I hold on for my children and try not to allow them in to close for fear of them leaving me alone. It gets so dark so fast and the light does not always find me. |
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| andrea Schwalm Stolz - ruminatinmind@mac.com - 38 | | Comments - Hello. I am a child of a BPD mom and an alcoholic (and possibly Asperger's) dad. I have an ADHD child with an autoimmune disorder and another child diagnosed with multiple complex developmental disorder (now considered a PervasiveDevelopmentalDisorder and prev. known as borderline personality disorder of childhood). I have no official diagnosis though I suspect some sort of PDD with the addition of acute anxiety. It's been quite the rollercoaster ride, I'll tell you. And yet, amidst everything else, I know there are wonderful elements to my life and I am lucky to be here and be alive and have my children. I hope you all are able to come to your own state of grace and acceptance. That your journey proves mostly bearable. Good luck to all of you. |
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| Heather - heatherlynneclark@yahoo.ca - 23 | | Comments - It always comes back, I don't think it's ever truly gone. Just when I think I've got things under control...I suffer from BPD, major depression, substance abuse (clean for 9 mos tomorrow! Thanks to NA) Thanks to you guys I don't feel quite so alone, please keep writing, its a therapy like no other. Peace |
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| Arat - Damsel13@comcast.net - 8 but 47 too | | Comments - I live I cry I wish that I could die But why do I try, try, try. |
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| robin - chancealot2me@yahoo.com - 45 | | Comments - I don't know where to begin.Glad to find this place,nice to know that the other people in the doctors office aren't just decoration...I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE...I had very tramatic childhood,don't remember years..just went to sleep at five and woke up at nine....with blocks of that time gone too.Where?I don't know.Spent my life trying to hide and function without letting anyone see what I really am.Does the woman at the check-out know that even as I smile at her I am seeing myself cut her throat? Does my son's girlfriend realize I am talking to her and thinking of sticking ink pens in her eyes and setting her on fire for the fun of it?I am BP,SCHZO,BPD,PTSD,SAD...and I forget what else.I take my meds and pretend all is well,let no one in to see whats inside.I fight the urges to hurt myself or kill myself as I have almost made it a couple of times and I can't let that happen now no matter what.I am raising a child,(SCARY THOUGHT HUH) whom I adore and would kill for in a heart beat.I am in pain managment for a back injury that will be with me until I die,so pain is what I live my life around.If not for the child,I would have checked out long ago for if you aren't crazy constant pain will put you there...I am so sad,so alone,and have messed up my life so badly theres no way to even begin to fix it,thank you mental illness and broken body.Hang on,whoever you are...whatever is wrong,keep fighting and never give up.Don't give in and hurt yourself or anyone else.Distance can help.Talk,even if you are the only one listening....Try to find someone you love so much they will be the reason you go on.Try to make yourself part of that love as lets face it folks,you are stuck with you and can never leave yourself! No guts,no glory.I like THE WALL.Great idea....c'ya |
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| robin - chancealot2me@yahoo.com - 45 | | Comments - ok,so its 5:00 am and are you here too? this is the end of the watch for those of us who never sleep the night through as we are on eternal watch for who or what we don't even know.waiting...waiting...can i sleep if i watch tv till my vision blurs and my eyes feel grainy and oh so tired? i can always sleep later,tonite or maybe a nap.waking always to find myself right where i was befoe i closed my eyes,this same reality which i can neither avoid nor deal with.so are you there too? do you type words into space and wonder who will read them and understand the silence of written words that can say so much more than the voice...i am always alone no matter how many are there,are you? do you feel the quiet filled with the constant screaming of uncertainty...the battle of do i continue to breathe and how can i leave for where would i go and what about the ones who claim to need me...no rest.never rest. |
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| Dee - poweredbyprayer@mweb.co.za - 46 | | Comments - To all of you out there,I commit to pray for you daily.I get up in the morning only by The Grace of God.I have suffered since 1989 and eventually believed I was insane.I have to see myself through the eyes of God and not man,and I would ask you all to do the same.Just reach up and hold on to the thin gold thread and know He cares. Much Love to all of you. |
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| amber gomez - rammeygomez@yahoo.com - 46 | | Comments - I have bipoler disorder 2,
This isn't an easy disease to deal with, but with medication and living as stress free as possible I am able to have a good life in spite of the illness.
After years of watching so many other people's live's I have come to the conclusion that there are no normal people.
Normal is not a word that should be used to describe anyone.
