by Elaine M. Gibson

Because we are responsible for our children, we do a great deal of talking, usually telling our children what they should do and when they should do it. Children, because they are normal human beings, resent being told what to do and when to do it.

Every family needs an objective, non-partisan referee for daily events. The kitchen timer can be just that. A kitchen timer is one of the most useful tools a parent can own.

Take the timer out of the kitchen.

• With young children, the timer makes a great game. When anything needs to be done, the child is invited to "beat the clock". "Let's see if you can get your pajamas on before the timer goes off." Children love to race the bell and quickly learn how good it feels to be cooperative and gain a parent's positive attention.
• The timer can also be used to enforce a time limit. Children need to be given time limits as part of any task. "Take your things back to your room" seems like a reasonably clear statement but to a child, that command can mean a variety of things: "eventually", "someday", "after this TV program", "when you feel like it".
• "You have 15 minutes to take your things back to your room. I am setting the timer now." The children can understand what is expected from such a statement. Note: Before the timer is set, make certain that everyone knows what will happen if the deadline is not met. The consequences should be clear.

When the bell goes off, time is up.

In our house for instance, belongings that were not picked up by the child were picked up by the parent -- and the parent decided where to put the belongings, either the trash, the attic, or the buy-back box.

Such rules makes it worthwhile for the children comply and no nagging is necessary. Parents can effectively remove themselves from the situation and reappear when the timer says "Time is UP". The children can not argue with a timer.

If parents consistently enforce the consequences without allowing "five more minutes" or "one more minute", children learn to meet the deadline without arguing. And when children DO meet the deadline, their effort and cooperation needs to be recognized.

The best reward for compliance is always a parent's attention.

The highest praise is a parent's recognition. By describing exactly what the child did and commenting on the effort, we can give our children the "praise" they need. "I see that you picked everything up and put your belongings in your room in less than 10 minutes. You worked quickly and I especially like the way you cooperated with your brother." A quick "good job" might be easier, but a real description of the work that was completed will make a child beam with pride.

Slow-to-Adapt Kids NEED a Timer

A timer can be used to set all kinds of limits and deadlines and for countdowns. A timer can be used to limit bath time for a child who would play in the tub forever if possible, to show a child how much longer before Mom or Dad can play with them, or to show a child "how much longer before we go".

Try it, you'll like it.

• The timer is objective and fair and children appreciate those qualities.
• The timer also assumes some of the "bad guy" jobs and gives parents a break.

Try one in your house and see if it can't make life a little easier.