March 13, 2000 -- 11:46 PM EST

No news on the heart surgery. Blah. But maybe no news is good news?

[...]

The weekend was pretty quiet.

I need to get the house in order. This laundry thing has been making me nuts. I'm not doing it anymore. Back into the closet it gets stuffed. I wash it, I fold it, he isn't putting it away and then there are stacks around the dining room table. Then we play this game where I leave them there and he pretends he doesn't see them and then I pretend I don't see him not seeing them either.

Well, that's enough now. I'm going to put them away and whatever else didn't get washed -- too bad! He did mop, so that's a plus. I get really irritable doing laundry. It's too damp and hot and sticky.

Went to Lowe's for more wood. The cage frame is about done, now we need to get mesh for it and put it up on wheels. So... progress!!

The taxes are pretty much done. Now I can just sit and wait and when I get our return I'll get a fence done. Yippee.

[...]

I babble about minutia because I don't feel like thinking too hard or writing about these vague flying things in my head.

[...]

Ok, it's not that I don't want to talk about it. I just don't know how to phrase it.

[...]

I feel funny. And not the ha-ha kind either.

Slowly but surely, I am being called to answer things about eating disorders that I am not prepared to answer from teenage girls whose forum I help moderate.. I worry that telling these young women to talk to their parents is really not a whole lot of good. But what else can I say?!

I also feel hypocritical, because I certainly didn't talk to my parents more than a few times. I tried, got no helpful response and then I waited until college when I could take my own health issues to the campus clinic myself and not be relying on the parentals for the ride to get there. But how can I tell a girl who needs help to hang on until she gets to college? She needs help NOW. Not just with getting a ride to to appointment, but the money and insurance to pay for health care. How's a kid supposed to be able to afford all that on her own without help form parents?

This thing with not wanting to talk to the parents... I can understand it, I can see why, but in the end it's better if you can get the parents to help and see and hear and listen.

Some just don't. Or maybe they are in denial?

Who knows?

Whatever the reason, they don't tell the parents, they just don't. Then they shut down another possible avenue of help.

I hope I don't turn into that sort of parent. Too remote or unreachable. Or that any kids of mine feel that way about me.

Sigh.

[...]

Onto lighter things.

Guess what? The UPS guy arrived this afternoon bringing me my new sneakers. When I look at them in their ultra whiteness alongside the old pair I am flabbergasted. I don't think I've ever washed the old pair the whole time I've had them. Oops! I'll have to scuff up the new pair.

I can't stand sneakers that blind me.

Anyway, today I got to wear my new shoes and my new FROG bra to the gym for my first running day. (Yesterday was rest for me).

I'm doing the "Very Easy 5k" program from Asimba to complement my bike rides. Maybe this time I'll actually complete it!

I was supposed to go a mile, and I did after a bike warm up. I alternated jog/walk quarter mile laps. For the jogs I did 5.0 MPH and for the walks I did 3.5 MPH. The bra made jogging sooo pleasant -- I never had such a nice jog! The shoes were also a big comfort boost. I did the mile in 14:38. Nice and easy, and while I broke a sweat near the end I wasn't huffing and puffing or anything evil. I can do faster miles on the elliptcal cross trainer!

I was surprised at how easy it was though.

REALLY surprised.

I've always bought the most supportive high-impact bras I could find because I hate the boob bouncing thing so much. I never realized what a big difference having an even stronger bra would make. I didn't even knwo they made a bra with 32% lycra. All the other ones I have are about 10-15%. I hate to think what the low-impact ones are like.

Normally I hate to jog or run and I never wanted to go very fast. I find jogging to be very jostly. That's why my fav cardio workout is on the ellitpical cross trainers for the smoother ride. It also makes my ankle happy. So I tend to keep away from jogging and if I used treadmill it's to walk.

Today I was a little skeptical when I got on the treadmill. I felt a little better knowing I had a new bra on and I had new shoes on. I wore comfy spandex shorts and a comfy T-shirt. But I wasn't going into it with this huge enthusiasm. More like "Ok, I'll try it again... but I won't hold my breath!"

I started out walking. So far so good. I kicked it up some more. Ok, ankle is going to hold up alright. Kicked it up faster. Hey, no bounce! Kicked it up faster. Still no bounce. Yeeha! Kicked it up faster still. Wow. I can run a lot faster than I thought! Wait a minute, better tone it back down and not get carried away here too soon, I don't need to screw up my foot! Brought it back down and I settled on 5.0 just because it was an even number.

I was fascinated by my breathing and how it matched my steps. I was fascinated my not having my breasts aching from wriggling about. I was fascinated that I was jogging, and actually having a good time.

New Balance 877's plus a Title 9 Sports FROG bra.

They'll have to kill me to take them away from me now!

~Astrophe