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| Valerie - val_erie666@yahoo.com - 23 | | Comments - my twin sister and I have BPD. I just lost it again for the millionth time. I am constantly worrying my husband will leave me, constantly torturing myself with bruises and cuts. I'm sick of it and I've decided to get help. I don't have insurance so I'm helping myself. I know alot about psychology and I know how effective Dialectical Behavioral therapy can be, and so I'm looking for a group of BPD women that I can connect with. Perhaps together we can help eachother help ourselves. I'm so tired of hurting those I love and pushing them away. I'm so tired of wanting to disappear. I'm so tired for having my emotions run my actions. Please email me if you are interested in joining this support group.. |
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| vivien - velandra@tlen.pl - | | Comments - i didn't die but i have no life inside me any more |
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| Ann - - 0lder than dirt 50 + something | | Comments - Mental Illness - Song
Schizophrenia - the music is confusing.
Biplar Disorder - the music goes fast and slow.
Depression - the music goes slow.
Suicide - the music stops. |
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| Ann - comment - 0lder than dirt 50 + something | | Comments - Mental Illness - Song
Schizophrenia - the music is confusing.
Bipolar Disorder - the music goes fast and slow.
Depression - the music goes slow.
Suicide - the music stops. |
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| Ann - comment - 0lder than dirt 50 + something | | Comments - Mental Illness Song
Schizophrenia - the music is confusing.
Bipolar Disorder - the music goes fast and slow.
Depression - the music goes slow.
Suicide - the music stops. |
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| Ann - comment - 0lder than dirt 50 + something | | Comments - Mental Illness Song
Schizophrenia - the music is confusing.
Bipolar Disorder - the music goes fast and slow.
Depression - the music goes slow.
Suicide - the music stops. |
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| me - Stategovernment@yahoo.com - 0lder than dirt 50 + something | | Comments - Mental Illness Song
Schizophrenia - the music is confusing.
Bipolar Disorder - the music goes fast and slow.
Depression - the music goes slow.
Suicide - the music stops. |
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| Haley - winterhaley@aol.com - 17 | | Comments - I dont think people should treat me like I have an illness. I am a deep thinking obsessive self examiner, who can never be happy because everything seems trivial. That is who I am. I have been diagnosed with BPD, but that just means I cant help but be different. I have never met another person on this earth who I truely like, but am terribly lonely. I hate the sky and I hate the outdoors and physical things seem ugly to me. I always feel like I am not real and have majorly severe symptoms of disassociation and depersonalization. I dont understand why I was put here if I was meant to feel so horrible. Im jealous of the people who are able to be happy living meagar lives in their crappy old beaten down houses just because god blessed them with a good chemical balance. I always say the wrong thing, and spend the next three weeks crying about it. I'm pretty, but I hate the way I look, and I hate the way everyone else looks. People arnt what beauty is to me. I am a little bit crazy, but thats just who I am. Thats not a seperate part of me that anyone can pick out and fix...I dont know who id be without it. |
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| linda - stkyfngrs2moons@aol.com - 53 | | Comments - I was told that I will always be responsible even though I may be in a blackout zone.How do I cope? |
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| ali - - 43 | | Comments - I don't know if what I have is considered a disorder,but ever since I could remember, I have always had a lost feeling, like I never fit in, like I'm just a body here on Earth taking up space. I am always on the outside looking in. I find ways to avoid contact with family and coworkers. Other than my husband I have never been able to have a close relationship/friendship. I have very low self esteem. I'm looking for help with these issues and glad I found this site. |
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| Liz Watson - SHYZU1@HOTMAIL.COM - 49 | | Comments - |
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| C Hansen - clydean2003@yahoo.com - 56 | | Comments - "What others do not understand they fear, and what they fear , they try to destroy". A Grandmothers wisdom that has helped when i am rejected by doubters.. |
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| c. - - - 56 | | Comments - If any one is in the Riverside, Ca. area i can highly recommend a therapist there. His specialty is trauma disorders /Dissociative Identity Disorder -Patrick Poor , he does some Hypnosis which to me is a much kinder , gentlier therapy. combined with cognative therapy most beneficial.
No meds. 12 yrs, No cutting, No hospital stays, over 200 Alters. Life isn't a cupcake, it's a smorgsborg... you take what comes along and is dished out, just like everyone else in this world. embrace the good, toss out the bad garbage.. Trust yourself, love yourself. one's negative opinion about you does not a person make.. Labels are that, they only stick, if you allow (glue) them to you. People tell me I am not normal, that is ok with me, it is the so called normals of my life that were the abusers and offenders.. I'll take being abnormal any day, i don't want to hurt others, like i have been. I did not chose this that i have, it is the result of lifes challenges , the choices of ill gotten gains and manipulating controls and abuse by others. God loves us, he prepared a way for us to be protected in our mind that we would not go crazy, no more than man who created a surge protector to protect the man made brain of a computer.. better dissociated, than dead / deleted.. heck, being dissociated isn't so bad, when i have a family reunion, I don't have to travel and waste gas, all in my head!..
