SHOCKED!
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These are the stories of some
depression victims, what happened to them and how they're dealing
with it. Maybe you can identify with the writers. Maybe you
can learn from their stories.
When
you're done reading, you can share your story too.
| Name - Nickname - Email Address |
Electro-Shock Therapy, ECT Stories
| annie - ladyamk@prodigy.net |
| Comments - Please help me... I had ECT 3
years ago and my life has been ruined.. What can I do? I want to sue the doctor
and hospital. Can I? Someone please get back to me |
|
| Sheila Parker -
nitenikita@usa.net |
| Comments - My story I thought was over
until a week ago, when I was informed that I have a seizure disorder that is
most probably a result of the 30 shock treatemnts I received in 2 different
series 9 years apart. I received the first series at age 16 after the
stillbirth of my son, I received 14 at that time and then I went through
another bout of depression at age 25 at which time I received an additional 16
treatments. I thought my main residual effects were memory loss and slurred
speech, but then about 2 months ago I began having blackouts that there was no
known cause for, after having an MRI which showed no tumors or lesions on my
brain, they did an EEG, this showed Frontal Lobe Seizures. I was hospitalized
for two days after one of these blackouts. I was informed at that time that the
EEG showed the seizure activity that was classified as idiopathic until I told
them of the shock treatments. I was then told that there is a 95% chance that
the seizures are caused from the shock treatments. I lived in Texas at the time
of the treatments and am now a resident of Washington state and want so much to
something to have this barbaric practice banned so other people don't have to
go through these devastating effects in their lifetime. Seomething new showing
up 25 years after the fact I find amazing. |
|
| Susan A. Wahl -
sawahl@clam.rutgers.edu
|
| Comments - The 2d anniversary (someday
I'll have a better word) for the ECT treatment is coming soon. So is the 5th
anniversary of my mother's death. I didn't know until this past year that the
hospital admission during which I received ECT was three years and one day
after my mom died. Neither occasion are cause for celebration; in fact, they
are and forever will be days of sadness and regret. I do remember the hour my
mother passed on -- it was at night, and shortly after she died a storm
suddenly came. There was intense thunder, the wind picked up, the lights
flickered, some rain, and then all of the sudden it stopped. The day of my
hospital admission is marked with a brief snapshot of being at a meeting
sponsored by the Arthritis Foundation and having to leave because I was
"not with it." I don't remember anything beyond that, for the next
three weeks and almost two years before, albeit a few snapshot memories, of
suddenly remembering the psychiatrist who administered the ECT. He was the same
person who told me that last spring that he did not want another person die on
him. And I allowed this "physician" to treat me with ECT. I only
remember one morning when I was receiving ECT, remembering the gel being put on
my forehead (or was it my hairline?) I don't remember painting the lighthouse
scene that my father took home and had professionally framed, and is now
hanging in the livingroom. I remember the smell of coffee on the morning, when
I was passing the hospital's coffee shop returning from discussing my treatment
at the medical school across the street. What I said, I have absolutely no
recollection of. I vaguely remember being discharged, but I do not remember why
I was brought back to the hospital less than one week after I had received 6
ECT treatments. The attending who administered the ECT treatments had the last
word on readmitting me--even my HMO apparently was permitting readmission, but
since I only had three covered hospital days left, the hospital decided not to
readmit me although it claims on billboards around my state that it never
turned anyone away. The hospital was the same place where I was born, had my
tonsils taken out, treated me after my spine was fractured, and the same place
where two years of memories were taken away from me. But, for whatever reason,
it would not readmit me, even as a charity patient. That hospitalization was
the worse mistake I have ever made. After two years of research, meeting others
who suffered far worse that I have, and learning to distrust doctors, mental
health professionals, and despising anyone who claims my memory loss is
"anecdotal," I am finding strength in speaking out against this
biased, archaic, barbaric, poorly researched, unscientific and detrimental
psychiatric treatment. |
|
| sherry - shouns12@yahoo.com |
| Comments - I've never undergone ect, but
I feel it is my last alternative. |
|
| shydavid -
shydavid@nospam.org |
| Comments - Hi! To counter the bizare
propaganda by a so-called "church" that claims ECT is the root of all
evil, I have started my own church; the Church of ECTology!
http://holysmoke.org/cos/ectology.htm is where you can read all about it. Also
included is a Church of ECTology Free Personality Test that potential
parisioners may take to see just how spiritually (i.e., electricall) conductive
(punpunpun) one is! |
|
| Craig L. Amundsen -
donotwantspam |
| Comments - Warning: This post contains
positive anecdotal material (my personal experience) relating to ECT
(electro-convulsive therapy). Discretion is advised. I have suffered from major
depression since childhood. It is not something I am proud of, nor is it
something I usually disclose to strangers. It did however play a large part in
luring me into the cult of Scientology. My Scientology recruiters assured me
that their tech would cure me of depression and much more. Of course it did no
such thing. It did leave me broke, in debt, humiliated and my already meager
self confidence in tatters. After my experience with L Ron and Company, my
depression took a very serious turn for the worse. I could no longer work, I
couldn't read, I couldn't take care of myself, suicidal thoughts were a
constant companion. I quickly used up my lifetime insurance benefits for mental
health. After several hospitalizations, there was no more money. I had tried
everything, therapy, medications, scientology, christianity - nothing helped.
Unable to take care of myself, I was bound for a state mental institution. As a
last effort, my doctors recommended ECT. Few doctors/psychiatrists here in
Oregon, USA actually perform the procedure - there is very little demand for
it. Fortunately a very competent specialist works in my home town. I consented
to the treatment and it was performed in a local charitable hospital. I had six
treatments. These were done on an out-patient basis, and for the most part
quite unremarkable. The major side effect as mentioned elsewhere was short term
memory loss. Whereas all else had failed, ECT provided me with a relatively
stable mental state from which medications and therapy could be efficacious. It
took several more years of hard work, but with a lot of help from friends,
family, doctors and nurses I am a competent, capable, creative and contributing
member of society. And a skeptical wog to boot! I don't want to minimize the
short term memory loss as a side effect. It was quite miserable. But it was
short lived and nothing compared to the horrors of my illness. Side effects
from medication, surgery or any medical therapy/procedure must be weighed
against the associated benefits. The "side effects" involved in organ
transplants and certain cancer therapies can be immense! On the other hand,
short term relief from nausea during pregnancy does not offset the use of
thalidomide. In addition, individuals react differently and have different
tolerance levels. Since my experience with ECT I have met many others who have
had ECT. Although none of them had any bad experiences associated with it, I'm
sure that somebody somewhere has. It's inevitable. ECT did not cure my illness,
nothing has and chances are nothing will (in my lifetime anyway.) The therapy
is far from perfect. I hope alternate therapies will be developed which will be
even more effective and without any side effects. But the fact remains that for
me and for thousands of others like me, ECT has given a second chance at life.
I my opinion, it would be a major travesty to eliminate ECT and deprive others
their chance. Would I have ECT again? Yes, of course. Would I allow a loved one
to have ECT? Yes, it has already happened, with life giving results! Would I
recommend ECT to others? Yes. Scientology and its sympathizers have for decades
engaged dangerous anti-psychology/psychiatry/medicine/science rhetoric.
Dangerous, because much of it is outright false and because it has influenced
and kept people from getting the help they need. Myself included. Craig
|
|
| Cloud - cloud77@aol.com |
| Comments - A slight, short-term memory
loss is much preferable to suicide. "ect" saves lives. |
|
| kait - |
| Comments - Hi John, I just read your
post and thought you might like to hear my experience with ECT. I was in the
hospital for three weeks. The first week my pdoc. tired all kinds of meds at
very high doses with no luck, I was just getting worse. He finally convinced me
to do ECT. I had five treatments before leaving the hospital and another one
last Mon. I will have another one next Wed. and the last one a month after
that. I lost most of my memory surrounding the treatments and didn't start
getting it back until the day of my second to last treatment. I recognized all
the doctors and tech people at the ECT treatment area of the hospital and I
started remembering some of my time in the hospital. Most of the three weeks
was wiped out, but my journal helped with some of the memories of the three
weeks. I can say that I feel great. Before entering the hospital, I had been
contemplating suicide very seriously, so I can say with all honesty that the
ECT treatments have saved my life along with all my doctors who worked to
convince me to take them.
ECT is a difficult treatment to take, leaves you with a loss
of memory surrounding the first few treatments and an hellacious headache!
Darvacent can take care of the headache though and I would highly recommend the
treatments. The first week I was in the hospital, I was given large doses of
various meds and none of them helped. I was actuallly getting worse, when my
Pdoc and the ECT doctors talked me into taking the treatments.
If you have any other questions that I could help you with
please email them to me, I'd be glad to help you with any answers. I havn't had
any other problems from the treatments and I would recommend them for anyone
who is having severe depression problems. I have been severely depressed for
quite some time, and I was on 475mg Effexor ER, 20mg. Celexa, 100mg. Serzone,
.75mg. Mirapex, 60mg. Ritalin and Ambien to sleep. Now I just take 475mg
Effexor XR and 30mg Remeron at night. I still have two more treatments to go
and I imagine I will have to do maintenance treatments, but it is well worth it
because I feel so great.
Kait
|
|
| Madeleine - |
| Comments - You will get many opinions
here I'm sure of ECT treatments. Here is my take. In
March of 1997 I was truly suicidal for the first time in 30+ years of dealing
with recurrent depression. I was admitted and my pdoc also recommended ECT. I
requested a Medline search of all articles on ECT from our local medical school
library and a friend picked them up. I read every single one and decided to go
ahead. I had 9 initial treatments (3 a week for 3 weeks) and 4 or 5 monthly
maintenance treatments until I had a bad reaction to the anesthesia. They
helped me greatly and I'm very glad I agreed to them.
After the first few treatments I began having severe short
term memory problems. My family and friends were very worried, but fortunately
I had an excellent doctor (my pdoc, not the one who actually administered the
treatments, he was another pdoc) who took the time to explain things to them. I
have also been in the hospital subsequently (much less severe problems) and
seen the confusion in the patients taking the treatments. It is very important
that those around a patient taking the treatments fully understand the memory
problems and the resulting confusion and fear in the patient. they need to
constantly assure the patient that these effects are temporary. About 6 weeks
after the treatments I took the theory course in the graduate program I was
attending at the time and received the only A in the class. My fears about
permanent cognitive problems were alleviated.
