May 29, 2000 -- 11:00 PM EST

Had a great evening -- went biking out to Lake Cuomo and back for a total of sixteen miles. My wounds are healing fine, but in deference to my injuries nothing off-road.

However, the Queen Latifah rerun of the CyberDiet episode made my afternoon utter hell. Everyone is rushing to CyberDiet. While this is great for the site, it's a drag on the hosts trying to guide/help people through the info at the site. It wore me out more than the riding did! I went riding to RELAX!

My teen board is also busy with a lot of ED stuff -- I'm really proud of one of the gang for going to speak to a teacher about getting counseling. That was a brave first step! But I feel guilty, my own mailing list hasn't gotten much attention lately.

ARGH!

I feel so sad for all these new people. They are so desperate, so eager to find the magic thing that will transform them. But it isn't in a pill, it's not going to be magic. It's about hard work:

• learning to be active
• learning to cook again
• learning what a balanced meal plan is
• learning to shop for groceries and fit a budget
• learning emotional coping skills
• learning to stand your ground
• learning to let go of self-destructive or self-detrimental behavior
• learning to like yourself

If there is any magic involved it is because you learn to make your own magic. You have to do a lot of thinking before hand and make sure you are ready. If you don't think about the obstacles besides food, you are not going to succeed. What was I thinking?

• I had to deal with stress/anxiety.
• I had to have long talks with Paul about what I wanted to do and how I wanted him to support me so I wouldn't get bogged down with Paul-generated obstacles.
• I had to deal with my school schedule and later work.
• I had to buy new cookware and I had to invest in books like The Visual Food Encyclopedia so I would know what the hell I was supposed to do with all this new food.
• I had to renew my gym membership.
• I had to try different activities like swimming and rollerblading before I settled on biking as my favorite one. I had to buy blades and a bike.
• I had to decide how I wanted to food journal and even after decided I like DietWatch the best, I had to learn how to best use it.
• I had to look at my shoes and get sneakers that fixed my problem with underpronating. I had to find out what the heck underpronating MEANS before I could figure out I had this problem.
• I had to think about where to get online support and who in my circle I could have as off-line support.
• I had to break up with casual friends who were sucking me dry with their psychodramas.
• I had to deal with family and eating at other people's houses
• I had to come up with replies to the obvious questions people I knew would ask me about losing weight/going vegetarian
• I had to sock money away for us to see a dietitian later

My God, if you just aren't ready to think about it as a whole lifestyle thing, there will be no magic-making for you!

I was grumbling at Paul over having all this traffic and all these new people saying they had tried everything and it didn't work. Not to be mean, but I am skeptical.

Maybe tried every OTC pill/drink/aid out there but how many of them go to a dietitian for the food thing and a counselor for the emotional thing? Is seeking these diet aids a way to avoid having to deal with the bottom line issues? Just like eating cookies for me was a way to avoid dealing with the stuff I used to stress over?

That's what I see the most. People who have emotional issues and use food as the crutch. I was there once. It's hard to learn to walk on your own without the cookies and the cakes and the candy. It's hard to relearn a whole different way of being. But at the same time, come on!

Move more, eat reasonable, get professional help where you need it!

One lady was grinching that she couldn't get insurance because she was too obese and nobody wanted to cover her because she's a bad health risk and this is why she couldn't see a dietitian. I wondered why she didn't think she was worth the investment of paying full price on her own without the insurance. I wonder why she didn't want to NOT be a bad health risk. Is she going to trade her health away waiting for a BARGAIN?! Health is the one place where you do not want to wait for a sale! Good grief.

Paul was confused.

"We just biked 16 miles tonight for a total of 31 miles this weekend without it being torture. I personally had fun," mused Paul.

"Me too."

"I know we didn't start out at 15 miles a ride, I remember struggling to break over 5 miles at first."

"Me too."

"So if it is obvious that you have to start from wherever you are and build up, why can't these people just pick something they like to do... and well....DO IT?" he wondered. "Even if it's 5 minutes at a time to start?"

"They don't want to be dirty," I scowled.

"Huh?"

"Paul, I've got some posts from very obese folk who have doctors telling them they MUST lose weight, I have some who have heart disease, others with diabetes. I have some who have just had babies and want to lose pregnancy weight. I've even got a little 12 year old girl who is trying to diet who doesn't need to be and is doing dangerous things with no parental guidance! I've got oodles of people who don't need to change anything about their weight but desperately need head work because they have messed up body images. I have people who are elderly who need low-key approaches. I've got teens with exercise obsessions and other disordered behavior. I have suicidal people. I have accident victims in recovery. I have a lot of people who need real help flitting through boards I mod or help in."

"What does that have to do with being dirty?"

"All these people who need real help? That's maybe 60% of the bunch. You know what's the matter with the rest?"

"What?"

"They ask questions like 'How can I lose weight and not exercise? I don't like to sweat or get dirty.'"

"How can you be active and not sweat and get dirty?"

"You swim, dammit! I have no sympathy for people like this. I know it sounds mean, but I don't! If you want to change, you have to expect to have to make changes. There are people out there moving who are deaf, blind, lost limbs, are very obese, elderly, asthmatic, diabetic, in wheelchairs and more. If your only problem is fear of getting dirty and sweating then you are just grasping at excuses NOT to move. There is such thing as a shower and soap!" I yelled.

I guess I was strung out from the traffic and the craziness dealing with the people in chat to be yelling at Paul for no real reason since he didn't do anything.

But I mean it. There are people overcoming much bigger obstacles and getting out there and being active.

I've got most of my parts in reasonable working order and while I don't expect to win medals or become a professional athlete, there is no reason I can't move too!

~Astrophe