School days, school days....

Eliminating the Hassles

Getting kids off to school can be a constant hassle, especially if parents assume the responsibility instead of the kids. Children need to take on their share of the load. The following hassles can be eliminated if children are taught to take responsibility for themselves.

1. The first hassle can be getting the children out of bed. Getting out of bed is the child's responsibility but parents are responsible for the training.

   If one "Rise and shine" from a parent doesn't produce immediate results, the child needs his or her own alarm clock. Four year olds can turn off an alarm clock. The clock needs to be placed on the opposite side of the room and the child must be allowed the agony of getting up and turning off the alarm. There is no need for a parent to repeat the wake up call forty times before angrily pulling a child out of bed. Let the alarm clock do the nagging, not parents. If children sleep so soundly that an alarm can't get their attention, a parent may need to do some jostling until the kids are almost awake and can hear the alarm -- BUT, children must turn off the alarm. If a child never hears the alarm, he or she needs an earlier bedtime.

2. The next potential problem is clothes.

   Children have to get dressed. There are fewer hassles if the clothes have been laid out the night before. It is easier for children to choose their clothes when they have time to think. Selecting clothes is nothing compared to actually getting dressed. Again, parents do not need to nag, that means repeating anything more than once. Notice please that getting dressed comes before breakfast. I realize that perfectly clean clothes may not be so perfect after breakfast but a jelly stain is nothing compared to the agony of parent-child feuds. Each family can set their own rules. "No breakfast, no toys, NO TELEVISION until the child is dressed" may be necessary in your house.

3. Breakfast is another potential hassle.

   Breakfast really is the most important meal of the day. Protein is brain food. Parents may need to get up earlier to prepare a nutritious breakfast but that is just one of the responsibilities of parenthood. Children may need to get up earlier to eat breakfast and that is also the parent's responsibility.

   Children and adults need to start the day with good protein and complex carbohydrates -- neither of which are found in sugar-coated breakfast cereals. Brains simply won't function at top efficiency throughout the day without the energy of a healthy breakfast.

4. The last potential hassle is the race with the clock.

   If everyone is too rushed, get up earlier. If a child just refuses to get ready for school and becomes an expert at dawdling, find out why. Talk with your child's teacher, visit the classroom, do some investigating. Be prepared to find out the problem is not at school. If there are family problems at home, the child may be reluctant to leave, not knowing what might happen when he is gone. Learn to handle the slow to adapt child.

   IF there are no apparent problems, let the child experience the consequences of his or her own actions. Give the child a chance to make a deadline by providing a clock or a kitchen timer if necessary, without nagging. If the child misses the bus or carpool, you may have to take the child BUT make sure you do it at your convenience and MAKE SURE the child is "late". If the child walks or rides a bike and is going to be late, don't drive the child to school. Allow the child to go through the tardy procedures at school. Nothing teaches as well as experience. It is better to learn these lessons now than as adults.

When children assume responsibility for their own behaviors and are held accountable for their actions, parents do not need to nag.

The extra effort up front is so much better than the nagging and angry feelings that result when parents try to spare their kids the consequences they need. Talking about being responsible doesn't teach a thing. The right consequences always teach, if applied consistently and without fail. It will take longer with difficult kids, but it will work. After all, didn't we learn the hard way, too?