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Eating Disorders Community Wall

Becka - eminemsbabe92@hotmail.com - 16

Comments - This is my 1st tym on dis site!!! i dint know there were so many people who undastand how i feel. Ive been anorexic for 3 years!! My mums making me see a shrink but its really hard coz i feel fat!!! and im not ready 2 get better ryt now! Im also depressed coz of this which makes me cut myself!! I wrote this bout wot i feel: How can i stop if i have no will power, how can i carry on if i have no energy, how can i live if theres nothing 2 live for? if anyone wants 2 email me, plz do!! i'd lyk 2 talk 2 sum one who undastands i'll reply 2 all emails!!

Louise - - 23

Comments - Throwing up again.

Jennifer Callari - memory20032003@yahoo.com - 16 1/2

Comments - I'm going to make it,I will win this battle!

Lisa - joy393@web.de - 20

Comments - I know what everyone here is going through, believe me. It's pure hell and yet so enticing. I was anorexic for 4 years, hospitalized twice (7 months altogether), I thought about suicide and everything you guys think of because it all seemed so incredibly hopeless. But then the amazing thing happened - I started to recover, and although I'm not 100% healthy (YET), I can honestly say I've never felt this good and so much love towards myself in years. I can look at my body and enjoy it, I can eat food for the mere pleasure or just until my hunger is stilled and then stop without another thought to eating. I'm living the life now that I've dreamed of all those years of sickness. My family and friends were there for me all the time and I nearly broke them because they thought I'd die...please email me if you need to talk or want to hear how I've started to recover, it's possible, and don't you ever ever give up that hope!!! We're all beautiful, it's just that someone has messed up the mirror:-)

cris - clamboil@cs.com - 50+

Comments - I was under weight when I was born. They force fed me with high sugar drinks so I would gain weight to go home after birth. I believe this is where my problemt started. By the time I went to school i was over weight and that has never changed. Today it is worse than ever to be overweight in society. People think they have this right to disect over weight people on tv and the radio and on the street . Its like over weight people are the final frontier to be attacked. Well im tired of people and their rotten remarks and their thinking that we dont have feelings. When we look at an anorexic person bone thin everyone has so much sympothy. But have a over weight person stand right next to them and watch how much they have to say about our bodies and how its all our fault. I dont believe it all my fault. If losing weight is so easy then why is it a multi million dollar busimness where normal weight people think their fat it a mixed up world from where i stand. I was told by a doctor from Boston that charbohydrate addiction which is what many people have is harder to stop than it is to kick taking heroine .I believe what he said and wonder why no one talks about that on tv???????????? Please think before talking about our weight . Learn to be kinder to us.

Soetmin - soetmin@hotmail.com - 23

Comments - I can resist anything except temptation. O. Wilde

Christina - - 28

Comments - I have been suffering with Bulimia for 5 years now. The first time I was married and unhappy and just wanted to lose a couple of pounds. I'm large framed anyway so my 250 dwindled down to 125 in the period of a year. No one noticed the battle taking place but everyone notice the small girl on the large bones. I went from being called fat to being called freaky. After the divorce from my first husband my second husband got me to stop. This lasted for 3 years. I've started again and he is none the wiser. Eating anything and purging shortly after is a game. will I get caught? He notices that I'm getting thinner but my cover up is my frequent trips to the gym. I can't stop. I think that I'll eat a piece of bread and keep it down but the minute that I eat it I obsess until I'm left with no choice but to get rid of it. 3 months of constant eating and purging. Nothing stays down, nothing will stay down. Where and when does this end? Will it ever end. I'm doomed to either be large or freaky. There is no stopping in the middle. I need help desperatly but at the same time I pray that no one catches me because a life of living, knowing that this food will go towards the increasing amount of fat on my body is no life. I think I would rather die. Is this the end?

Katie - sparta_x@yahoo.com - 18

Comments - Ive been battling bulemia for over 2 years now and I hate it. It makes me feel so worthless and pathetic because food rules my life. I binge/purge every night and even during the day sometimes. I either wate until my parents leave so I can raide the fridge or go out and buy junk and sit in my room and stuff my face. I cant go on like this. Right now im sittin here eating a whole can of honey p-nuts and donuts.........how did I get like this? Im going to therapy and im only medication for depression but my binging isnt gettin better.its actually worse. I throw up every day 1 to 2 times a day and I feel fat. I know im not fat but I feel that way. The ironic thing is, is that I am a personal trainer and I feel like such a hipocrit for makin everyone think I am so healthy yet I am killin myself. Reading what can happen to bulemics makes me so afraid every time I throw up. I think could this be the last time? Will my heart stop? Will my stomache rupture? My teeth hurt....prolly from cavities..........I dont know how I got this bad. It consumes me and I feel like there is no escape....why cant I just walk through the kitchen and do something constructive? I pray to God every day to help me overcome this but its so hard............please pray for me and if you feel like talkin please email me.

Kristina - krissy128713@hotmail.com - 16

Comments - It is appalling that we live in a soceity where people commenting on other people's bodies is ok and even the norm. How dare someone comment on yours, their own or someone else's body, even if it is good. Stop it now. If someone makes a comment, tell them. If it is good explain that even good comments can eventually be taken badly. Good luck and peace out

Cathy - - 21

Comments - I wonder, in fear, will that 12 inch diameter cookie I just ate in nearly 24hrs cause me to gain weight? What about those three boxes of Little Debbies the week before? Will I get stretch marks on my lower back? Will my skin stretch so that it loses its resiliency? Will I get fat underneath my chin? Will my waist fat poke out from my jeans? All of this worries me. And more. Way too much more actually. So many things about my body cause me anxiety. I want to be fully better yet a part of me keeps on going back to the compulsive overeating. I know, I know, a gigantic cookie in 24hrs isn't even close to being bad (believe me, I've been there), but it's not about the cookie, now is it? It's about why we do it. There is hope for all of you who have a compulsive overeating disorder. Four years ago, when it was so bad I didn't want to live anymore, a little part of me was always saying "it could be worse." But I am sooooooooo much better now, to the point that I just have some strange eating habits sometimes. There is hope for you too. You are all beautiful and I mean it. Peace, love, hope and for gosh sakes HAPPINESS to all of you. Embrace yourself and see the beauty. While I cannot quite say that for myself yet, I say that for you. Take a bath and wash away the filth you many feel for drowning yourself in food. You can get better. You are beautiful. Best wishes for ALL of us, Cathy.

Cathy - - 21

Jennifer - jennie21 - 21

Comments - Hello I am 21 years and I am battling with bulimia and I did tell one person In know this sounds crazy but when my mom died 2 years ago I felt depress and I needed something for me! And yes I sorda feel bad after I make myself sick but then again it is a relife I feel better crazy I know.. I have been fighting with this off and on but now it is worst.. Before this I was in to self multilation. but I have not did that for along time I guess I am still doing the same thingin away. Yes I know I am still hurting me but it is not enough to stop. I hate myself that much I have read story but I also seen how much they lost.. If u want to email me u can. Jennie21@aol.com

Mandi - Piscorpleogoddess@hotmail.com - 19

Comments - I've been suffering from Bulimia for six years and this just occurred to me...When your stomache is empty it hurts so you put food in it to make it feel better, When your heart is empty it hurts but what do we put in an empty heart to make it feel better? Don't we all wish we knew? Deep down We all want to let go of our eating disorder. Bulimia is more than the act of binging and purging, it is about being dissatisfied with ourselves. Whatever form our ED takes on (bulimia,anorexia, Cumpulsive overeating) that is what it comes down to. Why are we so afraid to love (or even like) ourselves the way we are- or to love ourselves the way we would be if we were healthy? Why can't we love and accept ourselves even if we're fat? That is what the eating disorder does to our minds. We can stop the action of the eating disorder but untill we confront the self hatred that drives the disorder we will continue to suffer. I pray for the day we can all stand up proudly and say "I may not look like your idea of beautiful But I am healthy, I am happy and there is not a thing about me that I would change!" -Remember this- If somone truley loves you they will love you unconditionally, despite your body. There are many people willing to love our bodies, but it is not our bodies that crave love it is our soul. Lets love our bodies and set our souls free so that they can find love. If anyone is serious about helping themselves and breaking out of this self defeating cycle please contact me I wake up every morning and try again. We all deserve to live.

Jennifer - Miss_Sun_Shin67@hotmail.com - 17

Comments - i need some advice

Jennifer - Miss_Sun_Shin67@hotmail.com - 17

Comments - I was named bulimic a few months ago. But last month I stoped eating again, and started using laxitives to help me lose weight. I started riding my bike 7-14 miles a day. When my counselor found out about this she titled me anixocia. Can I be bulmic and anixocia at the same time? What is going on with me? some one please e-mail me with some advice

Mandi - piscorpleogoddess@hotmail.com - 19

Comments - If you are bulimic and serious about recovery please contact me. It's nice to have someone to talk to who knows what you are going through. I am proud to say that today is my second consecutive day without binging or purging. I'm hoping to make tomorrow day number three.