Today's ECT is a far cry from what was seen on One Flew Over
the Cuckoos Nest. The amount of electricity used today is very small, Most
treatments are unilateral, not bilateral. The treatment is done under
anesthesia and with a muscle relaxant to alleviate the problem of broken bones
or sore muscles. It is a potent and effective treatment for resistant
depression and some other serious psychiatric problems.
Just my two cents.
--
Peace, love and serenity,
Madeleine
|
|
| April -
iluvfurkids@mailcity.com
|
| Comments - Hello, I am Bipolar II. I
have been severely depressed for over 2 years. Hopitalized once. I think I have
tried close to every anti depressant known to man.lol All of my meds will work
for very short periods of time and then I am back were i started...depressed.
My pdoc has just recently mentioned the idea of ECT to me. I am hoping to hear
from someone who has had success with ECT. Everything I have read and heard so
far is not very good. I know when I say, "I don't know how much more I can
take" all of you have probably felt the same way. Thanks for reading this,
April |
|
| Sue Wahl - sawahl@home.com |
| Comments - I lost two years of memory
following a course of six electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) treatments. Until
yesterday, I blamed myself for not fully knowing that I did by consenting to
these treatments. Yesterday I absolved myself of all guilt, now that I am in
receipt of my medical records. I wondered if I had any pre-ect work-up, such as
an EEG or maybe a neurological consult, since I have a brain lesion, as a
consequence of a motor vehicle accident when I was seven years old. There was
no indication of having any EEG's prior to the ECT treatments on my hospital
bill. I never received a separate bill for a possible neurological consult. I
truly have no memory of how I was admitted to the hospital, what I said, what
was told or done to me, except a few seconds of memory prior to one ECT
treatment and three other snapshot memories. I found out that, according to my
hospital records, my belief that I did not receive an EEG nor a neuro consult
is confirmed. Further, the only reference to my childhood head injury was a
"craniotomy after a MVA." The Medical doctor (yes, that is how it was
typed in my records) felt that I had no contra-indications for receiving ECT.
Well, this certainly adds fuel to the fire, and I am at peace since I know I
did nothing wrong. The hospital was negligent, and it will be a pleasure to do
some public relations with the information that I am now in receipt. ECT is an
atrocity, even without a prior head injury. It is an evil practice, since no
one knows why it works and there is no recordkeeping in 98 percent of America's
states, mostly due to the American Psychiatric Association's obstinence.
Perhaps some people are easier to be brainwashed than others, which can explain
why ECT "cured" them of depression, but besides being ineffective for
a majority of people beyond a month, it is a big money-maker off of people
suffering from mental illness. I do hope that ECT will be banned in my
lifetime. |
|
| Dominick D'Alessandro -
domd@pottsville.infi.net
|
| Comments - I had a course of shock
treatment for depression. It's caused much mental impairment. I can't read nor
write. I have to let someone else do it. I must have permanent brain damage.
What should I do? Can I sue someone for after-effects of ECT? If so, who and
how? I have mental impairment as a result of ECT. TIA. Thanks all. |
|
| alicia - Leahrod72 |
| Comments - i have over 22 ect treatments
in thelast 5 years. my most recent one was in january of this year.they help me
tramendously but the side effects are terrible. my memory is awful i can't work
anymore.i whole life has changed since i have had the ects i am 28 yrs old with
bp manic depression. my life is awful. i try to do the best i can. but to think
about it it depresses me.thanks for expressing my self and to others. the only
good thing is when i need ect it actually saves my life. i have had several
suicide attempts. i am hospitalized about 2 or 3 times a year and that sucks
big time. i wish i could just be stabilized. thats my prayer. and my one and
only wish in my life. thank you bye bye:) |
|
| Joani -
winnie-the-pooh@uswest.net
|
| Comments - I had 43 shock treatments in
one year. I am now one year past the last treatment, and I still have huge
memory problems, including problems with learning and retaining new
information. Not to mention the fact that I am once again severely depressed! I
feel like I lost half my brain for nothing. Just the other day my
psychiatrist's supervisor sat in on our session and informed me that none of
the problems I was telling him about could be from ECT. Famous last words. I
get so angry--at the doctors who didn't fully inform me, at myself for
subjecting myself to this........I don't know what else to say, but that I am
definitely damaged and I resent the fact that noone will acknowledge that that
damage even could have resulted from ECT. |
|
| heather sherman -
babysbreath_03592@yahoo.com
|
| Comments - my name is heather.almost a
year ago my mother started showing signs of manic depression.she would stay in
bed all day,coming out only once during the night to eat.she began forgetting
things and show disorientation.i was to nieve to know what was going on.
eventually she became a threat to herself and was committed to a phsyciatric
ward.my sister and i had to move into a shelter for the homeless to be near
her.she only got worse and ended up being committed to the state hospital.my
sister and moved in with our grandparents, thousands of miles away.we called
mother many times so she could know we still loved her,each call seemed to find
her worse.later news reached us that mother was being put through ect,news both
surprising and scary. i wish to learn all i can about this treatment,both to
help my mom and comfort myself.Thank-you |
|
| Molly -
mollymollyb@hotmail.com
|
| Comments - I am a 23 year old female,
and I just recieved 6 unilateral ECT treatments. I wasn't aware of all the
negativity out there about this until I read these posts, but I can tell you I
feel really good and am no longer depressed. That has to say something for this
treatment when nothing has ever worked for me before. I do see the memory loss
problem and hope that it is a short lived one. I honestly do feel better inside
though and I am loving it so far. |
|
| liz - pfoxyredhead@aol.com |
| Comments - As a child I went through
many months without, my mother. She was in the hospital for many months at a
time for mental breakdowns. She under went Ect. I am not at all sure what this
all was about. I was just between the ages of 5-10 when this all happened. I am
now 29 and can still not talk to her about these issues. I have had alot of
thing go wrong in my life and have also been on several medications for what I
have always been told was bad nerves. I find myself as a grow woman with 5
children contemplating alot of the things and feeling alot of the things that
brought her to mental break down. Is this herideritary or what? Please HELP!
Wish someone would be up front with me. |
|
| Ann - ARKJRich @aol.com |
| Comments - Depression runs in our
family. My mother has been told she need ECT and I'm doing some research for
her. |
|
| Norman -
normajane@tgforum.com
|
| Comments - I was forced into ECT in
England in 1962 when I was a 13 year old boy. It caused massive amnesia. I
occasionally recovered memories as the years passed. Three months ago I had
cardiac triple bypass surgery and now repressed memories are flooding back.
These memories are very distressing. Only now do I remember that as a child I
used to steal and wear my sister's clothes and this is why I was forced into
ECT. If anyone is aware of a similar case please let me know by email.
|
|
| Sasha -
friedmansi@mindspring.com
|
| Comments - Hi. I'm a 29 year old female
and I am a recent survivor of depression and ect. I still truly can't believe
that this nightmare happened to me. Everything was going great on my life. I
had finally met the man of my dreams and we got married. We just bought a new
house and i began a new job. I was so happy. I finally had evething I dreamed
about. All of a sudden I began feeling very stressed out at work and slowly I
became depressed. A doctor perscribed paxil and i decided to try it. Everything
just got worse from here. I feel like the paxil just mae it worde because i
suddenly became so anxious that i had to take some time off from work. When I
returned after a 4 week absence, i was so depressed and anxiuos that i could
not function. My supervisors noticed this, I was a teacher, and they constantly
watched me. I was truly hanging on by a thread. I could not concentrate or
focus on what i was doing. I started having suicidal thoughts and I just could
not function anymore. My supersvisors asked me to leave. I loved teaching so
much but i just could not function anymore. I went on disability, ashamed and
more depressed. I went to many thersapists and tried many medications with no
help. I was sure that my new husband was going to leave me. Who would want to
deal with this in their firt months of marriage? WE didn't eeven have time to
enjoy being married. I was a zombie most of the time. I was truly not there.
Finally i checked into a hospital for a week. I constantly thought about dying.
i could'nt get it out of my head. My life was over. After a weeek at the
hospital, I checked out but had no improvement. I was put on many different
medications but I just got worse and worse. One morning I put knife to my chest
and ran to tell my husband what i did. He took me to another hospital and this
time i stayed for almost 2 monts. I was put on suicidal watch at first and then
i was closely watched as i attended group therapy which did not do anything for
me. Finally after about 10 more different medications the doctors suggested
ect. At this point this was all that was left. I could not even get through 5
minutes of the day without thinking about dying. WE did the ect and I can truly
day that it saved my life. After the first treatment i already felt a
difference. I had a total of 6 treatments and I am back to the same person i
used to be. I went back to work and i am functioning an performing great. I
feel so good and blessed. I feel like I owe my life to ect. It's been about 4
months since the treatments and I just pray that it doesn't come back. ECT was
a miracle for me. It truly saved my life. |
|
| Leigh Murray -
malautism@aol.com |
| Comments - I've suffered from depression
since I was 14 years old. I've survived and recovered from anorexia and
bulimia. I've been told that I have a severe borderline personality disorder.
For nearly six years, the medication, Prozac, offered me much needed relieve.
However, after a very stressful year and higher and higher doses of Prozac, I
became desparate. I consented to outpatient ect treatments. I received two
treatments while still taking 100mg of Prozac daily. Two days after the second
ect treatment, I was hospitalized with mania. I was manic for four days: this
was my first episode of mania. Later, I sank deeper and deeper into despair.
The rebound from the mania. I was diagnosed as a rapid cycling bipolar. I tried
medication after medication with no relieve. I became desparate again. I
consented again to ect treatments as a last resort. Shortly before my first
treatment, I began to experience auditory hallucinations, another first for me.
I was admitted as an inpatient after my first ect treatment. I was to have
received unilateral treatment. I did not. I received four more treatments, then
was discharged. I was to have two more treatments. I didn't return for the next
treatment since I was told at the last minute that I needed someone to
accompany me to the hospital. I had no one, so I stayed home. Two days later,
after living in a complete fog, without memory for the most simple tasks, I
became psychotic. I hospitalized myself. Has anyone out there experienced
either mania or psychosis after ect? Although the data is correlational, I
can't seem to feel as though I got screwed. Now, there are no more treatments
for recurrent major depression which I still have, except psychotherapy. I'm
determined to continue to strive for better mental health, though I expect that
my depression will last. I have lost all confidence which I once had. I feel
like an empty shell, merely existing. I won't give up, though I feel so alone
and empty. Hopefully, the day will come where I'm not so morose. |
|
| berry - dadaberry@aol.com |
| Comments - just had 5 bilateral ects and
4 unilateral - although i usually have episodes of mania the bilateral knocked
the mania out but left me with depression after about a month - when i then had
the unilateral ects. this was about a month ago and now i am suffering from
some memory loss but mostly i feel very fragile and not able to handle anything
- everything is overwhelming!!! is there anything that can help with this?? i
don't feel as if i can get through the day. everyone says this will pass that
the side effects of the ect will go away but it is so hard getting through this
i am really down. i have been on serzone for 2 and half weeks and am hoping
this will help. any suggestions? |
|
| Nicole Westling -
nwesting@charter.net |
| Comments - I am 25 years old and have
been suffering from depression for 12 years. My depression symptoms took on the
form of severe anorexia nervosa in my teen years (I was hospitalized for
anorexia 4 times.) By the time I was 16, during my last eating disorder
hospitalization, my depression was finally diagnosed. I was prescribed Prozac
and this med helped minimally for 2 years. However, its effectiveness seemed to
wear out and I became severely depressed again as I first went away to college.
