by Elaine M. Gibson

We were eating lunch in a local restaurant. I had noticed a family with two young children at the next table when we sat down. The children were very well-behaved. Suddenly during our meal, I heard an angry voice from their table.

The mother glared at the little boy and said in a harsh, strident tone, "What do you mean, you don't know what a tomato is? Everybody knows what a tomato is!" It was such an outrageous response that it grabbed my attention.

The little boy meekly replied, "I forgot what it is."

The mother verbally attacked him again. "You know what a tomato is! You're six years old! Your sister knows what a tomato is and she is only three. What's the matter with you!?"

She then turned to the daughter and said sweetly, "Tell your brother what a tomato is since he can't remember!" The three year old stuck something in her mouth and said nothing while the mother continued to berate her son.

The little boy was, by this time, in tears. He lowered his head and sobbed quietly. His dad finally intervened and calmly asked him if he remembered what color tomatoes were. The little boy shook his head and his dad said, "They are red and you eat them on hamburgers."

The little boy looked up at his dad and said through soft sobs, "Oh, now I remember. I couldn't think of it."

In childhood, we all learned the rhyme, "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me." The truth is that words can break our heart and bones mend faster than broken hearts or crushed spirits.

Why this mother thought that humiliating her son was necessary is beyond my understanding. The poor child was only six years old. There are lots of red fruits and vegetables. Is it that much of a crime to forget what a tomato is?

Why did the father allow her to do it? He stepped in only after the little boy was crushed. Perhaps he was used to such tactics from his wife. She seemed to be good at it.

I looked at that family and thought about the children's future: A mother who publicly humiliates her children over nothing, a father who stands by and allows the children to be hurt, a boy who will start school convinced by his mother that he is stupid, a little girl that knows Mommie likes her the best. One can almost see the problems coming.

Perhaps the mother was raised in a family where this sort of thing (or even worse) was acceptable. BUT, even if she were, I know she didn't like it. I kept thinking, "Can't she see what she is doing? Doesn't she realize how much pain she is causing her son?" The rule is not,"Treat others the way you want to be treated unless they happen to be children, then do what you want to do." We must treat children with the same respect and dignity that we want for ourselves. And no one wants to be humiliated.

It helps to remember what it felt like to be a child. If it caused you pain, don't do it to your children. Find a different way to relate. Get help if necessary but don't pass the pain on.

After we left the restaurant, my son said, "What was the matter with that woman? Is she crazy? Who cares about tomatoes anyway!" Unfortunately, things like this happen all the time in grocery stores, restaurants, shopping malls and it is always painful. It was a sad experience, especially for one small boy who simply couldn't remember "tomato".

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