Kristina - - 16

Comments - Jennifer, it is extremly possible to have overlapping eating disorders. However, (and correct me if I am wrong) this is just an assumption and I know nothing about you. But to me it sounds as if you are proud or like being anorexic better than bulimia. It does not matter what the diagonses is.

Jennifer - Miss_Sun_Shin67@hotmail.com - 17

Comments - Yes I would weather be anixious then bulimic. I hated throwing up, but i would and still will do anything to lose weight. I found out some bad news today and I just went crazy. I started crying and all the old throughts came back. Of how fat and ugly i am. I cant stop thinking about not eating and using laxitives. I am so upset someone help me please.

Katie Kemper - sleepingsmokey@msn.com - 25

Comments - I am not going to allow this thing to beat me;I am going to beat it.

hania - hania@biskupin.wroc.pl - 18

Comments - hi everyone, well i've been struggling with eating disorders for nearly 4 years... i have periods of bulimic and anorexic behaviours one after another. sometimes they get stronger and sometimes i win... there are days when it's really hard to fight and i would be very glad to talk to someone, who's experiencing same problems, i mean all of these feelings, fears and loneliness that eating disorders bring. i would love to exchange experiences and thoughts, our successes and defeats; with eating disorders as well as just to talk about every day life and problems. i'm ready to listen, so maybe we could support each other. if you're a sufferer and seriously want to recover - feel free to contact me!! take care

PMM - oldbat_43@hotmail.com - 49

Comments - I have had an Ed for abouy 2 1/2 years. It started when i went into a deep depression and lsot 53 pounds in like 3 months or less. I then got medication that helped but then I started eating again and the weight is slowly comin back on. It scares me that I will get fat again and absolutly would die if that happened. Sometimes I go for as many hours or days as I can without eating or eating very little. Then at other time I eat when depressed, frustrated, feeling low (using food as a comforter, then I throw up or use laxatives. I want to get over this but I also do not want to get fat. On of the doctors I talked to just laughed at me and blew me off. That was a good message, huh?

Kylee - KyleLynnF@aol.com - 37

Comments - The blackness is back. Again. No not again. Thought I had you beat. Not so. Can't relax for a minute. You are constantly following me, waiting for the moment I crack. Just a little crack and you squeeze your way in. Can't you see you're not welcome here? I've had enough. Enough.

moocheke - pequot96@yahoo.com - 33

Comments -

CINDY HELMS - - 24

Comments - "Just wanna learn how to live each day with out screaming on the inside...alone in the midst of a crowd."

Ali - dulciblla18@aol.com - 20

Comments -

rhonda - witchgrass3808@aol.com - 35

Comments - My friends and family tell me that I am a compassionate, intelligent, successful and beautiful woman. Why can't I see what they see? I see an ugly, fat and disappointing personWhy is it so hard for me to love myself? The ony TRUE thing I know about myself is that I am a compulsive overeater and I am desperate. Help!!!!

Jennifer - Miss_Sun_Shin67@hotmail.com - 18

Comments - hi, I am doing a news report on eating disorders for my school news paper. The teacher said i had to get some information from people with eating disorders and gave me this web site to look at. Can anyone give me some information about there eating disorder or the number of a hotline that I can call?

Ashly Winslett - firedup4him@aol.com - 20

Comments - I am fighting bulimia.Its a struggle i go through everyday and its not going to be easy to conquer.But I have realized that God has chose me and regardless of my imperfectoins he loves me.Seek ye the kingdom of God and everything else will fall into place so let go and give it all to God!

Paris - blackdove1977@hotmail.com - 26

Comments - I have been anorexic for 13 years now, and I am so tired of it all. I really want to be well, but its just so hard. If anyone has any advice, or just wants to chat you can email me if you want

Ginger - theonlybread@hotmail.com - 22

Comments - I've been bulimic for ten months now. I tell myself everyday "Today I will put an end to this". It is a painful battle and I have a hard time understanding why it is so hard to stop. It is an addiction that leaves it's victim so alone. I'm so glad I found this place. I feel like there are thousands of other people just like me fighting the same battle and never giving up. I wrote this poem three months ago to my bofriend of 2 1/2 years...God, it feels like ages ago. A SCRIBBLE You are tired and you shut your eyes. You want to sleep away your worries, and mine. As do I But I shake you and tell you like a broken record, the same things that trouble me, over and over. You are tired. I know. Over and over. You just want to sleep away the world's worries. But I just want you to pick them up, and bottle them, and cast them into an infinite abyss where they can never be found... Especially by me. You are just a young man, who wants to sleep tonight, and into the wee hours of the morning, Not to be stirred by my impossible dreams. And that is why I love you, For your simple grace and beauty. For the simple things that please you, and the simple things that make you sad. I guess my problems aren't so simple. And I'm not a simple girl. You're all out of patience, and I completely understand. It fills me with shame and secrecy- it affirms I'm alone with this one. No one can save me but myself. I thought for you I could do it- but now I wonder if you even care. "Why?" I ask myself, "Can't I just stop?" and I think I secretly know. They are right, its a disease that leaves you all alone. It seems so trivial, so simple. But simple it is not. Its a scribble. Its a scribble in your life. You can say 'your sorry, you don't understand', And I can tell you "I believe you, I understand. Its a scribble in your life... I'm sorry you don't understand too." 2/17/04 But I'm still chugging along. Feel free to e-mail me.

ellen - yama32988@hotmail.com - 16

Comments - its almost a year ive been bulimic. i cant take it anymore. i just cant. can someone please email me, i need to talk to someone who knows what im going through.

Jennifer - Miss_Sun_Shin67@hotmail.com - 18

Comments - I need to get out of this house before I do or say something I will regreat. I am 18 now but my parents treat me like a babie. I am trying to move out but need someone to help me. I need somewhere to go and some support waiting for me. If you can help me either email me at Miss_Sun_Shin67@hotmail.com, send me mail at 23740 33 mile road Armada Mi. 48005. Or you can call me ask for Jennifer tell them you are from Warren Woods Tower at 586 784-4147.

Catherine - drusilla400@yahoo.com - 18

Comments - "You don't have to be sick to get attention." -'The Best Little Girl In The World' I have been trying to live by this message, but it is difficult. To all fellow sufferers: I know your lives are hard, but I think that if we talk to each other, we can learn a lot. Peace and Love Blessed be

Jamie - jviator26@aol.com - 28

Comments - For years I have suffered with an eating disorder. The important thing is not how heavy we are but how nice we seem to be.

Beth - BeFreeHalsey@aol.com - 44

Comments - I stay up at night wondering when I will end the flight, too see the Masters hand in control of every demand. Give up the fear inside, and then only will I abide. Seek me and I will say, your my child against no one's say. I am watching over you every moment of the day, keeping your thoughts in line of what you may say. I hear every word, so don't worry I will keep my word, so child of mine, stay sane because I love you just the same. You will win in the end just don't go off the deep end. It's only because of what I say is true, I truely believe in you. Remember, to thank me daily then I will become your stay. Love yourself, and others, and you will begin to look up. Beth

Danielle Stonebarger - sugardani34@hotmail.com - 20

Comments - All you need is love...-John Lennon

Jennifer - Miss_Sun_Shin67@hotmail.com - 18

Comments - hi, I stoped eating again on friday today is monday. I fill ok but my parents are starting to notice again. I dont know what to do. I dont want to start vomiting again, last time I threw up blood. And I have never noticed a change in my weight with laxitives. Can someone please tell me what I should do so I can still feel in control.

Jessica - sweet_n_sexybabe21@hotmail.com - 15

Comments - 'I never thought there could be anything worse than being along at night..but there is...being alone in a crowd.'

Jessi - angelprincess15j@aol.com - 13

Comments - she sat on the bathroom floor wondering why she does wut she does... she hears a car door and her parents are home, she cleans up her mess and they'll never know

chrissy - crimson_secrets03@yahoo.ca - 18

Comments - I have been sturggling with anorexia since i was 12..it takes over your body and your mind...starts controlling...ive tried to recover but it seems impossible..almost like i am lost in this endless battle forevver...the one thing that is holding me back from recovery is gaining weight... dont wanna gain any..i cant...i feel so alone...is there really hope in this "disease" or am i lost forever....

Ashley - ashli81@yahoo.com - 18

Comments - If someone had asked me four years ago, "Do you think you'd be happy if you were thin?", I would have said "Hell Yah". Well, i was thin two years ago, so thin i could see my floating ribs.And yet i was miserable. I suffered from anorexia, which then spiraled into binge eating. Needless to say i gained all sixty pounds and then some.I've been receiving professial help for almost two years now and i feel I've made no progress at all.But i do keep trying to stop overeating.With each day that goes by i feel more and more like a failure for gaining the weight back. No medication in the world can give you self-acceptness.