Back at the psychiatrist's office, I was prescribed one SSRI anti-depressant
after another. Some worked for a little while but all eventually failed to
control my major depression for more than a year. During this time of going on
and off antidepressants, my depression symptoms became more and more severe. I
started to take part in illegal activities such as shoplifting to give myself
some kind of high or relief from my misery. I was arrested 4 times, and
hospitalized for a suicide attempt after one such arrest. No matter what
medication I took, Nothing helped. I became so desperate for relief that I
resorted to ECT. I am ready to kill myself, I cannot live with this
debilitating depression any longer. Its ruining my life. I am in the middle of
my first series of ECT, and I noticed a slight improvement (I hope my mood will
get even better.) |
|
| kaylee -
kaylee@primenet.com |
| Comments - I had only found one medicine
that didn't produce horrible side affects. Then, I became allergic to that one
thing. Not just sort of allergic but with hives inside my mouth, ears, and
eyes. I stopped taking it and we tried others, again. With the same horrible
ugly side affects. Complete loss of balance, splitting head aches, or the
feeling of thousands of bugs crawling all over me. Of course I could not sleep
and I was awake for seven weeks when we decided on Ect.s At that time, I could
no longer eat, and I was a walking skelliton. I was not able to understand what
people were saying to me. It sounded like a foreign language! I was almost dead
really. My kidneys were shutting down, and other organs were doing the same.
Infact, I wished I was dead!! So it was wait to die slowly in ahorrible way, or
try ect. I had nothing to lose, did I? So we did it. A sereese of ten. They
wiped out my short term memory, and all that, but after I finished them, I
found a medicine I could take with success. Now if I get allergic to this one,
I'm in DEEP!!! but so far, I'm ok with it. It took me a long time to regain my
memory and feel like my old self, but it did come back. Yes, I still so fight
depression, but I'm much better than I was before the ects. A person wouldn't
do this treatment unless they'd come to the end of their rope! and I had. You
don't feel the shock since you're asleep then. You do wake up with a horrible
head ache but I had that anyway beforehand. I was in a mental health hospital
and so I could go to groups and be strange, and I WAS! for a while.
"What's this?" "It's a fork." What's it for?"
"You eat with it." "how?" and so on, and so on. But once
someone told me, I'd remember it. And my best friend reminded me of all the
computer stuff I'd forgotten. She'd say, "It's in there, you just can't
find it right now!" If I became that ill again, I'd do the ect's again.
They didn't ruin my life at all. Actually they wiped out a bunch or rubbish I
didn't need to remember anyway. I know it's drastic, but for me it was the only
thing to try. If I hadn't done it' I'd be dead now I'm sure. And it woum PPP
Pbeen a horrible way to die!! My doctor was honest with me, about all of it,
before we started. Some people don't get better after ects. It's not an easy
road ahead of you, after you've had the treatment. But who has an easy road
anyway, if they are living with depression? I remember someone saying,
"I've never seen you when you didn't laugh and joke around! You must be
REALLY BAD!!!" and I was as bad as I ever want to get! I'm glad I decided
to try the ects. I wish I knew some more people who have done it. |
|
| dano - dan66@msn.com |
| Comments - suffer from depression had
ect lost a lot of my memory . now iam pissed |
|
| Tammy -
drakeandtammy@msn.com
|
| Comments - Before I start, I am not a
surviver but rather a person who is researching this procedure for the benefit
of my father. So far after what I have read I am not convinced that this is
even a humane procedure. My father is currently at a pschychiatric facility and
was sent there for behavioral problems ( Mainly because of sexual comments that
he has made to the staff of a nursing facility ) My father is 52 yrs old and
YES HE IS DEPRESSED. However, who wouldn't be considering his circumstances. He
had a cranial anerysm at the age of 41, shortly divorced thereafter. Since
then, he has had several strokes, a closed head injury ( due to a motor vehicle
accident ) and now has seizure episodes. This facility that he is now in has
suggested ECT. After consideration and research of this procedure I have
decided that it is NOT in my fahers best interest and could possibly prove
fatal. This facility is now harrassing me to reconsider my decision. My father
is not aggressive nor uncontrolable. He is just depressed and has lost hope for
his life. I do not understand how a proceedure which has been proven time and
time again to cause severe brain damage to be a legal practice in this world of
supposed "intelegent" human beings. I feel for all of you who had had
to endure such a barbaric experience. Please don't ever condsider this as an
option for yourself or a loved one. I would like to extend a HUGE THANK YOU to
those who have made this information available to the public rather than having
to rely on the advise of these serial killers, AKA : Psychiatrists |
|
| laura - seamore@penn.com |
| Comments - I don't know where to begin.
Several years ago I was suffering from migraine headaches. I had several
surgeries and was on many medications. The first surgery worked for about a
month and the second one did nothing. I was on all kinds of pain meds and
anti-depressants. I was slipping into a deep depression. I was addicted to pain
killers. I was finally admitted to a hospital to be detoxed. It was while I was
there that my mother had a hearattack and died a week later. This led to a long
road of being in and out psy hospitals. More antdepressants. Nothing worked. I
finally tried ECT. I was amazed at how good I felt. I had short term memory
loss. I would say that I felt good for about a year. The depression came back
and I was back to square one. All I wanted to do was die. I tried to over dose
several times and some other stuff too. I didn't get any more ECT. The
therapist I had refused to see me again because she said she couldn't help me.
What a blow. It worked out for the best. I found a therapist that worked with
me and actually took the time to help me. We worked together for 2 years. The
breaking point for me was whenever I was going to be commited to a State
Hospital. I stood to lose everthing and the biggest being my then 4 year old
daughter. It was then I decided to take charge of my life. I was being held in
the hospital against my will. I had time to think. I went off of all my meds
and what do you think happened? I was able to think clearly for the first time
in years. (I don't recomend this to anyone, everyone is different.) When it
came time for the hearing I went in there and spoke. I said I had a clear mind
and thought that I deserved a chance to live life on the outside without being
drugged up. I won that hearing. The doctor wasn't happy. When I walked out
those doors I swore that I would never step foot back in that hospital. It has
been 6 years and I haven't been back. Know I'm not saying that things have been
easy since then because it hasn't.. I have to work hard every day to keep from
being that way ever again. I never want to feel that way again. A few years ago
I started slipping back and I got really scared, so I am on A Anti-Depressant
called Wellbutrin. It has been a long hard road for me. I am happy with life
and enjoy living life to the fullest know. I would have never said that 6 years
ago. I left out a lot of the details because it would take way to long to tell.
I do suffer from some memory problems, but nothing major. In my opinion if I
was able to pull myself out of such a severe depression that anyone can. You
have to set your mind to it. it isn't easy. I had one of the best therapist. I
called her alot. She was always there for me. She didn't feel sorry for me, she
told me like it was. A person depressed does not need sympathy they need
empathy. Sympathy only makes you feel worse. Today, I have a wonderful husband
and daughter. My daughter was just 10. My husband and I have a 16 year wedding
anniversay coming up next month. I look back on the years and I lost out on
some precious memories of my daughter. No one can make you happy. You have to
do that for your self. It has to come from within yourself. There is hope
folks. Don't ever give up. I was at rock bottom and came back up. Believe in
yourself and never say I can't do it. |
|
| worn_out -
worn_out@my-deja.com |
| Comments - E C T -------------Just say
NO! Prior to starting my 35 or so ECT sessions, I participated in various
forums (most of which was negative in regards to ECT) trying to determine if
ECT procedures would help me. I finally decided that the other people involved
in the ECT forums were just too negative in regards to ECT. I thought they were
just nuts. (There are plenty of nuts on the internet!) I decided that I didn't
have anything to lose (how wrong I was!). NO matter how bad things ARE, they
CAN get WORSE! This year I have had about 35 ECT procedures, the last 12 were
bi-lateral. I am experiencing SEVERE memory loss and difficulty thinking. The
memory loss covers a very long period of time, not just recent memory, as I was
told. It seems that storage locations which store memories reside in no
adjacent areas. Therefore, affected parts of the physical brain may store many
parts of many different memories. Many times I will recall having memories when
someone else tells me so, then I usually forget it again. It is maddening! I
feel that the medical community has lied to the government and public regarding
ECTs! I am considering litigation against my doctor and the hospital where the
procedures were performed. Good Luck! |
|
| Azel Beckner -
gophomaxx@yahoo.com |
| Comments - I wass taking Psychology in
1963. I learned then that Electro-Convulsive Treatment was an outmoded and
potentially harmful treatment. It produces random damage to the nerves. It has
been replaced by more humane and effective treatments. Lobodomies are no longer
performed in civilized and modern society. |
|
| Julaine - JGcgull@aol.com |
| Comments - I SURVIVED ECTS--THERE IS
HOPE! :) Hi. I am a survivor of about 40 ECTs. ECTs can be helpful to some
people but are not a CURE for severe depression, anxiety, PTSD or other major
mental disorders. They are emergency measures that sometimes taken to prevent a
suicide or given to those who have not responded to treatment, or even
sometimes administered during the first semester of pregnancy when some
medications are harmful to the fetus. In my case, I had(have) very very severe
chemical depression and anxiety---no trauma issues or abuse, but probably just
a double dose of inherited vulnerablity to this mental agony. I had such
extreme anxiety that I paced the floor, sobbing to die 24 hours a day, 7 days a
week. I could not eat and had to be fed and heavily sedated intravenously. I
felt as though someone were injecting me with tons of poisonous adrenaline and
would not wish this on the worst criminal. Because the oral medications had not
worked enough to give me any quality of life to remain alive, my only option
was ECTs. I had observed some clients in the hospital where I was an inpatient,
improving with ECTs. My doctors were honest and explained ECTs to me as an
option but not as something that I was forced to do. At that time I was so
sick, that my situation was really not unlike that of a terminal cancer
patient, who has one option left to try. ECTs for me were not scarey compared
to the 24 hour horror that I was enduring with unrelenting anxiety and
depression. There was no pain from them other than a mild headaches. I had no
memory difficulties from the first set, but I DID have memory loss and
confusion from later ones performed. My family was prepared for memory loss but
it was still quite tramatic. I would confuse reality sometimes with unreality,
or confuse ends of thoughts with beginnings. The ECTs however, were my only
recourse at the TIME--that is, they gave me just enough relief (NOT A CURE)
from such severe anxiety and depression that my doctors had more time to search
for a more permanent recourse--medication. I was fortunate enough to
recover..with the proper medication--nardil, an MAO inhibitor type of
antidepressant utilized for treatment resistant kinds of depression and severe
anxiety. And, contrary to ominous details printed about this medication, it has
given me a recovered and wonderful life, without major disruptions in my diet
and activities. I DO, however, watch other medications very closely, do not
drink and require consultations before surgery or medical procedures utilzing
anesthetics. I am living now, however, intead of existing in misery. Depression
and anxiety are very very complicated things. There are more things we do NOT
know about our brains that we DO. We have just discovered a minute number of
things that influence our mental health. These include both chemicals,
environment, hereditary factors, trauma, abuse, etc. There are many of us who
have issues of only chemical depression and anxiety. There are others however,
who have the added component of abuse or trauma. These incidents can cause not
only psychological damage but genuine neurological changes which CAN produce
anxiety, depression, PTSD, eating disorders, even self mutilation and
personlity disorders. Even these have NEUROLGICAL components, as well as the
psycholgical. People can struggle with one or both. Those who have both, have a
harder battle. There are medications for the chemical imballances--even this
can take a long time--finding one or a combination of medicinethat helps. But
for those who dealing with trauma issues it is more complicated than just
finding medications. Dealing with the trauma (which can be frightening),
understanding exactly how the trauma can change our bodies neurologically AND
psychologically sometimes is like learning a foreign language. We must find
professionals who are not only competent in both psychology (therapy) but also
in psychiatry and/or work together to educate us and treat us. We need to
realize how how our chemicals influence our person (our psyche) and vice versa.
