March 11, 2000 -- 10:27 AM EST

In my e-mail this morning:

"They did the cartilization. His right artery is 99% blocked. It was late in the afternoon and since it is so blocked they are going to try again in the morning. Hopefully, they can get it un blocked. If not this means open heart surgery. By-pass. Keep him in your prayers. Tired. More later"

That was from my MIL, about her SO. Emotionally, I am taking this well. Intellectually, I am freaking out.

Doesn't that sound bizarre?

I am waiting for Paul to wake up so we can decide whether we are staying here or going down to see them in the hospital. I think we ought to go, if they want us to come down. I don't know exactly what's going on, or if he can have visitors or what.

This is stressful, and I feel bad and I hope that things go smoothly and he heals up and after this point he does something about his diet. Fitness-wise, he's one of the most active late-50-some-year-olds I know! Sometimes he has more energy than me and Paul put together. Foodwise... this is the South! Bleah. :P

Emotionally, I am worried, but stable. I'm not going to freak out there before it's time to be freaking out.

Intellectually, I am trying to cope, and keep my mind from sproinging all over the place.

It's like when that baby thing arrived on the horizon with New Year's. Another "shift" over:

Before only the "old" people in the family had all this junk. Like my grandparents. I remember when I was a pre-teen my paternal grandmother was in and out of the hospital every three seconds (or so it seemed to me) for a stroke and stuff. My mother's uncles. My other grandparents. My great aunt's breast cancer. His grandmother's kidney problems.

But with this one, it's at our parent's level. This is Whit! My MIL's SO! Who's next? Paul's Parents? Mine? Up til now the only things happening there were my Dad's high blood pressure and his teeth, my MIL's bad fall from a motorcycle, his Dad's high blood pressure, my Mom's wisdom teeth. Stuff, but not MAJOR stuff.

Heart stuff is MAJOR stuff! Bypass surgery is major stuff!

Then of course, the next obvious question is -- ok, so when is it going to be our level? Our siblings? Our friends? Paul? Me?

How much of this stuff is is inevitable? How much of it can we prevent?

I don't want it to be Paul. I don't want it to be me.

~Astrophe