Jennifer - Miss_Sun_Shin67@hotmail.com - 18

Comments - I stoped eating again about a month and a half ago, right away people knew. My parents where on my back from the start, and people where always asking me to eat. Soon the weight came flying off and people started commenting. My parents got scared and sent me back to the counselors who sent me to the doctor. Seeing I had not used the rest room in a little over a week he put me on something to help with that. Its been four days since I went to the doctor and nothing has happened. What should I do?

Becca - eminemsbabe92@hotmail.com - 17

Comments - Im still trying 2 beat this but its gone on 2 long, i dont fink i have the energy nemore i wanna give up! But i cant not really theres so much i wanna do. If i dont get help soon im not gnna get 2 uni cz i myt av 2 go 2 a unit 4 a lil while, cnt let thta happen. But i dnt wanna put weight on either so im stuck! Any one who wants 2 chat email me or add me 2 msn messenger, it wud b nice 2 talk 2 sum1 who undastandz n can mayb help. eminemsbabe92@hotmail.com

habitstv - habitstv@aardvarkpost.com -

Comments - Do you know someone who is struggling with an eating disorder? Are you worried about their physical and emotional condition? Is your loved one in need of an intervention? We are a documentary series in search of family members who are willing to share their side of the story on camera. Please contact us at 818.728.6609 or tvintervention@yahoo.com

Trinidad Aguiar - mtcasamadrid@aol.com - 34

Comments - Beautiful but sad, i've lost control of what i eat, i'm a over eater and i need help, this is the first time i admit to this and i'm afraid to die. Please Help!

ViciousCycle - dira@hotmail.com - 38

Comments - INSANITY: Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result each time.

Cat - - 22

Comments - Stretch marks! What if I get stretch marks! I've probably only gained five pounds, but I am freaking out like terrible with the fear that I will develop stretch marks. Nearly half of a french silk pie today...I'm trying to find satisfaction from the wrong thing. Now it is 11pm and all I want to do is go out and run...but I have to go to bed. Will I wake up with stretch marks? I am so afraid now. What am I doing to myself!? I didn't realize the fat was expanding until I went to buy pants today. No change in size, thankfully, but the fat was definitely poking. In high school when I was much too underweight, I remember a girl saying "wouldn't it be funny if Cat got fat?" Haha real funny. Now I sit here freaking out because I am gaining weight. I'm afraid of going to bed for fear of waking up with stretch marks. You are all great. May you all find peace (me too). Cat

Amanda - Figmoma@aol.com - 21

Comments - This is the thinnest I have ever been in my entire life of my anorexia! Some say or your underweight or just to skinny. I don't believe anyone..Yet part of me is sick of being this way. I don't know how to be normal anymore. I've been anorexic since I was 16. I guess I"ll be this way till I die. I see a fat ugly girl in the mirror. I don't see anything beautiful about me unless I'm skin and bones. Anyone else feel like that?

Nicole - - 18

Comments - I am beautiful the way I am.

Tori - cvacbrodell@aol.com - 36

Comments -

selina - selie_vasquez_latina@hotmail.com - 17-18

Comments - battling anorexia and bulimia at the same time. its a hard battle. and its soo hard to get out of it also. no one understands how hard it is. if they smoke and trying to quit its very hard its like that. especially if your body is used to it. i'm trying to stop but it hurts and its the only way out of my pain that i've been through and the "only" thing that i feel i can control.

Rachel - ms1589attitude@aol.com - 15

Comments - Hi i have a Ed but im not as bad as some people but i cant help myself.I think that iam fat and im 5'4 and i weigh 115 pounds and when i see all these really skinny girls i get so jealous that i wont eat for the rest of the days and i find myself sucking it in all the time... im so tired of everyone saying that your not fat when i think that i am... I black out all the time because i have no engery and i bruise really easily.. if you have anything that could help please do thanks Rachel

sarahmay - sarahmay007@juno.com - 22

Comments - I will beat and am this bulimia, but it is through small, persistant, daily changes and prayer to my Saviour, Jesus Christ.

Cat - -

Comments - I just hate everything that I am. I want nothing more than to be 5'4" and curvy. I'm gaining weight for no apparant reason, and sometimes I feel my late ED tendencies creeping up on me. Some days I'm so down. Since I'm 5'10" I feel like if I'm not slim I'm fat. Sometimes I really feel like I can't take being 5'10" anymore. I know that sounds stupid, but there are so many issues behind that statement that I can't even begin to explain. I can't accept what I am yet, and I feel that my life's situations are the cause. Like if the things in life I care about most were actually going well, than maybe I could care less how tall I am. I know most of this was not talking about the issues with food I have, but that is only part of the problem.

Faith - creativewonder04@yahoo.com - 21

Comments - If you are reading this, chances are you have or are going through the same things I am going through now. I have had the symptoms of anorexia for over a year now, and I have recently acquired some of the symptoms of bulimia. Being nearly five-foot tall, I only weighed 86 pounds last year; now I am still underweight, but not as much. Although I am only slightly underweight now, battling these eating disorders is nothing short of a constant struggle; each day is spent fighting just to be strong enough to make it through one more day (sometimes I just want to give in and go back to the way it was) but the hardest part, in short, will always be knowing that IF ever making a full recovery being subject to relapse and taking every ounce of strength in the body to make it through just one more day.

Sommer Sterud - starerude@yahoo.com - 25

Comments - i have just graduated from a Master's program in creatvie writing and suffer from bulimia. i am interested in doing a documentary on eating disorders in america. i want to take a very intimate look at the biproduct of popular culture and was looking for individuals willing to share their experiences. Email me at rudestare@yahoo.com if interested. Thank you.

Sommer Sterud - rudestare@yahoo.com - 25

Comments - I just recently posted in a hurry (as my typos betray:)and realized I go my email address wrong. If anyone in the Columbus, Ohio (or surrounding) areas is interested in participating in a documentary about eating disorders and body image issues in American culture, please email me at the above address. Thanks again.

agce - agce_48@hotmail.com - 24

Comments - I'm so so tired of myself and my compulsive overeating. So the only thing what I have is hope for myself and for all of you to get out of this obsesity.

Emily Carkhuff - emily.carkhuff@gmail.com - 23

Comments - Two summer weeks in a hospital, after 28 days in rehab during the November before, and "I" am farther from my self than ever before. And fatter. Ridiculously fat--every day is a reminder of the trip to the chiropracter when after a sheepish "140?" in reply to "How much do you weigh?" the scale said "1-6-8." I think it's the most embarassing moment of my life. Bulimia has taken away everything from me. The compliments don't come anymore. No one contests my belief that I'm fat and ugly. My phone only rings when it's a bill collector on the other end, or a recording. I have been dumped by every single guy I've ever dated. I have no credibility, because I've lied to avoid the shame of my eating disorder. I hate my body, I hate my soul. I have no dreams to someday realize, and even the sight of me makes several family members sick to their stomachs. Gee, I sure am glad I didn't overdose and die when I had the chance.

jhoyd - support3@3gcare.com - 23

Comments - "Your life can make extension every 1 hour...so you better Quit Smoking Today..try NOSMOQ Cigarette!... Refer data to:

jhoyd - support3@3gcare.com - 23

Comments - "Your life can make extension every 1 hour...so you better Quit Smoking Today..try NOSMOQ Cigarette!...www.nosmoq.com

ashlie - alwaysyoulove@hotmail.com - 14

Comments - i have been anorexic since i was 11. i cant tell anyone even though i want to, really bad. i am just looking for someone to talk to who knows what i am going through. if anyone can help me please e-mail me @ alwaysyoulove@hotmail.com

always unsure - catecreations@hotmail.com - 26

Comments - I'm too old for this. I've had this ed for too many years. I've done alot of damage to my body. I went for recovery not long ago, but it didnt' last because, I gues I'm not ready, and also, I've realized that will all the dammange I've all ready done to my body with the ed, I'll never have a normal life again - even if I were to get "well" today. I'm completly addicted to it. Now, I think I'm just going to try and hit the lowest bmi for me. Basically anything under 12.4 would be fine. Then I can go. Then EVERYONE will know that I AM this messed up. That I can't make them watch me kill myself so slowely anymore. That they can go on with their llives now, because I wont be here to worry about, or slow down their progress in life. I just wish it was over all ready. Life is hard. I need my anorexia to deal with it. If that gets taken away, nothing is left. Anorexia stole everything else.... :(

Rachael - juniormiss04@yahoo.com - 19

Comments - I have been battling anorexia and bulimia for almost 4 years and I am really lost and stressed out and i still think i am so fat...i am a college student majoring in nursing and love to help others also and am a very good listener and a very caring person...but if anyone wants to talk to me and help me in anyway they can or needs someone to talk to them who will listen and cares, then contact me......I know having an eating disorder is hard but no one should give up THANKS:)

Rachael - juniormiss04@yahoo.com - 19

Jessica - Jessnjayz4@aol.com - 29

Comments - I am bulimic and have been for 14 years. I am a mother of 2 and a wife... but terrified that one day I might not make it out of the bathroom. That will be my final spot. I try and try and struggle every morning... I am not going to eat... I am not going to eat... then by late afternoon... I give in.. I put the kids down for naps, and just can't wait to get my "out". I eat and eat and then feel horribly disgusted. My stomache hurts, my heart stearts beating fast because of the calories I just took in, and I get this nervouseness that won't go away until I run to that bathroom and "flush my troubles away".... only to keep doing it over and over and day to day.

