Anna

Age: 19

Anorexia

I am a nineteen year old female. I was anorexic when I was fifteen, but I still have to deal with this disease to this day.

At times I have to make myself eat and at other times I just have to decide that I won't listen to people's comments.

People's comments are what triggered this whole disease for me. I have always been skinny, but not as skinny as my older sister. I would look at her and think that I had to be skinnier than her since I was younger. People used to tell me that I was going to be fat when I got older. It was a big joke to a lot of people, but it affected me more than they will ever know. They made stupid comments like," Anna, you are getting so big that soon you won't be able to fit through the double doors."

Of course, I was not gaining weight but I just had to prove to everyone that I was not going to get fat. In the summer before ninth grade, I stopped eating. I tried to see how long I could go without eating anything.

I remember, one time I didn't eat for three weeks. I would chew gum and drink water, but never too much water because I thought that I might gain weight from the water. I liked to let people know that I had not eaten in three weeks and that I was just not hungry.

No one, except my sister, seemed to care that I was not eating. Her boyfriend's mom was a nurse so she talked to me about what I was doing to my body by not eating. I really didn't listen to her at first. Then I realized that by not eating I was not getting the attention that I wanted. I realized that there was other ways to get attention rather than starve myself.

At the beginning of the summer I weighed 105 lbs. By the end of the summer I weighed close to 85 lbs. and yet no one was really concerned about me.

I never had any treatment, but I wish that I had. I still have to make myself eat at times. I try to ignore people's comments. No matter how small they may seem, I know that they will affect me.

At times, I find myself not eating so I force myself to eat. My boyfriend knows all about my problems with eating and he strongly encourages me to eat. He knows when I haven't eaten in awhile and he makes me sit down and eat with him. I have problems eating with a lot of people especially if they are strangers.

Lisa

Age: 35

Compulsive Overeating

I have suffered from an eating disorder for about 8 years now! I am an overeater and a binger. When I get nervous or depressed, I tend to stuff my face with everything in sight until I get sick or diarrhea. Then I look at pictures of when I weighed between 110 and 120 and I go into severe manic depression.

Sometimes I just stay in bed for days and don't answer the phone or the door. When my kids and my husband ask me what is wrong, I just cry and tell them that I am a failure at everything and I wish I was dead! Of course, I then find solace in food or cigarettes. At other times, I go on diet binges and practically starve myself for days. Most times, I hide food from myself and everyone else and late at night I sneak out of bed and gorge. Then the cycle begins again!

I look in the mirror at myself and want to throw up. I am so disgusted with myself. Everyone that knows me says that I am a beautiful giving woman with a heart as big as Texas and that there isn't anything I wouldn't do for the people that I love. I just look at myself and see a butt as big as Texas!

This has caused many problems in my marriage and with our sex life. I won't let my husband even look at me with the lights on and our love making has dwindled down to practically nothing. Then I start thinking that he doesn't love me anymore and wants someone else because this has affected his performance too! He is afraid that if he can't perform, I will start thinking that it's because of my FAT! This is usually a correct statement. Thus, no sex life!

The kids really pussyfoot around me and basically stay out of my way or wait on me hand and foot when I get this way. I know I have a problem. I just don't know how to solve it! I have been to psychiatrists, counselors, doctors, and talk groups. I have tried every diet that has ever come out, even the quick weight loss program designed for patients who need surgery and starvation diets. I have tried exercise programs and walking. I have even tried taking laxatives!

PLEASE HELP me if you can, although at this point I feel there is no help! I am not a rich person and I don't have Richard Simmons helping me like I see all those people getting help on all those talk shows!

My family thinks that I am being silly and that I don't have any reason to feel depressed, so I keep it inside and eat some more.

Karen

Age: 27

Bulimia

Listen to how bulimia has affected Karen's life on realaudio

I am currently afflicted with bulimia. I have been with this disorder for nearly 6 years. This disorder was a cure-all for my excessive weight in college. In fact, at first it wasn't a disorder at all. It was a gift. One that I did not, could not, let go. Now it is a curse, one I own.

