by Elaine M. Gibson

Children need parents to listen, really listen. In order to do that, we need to be available and we need to listen with complete attention. Both require time. These ideas sound good, but where do we find the time?

Parents today complain more about their lack of time than they do about their children's behavior. We all have more parenting skills than we tend to use. We know how to treat our children. We know how to be better parents. We have problems finding the time for either.

Our lives are so hectic and rushed that we only notice when something slows us down. We get angry at out children not for their mistakes but for the extra time required to do something about it. Parents get upset when a child is doing poorly in school, often not because of the bad grades but because of the extra time required to help the child at home. No one has time for children, and children require time.

I have found no short cuts to parenting. Children need attention, affection, approval, guidance, and discipline. There is such a thing as quality time but I don't know how to provide attention, affection, approval, guidance, and discipline without providing quantity time as well. If there were some guarantee that said "Spend x amount of time with your children and they will turn our swell," we could try to spend that exact amount of time on a daily basis. There is, however, no guarantee with children.

Parents who devote themselves to their children's welfare may end up with a child who is sharing a jail cell with the son of abusive parents. No one can tell parents, "Do this and everything will be okay." Nothing is that simple. How much time is enough? If we had all the time in the world, would we know?

Children are remarkably adaptable. They can even adjust to neglect. It will be years before the results are known. We must each weigh our priorities and decide what is and what is not essential today. Time for career, spouse, children, friends, and personal goals will always have to be juggled.

When it comes to our children, we only have one time. If we wait, for a better time, until the next project is complete, until we are rested, until next week, or until next year, our children will be grown and the time will be lost forever. We need to ask ourselves if we are giving our children the time they deserve. Are we giving them enough our ourselves? That is what the time question is all about. When we give our children time, we give them ourselves.

Will it be enough? No one can answer that. Where do we find the time? Every person has exactly 24 hours a day. We find time for the people and things that are essential in our lives. It is amazing how much extra time we can find if we are willing to give up non-essentials. When we find time for our children, they know how essential they are.

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