In cases such as this, if psychological is involved, it must be treated as a
core problem in addition to our medications. This is NOT an easy process and
alot of mental health consumers are not given a full picture. They are left
wondering why medication or therapy ALONE does not help them. Yes, there are
some of us who simply have seem to have the chemical imballances. But there are
others who must battle more. No matter who we are, we share simliar battles.
ECTS may NOT be the most efficient answer to those who suffer from PTSD, severe
anxiety, depression, or other mental disorders produced by trauma--even with
neurological involved components. It is ocasionally utilized, however, used as
a stopgap measure. ECTs do not get to the cores of various mental ilnesses.
They sometimes provide enough relief to give more time to search for more a
more permanent recovery (not cure)-only yet as of today--2000. I know there are
many people who have been coerced to undergo ECTS or have not been given a
satisfactory choice of options or explanation of possible side effects.
Indeed,those individuals have been wronged. Their complaints and hurts need to
be addressed. There also needs to be better explanations of just WHO ECTS can
help or WHAT MENTAL DISTRESS might or might not benefit from ECTS. National
Mental Health Organizations are currently trying to help improve this
situation. There ARE people, however, whose only alternative for life is ECTS.
Yes, they are not without risk and have some side effects but they HAVE saved
many lives, mine in particular. ECTS were not my CURE or permanent answer for
my recovery..they just bought me time needed to help me find some recovery.
Today, I am a graduate student in licensed counselin. I also founded a Florida
Chapter Support Group of the National Depressive Manic Depressive Association,
am a member and volunteer of the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill, and
have been a staff member of a Florida Chapter of the National Mental Health
Association. I am an enthusiastic, fiesty and active mental illness activist,
and work directly with clients. I am no better than any other client struggling
with mental health issues and treat my clients with utmost respect and care. I
did not recieve the majority of my knowledge about mental illness from classes
or books. I have walked the walk. Yes, ECTS helped buy time that saved my life.
Certainly this is NOT the case with everyone. But in some instances, ECTs
properly used, DO save lives. I have educated resources readily available for
anyone seeking information and/or pro's and con's regarding ECTS. Relating and
sharing my story is also something I never tire of doing. I love learning from
others and trade support ideas, med updates, and about everything concerned
with depression, anxiety or other mental health issues. PLease..... feel free
to contact me, ask more questions or bring up other issues. Your Friend,
Julaine from Denver, Co JGcgull@aol.com PS-I also have an ICQ name and yahoo
address if anyone would prefer those. |
|
| Rusty - Rebrusty@aol.com |
| Comments - I had 32 ECTs done over a 6
month period. Some were done every other day and some were outpatient I was
very suicidal at the time, so I guess the ECTs helped. The thing that I didn't
realize was the toll my memory paid. I've lost a lot of short term memory as
well as long term. There are whole blocks of my life that are missing. The Dr.
that did all the ECTs has passed away. I now have a new younger Dr. He seems
more in tune with todays meds and treatments. The problem is that I also suffer
from schizophrenia and that doesn't help the depression. My new Dr. has brought
up having a new round of ECTs, although not as many as before. I think I'll
wait until I feel as though I am a danger to myself. |
|
| Tami Hozza -
CTHOZZA@email.msn.com
|
| Comments - Hi. My name is TAmi. I am 26-
years - old. I have been battling with depression since I was 15. I have tried
to commit suicide 6 times. Each time I failed. I have been on 30 or more
antidepressants. I recently finshed my 30 ECT. I still am not sure how it is
effecting me, but I don't feel any better. I am also on Celexa, Remeron, and
Ambien. I take all of these pills daily, plus twice every two weeks I have an
ECT. The first 6 ECTs I had made me Euphoric. Now I am back to my sad self
again. Nothing I do helps my depression. I even go to the Cathedral and pray. I
just am not happy. If anyone has some pick me ups, let me know. Thanks.
|
|
| Zo Newell -
zonewell@juno.com |
| Comments - When I was 14, I was sexually
abused by a man I trusted, the father of a kid I was babysitting. I didn't
tell, but later on I got really depressed and suicidal. My mother shopped
around until she found a psychiatrist who would commit me (the first few
suspected something was wrong in the family and wanted to do counseling, but
she refused.) At 15, I was diagnosed as schizophrenic, with a very very poor
prognosis for recovery, but I just MIGHT get better if I was hospitalized and
given shock treatments. I have permanent amnesia for a lot of this period, but
I was hospitalized for 6 months at Stony Lodge in Ossining, N.Y., under the
care of a Dr. Bright, and I received in combination OVER 100 insulin shock and
electric shocks in that time. The hospital will not confirm this; they say my
records have been shredded. All they say they can confirm is my diagnosis and
length of stay. This was 35 years ago but I am still traumatized by the
treatment I received and I have never entirely recovered my memory. I have,
however, earned a master's degree from Harvard Divinity School, and I now work
as a chaplain in a hospital setting. I have years of experience as a mental
health worker, and I have only run across two people who received the number of
treatments I did. They are both permanently impaired, "career" mental
patients who can no longer function without a case manager. Both of these
people got all those shocks, as I did, as teenagers in the 1960's. I now
realize that I am incredibly strong to have survived what I did and I want to
do anything I can to stop this practice. I also would like to hear from other
people who had insulin shock, which I gather has been pretty well discontinued.
|
|
| Lynn Belfield -
lynnfromselah@webtv.net
|
| Comments - I have just sent my story via
e-mail to Juli@ect.org.she or someone else can gladly add it to the rest of
your stories.i would also like feedback my appt is getting close. Thank You
Lynn My e-mail lynnfromselah@webtv.net |
|
| Megan - mamamegan5@aol.com |
| Comments - I have been diagnosed as
bipolar. When I was 30, I had been diagnosed with major depression and was
medication resistant. I had 20 ECT treatments over a 6 month period with
positive results. I was suicidal and not functional for about 6 weeks in the
hospital before the treatment and anything compared to that would be considered
successful. That was been 8 years ago. I suffered severe headaches and
permanent memory loss. The headaches go away, but the memory loss is more
severe. The memories of the year of my severe depression are completely gone,
but as my mother says, "So what? Did you really want to remember that
anyway?" The painful ongoing side effect of the treatment is this though.
I have three children and many of the memories of their childhoods are lost.
There is no pattern to the memory loss. I don't even realize that I've
forgotten something until my family starts reminiscing about something I have
no memory of . . . then the loss hits all over again. I also have trouble
remembering simple words since the ECT. I frequently stop mid-sentence
struggling for a word as simple as "breakast" But, I will end this
story as I started it. The memory loss and brain dysfunction are sad, even
painful sometimes, but I would not be alive today if I had not had them. My
psychiatrist did not take my memories, my disease did. |
|
| Megan - mamamegan5@aol.com |
| Comments - I just have one more comment.
As I read other ECT survivor stories, I noticed something. Whether or not each
of us consider our treatment "worth it" or not, almost all of us say,
we were not told that our memory loss would be more than just "temporary
short-term memory loss." As I read these stories and read between the
lines, I think we ALL have lost more memory than just this temporary short-term
memory loss. I think we all need to band together and advocate to the medical
community to be honest with patients about all the memory loss probabilities. I
would have suffered so much less stress and anger if I had been honestly told
of the extent of memory loss before the treatment, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, if in
the months following my treatment, my doctor would have confirmed that this
memory loss was a part of the treatment instead of making me think it was just
one more crazy thing my mind was doing to me. |
|
| Hector - HYContry@aol.com |
| Comments - I am 60 and still suffer from
seasonal depression. I received 8 treatments back in the late 60's when ECT was
not as refined as it is now. Although it "saved" me from a very deep
depression at the time, I was not aware of the possible side effects. I have
suffered from chronic, continious headaches since. I wake up with a headache
every morning. I take 9 to 12 tylenols a day, and have to resort to prescribed
pain killers when those don't work. More disturbing, though, is that I have
lost pieces of my memory, from ages 2 thru 4, and other periods of my life,
memories, names of friends, etc. And I didn't realize it had something to do
with ECT until recently. I have also noticed that my emotions are very flat. I
do not feel love for people I should, like siblings, and do not have normal
highs and lows according to the situations at hand. It was very scary, before I
found out that the cause of these problems are most probably residual effects
of ECT. I must say that if I had to do it over again, I'd probably choose ECT
again, as I never want to be in the dark pit of depression I was in the past.