Jessica - Jessnjayz4@aol.com - 29

Comments - Dear God, help us all to make it through another day with your courage and support. Show us the beauty that we are missing, and take away that pain that we are all holding in our hearts. What ever it may be from. I ask you Lord to stand by each and every one of us as we fight this battle. Amen

Miss_Sad16 - Miss_Sun_Shin67@hotmail.com - 18

Comments - Okay I am trying to fight my ed but it keeps kicking me in the but. I have eaten all week but I am still getting dizzie and I feel weak. Why is this? Can anyone help me.

liz elliott - elizabethelliott@hotmail.com - 17

Comments - iv been on and off anorexia/bullemia for the past two years and id just like to express my sincere hatred of pro ana. fact is, the majority of people who visit these sites arent actually struggling with an ED- they simply enjoy using people as dummies and its v.disturbing.they hate the fact that theyr normal, and could never unerstand what real ana is like. email me back with ur thoughts on this liz x

Cathy - - 16

Comments - I used to think this was farly normal many people throw up once a month or a week that i know but recently its been eight times a day i think its kinda gotten beyond me. I cant stop thinking about food the more i vomit the more i want to eat resulting in me wanting to vomit again. when i throw up i need to make sure i get all of it out of me i throw up four or five times at once .. i dunno i think this is getting a lil beyond normal. i dont want to say i am bulimic but i dunno something isnt normal here.

missy - not222shabby@yahoo.com - 26

Comments - I have been bulimic since I was in seventh grade. I am tired of it. I don't know who I am and I hate what I've become.What got me here, I want to be normal. I am envious of the ones who can eat without throwing up. I am also addicted to pain pills because its the only time I feel happy and alive. I think I may also be a kleptomaniac, it takes my mind off food but is just as satisfying. I am an empty shell, fake to all who know me. I know I exsist, I want to get help and I am trying. I just gotta get to the root of all this. I would just like someone to talk to, who can maybe relate a little.

Karen Gilmour - gilmour3k@yahoo.com - 24

Comments - Join us in Kicking off National Eating Disorder Awareness Week at Barnes & Noble at 1180 Raritan Road in Clark, NJ 07066. We will be holding a panel discussion on 2/26/05 @ 3pm. The panel will include: -Mary Anne Cohen, author of French Toast for Breakfast -Nancy Kolodny, author of The Beginner's Guide to Eating Disorder Recovery -Gail Schoenbach, Exectutive Director of the F.R.E.E.D. Foundation -Abbe Allen, NEDAW Coordinator & High School Student All are welcome!!!

~Jackie~ - jnardella@comcast.net - 26

Comments - I have been anorexic and bulimic on and off for about 10 years now. I have depression and anxiety and have been through almost 5 years of therapy. Although it helps to talk about it, I still cant manage to let my eating disorders go. In a way they are comforting to me, sadly. I want more than anything to be healthy and strong but I feel like I am in a constant whirlwind....my thoughts, my eating, my sanity. I am not a quitter so I wont give up hope, I just wish there was a simple way out of my terrifying obsession with food and my weight. I am so happy that I found this website, and there are so many people that understand how I feel.

Erin Campbell-Doan - erincd@shaw.ca - 40 something

Comments - Hi all of you wonderful , mostly women , who come to this wall to post and read and maybe come away with some help........I have posted several times before just to put my name and email out there in case any of you really do want to recover.It is possible and I am living proof of nearly 20 years~~YES!!!` THAT IS NOT A TYPO......20 years of solid continual, not even one tiny second of a relapse recovery from severe bulimia of about 15 years.That is , I had severe, as in up to 30-50 times a day throwing up and continual eating , obviously, so you can't get much worse than that, for about 15 years.I have recovered now for nearly 20 years and I am just posting today to see if anyone needs a little help or even just a post to see that it can be done. I do not judge anyone who wishes to contact me, I do not criticize, or demand anything in return.I do ask a few questions that help ME to help YOU in the best way that I can.I developed a method which I am now beginning to write about so that it may be shared with all of you who may need it.I truly do not believe that I went through the kind of family, private and personal hell that I did for no reason.I do feel that I am now obligated to at least point anyone who wants it, in the right direction of recovery. If anyone want to email me, please do so at anytime here : erincd@shaw.ca At times I may not be able to answer for about 24 hours or so, but if you email me, you will receive a response! Just don't give !!!It can be done and you can have your mind body and life back the way it was intended to be. I am here to help if anyone needs/wants it.Hang in there Baby(s)....it is soooooooo worth it!!! ......Erin

Mary - marymikhaels@netscape.net - 48

Comments - I cannot remember what happened to me, and I find comfort in food. I cannot remember who hurt me...but I keep hidden from view and no longer pretty enough to be used.

Megan - evamegan@hotmail.com - 20

Comments - I am too intelligent of a person for this to be happening! My mind is screaming at me, I feel like I have two completely different people living inside my head. One fights that urge, pushes it away, struggles... The other takes the easy way out, gives in yet again to that binge, that purge, that unattainable cure that I can just never seem to grasp on to. And so it goes, I cry, I cry each and every day out of frustration, out of anger, becuase of how lonely and scared this bulimia makes me. I have so many family and friends that are behind me, giving me their love, their support, whatever I need just to be well again... but I can't take it, I don't know how to reach out and take it from them. I want a magic cure. I want to quit suffering as I am. I want to feel free again. I am sick of this running my life and deciding my every thought, mood, emotion... I just want to be happy again.

Jennifer - Miss_Sun_Shin67@hotmail.com - 18

Comments - I went Monday to the dr. for a check up and they said I have diabetes. Could this be because I have not been eating? If I do have diabetes will I get sicker when I dont eat?

Meghan - elliott.m@neu.edu - 22

Comments - ~Staying Strong~

Meghan - elliott.m@neu.edu - 22

Comments - ~Staying Strong~

Jessica - btrfly1113@bellsouth.net - 25

Comments - I suffered with a combo of Anorexia but mostly bulemia from age 10-21. Its hard to say if it ever ends however I did get to a point where enough was enough. I was a dancer and went professional for a while. I always battled with image and comparing my body to others. I am petite and muscular and I wanted lanky skiny legs. I tryed every trick in the book and then some. The irony is NOW I am the thinnest I have ever been in my life and I eat 5 small meals a day, I exercise, I cut out diet products ie:aspartame (which actually inhibits fat accumulation in the body), I quit smoking and I quit all toxins together. I feel healthy. I still have my areas that bother me but I am much better.

Luna - - 20

Comments - I wish I had someone to talk to. Someone that isn't also emotionally unstable, someone that isn't my parent. Someone that I don't have to pay 100 and hour to have listen to me and give me constructive feedback.. but then again.. that's asking for too much isn't it? Why don't I have the strength to just forget everything around me... and just live?

chelsea - caligal27@yahoo.com -

Comments - I have been stressed for months and lately ive been making myself vomit. i feel much better after i do it, but i dont want to start something that is going to hurt me and become addictive. is this how it all starts, or am i just going through a phase, i'd love to hear from anyone.

- Figmoma@aol.com - 21

Comments - I struggle with anorexia and everything else that comes along with it. Anyone else feel the same way? Ever wanna talk...Email me.

Jennifer - edsos@mail.com - 26

Comments - After struggling with Anorexia, I now share my story with high schoolers to prevent others from going through the same pain I went through. Is there anyone from the Chicago area who would be interested in volunteering to share their stories with students? Please email me!

Rebecca - eminemsbabe92@hotmail.com - 18

Comments - I aint been on here in a while. ive relapsed again, i tried not 2 but i cudnt stop myself. Ive gt an appointment 2mra at da ED unit at St Ann's hospital in London!!! Any1 been there b4 cz im gettin scared nw. in a way i want 2 stay there 2 get better help wiv recovery but nw its less than a day away, im really anxious!!!

catie - tinypixxie@yahoo.com - 19

Comments - I've had anorexia/bulemia for about 12 years now. About a year and a half ago my heart stopped three times within and hour because of it. For awhile it scared me that I was clinically dead, but anymore I don't think i care and that scares me. I have a two yera old and want to live for her but just don't kow how anymore. I've have depression for just as long as I've had my ed, and have cut myself to realease some of the pain. Lately everything is out of control and I just don't know where to turn. Not only am I battling all of this but I could have cancer too. I want to live but it's just so damn hard when it seems like this world is trying to kick you out. I'm terrified of food. I hope someone here understands that. Other people I tell that to look at me like I'm crazy. I know that I need inpatient couseling, but leaving my daughter would be so hard. If anyone out there would mind just saying hi it would mean the world to me.

