These are my ten rules for ensuring a happy holiday season with children.

 

1. Parents, don't use Santa Claus as a threat for preschoolers, even though it is tempting.

   To threaten a child with "Santa only brings presents to good little boys and girls!" or "Santa is not bringing you anything if you don't behave!" is a form of mental abuse. Such statements may have an immediate effect on young children, but no child can be good for an entire month. After a couple of weeks' worth of threats, the child will either give up and act awful to prove the point or will worry night after night. There is no joy in either situation. Empty threats, by the way, always backfire on the parents who make them.

    

2. Adults, don't ask any child if he or she has been good (so Santa will give them presents.)

    

   I know it is a time-honored tradition but why teach children to lie during Christmas. Children ARE good. Their behavior may not always be up to par, or rotten to be exact, but children are good. The magic of Santa is that he loves all children just because they are children. Each of us needs that kind of acceptance if only for a few years.

    

3. Parents, do allow a child to believe in Santa, even if they know "the truth."

    

   Santa is the magic of love and joy and we are never too old to be awed by magic. Pretending is good for the imagination. There will be plenty of time for reality.

    

4. Do concentrate more on what children can give than on what they will get.

   Avoid using, "What do you want for Christmas?" as a topic of conversation with children. We then wonder why kids are so greedy.

   One way to control the give-me's is to ban commercial television. Nothing encourages greed and undermines the spirit of love and caring as much as commercials during children's shows. Find safe channels to watch or better yet, find better things for children to do.

    

5. Give children the opportunity to make gifts.

    

   It is true that this is more work than taking the children shopping but it teaches the values we want our children to learn. Making gifts requires thought, planning, preparation, work, and commitment. Maybe that is why homemade gifts are so precious.

    

6. If purchasing gifts is necessary, don't give children the money.

    

   Children need to earn the money they spend. If we want our children to learn the joy of giving, we must allow them to experience the hardship of sacrifice. Help them find ways to earn money by doing extra work around the house.

    

7. Do simplify family life instead of planning more things to do during this season.

    

   Give children what they want most, relaxed and loving time with their parents. There will be many years later for fancy parties and non-stop engagements. Treasure the time and the season when your children are small.

    

8. Do choose toys for children that reinforce family values.

   If a toy on a child's wish list is unacceptable for whatever reason, do not feel obligated to buy the toy. Children may be angry at first, but they will learn that certain values are practiced in their family. Children need guidelines and boundaries. Even though they complain, there is a sense of security in knowing what the limits are and knowing that parents care enough to enforce those limits.

    

9. Do choose toys that children can use instead of toys that parents want.

    

   Adults are impressed by toys that do things. Children do not like to watch toys, they like to play with them. Durable, manipulative toys appropriate to a child's age will make a child happy.

    

10. Do create holiday traditions for children.

     

    Children love rituals and feel safe and secure knowing what will happen and when. Parents can pass on traditions from their childhoods are adopt new traditions for their own families. One of the most enjoyable parts of the holiday is anticipation. We are never too old to enjoy looking forward to a special food, a special time, a special way of doing something that brings the family together. These traditions anchor our memories of childhood. Warm and wonderful memories are a treasured gift we can give our children.