But, I wish I was given more facts about side effects when I was given the
treatments. In the latter part of my life I have found that prayer is a very
effective tool against depression. And occupying oneself to helping others give
us the self-esteem and feeling of self-worth so lacking when one is deeply
depressed. Never give up! And God Bless you all! |
|
| Trudy -
tslaght@telusplanet.net
|
| Comments - I became depressed sometime
around the age of 14. I was scared and didn't know what to do so I hid it from
everyone. At times I was so suicidal I would hold myself in one place because I
knew if I moved I would do something to hurt myself. I never talked to anyone
professeion until the age of seventeen when my female guardian insisted that I
get help after listeniing to me wail from downstairs night after night. I had
meanwhile been abused and it just made the depression all the more harder to
deal with. I was at the bottom of the barrel. I went into a teen group for
three years, until I started developing more complicated problems. At the age
of 19 I was already married and now being referred to a psychiatrist. This was
when my experiences with meds. really began, or should I say when I learned
just how much they don't always work. My depression continued, I attempted
suicide a few times (today I am very glad to be alive) and then I found out I
was pregnant. What should have been a happy time became a time of wondering if
the drugs would damage my baby and worrying about how I would fare after my
baby was born. At 21 I gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby girl. And for two
months things were mostly ok. Then I got hit by post-partum depression. This is
when my psychiatrist decided to give me my first course of ECT treatments. She
chose bilateral, which is the usual, but 11 treatments later, even though I was
feeling better, I had horrible memory loss. But I went home, hoping things
would be better. Well a month or two later I was in hospital for ECT again.
This time my psychiatrist did unilateral, and that helped alot with decreasing
the memory loss although I still had a little. I went home again, but yet
again, I ended up back in hospital for ECT. I just wouldn't respond to drugs,
and I would get seriously suicidal. One more round of ECT treatments and they
decided to call it enough. I was in awful shape. I remembered important things
like birthdays, my wedding and the birth of my daughter. But about a book I'd
read or a movie I'd seen. I'd deny ever having read or seen it. It was very
scary. Over time they have eventually found some meds that help me most of the
time. It's taken seven different meds though that I must take every day. I
enjoy my life now, and although they say you regain your lost memories, I never
did. Instead I regained some childhood memories I had never had before. I don't
regret having ECT, it probably saved my life...But will I ever have it again? I
don't know I guess I'll have to cross that bridge when I come to it.
|
|
| kaylee -
kaylee@primenet.com |
| Comments - My name is Kaylee. I have
allready written my story, but I want to read the new ones. Cah't get in there!
So, I'll just say, that I had the choice of dying, or trying ect. The med that
worked on me was no longer an option. I had developed a severe reaction to
eleville. Hives all over! Inside my mouth, ears.... I mean everywhere! and my
heart was going nuts. I could no longer eat or answer questions. My Dr. and I
had discussed the possibility that if we met a dead end with meds, ect was an
open option. I chose to take that wroute. It could not make things much worse
for me anyway. I allready had horrible headaches, the depression was a living
hell! So I wanted to try the ect treatments. I was aware of the side affects.
Memory loss, head aches. Maybe I'd get relief, maybe not. There was a chance
that I could find a medication that I could use, after the treatments. You
don't remember the actual treatments! You're asleep. I do remember the
confusion, fuzzy memory, or should I say, emty? But I relearned things. It was
not a rose garden! by any means. Still, it gave me a new chance. I did find a
med I could use, that worked! No one made me do it. I wanted to. If I ever get
in that same situation again, I'd take the chance again. If it doesn't help,
I'll just die a slow horrible death. I know it worked the first time. I know
where I was before I had them. I was not me anymore. I was breathing, but
that's about it. The mental pain was too gross for words. I did not have a life
any more. So I understand everyone doesn't have that same story. I did not have
any garrontee it would help. I'd say, no one should try this treatment unless
there's nothing left to try. That's where I was when I tried it. I hope and
pray I never get to that point again! I truly wish there was some treatment
that made depression go away. That would be the best thing! but it's not here
yet as far as I know. I am worried that the med I do have now, will stop
working. That's quite possible as you all progbably know. The older ones seem
to work on me, not the new ones. That's kind of sad. My memory could be better,
but it was that way before the treatments too. I've relearned the things I want
to know, computer for example. I can live without all the complicated music
theory from college. I guess it's in there somewhere! Grin. I can remember lots
of things in great detail! and that pleases me alot! I remembered who I am.
That's the most important thing. It took a while, but it did come back to me.
Yours truly, Kaylee |
|
| Bob R Hodges -
bobrhodges@aol.com |
| Comments - I have received over 100 ECT
Treatments and am still going strong. I go in for another treatment in the
morning. I recomend them as effective way to treat mental depression.
|
|
| Emily -
anisocoria@hotmail.com
|
| Comments - Does anyone know where I can
get a copy of Douglas Cameron's book, "How to Survive Being Committed to a
Mental Hospital," (Vantage Press, 1980)? His article on ect on this web
site was a real eye-opener for me. I've never had ect, but since a diagnosis of
bipolar disorder four years ago, I've experienced assorted psychiatric care,
some of which I am convinced did more harm than good (while enriching my
caregivers, of course). Mr. Cameron's letter in the July, 1981 issue of The
American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, "A Patient's Perspective on
Involuntary Treatment," contains the most intelligent and logical thinking
I've encountered in psychiatry. I'm eager to read his book, if I can find it.
Please email me if you know where it is avaiable. |
|
| annbell -
yl475@columbia.edu |
| Comments - do anyone here with ECT
treatment experience some abnormal status with hair growth? I am desperate with
this phenomenon. Just want to see if this is typical of one side effect of ect
besides my loss of memory and impairment of intelligence. MY HAIR GROWS SOOO
SLOWLY! exterememly slow compared to others and compared to my ex-self. I am a
gilr who love beauty too! And I dreamed of a long hair since after 3 years ago
when I was given ECT. It destroyed my memory, sharpness, as well as my hair! I
become more and more desperate about any hope for full recovery and
improvement. can any of you tell me your situation? thanks! |
|
| Lee - Wait345@aol.com |
| Comments - I just finished by second
bilateral ect treatment this morning. The doc wanted me to continue taking all
the meds at their present dosage during the ect. Is this usual? I'm on 1000mg
Depakote, 1600mg Neurontin, 600mg Lithium, and 20mg Parnate. Since I've been on
Parnate, I haven't had an appetite and haven't eaten in 50 days. |
|
| Roxanne - Lmebony@aol.com |
| Comments - Hello. I am a 46-year-old
Black American female. I have suffered from depression since my childhood. In
the past 15-20 years I have been on NUMEROUS medications, so many that I
couldn't begin to list them all. I now have a psychiatrist who says that ECT
has helped many patients who are not amenable to medication treatment. He gave
me a tape, and all three people seemed to have gotten better after their
treatments. I asked him if it would be possible to speak with a few of the many
(he says) patients who have had success with this treatment. Being a medical
transcriptionist myself, I knew he would probably bring up the breech of
confidentially statement. This has been the first negative information I have
received about ECT. I am just trying to strive for better mental health, but
now am not sure if this is the answer. |
|
| Roxanne - Lmebony@aol.com |
| Comments - Hello. I just shared my story
with you all but wanted to let you know that I also am starting a Group on the
Internet called Hopefull Help For Mental Ilness. Please visit us at:
http://groups.aol.com/mentalcopers/ |
|
| Chaia - Chaia1818@cs.com |
| Comments - After trying a number of
medications for what the doctor described as bi-polar, I resorted to another
doctor's advice for ECT. My insurance agreed to pay for six and was scheduled.
One doctor administered four of them. I wasn't feeling great of course. I
totally forgrot everything. But it wasn't so bad. When I was scheduled for the
fifth my orginal doctor was on vacation and another one gave it to me. I
immediately felt that somethng was different. The pain on the side of my
temples was unbearable. Right after that I noticed that somethng was terribly
wrong. My depression worswoned and kept worsoning every day. The original
doctor that told me to take the ECT said I should finish with the treatment.
But I am too scared. I was never so depressed in my life and I don't know what
to do. Maybe one of you has some advice. Thanks, Chaia |
|
| susanrhemlepp -
susanrhemlepp@aol.com
|
| Comments - Hi! I have a son 23, who is
severely depressed, suffers from severe bipolar disorder, with chronic anxiety,
paranoia, psychosis, and panic attacks. He is on many meds but still not
controlled. But he has more mania with chronic depression underlying. However,
my best friend, has fought depression for half of her life, has been on
multiple meds, and is now diagnosed with bipolar disorder, with chronic
depression. She has had to take disability at work(she's also an RN), and has
qualified for SSD. She is considering ECT, and I felt it my duty to try and
research it for her. Thanks for letting me use your site. Maybe some of you
have some ideas about my son. Thanks, Susan from ky |
|
| Penelope -
dancr1000@aol.com |
| Comments - I was about 45 when I had a
series of 6 ect treatments. I had been severely depresses and self destructive,
One week after the ect I had to fly to Europe to try out some horses. It was
dangerous that I went. I was advised not to, but I was such a space head at
that time, I insisted on going. It was a very bad trip. I still have severe
memory problems which has effected the quality of my life. I also have some
learning problems that I do not understand. |
|
| Liz - dansr1000@aol.com |
| Comments - I have had a long time
struggle with depression and self injury. It was my leaning to self - injury
that had me agree to ECT......this would be condoned destruction...and they
would do it for me! Well, they did.....and part of who I was is lost forever. I
have scars from the injuries I caused to myself, but none of that compares to
the loss of use of part of my brain. Their disclaimers that there would be some
memory loss came nowhere close to describing what the reality would be.
|
|
| Stefano Marchesi -
grpvecto@erols.com |
| Comments - PLEASE HELP My wife was a
healthy 48year old highly intelegent trial attorney - graduated from three
University top of her class - she was a CPA and a corporate accountant for one
of the major US corporations - She was getting depressed because of events
taking place in the US Dept of Justice - she consulted with a local
psychologist in the DC area and was recomended to have an ECT done since
medication does not work. one or two were recomended and the neurologist at a
local hospital got carried away and administered more then 25 - we were
complaining that the memory was getting worse everyday and the doctor kept
administering saying it will get better - end result she totaly lost her
memory, has not worked since and can not function. I had to stop working and
take care of my wife - we hardly live on Social Security. I would like to go
after the Doctor and Hospital - please furnish me with any list of experts,
organizations that are against ECT and how I can stop this Hospital in Northern
Virginia that specializes in ECT - can demostrations be aranged? Please help me
- I owe it to my wife and other ECT victims - I feel guilty because I went
along with the doctor and did not stop the sessions from the second day. PLEASE
HELP ME grpvecto@erols.com Thank you and God bless |
|
| Stefano -
grpvecto@erols.com |
| Comments - Please E-mail me any negative
stories or names of Doctors who are against ECT. If you know were to find
additional statistics on ECT. Put out this notice on bulletin boards, with your
help - united we can fight this. You do not need to reveal your name if you do
not want to. I need as much info as possible to fight this Barbaric procedure
on Capitol Hill. Thank you and God bless. |
|
| Cara Garcia -
garciaj@musc.edu |
| Comments - Thanks for your concern! I
haven't tried your goggles or fish oil yet but I have definetly tried all your
hugs and ALL your drugs. I have yet to be empowered or remotely healed. Dr.
