by Elaine M. Gibson

Children want one thing more than anything else from their parents: attention. One way or the other, they will get it. Children have no sense of where their rights end and parentsÍ rights begin. This combination can be disastrous for families. Parents often take all they can stand, then blow-up at the child and feel guilty afterwards. This is unhealthy and unnecessary.

Children need attention but there must be limits. Children will never understand parental rights unless parents show them where the limits are between time for children and time for parents, between children's needs and parents' needs. The dilemma begins with infancy and I suspect never ends. According to astronomers, the world revolves around the sun. Every new parent KNOWS that the world actually revolves around a new baby. Everyone in a household does every thing possible to keep baby happy all the time. No other creature so small has so much power. At some point, the adults in the household begin to wonder "What happened?" There are just so many interrupted nights, interrupted meals, interrupted conversations, interrupted everythings a parent can take before feeling those first twinges of resentment.

Letting the world revolve around a child is not the way to go. Have you ever noticed how unhappy a child is when he or she controls a family? The child is always demanding more and more and the poor family keeps struggling to make the child happy. It is an unfortunate situation.

We are afraid that we are not giving our children all they need because they always seem to need more. They always want more regardless of how much they get. Why shouldn't they? How many sweets would you eat if health or weight were not real problems? Children need and want limits. Parents should never feel guilty about setting reasonable limits. Parents have rights, too. Pursuit of sanity without guilt is an important one.

Deciding to draw the line is difficult with the first child. (It gets easier with each additional child, however.) It is impossible to give exact definitions of when and under which circumstances these limits must be drawn. Everyone has different levels of tolerance, different needs. When the parent decides "enough," it's time. The first guideline for parents is therefore: Trust your feelings. If you feel frustrated, resentful, angry... it's time.

Parents deserve to have their needs met: parents NEED breaks, sleep, relaxation, adult time -- among other things. We find it easy to set limits for our kids concerning physical safety. It is for their own good. Setting limits based on the rights of parents is good for children also. When children see their parents saying, "I am a person; this is what I need," they learn about self-respect and the rights of others.

The second step in establishing parental rights is a question: How is it done? Parents can simply ask themselves, "What do I want to do for me?" Parents often ask for advice on how to do something when they really just need support in doing what they know needs to be done. It is not written that children have to like everything their parents do. Of course the child will complain when a limit is set. Remember, kids do not know how much attention is enough. Some adaptable children accept limits easily. Other children can complain loud and long before they accept anything other than what they want for themselves.

Setting limits to protect ourselves is difficult but then so is parenting. If we surrender our rights, we allow children to become unhappy tyrants. No child or parent deserves that fate.