or
When people tell me to make up my mind, i tell them , can't too many minds to make up. Laughter is a great healer.. |
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| nikki - bitoff2much2@aol.com - 51 | | Comments - I am 51 and have been diagnosed and treated as a multiple (DID) for almsot 7 years. I spent many many hospital admissions being misdiagnosed until I found the right therapist- it has helped- I still have hard times, split off and do things that I am not cognizant of. there are kids, teens, and others as a part of me. I would like to email others who are having a hard time- or feel like they are the only ones with this disorder---thanks for listening |
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| tracey - tappytalk@msn.com - 26 | | Comments - hi, firstly can i just say im glad i fgound this wall 2day i sit here having the same feelings that come again and again everything i touch i destroy, bad situations occur over and over ive been told that its because of things that happend as a child i suffer from depression and they think tablets r the cure they help at times, its good to find im not the only one who feels as i do self hatred, a feeling i dont belong in this world, people just let you down, dont trust its always at a price, i want to cvhange i long for happiness a quiet exsistance, a feeling of self worth yet all i feel is always alone, i sit with my friends thinking there calling me, i worry about everything, does anyone have any suggestions. today i read the wall and felt others pain and i feel like a fraud i have my kids, a job, yet an urge to die. everydays a battle which is helped by the knowledge my kids need me. will it ever stop can i change the cylce ive lived with for the last 13 yrs. can anyone help? |
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| Monique - malida_23@hotmail.com - 16 | | Comments - I have Major Depression, I have PTSD, I have Dissocociative Disorder, an Eating Disorder..all of this was caused by one thing, this thing changed my life forever...I feel like im stuck in this one place and i just don't know what to go from here I'm just so lost and confused ..I don't know what to do with myself anymore... I'm on medication and im seeing 2 theripsts if anyone has ever done EMDR please let me know because they want to do it on me and i have heard that it can be really healing and that is something i really need right now.. |
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| Shy - ShilohsRefuge@aol.com - 42 | | Comments - I am MPD/DID with many other Diagnosis,
I have known for a fw years now. I find myself although I have a few friends and my family so alone. No one who understand MPD or wants me around with all my little parts.
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| Corrie - avi8cor@yahoo.com - 20 | | Comments - Does anyone know if there's some self help or some kind of program for people with borderline personality disorder? I haven't been officially diagnosed but the person I live with pinned it on me. After reading a little about it I have to agree--it describes me. After I learned about this I found out that my mom had been diagnosed with it. Weird.
I just feel lonely all the time. I hate my body and I hate who I am and what I am. People never seem interested or want to listen to me. I'm just not good enough inside and out. I always feel ignored, lonely, unwanted and useless. I want to have friends but it seems like nobody in the whole world cares about me (other than family of course). Nobody cares about my day or what I did last weekend, they only want to talk about themselves. Whats worse is I try and try and TRY to be normal but I keep messing up perfect relationships. I can't seem to deal with my mate not coming home at a certain time or not hanging out with me. I freak out if he goes out with friends unexpectedly...I panic, silently, to myself...I at least try to keep it to myself. I don't want him to know I'm that messed up but it never keeps hidden, he always finds out. There's no reason for me to feel that way. I know there's nothing wrong with him doing that I dont know why I panic...
I also used to cut...I stopped when my boyfriend found out and FREAKED OUT. I don't do it for him but its BURNING inside me to do it again every day when I feel desperate. Like when he leaves to go out and I don't know when he'll be back I feel such panic and anguish that I want to just scrape my fingernails up my arms until the feeling goes away. I think maybe I should find someone else with this disorder to live with...
I feel like there's no help for me. I can't afford to go to a psychiatrist or counselor, I'm a full time student. A flight student, with no health coverage offered. What can I do? Are there any options for me? I want someone to talk to REALLY REALLY bad!! |
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| Corrie - avi8cor@yahoo.com - 20 | | Comments - Does anyone know if there's some self help or some kind of program for people with borderline personality disorder? I haven't been officially diagnosed but the person I live with pinned it on me. After reading a little about it I have to agree--it describes me. After I learned about this I found out that my mom had been diagnosed with it. Weird.
I just feel lonely all the time. I hate my body and I hate who I am and what I am. People never seem interested or want to listen to me. I'm just not good enough inside and out. I always feel ignored, lonely, unwanted and useless. I want to have friends but it seems like nobody in the whole world cares about me (other than family of course). Nobody cares about my day or what I did last weekend, they only want to talk about themselves. Whats worse is I try and try and TRY to be normal but I keep messing up perfect relationships. I can't seem to deal with my mate not coming home at a certain time or not hanging out with me. I freak out if he goes out with friends unexpectedly...I panic, silently, to myself...I at least try to keep it to myself. I don't want him to know I'm that messed up but it never keeps hidden, he always finds out. There's no reason for me to feel that way. I know there's nothing wrong with him doing that I dont know why I panic...