Kellner is my doctor and I believe that HE believes that for some this is our
last hope. I went to him suicidal and I do feel better, with 3 treatments and
minimal memory loss. It may not last forever but I'm still alive. I'm ok with
that. (I don't suppose you are). Anyway, I'll go back to a very good doctor and
you go back to trying to save all of us misinformed, mentally ill, don't know
any better, just need some therapy to feel good about ourselves and our parents
patients and I'll get better and you'll all be reading this shit next
year. |
|
| John - stonefan1@uswest.net |
| Comments - Hi,I am a 53 year old male.A
survivor of over 100 ect's at age 16 and 17.I know in some instances people
have been helped.My story is a bit different though.I came from an abusive
family.Mother and father.It was recommended I be removed from the home.Instead
my mother put me in the hands of a shock doc who she still reveres to this
day.I was put in a hospital in Colorado Springs back in 1964.Shocked three
times a week for almost a year.Treated as a sub human.Memory totally gone prior
to age 17.Totally.A hostile environment much like Jack Nicholsons Cuckoos
Nest.They shock you into submission.Break your spirit.Become compliant and
maybe they wont hurt me any more.The most humiliating and degrading experience
of my life.You forget everything.Or at least I did.Grandparents,friends,first
love.all the things I had learned in school to that point.I watched other
people who spoke up get shocked and put in seclusion.so you learn to shut up
and take it.Given large doses of thorazine like drug.Biggest lasting side
effect was enlarged prostate at age 20.still enlarged today.Watched this man
shock retarded woman.Therapy of choice for most any ailment,at least for
him.Gay males won release from this torture only after developing a sudden
interest in women.And yes,lots of rich folks there.My parents were not rich but
United states Air Force retired.This doctor (Richard Conde)still practicing,a
former army Colonel,knew how to use the system to get the military to pay for
alot of this.There were many other military kids like me there.I have survived
though.Grace of God I guess.I know of some who did not,whose minds were
destroyed by this man and hospital.My nightmares are not as intense.But no less
frequent.I have survived.Nothing special,just survived.My short term memory is
impaired.I cannot concentrate to read.for me this was a personal
holocaust.Or,much like a rape victim.Being violated against my will,over and
over again.I can never forgive my mother for doing this to me.Since my time
there one of the patients who was shocked even more than me filed numerous
suits against this hospital.Won a large settlement and also release of many who
were incarcerated against their will.Hospital was eventually forced to sell and
move there archaic systems,lock stock,and barrel.The staff of MD's had to go
out and get real jobs.However they still practice in Colorado Springs.A small
personal victory to see that place shut down.I could write a book but I
wont.Thanks for reading this story. |
|
| Joseph Romero -
kc5mip@yahoo.com |
| Comments - I `am PTSD Nam VET with
problem of self injury&ect. I do a form of E C T on my frontal lobe useing
a tens unit. I do this when I`am stress and it relive me from my pain. The
mental pain goes away. |
|
| Sue - sawahl@clam.com |
| Comments - I noticed I put my story here
twice, and this makes a third time. I don't remember posting the first time,
but I recognized the writing! In a another 3 months, I'll be reminded that I
had shock 3 years ago. Not a day goes by without thinking about it. Since that
ECT admission I have noticed some things, besides the last fact. I have only
been admitted on the psych unit twice since, an improvement. I can definitely
attribute that to realizing that inpatient hospitalizations never helped me
much--at best they were brief stays away from a frustrating life outside. I
learned that it was humiliating to be forced to strip for these admissions, and
most psych units do not give psych pts physical exams. I try to obtain a copy
of the hospital record shortly after discharge, and that is always a struggle.
I think the worst thing that has happened, overall, is that my self-esteem is
extremely poor. There is nothing worse than a relative (and I have many)
wanting to know if I am working. They all must think I sit on my fat butt all
day long, eating chocolate bon-bons, reading or watcing T.V. My father's friend
was witness to a recent badgering I received from one of my aunts and was
shocked by what she heard. I have attended to many wedding showers, weddings,
baby showers for my 30+ first cousins, but have never dated in my life, so of
course, I have never been blessed by such happiness. It's not that I don't want
to date, it's just that my self-esteem, after so many years of humiliation and
of course, shock treatments, has hit rock bottom. I am trying hard to feel like
a normal human being, easier said than done. I have many physical problems and
suffer chronic pain, from being injured many times througout my life. The pain
is excruciating, and it has worsened tremendously since the ECT. The last
psychiatrist who treated me as an outpatient completely ignored the assault I
suffered leading to an almost fatal overdose and consequent hospitalization
after discharge from the ICU--and the psychiatrist who had been assigned to me
during that admission didn't even bother to see me. She labeled me and wrote a
discharge summary without ever seeing me. She laughed with the
"girls" at the desk when she saw my name. Yet she never bothered to
see me. I have wised up since, preparing an advance mental health directive,
specifically stating that I do not want to be treated by her ever again, and
also to make it clear that I do not want ECT. But a person like me, with such a
poor self-image, is game for more ignorance. Reading the articles here, about
people receiving ECT involuntarily, makes me wonder how many, many people,
especially the elderly, are receiving ECT because it's such a great money-maker
and it's a well known fact and truth that geriatric patients cannot fend for
themselves. I wish I were an angel, and can see how many ECT procedures are
performed in the U.S.--I'm sure it is well over the APA guesttimate of 110,000
annually. If it was really over 500,000 annually, I could believe that. And if
one out of 50 people are dying as a consequence of their ECT treatments, that
figure would not surprise me either. But nobody knows, and I just wish the APA
could wise up and admit that it doesn't know, and that it doesn't care. I would
not be surprised that husbands are still forcing their wives into submission,
getting them "shocked," to make them more cooperative. I guess it
goes the other way, having seen what cruely have been inflicted on my older
brothers by past and present spouses. And with all the literature about how
safe ECT is during pregnancy, a angry husband could certainly make hell for an
expectant wife and unborn child. Back to the aunt who put me down for being a
volunteer for a bone and joint organization, I thought it would be a mistake to
tell her why I am not able to work and the purpose of volunteering. Who cares
that I am in constant pain, am taking very strong medication so that at least I
can function, and am trying to see how well and long I can "work",
besides my treating psychologist, orthopedist and rheumatologist. I feel like
I'm glowing, being able to do what I can now and took a tremendous amount of
courage to do so. But the last psychiatrist didn't think that way--it was
easier for him to bully than to look at his notes about facts I've said over
and over again about my physical health. As far as he is concerned, I am not a
productive taxpayer. I keep in touch with my counselor at DVR, who is aware of
my physical problems and wants me to try to find work where I can stay at home.
All I can say is that I did what I was told to do, almost 3 years ago, and had
the "safe" and "effective" ECT, and found myself back in
the E.R. a week later. And that fact I was unaware of until I was interviewed
for an article on ECT a year and a half later, when I started organizing my
notes. I lost two years of memory and the former psychiatrist said I didn't.
Maybe the best thing to come out of ECT is making a good friend in the Midwest
who had suffered severe brain damage after ECT, who taught me about Marilyn
Rice's legacy, and is a great lady with a great sense of humor. She helps me
remember how much better life is treating me, despite the cognitive deficits
following ECT. I keep researching and writing about ECT, and I learned a lot
about psychiatric cover-ups. I hope to write a book about ECT, warning people
that it isn't what the textbooks say about it. Above all, I am learning that
the FDA is getting fed up with the letters I keep writing to it, requesting
information, so now I am getting to know the legislative end of ECT. I am still
a consumer of mental health services, surprisingly, because I did meet a few
very good, very intelligent and open-minded professionals, which is miraculous.
We all learn from our mistakes--I've learned to stop bemoaning the mistake I
made when I was duped into believing ECT is safe and beneficial (for a lucky
few), and proudly move on with my life. As for my ignorant, high-horse riding
relatives, I'll stay away from them because I hate button pushers (duh, I
wonder why). |
|
| lydia - mybtrfly@pacbell |
| Comments - I have bipolar type I with
psychotic features (so I go up and down, and I hallucinate) and I have OD in
Sept on 300 pills, stopped breathing, on a vent in CICU for 4 days... been
hospitalized 6 times in 4 months, the last one just 2 weeks ago, they let me
out and I wasn't any better, it was just time for me to go, I guess... I have
been severly, suicidal depressed for 2 months and my pdoc has me on 2
antidepressants to try to boast me to an almost manic state...well it's not
working. A friend of mine is looking into ECT so I thought I would do research
as well, I don't know desperate times call for desperate measuers....i just
don't know |
|
| Neil Phillips -
nphillips@primus .com
|
| Comments - i had 6 ETC tests and the
hospital told me that it didn't do me any good at all. |
|
| Tara Mulay -
mulay@value.net |
| Comments - My mother does not remember
the day I was born. Her first memory of me is of when I was five years old.
Until I asked her if she remembered me as an infant two weeks ago, she did not
realize that she did not remember. She breastfed me and changed my diapers, and
cannot remember a moment. There are many other significant periods of her life
that she does not remember. She has been so impaired by ECT that she no longer
knows what she has lost. It would take a book to paint a portrait of my mother,
what she could have been, and what she can no longer be because of ECT.
|
|
| Stacy - sta1070@aol.com |
| Comments - Hello, I am looking for some
patients who have had ECT done, to share some of their experiences good and
bad. My brother has an appoinment set for a consult and they hope to start
right after that. He has battled depression for 12-15yrs. He has been treated
for this the whole time. He has been on a ton of diff meds nothing seems to
work. Right now he is currently taking efexor,buspar,wellbuterin and ridalyn!