Sarah - shutch@columbus.rr.com -

Comments - perception is only 99% reality... we need to learn to love our selves before its 2 late and we end up being consomed by our own anger...we need to let ppl into our lives 2 help...and find where the true hurt is coming from...we r only hurting our selves no one else...i've done this i have beat anorexia i run track and cc now it feels great! i only wish u could share in the joy that i now have

hayley - ladydawg_2003@yahoo.com - 14

Comments - there's this monster that's inside of me. it's trying to take my life. it's biting and it's tearing. HELP! i'm scared i'm going to die. even if u would help me, i dont think that you could, because this monster that's inside of me no-one's understood. I WILL OVERCOME!

Shana - Squiggles3230@aol.com - 19

Comments - I have suffered from an eating disorder for a few years now. I want help, but when people get too close I push them away. What is wrong with me? What can I do?

Kaity - nikkipoolover2@yahoo.com - 16

Comments - Hi. I have a eating disorder. Only one person knows about it and she told me to go to this web-site. I have had this "disorder" for about 3 years. It all started when i was is 6th grade. I was 160lbs and VERY uncomfortable with my self. I turned to belimia because i figured it was the fastest way to lose weight. I works but i'm still not as pretty or skinny as i want to be. They say if i do this any longer i could die....what if thats what i want to happen? Please....I need help. Is there anyone out there who is willing to help me? PLEASE!!!???

aurora - aurora23@hotmail.com - 23

Comments - errrmm...My ED has come back as strong as ever this year..I started a 'diet' in the middle of Jan. and I am down 30 pounds now..and I do not plan of quitting anytime soon..I am no longer overweight, but I still have room to lose..I use to lean heavily on bulimia,but I seem to have switched to anorexic tendenacies..restricting to no more than 600 calories a day..I exercise 1-2 times a day I don't now who I am anymore..I can't seem to find the real me inside of this mess that has taken over...People tell me how great I am looking at that makes it even harder to try and make myself do the 'right things' and eat better :( ....I dunno anymore..I don't know what I want or what I need..or what to do..I'm not even willing to give up my disordered ways anytime soon so I guess this post was useless I'm sorry..hope it wasn't offensive to anyone ~

Sue B - rsbab@netzero.net - 40

Comments - I have been struggling with Anorexia for almost 3 years, god has it really been that long and in another breath I say is that all it has been. A very disconnect world, a world all of its own unless you live in it you have no idea what I am saying. Your walking around wishing you were not even here because death has to be better then this.

halley - halleyfallmall@yahoo.com - 27

Comments - hi all. my name is halley. and of course, i am as well a sufferer. i was just wondering if anyone out there would be willing to speak about their struggle with eating disorders to my class. I attend university of washington and have a project that i have to do on eating disorders. i, of course, as a member of the class would rather not bring my personal experience into it. so i am looking for someone who is mature to speak infront of a med-to-small group of people. it would be approx 10 min and i would help quide you through it and plan it. you would, i am sure, would be helping others also. if this sounds like something you'd like to do please e-mial me at halleyfallmall@yahoo.com. thank you for always being here.

Debby - debbys@sbcglobal.net - 45

Comments - Hello, my name is Debby Simmons and I am a doctoral candidate working on my dissertation. The focus of the dissertation is the effectiveness of treatment for anorexia nervosa from the perspective of the patient. I am looking to interview women over the age of 18 who have been in recovery from anorexia nervosa. If you would be interested in taking part of an interview that would last about 90 minutes, please contact me at the email/phone below. All information that you provide is kept confidential. Thank you for your possible assistance Debby Simmons debbys@sbcglobal.net 650-558-1015

wendy - cloegina - 35

Comments - i was reading all the messages on the wall&it just occurd 2me that im not the only one out there thats feels like i do...i just want 2 say 2 all"dont give up,its hard but its worth it,im getting better with the help of some really special people&i hold on 2 the word" "hope" and i know it dnt seem like it just now for some people but you all can do it "just dont give up hope" please!!! if any1 would like 2 email me,please do,it would be nice 2 chat 2 some1 who feels like i did&still do xxxwendyxxx

HEATHER - maxima3380@aol.com - 25

Comments - I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH AN EATING DISORDER FOR 6 YEARS. IT BEGAN WITH ANOREXIA THEN, GREW INTO BINGE-PURGE. I HAD RECOVERED FOR ABOUT 1.5 YEARS BUT, THE DEMON IS BACK. I FEEL HOPELESS AND OUT OF CONTROL....THE MORE I TRY TO CONTROL MY LIFE THE MORE OUT OF CONTROL I FEEL. HELP!!! MY HEART IS BREAKING!!! THE WORLD SEES MY SMILING FACE BUT, INSIDE I AM EMPTY. THE SMILE IS ONLY AN IMAGE COVERING UP THE PAIN THAT IS TEARING MY SOUL. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE... MY TRUE SELF IS HIDDEN FROM THE WORLD BECAUSE OF THE GUILT AND SHAME..I DO NOT KNOW IF I CAN CARRY THIS ANYMORE..I AM TIRED! TIRED OF FIGHTING....THIS NEVER ENDING BATTLE.

Tracy - tracylatoner@westnet.com.au - 37

Comments - While you are alive there is always hope.Don't let today's mistakes ruin your tomorrows. You can be healthy. Tell yourself you are OKAY I have survived 22 years of annorexia and bullima. Now I have the body of a very old woman. But I have the love of family and friends. So I can continue to fight. If anybody wants to talk, I will listen. Helping others is my life's purpose.

Amber - babiegirl_015@mindless.com - 17

Comments - I don't know what I have, I'v been told that it's an eating disorder but I don't know which, I'v been told it was an NOS but that was two years ago, I don't binge, I only eat a little bit, sometimes half of a regular size meal, and I usually make myself throw it up. I don't know what to do, I'm depressed, i'm on meds, I'm seeing a therapist, but no one knows how bad it is, or how I feel, I can't get fat like my grandma, I am scared to death of being fat, I have tried to kill myself, because I am fat already, I weigh 175, I'v lost 16 lbs in a month. It's not enough. I don't know what to do anymore, I just wish I could kill myself and have it all be over with already. I have so many friends, and lots of people who care about me, but I just feel like everyone would be better off without me. I cut myself and hit myself, and I just want to destroy myself. I can't handle this anymore. Is there a name for the eating disorder I have? or is it still a NOS.

shauna - smr5375@aol.com - 30

Comments - This is one of maybe the last attempts I will make at finding a mutual support network -Deep in my heart and soul I know I need this - But Im afriad no one is there - My ed has allowed me so much protection, and the inability to be alone or empty - I want to break that power - I need to know i can survive without it. If you want to help each other make this hard journey - email me - Be forewarned - Although I am 110% for recovery, my ed runs 17 yrs deep..........thank you for listening

Steve Lewis - Axeman_69@excite.com - 29

Comments - For all of you out there who have a problem with over-eating and being overweight, don't give up! You are all beautifull people on the inside. If you've tried to lose the the weight many times in the past and have not been successful for whatever reason, please do not give up. Keep trying and you will eventualy find a way that works for you. I used to binge eat all the time. I couldn't help myself. I would eat until it hurt and sometimes keep going. I hated myself, thought there was no way out, and had serious thoughts of suicide. after years of struggling with this problem (well over a decade) I finally lost 140 pounds to go from 300 lbs to 160 lbs. I will always have to struggle to keep from overeating but it does get a lot easier with time. It can be done.

Irini - irini2503@hotmail.com - almost 16

Comments - Try always to be what you want to be!

Diane - fanniners@aol.com - 40

Comments - My daughter is currently suffering from eating disorders and has been for over 4 years. I saw the FX network is running a "comedy" series about eating disorders which is one of the most cruel and insensitive ideas I have ever heard. I was hoping that everyone can spread the word to email, call, write to the FX network indicating your feelings about this series. Maybe we can make them see that there is nothing funny about this illness and that REAL people are genuinely suffering and dying from this. Together maybe we can make a difference.

renee - xcrunner86@msn.com - 19

Comments - this feb. will be four years that i have been seriously addicted to bulimia. i say addicted b\c no help has made a differencec and no threats or loss are as strong as the loss of my control to be under 100lbs.

Natalie - mizz_nat@yahoo.com - 21

Comments - I thought i was alone, i didnt know there was a title for people like me. My pride broke and i began researching. i am a nonpurging bulimic -feels weird to actually type that. i dont know what to do and am so scared now. admitting is the first step right? now what? I see posts from people who have been suffering for 8,9,10 years or more. i cant do this much longer. i want help before my life wastes away. if you have advice or direction please email me. mizz_nat@yahoo.com. im so new at this -i dont know where to turn.