I also used to cut...I stopped when my boyfriend found out and FREAKED OUT. I don't do it for him but its BURNING inside me to do it again every day when I feel desperate. Like when he leaves to go out and I don't know when he'll be back I feel such panic and anguish that I want to just scrape my fingernails up my arms until the feeling goes away. I think maybe I should find someone else with this disorder to live with...
I feel like there's no help for me. I can't afford to go to a psychiatrist or counselor, I'm a full time student. A flight student, with no health coverage offered. What can I do? Are there any options for me? I want someone to talk to REALLY REALLY bad!! |
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| Corrie - avi8cor@yahoo.com - 20 | | Comments - Does anyone know if there's some self help or some kind of program for people with borderline personality disorder? I haven't been officially diagnosed but the person I live with pinned it on me. After reading a little about it I have to agree--it describes me. After I learned about this I found out that my mom had been diagnosed with it. Weird.
I just feel lonely all the time. I hate my body and I hate who I am and what I am. People never seem interested or want to listen to me. I'm just not good enough inside and out. I always feel ignored, lonely, unwanted and useless. I want to have friends but it seems like nobody in the whole world cares about me (other than family of course). Nobody cares about my day or what I did last weekend, they only want to talk about themselves. Whats worse is I try and try and TRY to be normal but I keep messing up perfect relationships. I can't seem to deal with my mate not coming home at a certain time or not hanging out with me. I freak out if he goes out with friends unexpectedly...I panic, silently, to myself...I at least try to keep it to myself. I don't want him to know I'm that messed up but it never keeps hidden, he always finds out. There's no reason for me to feel that way. I know there's nothing wrong with him doing that I dont know why I panic...
I also used to cut...I stopped when my boyfriend found out and FREAKED OUT. I don't do it for him but its BURNING inside me to do it again every day when I feel desperate. Like when he leaves to go out and I don't know when he'll be back I feel such panic and anguish that I want to just scrape my fingernails up my arms until the feeling goes away. I think maybe I should find someone else with this disorder to live with...
I feel like there's no help for me. I can't afford to go to a psychiatrist or counselor, I'm a full time student. A flight student, with no health coverage offered. What can I do? Are there any options for me? I want someone to talk to REALLY REALLY bad!! |
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| Aundrea - salisnaomi@yahoo.com - 16 | | Comments - ok i have been going through some things, havent we all, but when i saw this wall i was so happy. i couldnt help but write. i have gone through sexual abuse since i was 5 till last year in January. just recently i was asked how i felt when my cousin(my abuser) said sorry but i didnt even rember him being in the states(he is in the force) it was scary and one of my friends says she thinks i have DID. i have no clue how to get help or even how to tell my parents. this is very scary for me. please IM me if you can help. i would really apreciate it. my MSN is salisnaomi@yahoo.com
thanks a million |
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| Deborah Newton - deb.newt@sympatico.ca - 52 | | Comments - hey whaz up , I would like to join the support group. Meet people I have something in common with plus the meetings. |
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| kathy - kathyashley_225@hotmail.com - 56 | | Comments - we accept us.we love us and we do let go,but we are still up against the Wall. |
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| jshaykay03@bellsouth.net - frr2boutofmymind@Yahoo.com - 50 | | Comments - I'm mutiple all my life it seems,enjoy chatting with others like myself. |
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| Stanley - benjamin@royalmail.com - Juan | | Comments - http://1d53ceb18eb5da622f95c74f83b4beb5-t.rh5t5bf.info 1d53ceb18eb5da622f95c74f83b4beb5 [url]http://1d53ceb18eb5da622f95c74f83b4beb5-b1.rh5t5bf.info[/url] [url=http://1d53ceb18eb5da622f95c74f83b4beb5-b2.rh5t5bf.info]1d53ceb18eb5da622f95c74f83b4beb5[/url] [u]http://1d53ceb18eb5da622f95c74f83b4beb5-b3.rh5t5bf.info[/u] 0c4df95de00b5aa0f800bcc958a3b7df |
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| Christie - c_n_christensen@yahoo.com - 17 | | Comments - I was diagnosed with DID and honestly, scared out of my mind. However, I love art and have finally found a way to deal - painting. I couldn't understand expessionism, until now. And now, it may be my muse. If you're struggling, simple repeat this:
When the flood recedes, the rock is still there. |
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