Eating
Disorders
When is it Time for a
Parent to Take Action?
by Amy Spahr, MSW, CISW, Program Director,
Remuda Ranch Programs for Anorexia and Bulimia
Parents need to trust their instincts regarding their children. Mothers, in
particular, often possess a heightened awareness of their child's distress.
Frequently, if a mother thinks her child is experiencing emotional
difficulties, she is correct. If parents suspect their child may have an
eating disorder, several
action steps are recommended:
Pay attention to your child's changes in eating patterns, weight
fluctuations, or mood alterations such as sadness or anxiety.
Parents will benefit by educating themselves on eating disorders -
what they are, how they
may manifest, what warning signs to look for. Accurate information
regarding these disorders can be located at local libraries or on the Internet
at websites such as
www.nationaleatingdisorders.org or
www.anad.org.
It is also recommended that parents take a personal inventory of their
own eating patterns. It is particularly important for mothers to examine their
own perceptions of weight, dieting, and the value placed on their own
appearance. Because mothers often serve as a daughter's role model, the
mother's perceptions can have a profound influence on her child's thoughts and
behaviors. In fact, a daughter may simply be mimicking a mother's behavior by
dieting and becoming inordinately focused on body size. Once recognized, any
unhealthy habits regarding food and appearance must undergo change. It is wise
to pose such questions as:
Do I eat three meals a day with a variety of food groups?
Do I label food as good or bad?
Am I obsessed with calories, fat, or weight?
If the family does not eat meals together, this is a good time to start.
Spending time together, enjoying a balanced meal and one-another's company can
strengthen the family and open lines of communication. Yet, this is not the
time to address concerns over a possible eating disorder. Speaking prematurely
may cause the child to become more secretive in her behavior.
If parents have educated themselves about eating disorders, accumulated
objective information from observing their child, and still believe that an
eating disorder exists, then a dialogue is called for. First, it must be
decided whether both parents will take part. Depending on the family dynamic,
the child may feel more comfortable speaking with just one parent, though it
must always be stressed that the parents are in agreement with one another on
the need for intervention. The conversation must be well thought out in advance
and the time and place must be carefully chosen. The location needs to be as
nonthreatening as possible, and the time chosen when other stressors,
conflicts, and distractions are at a minimum. When speaking with the child, it
is recommended that the parent use "I" statements such as "I
feel concerned about you," and objective statements such as "I've
noticed your clothes are getting loose on you." List the evidence that you
have accumulated. The parent needs to be nonjudgmental, sincere, empathetic, an
active listener, and aware of nonverbal body cues.
Despite best efforts, the child may display resistance, denial, and anger.
If a parent can view anger as a legitimate, healthy emotion that is worthy of
expression, and not react to the anger with defensiveness or additional anger
but with a listening heart, then the talk will have a greater chance of bearing
positive fruit. Such fruit would be the child's willingness to share what is
troubling her, such as "John dumped me for Ann because she's
thinner," or "I'm afraid to go to college." End the conversation
if going nowhere or if the child becomes upset. But leave the door open for
further conversations. Have patience: If rejected, try again later, explaining
that you are coming back because you think the situation is serious.
Despite these efforts, resistance and denial may prove stronger and negate
honesty and openness. In the absence of self-harming or suicidal behavior or
talk thereof, if eating disorder behavior continues for more than one month it
is recommended that the parents seek professional help. Often this starts with
a physician who can establish the medical severity of the illness, degree of
malnutrition, evidence of bingeing and purgeing, the discontinuation of the
menstrual cycle, etc. A therapist is then consulted to determine level of care,
which may be as minimal as weekly counseling sessions or as intensive as
residential treatment. If the child is unwilling to visit a professional, the
parents may do so on their own for counsel and assistance with the situation.
But always respond during emergencies: If the child is
throwing up several times per day, passing out, complaining
of chest pain,
talking about suicide, or
engaging in self-mutilating behavior, get help immediately.
Professionals specializing in eating disorders can be located by
contacting
Remuda Ranch Programs for Anorexia and Bulimia at
1-800-445-1900.
This article is part of a continuing series of monthly columns. To be
notified of updates, please sign up for the
HealthyPlace.com Eating Disorders Community Newsletter.
Other column's include:
Concerned about whether you might have eating
disordered behaviors?
Take the Eating
Attitudes Test.
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