I soon discovered this was consuming me and it was taking every essence of my being. I became obsessed with finding all I could about eating disorders. I was one who had control of it, not it of me. I researched for hours, denying myself of friends, of life. When I wasn't reading about it I was acting it out. I became involved with an eating disorder support group at the University of Northern Iowa. Not to get support but to satisfy my own obsession in hearing other people's stories. I could offer advice that would help but never needed any myself.

I finally admitted I more of a problem than I could 'solve' on my own. In the spring of my junior year I decided to go to a counselor. After a few sessions she urged me to go into an inpatient treatment facility. I shied away from this, but eventually entered.

I remained in for 9 weeks. I went through several methods of treatment. Antidepressant medication, psychotherapy and group therapy. I came out of treatment with renewed strength and faith. After six months, I relapsed. I was continuing my counseling, but that ceased after a year. I was only getting worse.

My professional life was on the up and only getting better. My personal life was shot! I was becoming my disorder in a severe way. I began stealing food for my disorder. I continue to deteriorate and act out my disorder during any free minute I get. It is a compulsive habit that has become a full blown addiction.

My future? I wish I knew. I can only hope and envision myself becoming strong enough to overcome this. I have serious doubts that this will ever happen. I spend a vast amount of energy planning, covering up and acting out my other persona. I wish I could become a 'normal' person. I don't think that will ever happen.

Shannon

Age: 15

Anorexia

I suppose I do have an eating disorder. I have been depressed and I don't really know what kind of eating disorder I have.

I used to sort of be bulimic, but now I'm an anorexic overeater. I try to keep it from my friends and family, but it has affected me in a lot of ways. It's very frustrating and hard to deal with.

I do have a psychologist, but, because I am neither under weight or overweight, no one really takes me seriously. Last year and the year before, people thought I was anorexic. Now, everyone thinks everything is okay as long as I'm eating. No one really seems to understand that when I'm overeating, its just as bad as when I'm not eating at all.

I generally try to protect those around me, so I keep it hidden. I've never really figured out why eating is such a problem for me, but I always have a really hard time with food. I hope to someday be able to eat normally, without worrying about calories, or completely binging, but first I need to find the right help.

Lynn

Age: 33

Anorexia

I'm 33 years old and weigh 87 lbs, and I'm 5'3.

I guess you would say that I'm still in denial about having anorexia. I've had two doctors and one dietician tell me that my problems come from my low weight. When I initially went to the doctor because my heart beats too fast, he told me it was the result of an eating disorder. He put me on heart medication.

I haven't had any treatment for eating disorders. I refused to go because I don't think that's my problem. However, deep down, the more I look at things and talk to people, the more the doctors may be right. It's a fight within yourself, that I don't know who will win.

The crazy thing is: I'm 33 years old, a wife and the mother of two children. I'm a kindergarten teacher who asks the little guys what they eat for breakfast. I teach them that they need good food to grow nice and big and strong. Now they're saying that I'm anorexic.

Lexie

Age: 27

Compulsive Overeating

Lexie discusses her battle with compulsive overeating on realaudio

I am obese. I am 5'4" and weigh from 190 to 242...depending on the week. As a child, my parents were constantly after me to gain weight. As an adult, people feel the need to encourage me to lose weight.

The biggest problem I have is eating large quantities of food until I am sick. I don't want the food. I'm not hungry and it doesn't taste or feel good. I'm not sure why I do it. I have been told it is "self-medicating" to ease emotional pain.

It has GREATLY affected my relationships with others in that I cannot stand for people to touch me or stand close to me. When they do, I feel like I am so ugly and so dirty that it will "rub off" on them. I also feel like no one really wants to touch me or be around me because I am so disgusting. I punish myself physically for eating...cutting, hitting, and burning myself so that I won't eat again.

I guess part of the problem is that I go for days at a time eating nothing and then eat uncontrollably for a day or two, then eat nothing again. I hate myself. I hate how I look. I cry when I see myself in the mirror. I feel like I can never see exactly what I look like and I am constantly measuring and comparing myself to others to see if they are bigger or smaller.

I cannot eat out with others because I have to go to the restroom to throw up and I am afraid someone will hear me. At work, my boss recently asked if I was sick because she noticed an odor in the bathroom. So now, I have had to find another place to throw up so she won't know. Please excuse the graphic nature. I don't know how else to put it.

I want help. When you're low-income, it's hard to get.