Bria - MissTeenOhio2006@yahoo.com - 19

Comments - I suffered from anorexia for four years. During this time, I caused my body serious damage, became depressed, and nearly died. Now that I'm completely recovered, I'm in my third year of premed and I plan to become an M.D. specializing in EDs. I created a web site to help people who are suffering from eating disorders. I can be contacted through the site. It is new and is continuously being modified. The address is www.teenohio2006.com. Please remember, you are not alone.

Diana Piagentii - dmariepiagentini@hotmailcom. - 42

Comments - I have suffered an eatig disorder for the past 9+ years on and off. I have no desire to be thin, I even love to eat, but if my body will not allow me to digest my food it is bound to come up within 2 - 3 hours of eatig. I was accused of forcig myself to do that. I would love to wiegh 135 that would be a perfect wieght for me, but I am only that big when I get pregat. What can I do? Canabus will give me a desire to eat, ad even allow the food to stay in me most times, but when the stress level is high, even that will not allow my food to stay down. Help anybody!!!!!

sybil - wannabeacountrychic@yahoo.com - 38

Comments - bulimic age 12, anorexic age 18, bipolar since birth, depression,obsessive compulsive,ADD since early childhood. the list goes on but this is enough. this wall made me cry. It hurts me to know so many of you out there are suffering like I do. to the young girls---please be brave enough to get help now and conquer this ED. talk to your DR,guidance councelor, local crisis center, emergency room-anywhere--dont let ED conquer you!!! to the older women, never ever give up ! dont go down with out a fight! therapy & meds in my opinion are waste of time/money....seek you hope in JESUS, The Bible, Power of Prayer and local pastor! We all have a choice to get better or stay sick.....dont get stuck in the comfortableness of being so damn uncomfortable!!!! We all have the right to live a healthy productive life and enjoy it!!! I personally am STILL working on this! Best wishes to all. email me anytime!!!

redtailhawk - - 19

Comments - There's a gun to my head, it's been there for almost ten years, it's pressed against my temple, cold, hard, and there's someone leaning in my ear, if I don't do what he's telling me he says he'll pull the trigger. I'm shaking all the time now, all I can feel is the gun to my skull or the knife pressed into the skin of my throat, and him telling me, screaming but only I can hear him, that he'll slide the blade across my throat if I don't listen to him. He won't leave me alone, he won't go away, I don't know what to do, I never have, I just want it to stop. No one can help me. I'm a freak. And I hate every moment of it. I hate being hungry, I hate the pain, the horrible pain in my stomach, and the fact that I almost like it, if it's only not the feeling of food. I've waited for this to stop, I'm sick of being patient, this isn't how it is, it can't be, it's not fair. I don't know what to do, please, someone, I'm so alone, I'm alone. I can't do this anymore.

redtailhawk - - 19

Mya - Myajenkins@charter.net - 14

Comments - I Try To Be Strong But I Die Even More...

catlady - - 45

Comments - I've been a bulemic since the age of 12, way back in the early 70's. All my peers were thin and blond and I was sort and chubby. So I started as anorexic and now I am exclusively a bulemic. Its a slow death and I don't think I can ever stop.

D.. - daniellam88@aol.com - 17

Comments - well... i never really post on anything... well i never really call myself a bulimic.. but i throw up after big meals.. i used laxative teas.. i use diet pills too.. i dont know wat to do nemore.. i am a compulsive eater .. i truly love food and everythign bout it! i cant control the urge to eat.. so i just give into food and eat.. and then feel guilty and have to throw it up and find other ways to rid the food from my body.. i am short - 5 feet but weigh 102. i want to weigh 90 pounds.. it woould never happpen

christine tyrrell - christyrrell@blueyonder.co.uk - 20

Comments - I hope to read and talk to those who know exactly what i'm going through. In doing so i hope to get support to fight this illness

sarahp - queen_sarah_p@hotmail.com - 16

Comments - i hate bein fat. i wake up every morning and the first thing i think about is food and i grab my stomach to see if the fat is still there and it always is. i want to cut it off. why i am i fat and why won't anyine believe me when i say i am

Michelle - pikarunner@hotmail.com - 22

Comments - hello I am a recovering aneroxic and i would like to offer help and encouragement to anyone who is struggling

melissa - eatingdisordercookbook@yahoo.com - 35

Comments - I am recovering from a 20 year battle with anorexia and bulimia. I feel so much better both physically and mentally. I have put together a cookbook called Recipes and Thoughts to Overcome your Disordered Eating. It includes 100 food recipes and 1 recipe called A Guide to Overcoming Your Eating Disorder which is my thoughts and suggestions to help you on the path of recovery. They worked for me and other people with eating disorders. I am trying to get it published now but am willing to publish it myself if there is enough interest. Please let me know if you have an interest by e-mail.

Jordan - jordankyle848@hotmail.com - 33

Comments - Former Bulimic, Anorexic and NOW- compulsive overeater and binge-eater and don't know what to do and I HATE MYSELF!!!!

Joy - jaf0727@mail.ecu.edu - 18

Comments - I'm not a sufferer of and eating disorder, i don't think. I've tried, but i don't have that kind of self control. I've resorted to dieting and exercise, but i was just wondering....how does one just STOP eating. My stomach growls so loud my sister notices... or i won't be able to keep it up long enough with out giving in to some food. I read most of the posts and i'd like to offer an open, un-judgemental ear to anyone who would like to talk about it. jaf0727@ecu.ecu best wishes

lin - lsingerlin@excite.com - 15

Comments - Quod Me Nutrit Me Destruit, What Nourishes Me Also Destroys Me Ironic? The whole concept of my life is drowning in irony.

Julie - Jewelzz_elliott@earthlink.net - 30

Comments - I have had bulimia for 8 years now and I'm fed up!! I am really going to try and beat it this time, just need support!

Soul - Foxysoul3@yahoo.com - 17

Comments - IT all started back in 10th grade. I met this guy...Chris�he was Beautiful, to say the least. I fell in love with him instantly, but, he didn�t. I think. At first, I thought it was because I was "chunky". So I started doing the Atkins diet. By the 2nd semester of 10th grade I was pretty skinny. But I still thought I was fat...so I kept on dieting and I joined track. Exercise and strict dieting became 2nd nature to me. Everyday I would run 3 miles eat only 20 carbs and not do anything else. I never talked to the guy again; I think I was too preoccupied with myself. But by that time my parents were constantly on my case and so were my friends. I stopped dieting after getting tired of their remarks. And all of a sudden I started compulsively eating. Every time I see food I just eat and eat, even if I�m very well satiated. I can�t stop!! But this didn�t happen over night. It�s been about 2 years since my diet and obsession with my image. And now I feel like crap. I can�t date because I�m disgusted with how I look, I get headaches from always overeating thus my grades have plummeted. I tried to eat healthy but I always revert back to binge eating. I don�t understand what�s wrong with me�why can�t I stop?? I feel that the only way I can control my life again is if get back on the Atkins diet and lose this extra weight. The ironic part is I know the Atkins diet is really not healthy nor is my obsession with food and my body image. But people can�t understand how it feels to wake up every morning disgusted with what they see looking back at them in the mirror!! Im about to graduate from high school and I can�t have my last memory of senior year be marred with self hate! Im going back on the diet tonight�in fact im about to go to the gym, right now! If anyone has any �healthy� suggestion on leading a healthy life, im all ears!

Debi - ddemare@nctv.com - 34

Comments - Recovery is a journey, not a destination.

Debi - ddemare@nctv.com - 34

Comments - Anyone in serious recovery from anorexia? Or recovered?

Kalei - Pfunkgirl@aol.com - 22

Comments - I have never felt so out of control as I do right now... It is almost as though I am afraid to go home every day because I fear the control that food has over me... help me

Krista - kh_n_az@yahoo.com - 28

Comments - My mother is 52 and has been bulimic/anorexic for all of my life. She is slowly beginning the process of getting some help and admitting everything that she thought we did not know. I would really like to hear from others that are going through this, have been through this or would like to talk or give me advice. This is a long hard windy road

Anna Spurgeon - annaspurgeon08@yahoo.com - 16

Comments - Escape of Me broken dreams and broken lies fake smiles for this fake disguise beautifully broken yet distorted and disturbed oh sweet misery how did this occur show me the escape i've lost my way out i'm drowning in insecurities failure and self-doubt i'm losing myself one breakdown at a time and all i want all i want is to be fine so where is the ending the cure to all these tears lost in the scales, calories and mirrors how much longer can i take this for soon i may break this struggle this heartache may be more than i can take i used to be strong i used to be free i need an end to this pain i need the escape of me -anna spurgeon love&strength from me to you

Laurie - lfreeland@wi.rr.com - 53

Comments - I am trying to gain a new perspective on my binge eating that I have been doing since I was an early teen. I didn't know what I was doing to myself because I would stop and feel really good but that didn't last very long and I would be back at it. I am in therapy now and hope that it will help. I like the idea of being able to communicate with others who have the same or similar prolems. It helps to know what others are going through or have been through.

queenmargot - - 35

Comments - I developed lanugo (fine, light body hair that covers my back, arms and face) from anorexia. A year later, I am back to a healthier weight but the body hair is still there. Is this permanent? Will it ever go way? My heart goes out to eveyone one this site. I can see the pain that you all are feeling and but want to say that recovery is possible. It wouldn't say it gets easy -- but overall it does becomes less difficult to stay healthy(hope that makes sense). The hardest part is dealing with the impulse to relapse when life get hard -- it's like an impulse to escape. But the escape is from 'out of the frying pan and into the fryer' so to speak. Like any disorder, the hardest part is learning to deal with the parts of your life that you wish would just go away...