The doctor at this time believes that ect would be good for him. My father
committed suicide 20yrs ago. He battled depression for many years. Back then
mental health was (embarrassing) The treatment fortunatly has come a long way.
My brother is a 36yr old man with a wife a three children. He finally wants to
take is last desperate measure to be somewhat NORMAL!!! Please if you could
share somthing with me I woild greatly appreciate it! |
|
| Stacy - sta1070@aol.com |
| Comments - Hello, I am looking for some
patients who have had ECT done, to share some of their experiences good and
bad. My brother has an appoinment set for a consult and they hope to start
right after that. He has battled depression for 12-15yrs. He has been treated
for this the whole time. He has been on a ton of diff meds nothing seems to
work. Right now he is currently taking efexor,buspar,wellbuterin and ridalyn!
The doctor at this time believes that ect would be good for him. My father
committed suicide 20yrs ago. He battled depression for many years. Back then
mental health was (embarrassing) The treatment fortunatly has come a long way.
My brother is a 36yr old man with a wife a three children. He finally wants to
take is last desperate measure to be somewhat NORMAL!!! Please if you could
share somthing with me I woild greatly appreciate it! |
|
| kathy Martin -
kmj@assuredphotos.com
|
| Comments - I had have ECT on four
different occasions. the first was back in 1976 and it worked wonders on my
depression. The other 3 eposides were from about 1990, 1993 and 1996. They did
not relieve my depression these times. I can't understand why it worked so well
back in 1976 and not at all the other times. I am actually thinking of having
it again but I really am scared of going under with the anesthesia. I have
tried every kind of medication there is any have gotten little relief from my
severe depression. Any comments appreciated. Sincerely, Kathy |
|
| john m. simmons -
jsfx8@aol.com |
| Comments - Dear Survivor, I have
recently undergone 5 ect treatments within a two week period. I have found
myself becoming very seriouly depressed after the fourth and fifth treatment.
and stoped the treatments. I find myself now in a very serrious depression and
have only the seziures to blame. Has anyone heard of this happening John M>
SImmons 212-388-2630 jsfx8@aol.com |
|
| john m. simmons -
jsfx8@aol.com |
| Comments - Dear Survivor, I have
recently undergone 5 ect treatments within a two week period. I have found
myself becoming very seriouly depressed after the fourth and fifth treatment.
and stoped the treatments. I find myself now in a very serrious depression and
have only the seziures to blame. Has anyone heard of this happening. If so,
please write me. |
|
| unknownperson -
krueus2000@yahoo.com |
| Comments - ALL MY LIFE HAS BEEN CRUMMY.
I GREW UP IN A CITY FULL OF CRIME, VIOLENCE, ABUSE, DRUGS, GANGS, ECT YOU NAME
THEM I'VE HEARD AND KNOWN ABOUT THEM. BUT ANYWAYS MY PARENTS WERE ALCOHOLICS
THEY WILL ALWAYS FIGHT, ARGUE ABOUT SH*TTY STUFF OF NO IMPORTANCE. I BASICALLY
LIVED IN MY OWN PRIVATE HELL!! I WAS SEXUALLY MOLESTED WHEN I WAS 5,11, AND
RAPE AT AGE 12. I BEEN DEPRESSED EVER SINCE MY FIRST MOLESTATION. I'M BARELY
GOIN SLOW WITH LIFE ITSELF. ITS HARD KNOWING THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO YOU. KNOW
I SUFFER FROM BIPOLAR DISEASE ALSO KNOWN AS MANIC DEPRESSION. I'VE ATTEMPTED
SUICIDE LIKE 13 OR MORE TIMES. THE LAST TIME I DID IT WAS MAY 29, 2001. I FELT
SO DEPRESS I FELT WORTHLESS BUT I HAVE OVERDOSE MYSELF WITH PROZAC ALSO KNOWN
AS THE KILLER DRUG. THIS DRUG HAS CAUSE ME TO DO SO MANY WEIRD AND
UNPREDICTABLE THINGS. I USED DRUGS TO FEEL BETTER, I WAS A THIEF, GANGBANGER,
SEX ACTIVE, AND DIDNT CARE ABOUT LIFE. MY PARENTS SAY THAT I JUST WANT
ATTENTION, BUT I DONT, ITS A CRY FOR HELP AND I'M STILL CRYING FOR HELP...I TO
WANT TO BE A SURVIVOR. I'M IN A NEED OF DESPRATE HELP...I'M ONLY GOIN TO TURN
18 SOON I WANT TO LIVE TO SEE MY 18TH BIRTHDAY ATLEAST... |
|
| Scott - Scotzmen@Aol.com |
| Comments - I had ECT 8 years ago. I had
9 treatments. It help me a great deal and experienced no side effects. WOuld do
it again if i need too. Good luck to all. |
|
| Elisha - none |
| Comments - When I was 3, my mother
divorced a man who was good to us. Then she met an abusive truck driver and
married him 6 mos. later. He raped me for 7 years, anally and vaginally. He
physically abused my mother and I without one regret. He threatened to kill us
if we left, so we didn't. He used to lock me in dark closets for hours after he
raped me and my mother never knew because I knew that even if I told her, she
wouldn't do anything about it because she was too scared to. His daughters
would try to do sexual things with me when I was a young child and I had to let
them do it or they would hurt me. My mother finally divorced him and we moved
out. I fell into such a deep depression that I began doing many types of drugs
and I drank heavily for 1 year or so. I smoked pot, I shot up, I snorted coke
and drank hard liquior. I never bathed. I never slept. I never ate. I never had
a friend. I tried to commit suicide but my friend doby talked me out of it.
Then my mother met a guy from Ohio. He talked my mother into moving to
Tennessee. When we got here, he immediately started to molest me. He was a
crazy person, I could see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice. I put up
with it for 4 years and then got the guts to turn him in. After he got put in
jail, my mother turned against me because she loves him more than me and that
really hurts. Right now, she is living with him. her parental rights are being
terminated and she doesn't care she told the state of Tennessee to keep me. But
God is helping me through all of this greif along with Celexa. I wouldn't have
the friends, family, and inspiration that I have today if it were not for Jesus
Christ My savior. May God bless you on your new journey. |
|
| Shanda - DearDel@webtv.com |
| Comments - I have suffered from
depression for 10 years now. I have tried just about every med out there and
nothing helps. Ive been hospitalized 5 times already. I dont get out of my
house much so Im looking for people who want to share their experences with me.
I am also considering ECT because I feel there isnt much left to try.
|
|
| Amber -
BlackWidow981@yahoo.com
|
| Comments - Hi, my name is Amber and I'm
22 years old. I am suffering with major depressive disorder, anxiety panic
disorder, borderline personality disorder and body dysmorphic disorder. I have
tried so many different medications for almost a year. I had to stop taking the
medications because of terrible, terrible side effects. The only medication
that I am taking now is Klonopin. I only take 1/4 of O.5 milligram. I couldn't
take more than 1/4 of 0.5 milligram because it would cause me feeling like
zombie. God, I'm really suffering. I can't think straight. I can't concentrate.
My head feels blurry. My anxiety is so bad. I can not take care of myself. It
is the most terrible feeling in the world!! I can't try a new medication
because alllll the medications that I have tried, I suffered severe side
effects, even the smallest doses of the medications. I don't understand why
this is happening to me but I'm telling you, I will not take any medications
ever again!! They all made me feel 10 times worse!!! Since that my mind and my
body can't tolerate any medications, how can I get better??? I wanted to die so
bad. My depression and anxiety panic disorder is so bad that I don't want to
live. I thought that killing myself is my only option. After struggling with my
problems, I read a story about a woman who was suffering with her depression
problem received ECT. She got better after receiving ECT treatments. My hope
started to risen. I thought, hey, if I get ECT treatments, I'll feel better. My
depression and anxiety will become less. But then I found this web site about
people's experiences with ECT. I read that some people said that ECT treatments
have damaged their minds and their lives, and etc. I was like Oh,god! What if
ECT will damage my life,and my mind, too? I don't want to deal with that. I
started to lose hope in life again. I want to die!! What can I do? Please don't
ingore me. Please help me. Please don't tell me,"Go to the mental
hospital," because I've been there and they didn't help me. Please e-mail
me at BlackWidow981@yahoo.com Amber Bivens |
|
| Debby -
hopelives@techline.com
|
| Comments - I had many ECT treatments,
about 55 total. My Doctor would not and still does not believe me that I lost a
great deal of memory. It was "informed" consent, but I had no idea
what I was getting into, I didn't understand. It has been 5 years since my last
treatment and I still have not recovered the memory. I live in WA. I need help
doing things that I should have the memory to do for myself, it makes me angry
at times. |
|
| April Crawford -
april_may_not@yahoo.com
|
| Comments - I have been suffering with
depression for a long time--since 1993. I received ECT treatment in 1995--22 in
all the last 10 were bilateral and I did have some improvment, but it didn't
last. I did OK on SSRI's for a while, but then they didn't work either. I was
waiting to become a participant in the VNS (vagal nerve stimulation) research
study and was trying to hold out on my meds until I could be accepted but it
just didn't work. I was too depressed and tried to overdose with insulin. I
received hospital treatment and had 10 Ect treatments that really for the first
time I felt normal again. Unfortunately, after 4 months things are back to the
same. I read an article about using antidepressant and anticonvulsants to
reduce relapse from ECT and I did start on Celexa and Neurontin but here I am
after nearly two months in the same old hole. I think there is no cure for me
and hope is non-existent. I just felt such energy and promise--like a new day
after those 10 treatments. Unfortunately the hospital I received those
treatments from is no longer doing ECT treatment. I hope I can get further
treatment, but it doesn't look to hopeful, and after all these years I guess
it's over anyway |
|
| April Crawford -
april_may_not@yahoo.com
|
| Comments - I have been suffering with
depression for a long time--since 1993. I received ECT treatment in 1995--22 in
all the last 10 were bilateral and I did have some improvment, but it didn't
last. I did OK on SSRI's for a while, but then they didn't work either. I was
waiting to become a participant in the VNS (vagal nerve stimulation) research
study and was trying to hold out on my meds until I could be accepted but it
just didn't work. I was too depressed and tried to overdose with insulin. I
received hospital treatment and had 10 Ect treatments that really for the first
time I felt normal again. Unfortunately, after 4 months things are back to the
same. I read an article about using antidepressant and anticonvulsants to
reduce relapse from ECT and I did start on Celexa and Neurontin but here I am
after nearly two months in the same old hole. I think there is no cure for me
and hope is non-existent. I just felt such energy and promise--like a new day
after those 10 treatments. Unfortunately the hospital I received those
treatments from is no longer doing ECT treatment. I hope I can get further
treatment, but it doesn't look to hopeful, and after all these years I guess
it's over anyway |
|
| BRENDA - DBAMES@MSN.COM |
| Comments - I HAD 15 ECT TREATMENTS
BEFORE I WOKE UP. IT IS ALFULL I CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING. IF ANYONE IS THINKING
ABOUT ECT DON'T I EVEN HAD A DOCUMENT SIGNED IF EVER I AM HOSPITALIZED AGAIN I
DO NOT WANT ECT TREATMENTS I CAN'T BELIEVE I AGREED TO THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE.
