Appendix (4): Good Mood: The New Psychology of Overcoming Depression

Good Mood

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Good Mood:
The New Psychology
of Overcoming Depression

Chapter 5

cont.

The habit of comparing oneself negatively and thinking "I'm a klutz" arises from some combination of experiences in early childhood and throughout the rest of one's life. Each event in one's adult past is probably less important the longer ago it occurred, so that it is not only the sum of such experiences but also their recent timing which matters; if one has recently been down-and-out and unsuccessful, this probably matters more than being down-and-out for a similar length of time ten years earlier. In contrast, childhood experiences may have relatively heavy weight because the events involved interpretation by the parent. That is, if every time a child does poorly in school the parent says, "See, you'll never be smart like your big brother," the effect is likely to be greater than a school failure after the child has left the house.

Furthermore, the habit of comparing oneself negatively is strengthened by each additional negative self-comparison the person makes.

In addition to directly biasing the person's self- comparisons, this habit of self-criticism may act cumulatively to produce the sort of "bio-chemical scar" mentioned in Chapter 4. Or, such a biochemical scar may result from the feedback effect of negative self-comparisons and the sadness itself upon the nervous system.

The Child As A Failure

If a child strives unsuccessfully, and hence develops a record of failure to achieve encouragement and affection, this record is likely to leave a heavy mark on the adult. A special case is the infant or young child who had no parent to respond to the child's strivings. One can view the lack of a parent as a separation or deprivation which by itself predisposes the adult to depression. Alternately, one may see this as the child not being able to successfully induce its environment to respond positively to its efforts to obtain the gratifications it seeks, leading to a sense of being helpless.

Such unsuccessful striving evokes the emotion of sadness. It also may produce the general conclusion about one's life that there is a negative balance between what one seeks and what one gets. It is reasonable that this leads to the disposition to evaluate oneself negatively relative to one's aspirations, hopes, and obligations.

Rigid Goal-Setting in Childhood

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By 'goal,' I mean an aim that is broad and deep. For example, it is a goal to be the greatest tennis player in the world or to win a Nobel prize. And a goal often is abstract - for example, to make a contribution to humanity or to contribute something important to culture. Goals can be fixed rigidly in childhood in at least three ways: 1) Parents may stress that the child can and must make great achievements, and the parents may suggest to the child that the parents' love depends upon the child accepting those goals. 2) Children who lack love during their childhood may conclude that by achieving great successes as adults they can win the admiration and love from the world that they do not receive as children. (3) Children may decide on their own that they must achieve greatly or else they are worthless.

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