Jordan - - 16

Comments - I kneel on the ground...supper has come and is now done. I wait impatiently until my family has slowly dissapeard from the rooms in my house. Each retreating to his or her own room for a little televison and some sleep. But no not I. I make an excuse that I need yet another shower for the 2cnd sometimes 3rd shower for the day. I turn on the water and kneel, sighing ever so slightly. I vommit. Sometimes so hard I find it difficult to stand. I vomit again to make sure that there will be nothing left in my stomach. This has happened consistantly for about a year and as I see my reflection I shutter. I still see another 40 pounds before Im satisfied with the number. I get into the showers steaming water, it runs down the curves of my body and I cry. I whimper softly so that no-one can hear me. I am ashamed that I am this way. I turn off the water, dry off, put on my clothes and go out for a night jog. Am I tierd? Yes I am...but I jog on...this is my time to clear my mind, this is my time to cry and be by myself. The nights cool air swirls around my body. I pump my legs harder. After a half hour I return to my house where I lay down in my room and finally rest. I feel helpless hopeless and alone... Tonight I go to sleep but I already know that tomorrow will have the same fate.

Erica - ericaled@sas.upenn.edu - 20

Comments - Hello! I am recovering from bulimia and I wanted to share with everyone my forum for support. It is open to men and women of all ages and we offer friendship and information on eating disorders and other mental issues. I hope you visit! http://www.thegreyhaven.com

Tammy - tammyfudgeralph@yahoo.ca - 28

Comments - I have been battling with this disease (ana)for 12 years & its been hell.. I'm afraid I may die from ana! It's no joke!!

Alyssa - alyssajayd17@yahoo.com - 22

Comments - I am new to this site and actually just came out with my problem. I am a binge eater and have been for a few years now. I was at a time anorexic and then bulimic in high school, but now it has developed to this. I know I need help, but I don't know where to start

marlene - amber08742@yahoo.com - 22

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kelley broucek - kbroucekwsox@yahoo.com - 36

Comments - i need help suffering from bulimina and anorexia right bulimia is stronger and diagnosed in mid 90s also with major depression havent left house in 5 years need help looking for med help

Bleu Dragonfly - kelleyjnsarnold@hotmail.com - 26

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sazzle - sueharris23@tiscalli.co.uk - 28

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sazzle - sueharris23@tiscalli.co.uk - 28

Comments - Hi i suffered with bullemia for 12 years, i have been in recovery now for 9 months. i have just read some of the messages and it has brought back lots of memories of how horrible it felt when i was ill, its strange but i feel like it was such a long time ago now, i know i will never go back. my message to all of you struggling , especially those of you who have just started is that if i had only known all the ways in which i was messing up my body in the inside ... i would have tried harder to recover sooner. you may think you are keeping yopurself slim but the longer you do it the less work your body does on the inside, the result being that as soon as yopu start eating normally your body strugglkes to cope, naturally this results in weight gain... and many other problems. for me my thyroid has onkly just startrd working properly again, which meant i had made myself have a sluggish metabolism through not eating normally. also my kidneys are still not functioning properly because they are not used to the process of me digesting food , and so they are not doing their job properly which is to eliminate waste products, this results in me holding loads of waterso i always look puffy and swollen. if i had known that the result of me trying to keep slim thro vomiting would end up being the cause of why i am carryin excess weight and water now, i would def have fought harder to stop sooner. i know how hard the battle is but the longer you leave it the harder it will be for your poor body to recover. there is no magic formulae you just have to make a choice to fight it.

sazzle - sueharris23@tiscalli.co.uk - 28

Comments - just wanted to add that although what i am going through now sounds hard, and believe me it is, i would never want to go back to the way i lived my life before, as before i had no life... at least this way i have got a chance opf rebuilding it, each month things get better my body is slowly improving.. if you havr been ill for as long as me you should expect it to take at laest a year for your body to start wiorking normally. sounds like a long time but compared to how much i put my body thro its nothing. and i know it will be worth it in the end. please please anyone who is thinking about stoppin but puttin it off each day, do it now before it is too late.... take the first step, be strong

Noah - noah.ratzan@gmail.com - 23

Comments - Cellophane's got me like the wrinkled wink of fame. Ears perk up at the crinkle, all the same, like Pavlov's dogs saliva drippin', I'm a canine flippin' for the treat! And I'm bound for retreat. The painful munch of a morsel bites me back, karma never cuts no slack. It doesn't judge, but a spoonful of fudge (to the hellish) is a sludge bucket to the stomach. Bound to the law - universal and supreme, Fuck it! Just one snack! Try to sneak it, and you know that's the beacon, when you feel that you're sneakin'. There's a misunderstanding, you misjudged your landing. The 'x' is not on the spot, lying to yourself cuz you thought you could plot a path regardless of the Truth. As if lies could ever soothe and smoothe out the wrinkles of those smudge marks that twinkle. Just one suggestions, let desires dwindle, and fade away.

Jewls - sweet16foreverandalways@hotmail.com - 16

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rebbie - ratrace88@comcast.net - 34

Comments - i'm in recovery from a 20 year bout with purging/restricting/over-eating etc.... i make films/videos and have begun work on one about food addiction. Hence.... .....I'm looking for people in/around nyc who are contemplating or in various stages of recovery from an eating disorder, especially (though not limited to) bulimia. i'm working on a documentary/film about what it feels like to be inside the head of someone living w/ an eating disorder, to give the audience a chance to experience the mental/emotional machinations of a brain on (or not on) food. all ages and genders welcom. if you're "hungry" to share your story, thoughts, feelings, please email me.....

Amy - als225@georgetown.edu - 19

Comments - It's my first time on this website also. I was watching E! on tv, and there was a 2 hour program on eating disorders. I have been bulimic for 7 years, and I have decided that it is time I made up for all those years of happiness and joy that I missed. I hope you all find what we are all looking for. Good luck, stay true to yourselves, stay true to your friends and happy...and most of all, remember that tomorrow is always another day.

- - 24

Comments - I used to have a big problem with food. Going from near anorexic to binge eating disorder in just a matter hours. Gosh, was that a terrible time. I managed to get better. I don't know how. I was just patient, and it seemed to subside, little by little, over a matter of years. I do pretty well now with food, except when I stress out, then I go overboard. Anyways, the damage was done. My self esteem and my soul were damaged. Now I've got different reasons to hate myself, and I that dessert is the only thing in my life that truly makes me happy. Not my marriage, not my career choice, not my future, not anything. I wish I was never born. I look at other girls and it's surreal, just imagining being in their shoes. Sure, they have their problems too, but that kind of life seems so unreal to me. Basically, I wrote to say, dessert is now the only thing that makes me even remotely happy, even just for the few minutes it takes to eat it. I keep wondering why I was born. I am misearable for nearly every minute of every day. I thank you for listening. There's really no one but my husband I can tell that too. And he doesn't really care, as long as he gets what he wants.

Erica - bohemian_rhapsody00@hotmail.com - 19

Comments - I'm glad I found this site because for the past few months I've wondered if I might be a compulsive overeater. I'm constantly thinking about food, what I crave, etc. Today I woke up feeling pretty gross. I think it started a little over a year ago, I started to have digestive problems and I ended up gaining a good 30 lbs. I had surgery in July so I'm healthy again... but I'm always eating! I'll sit there and rationalize how it's ok to eat this, or that, that I'll burn it off when I go to the gym. I do work out, but I still eat way too much. I have no self control. If I see something that looks good I just take it, because I know I won't stop thinking about it unless I do. I hate it. I'm 5'6 and I weigh like, 155-160... not horrible but I feel horrible. If anyone wants to chat about this, email me! I'd love to discuss this with someone else

Mischa - michellemary80@yahoo.com - 26

Comments - I've been battleing Bulemia for 11 years now. And recently have taken on some anorexic tendancies too! Umm...it's hard to say how it all started...I was never a "BIG" girl just wanted to lose a few pounds here and there. My problem was never solved 11 years ago when it should have been, just kinda swept under the rug. It has always been there for me in the back of my mind....if I ate too much that day or just wanted to look cute in a new outfit. Since this summer though I have gotten progressively worse...it has become a sick obsession, I throw up everyday and its the only thing I think about. How many carbs am I eating do I really need to eat at all. My hair is very thin and lately my teeth have started to hurt. People at work have noticed changes in me and told me I need to get help. But I'm not sure I want to get "BETTER" I know that sounds wierd but this is all I know. Anyways they think I should go for inpatient treatment, but to be honest that kind of scares me. I wanna be able to have kids and live a healthy life but sometimes my obsession and depression take over...and I just don't care anymore. If anyone else knows what I am talking about let me know. Sincerely, Mischa