I AM STILL DEPRESSED AND NOT NO MEMORY |
|
| BRENDA - DBAMES@MSN.COM |
| Comments - I HAD 15 ECT TREATMENTS
BEFORE I WOKE UP. IT IS ALFULL I CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING. IF ANYONE IS THINKING
ABOUT ECT DON'T I EVEN HAD A DOCUMENT SIGNED IF EVER I AM HOSPITALIZED AGAIN I
DO NOT WANT ECT TREATMENTS I CAN'T BELIEVE I AGREED TO THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE.
I AM STILL DEPRESSED AND NOW NO MEMORY |
|
| Jackie -
KuntriGal67@aol.com |
| Comments - Hello, I am not quite sure
how to start this but I guess I will just start at the beginning. When I was 13
my parents divorced and I spent time with my father for that summer who just
happened to be living with my grandparents. I was a very small girl and did not
have any practice at anything sexual. During the day my father and grandmother
would both leave and go to work while my two younger brothers and I were left
with my grandfather all day. My brothers would go outside and explore the farm
while I would stay in the house and clean. My grandfather began to molest me
each day and he would threaten me to stay silent so I never told anyone until I
got married to a wonderful man who has stood by me through everything. After
the birth of our third son I went into a bit of a depression but kept it all
inside until the day came that I found the computer. It opened up a part of me
that I had hidden for along time. I began to cyber and act out sexually like I
had never done before. I began to get interested in BDSM (Bondage, Discipline,
Sadism, and Masochism). I started meeting people who were into the life at
parties and clubs without my husbands knowledge. When he discovered what I was
doing he expressed his disagreement with what I was doing. But I did not see
anything wrong with it so I continued and my activity became more and more
sexual in nature until the point where my husband could take no more and we
divorced. But even after the separation I continued with my current lifestyle.
Then one night (which is the only one I can clearly remember) I agreed to go
out with several gentlemen and get paid for my actions. The date did not happen
because my ride never showed up. That night a part of me broke down into a deep
depression and I attempted suicide. I remember waking up at the hospital where
I had been taken and my stomach pumped. Then I was put into a psychiatric
hospital for a long time. I was eventually released on an outpatient basis
where I began to have ECT's three times a week. I don't remember that time at
all but I do know I seemed to get better as time went on and I had about 7 or 8
of them. Once I started doing better my husband and I got remarried and his job
moved us to a different state. I continued to see doctors and take medicine but
still ended up in another hospital where more ECT's were done. The reasons I
received all these were because of my self mutilation, my not eating, my
sleeping all the time, my crying, and my not wanting to talk to anyone about
what had happened to me. Now I have had 33 ECT's and am due to only have one
more in two weeks, I am still taking medication in the morning and at night,
but over all I am doing better. I still have days where I am very down but I am
lucky and I have a family that works with me and supports me through all of it.
I would like to say to those of you who are considering ECT's that there are
positives and negatives to it but in the long run I truly believe that it is a
positive step for those suffering with mental illness. The negatives of the ECT
include memory loss, severe headaches, excessive sleepiness, several days of
being unable to function as a mother and wife, and body aches and pains. The
positives of the ECT are that after several days you begin to feel more lively
almost like you have been given some sense of normalcy. Which if you are all
like me that is something I long for the most. I know I have a long way to go
but know that I have come so far. I don't know if my telling my story will be
any help to anyone, but I do hope someone out there will see that there is hope
out there and to never give up. God Bless Everyone |
|
| angelo vitalone sr -
vitalonesr@aol.com |
| Comments - i am a person who has had
depression coupled with anxiety since 1988 i have had ect treatments i noticed
that depression actually lifted some i am looking towards going to maintennace
treatments what if any are your opinions.send you opinions to
vitalonesr@aol.com |
|
| andy behrman -
electroboy@electroboy.com
|
| Comments - I'm a 39 year old male who
has battled manic depression for more than half of his life. I tended to
experience more frequent highs than lows - - about 95% of my moods were high,
the other 5% were low. But the euphoric highs were so frightening that I
thought I would die. The desperate lows were tornado-like and I was full of
rage. In 1984 I came to New York to make a film. That didn't come to fruition.
Then I went to work for a fashion designer, then worked as a go go boy and
escort, then as a p.r. agent and then finally as an art dealer, which is when i
was at the height of my mania (about age 29). i was traveling around the world,
spending money, lavishing gifts on acquaintances, buying artwork, staying up
for nights in a row, drinking and doing drugs and having sex with strangers.
Finally, my life came to a screching halt when I was caught masterminding a
counterfeiting scheme (art fraud). I went to prison and then served under house
arrest. Through all of these years, I was undiagnosed by eight doctors and no
combination of medication stabilized my condition. As a last resort I opted for
electroshock therapy. I won't go on - - it'll give it away. ELECTROBOY is being
published by Random House in February 2002 and will be excerpted in "Talk
Magazine" in their February issue (on sale the first week in January). I'd
love you to visit my website at www.electroboy.com Thanks, Andy
"Electroboy" Behrman |
|
| Kathy -
kmjog@assuredphotos.com
|
| Comments - I had ECT back in 1976 after
a 18 month long depression. It worked wonders in lifting my depression. I am
now 57 and have had ECT for depression 3 other times and it didn't do much at
all. I have been clinically depressed this time for almost 5 years and I suffer
from OCD also. Does anyone know why ECT worked for me once and then not
again? |
|
| Jennifer -
jmirabil@suffolk.lib.ny.us
|
| Comments - After I had my 1st son, I did
not feel right. I knew that something was wrong, I did not feel a bond, had
insomnia, and was very nervous for no apparent reason at times. I was in and
out of a psychiatric hospital many times and on many different medications and
after 3 1/2 months of "getting nowhere" we started to mention ect
therapy, needless to say it was a Godsend to my recovery. |
|
| stacy -
stacy@stacyoelsen.net
|
| Comments - I can not seem to get over my
depression / insomnia. I am considering ect. |
|
| Dottie -
dottiesue1@hotmail.com
|
| Comments - It's been about 3 months
since my last ECT treatment. My memory loss is quit upsetting to me. It seems
that hardly a day goes by where someone says...remember when we.... NO, I DO
NOT REMEMBER! I can understand not remembering what I had for breakfast...but
not something like my birthday party with a male stripper! My dr. insists that
ECT is only responsible for the memory loss, which will come back, during the
period of treatment and that memory loss in the months before and after the
treatment are from my depression. I'm not sure about that. Would I do it again?
I don't know. I can't remember making the decision to do it the first time! I
suppose it's better than suicide and I think it did shorten the period of time
that I was suffering and in so much pain. Everybody has to evaluate the pros
and cons for themselves, the problem is that when you are severely depressed
and can't even get out of bed, how can you make an important decision like
undergoing ECT? |
|
| connie - clarkbar59us@aol.com | | Comments - I had shock treatment in 1993; just 12 of them, but after the first two, i became more aggressive and was confined to my room , restraints, one to one and security to make sure I "didn't act out" in between treatments. one would think the doctors would have gottena clue that this was not a beneficial treatment and stopped them, but they went through with all twelve. I had previously been totally against shock treatment but the doctors kept shoving it down my throat, i was in the midst of what turned out to be three years in various hospitals without freedom and i was worn down. i think i signed papers, but i don't remember and i was in a very depressed state and not thinking clearly. i would NEVER have agreed to this inhumane "treatment" if i had been in my normal mind state!! |
|
| Lesley - galaxyrum@hotmail.com | | Comments - I had actually been wanting ECT and was told by a doctor that I would have to try every single anti-depressant first. Eventaully my regular doctor suggusted it and I told her what this other doc had told me. I have gotten entirely unilateral treatments and honestly think they saved my life. I have some trouble remembering some things but it isn't that bad. I thank god for ECT, really. I don't think I would be here today if not for ECT. I have one or two treatments remaining and then I will probably go back on meds. My expierence has been entirely positive, I'm sorry so many other people have had bad expierences. |
|
| PAUL CUMMINGS - ALLFAMS | | Comments - I HAVE BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH MAJOR DEPRESSION RECURRENT AND HAVE TRIED EVERY SORT OF MEDICATION ON THE MARKET TO NO SUCCESS,I AM AT THE END OF MY ROPE AND AM CONSIDERING ECT.I HAVE ATTEMPTED SUICIDE ON A NUMBER OF OCCASIONS AND I FEEL LIKE I AM THERE AGAIN,I FEEL LOST AND WITHOUT HOPE.WILL ECT REALLY HELP ME? |
|
| Katherine K. - hanarasel@att.net | | Comments - I started to have severe clinical depression shortly after my third child was born. I was constantly in and out of the hospital and on various medications. My home life was a wreck -- my now-ex was verbally abusive towards the kids and me, and -- needless to say -- very non-supportive.
Finally, in 1997 (I think, I'm not sure of the date actually), the doctors gave me an ultimatum:
either I subject myself to ECT, or end up in the state hospital for a long visit. I was terrified--I did not want my ex, or my out-laws to care for the kids. I knew, from past experience, that I would not be allowed to see them if I ended up in a state hospital. So...I chose the only option that I felt was available to me, and that was ECT.
I started out with unilateral treatments (about 6, I think) without results. Then they switched me to bilateral treatments for a total of 29!
As a result, I now have both long term and short term memory deficits. I can't remember most of my kids' childhood years. If I don't write EVERYTHING down, I forget it. If I get very anxious, I can't even remember how old I am, or the answer to the question that I just asked, and was answered by the other person several times. I'm an RN, and I've worked in the ICU in the past. Now, however, I am terrified of doing clinical nursintg because of the permanent memory lost. G-d forbid that I forget a verbal order, and something terrible happens to my patient--not to mention all of the aquired nursing information that I learned over the years that I am unable to recall.
I was working for a while in retail sales -- after all, no one ha |
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