May 10, 2000 --11:02 PM EST

Let's talk about weight. Mine. Because it is making me paranoid.

Today I am 198 at home. Yesterday I was 197 at gym.At the grocery store right after gym, I was 215. When I saw the dietitian last week, I was 204.

Obviously, too many scales, all calibrated different, all set to make me go bonkers.

I was doing okay not peeking at the scale for a long while. I was determined to go by my clothes, and my shorts and jeans all still fit. My measurements are steady and the only place I've put on an inch is in my quads from biking. That's a good gain!

But suddenly, now that I'm seeing a dietitian and she weighs me every time, I want to be be weighing myself all the time!

It's a mind trip. I know that you have to use the same scale. I know it's not about the number, but the change. I know that the scale can lie. I know my dietitian is not insane, she knows her job. I know why I need to eat more calories with this marathon stuff. I know that I'm keeping up with my food journal. I know that I am stronger. I know that I am far more energetic. I know I feel better.

I KNOW all these things, and yet I was starting to get cranky, sucked into that scale merry-go-round. Just because it's there in the bathroom.

Grr.

Take this bathroom scale away from me.

~Astrophe