- - 24

Comments - I used to have an eating disorder but no longer do. I've identified now that dessert is the only thing that makes me even remotely happy. For those few short minutes that I eat dessert, my spirits are somewhat lifted.

jess - reis - 29

Comments - i believe i have a disorder called sleep eating disoreder,you eat when you are asleep kinda like sleep walking which i have a form of.this disoreder affects those with prior sleeping disoreders,i have parasomnia,i move talk and other things in my sleep.i know my disorder is not like anorexia or bulimia but it is a little disturbing to me because i do seem to choose unhealthy foods and it gives me terrible acid reflux.it is causing a host of problems which includ chronic fatigue,migrain among others .ive done a lot of reading and these things seem to be a kind of circle with one thing feeding the other.if any one has any info or advice please post it. jess

Joe - jos__mif@msn.com - 40

Comments - I am doing my doctoral dissertation on the experience of males with an eating disorder and I need males 18 and over. If you are willing to share please contact me 248-891-8587 or e-mail jos__mif@msn.com

Kenzie - lucidxhopexloss@yahoo.com - 15

Comments - ...i have been anorexic for over a year. but and i have been in recovery for the past two to three months. but lately i cant stop eating. and i dont think it is normal the way i am eating. like a month ago i felt like i was at a normal routine of eating. it has gotten to the point where i am always hungry and i can eat a huge meal but two hours later be hungry again. i mean my parents have noticed the way i've been eating. it is annoying. because im afraid im going to relapse into anorexia. because i feel like i am gaining a huge amount of weight and im beginning to see myself as fat again. please please someone help give me some sort of advice please. send me an e-mail with an answer. it would be much appreciated.

Steve - Nebula9@netzero.com - 40

Comments - child eating disorder

Steve - Nebula9@netzero.com - 40

Comments - My son is only 3 and already has an eating disorder, he wont eat anything. He gains a little weight one month, loses it the next, vomitting numerous times a month. Our Dr. put him on Juice Plus so that he at least is getting all the daily nutrients he should get until we figure out a way to fix this. If you want more info on this product, feel free to email me. It has at least made us feel a little more in control of a bad situation

mo - sw33tlilang3l@hotmail.com - 18

Comments - Having shifted from anorexia to coe, both extremes are pure hellish states that deal with similar obstacles and emotions. except now im even more self-conscious at my not-so-skinny body. but even admitting that means that i have some sort of disorder, and i still need to work on my attitude towards this ED. i don't know what to do, but I know that i'll recover.i feel like if i don't, then i would rather die (quite dramatic). i think i ccan i think i can i think i can...

rose neumayer - roseneumayer@yahoo.com - 25

Comments - I am on the road to recovery after 11 years of anorexia. I still struggle but my eating disorder no longer runs my life. I turned to spirituality and meditating and it has made all the difference in the world.

Aj - bw_eds@yahoo.com - 24

Comments - CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS: African-American Women with Eating Disorders. *Looking for written and or verbal testimonials of black women who have had or do have an eating disorders. * Send entries to bw_eds@yahoo.com * *The testimonials will be kept confidential. Ultimately I, a fellow sufferer, wish to create a documentary about our �invisibility�.

not again - gcactus24@yahoo.com - 40

Comments - sad but hopeful

Courtney - sexygirl333@hotmail.com - 21

Comments - Hi ... um, I don't really know where to start. I have been bullimic for the past 3 months only. I have always been obsessed with my weight, but now its just spun out of control. I force myself to go to the gym everyday and I feel great afterwards, but then when Im bored, I will sit and eat and eat and eat, and I literally feel like I can't stop. Then, I make myself sick. Its like craving a smoke. As soon as I'm done eating so much, i thrive on being able to be sick afterwards. It gives me great relief to know that I can go and puke up whatever I just ate. Im so tired of feeling like such crap about myself, and Im so tired of constantly thinking about food. I'm not obesse or anything, but In my opinion I am definitely fat. And i know that other people have got to look at me that way too. I know that its so messed up to be thinking the way that i think, and be doing what Im doing, but I can't stop. I dont even think Im a pretty girl anymore. I just want to go back to the old courtney, but I dont know how to get there?!? :( Help

claudine evetts - c.evetts@addaction.org.uk - 31

Comments - hi i need a support network in walsall west mids for bigorexia as i work with steroid users and have a client with this

John Henkel - -

Comments - Osteporosis, Breast Cancer, and Eating Disorders: Not Just for Women Seymour, 70, noticed a patch of what looked like blood on his pajama top three years ago and thought he had cut himself. But he wasn't scratched. His doctor tested the discharge and told the New Jersey man he had breast cancer. Dan, also 70, a retired Michigan engineer, was pulling weeds three years ago. For no apparent reason, he fractured two vertebrae. Doctors told him his bones were wasting away. He has osteoporosis. As a teenager, Gary was obsessed with having a trim, "athletic" body. The Wisconsin resident shunned food and exercised excessively. Sometimes he'd do situps and pushups for three hours before school. He ate little and shrank from 160 to an unhealthy 104 pounds. Over a six-year period, he was hospitalized four times. Now 26, Gary says he is "completely recovered" from his eating disorder. What do these men have in common? They all suffer from illnesses typically thought of as "women's diseases." Breast cancer, osteoporosis, and eating disorders all occur in men, too, though their prevalence is much greater in the female population. As a result, many men, unaware that the diseases affect both sexes, may fail to recognize symptoms. Likewise, doctors and families often don't suspect these illnesses. This can delay therapy and make disorders difficult to treat. Medical experts say men may shy away from seeking medical treatment for disorders they feel are unmasculine. In support groups, men use terms like "very scared" and "ashamed" to describe initial feelings about their illnesses. Others express frustration at the difficulty in finding information and therapy. Osteoporosis High on the list of such conditions is osteoporosis. Though women are four times more likely to acquire it, about two million men in this country have osteoporosis and another 12 million are at risk, according to the National Osteoporosis Foundation. A disorder in which bones become weakened, osteoporosis is sometimes called the "silent disease" because it has no symptoms. It often manifests itself in fractures of the hip, wrist, spine, and other bones. Among both sexes, it is responsible for 1.5 million fractures a year. Scientists are still piecing together just how osteoporosis develops, but it is well known that a key factor is deficiency of the mineral calcium. About 99% of the body's calcium is stored in bones and teeth. Bone is continually being broken down and rebuilt. If the amount of calcium absorbed equals the amount lost, a state of balance occurs. When dietary intake of calcium can't meet the body's needs, the body draws the mineral from bones to allow a constant bloodstream supply. Ultimately, the breakdown process can exceed deposits, causing a possible reduction in bone mass and density. Osteoporosis is seen less often in men than in women for several reasons. Men generally have greater bone mass than women, and in males, bone loss begins later and advances more slowly. But men do have a hormonal drop in testosterone similar to women's reduction of estrogen after menopause. Testosterone may diminish as a result of hypogonadism, a condition marked by decreased function of the testicles. Testosterone levels may also naturally become lower as a man ages. Loss of sex hormone accelerates bone loss. Women find relief from osteoporosis with estrogen therapy, and men who have low testosterone levels may respond to testosterone injections. But successes with hormone therapy come most often from seeing young men in the early stages of the condition. The FDA has approved Alendronate (Fosamax�), a biphosphonate drug that prevents or slows the weakening of bones, as a treatment for osteoporosis in men. Other therapies have been approved for use in women, and may work in men, but they need further study. One such drug, Calcitonin (Miacalcin, Calcimar), has been shown to slow bone breakdown and reduce pain associated with fractures attributed to osteoporosis. Some doctors prescribe this drug for men if they feel will benefit. Currently under study for osteoporosis treatment are sodium fluoride, which some researchers think may help increase bone mass; vitamin D, which helps the body absorb calcium; parathyroid hormone; and a nasal spray version of calcitonin. Lifestyle factors that raise the risk of osteoporosis include cigarette smoking, alcohol consumption in excess of two drinks a day, and an inactive lifestyle. Other factors that can increase your risk are long-term use of certain medications such as steroids or aluminum-based antacids. Also, increasing age, undiagnosed low levels of testosterone, and chronic lung or kidney disease can raise your risk. Though osteoporosis cannot be cured, it can be slowed down and steps can be taken to prevent it. The National Osteoporosis Foundation suggests these preventive measures: Eat a balanced diet with adequate calcium and vitamin D. Exercise regularly, emphasizing weight-bearing activities. Don't smoke. If you drink alcohol, do so in moderation. Breast Cancer Primarily associated with women, breast cancer also occurs in me

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Related Communities

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Healthyplace Radio
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Related
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Depression
Eating Disorders
Personality Disorders
Self Injury

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