Coming Out Of The Mire

cont.

Then I ask myself the question, "What's between me and feeling fine right now?" I don't answer with my brain. I let the answers come from my heart, my soul. As the answers come, I don't give them any attention. I just make a mental list of them. One of my recent lists included feeling overwhelmed by having too much to do and not enough time to do it, concerns about an elderly, ailing parent, that funny place in my breast that I'm supposed to wait and see about, a hurtful comment from a good friend, a delicate relationship with an adult child.

I ask myself again, "Is there anything else that should be on that list?" And if my soul speaks, I add the comments to the list. Ah, yes, that awful television news piece about atrocities in a distant part of the globe.

Once I have my list in order and it seems complete, I ask myself "Which of these items stands out-which is the most important?" Again, I shut my brain off and let my soul answer. I am usually surprised. What I thought would be number one was not number one! It's that relationship with my adult child that really stands out. Ah hah! I am learning.

Then I ask myself, "Is it OK to spend a little time with this issue?" If my soul responds with a yes, I proceed. If I get a no, I can return to the list and get something else that stands out as needing attention.

I focus my attention not on various aspects of this issue as if to solve a problem, but rather on the feeling this issue creates in my body. I let my soul come up with a word, phrase or image that matches this feeling in my body. I get the image of a big ceramic vase, red and blue, but very brittle, showing signs of cracking. I go back and forth between the word, phrase or image and the feeling, testing to see if they are really a match. If they are not, I let that image go and choose another until I am really comfortable with the match. This time the brittle vase seems to fit. I spend a few moments, whatever feels right, going back and forth between the word, phrase or image and the feeling in my body. In that process I notice a change in the way my body feels-a shift. I linger with this new feeling for a few moments. It feels better, like a release.

Then I ask myself if I need to go further, or if this is a good place to stop. This time I continue, asking myself some simple question like:

• "What is it about the problem that makes me feel so ____ (word or image)?"
• "What is the worst of this feeling?"
• "What's really so bad about this?"
• "What does it need?"
• "What should happen?"
• "What would it feel like if it was all OK?"
• "What is in the way of feeling that?"

I relax and let the answers come to me, just being with the answers that come from my soul, always remembering to leave my analytical and critical brain out of it. Then I spend some time with the answers that came, particularly noticing the changes in my feelings. Bit by bit I unravel the pieces of my life that may be causing of worsening this feeling of depression.

If it feels right, I may do another round of focusing, or resume my hectic life with a new sense of well-being, that lump in my chest perhaps gone, or almost gone. If it's still there I repeat all of the above until it is gone for good-keeping my bag of tricks ready for the next time.

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