Trillian's Lighter Side

More Psych Humor

A Stanford research group advertised for participants in a study of obsessive-compulsive disorder. They were looking for therapy clients who had been diagnosed with this disorder.

The response was gratifying; they got 3,000 responses about three days after the ad came out.

All from the same person.

After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try therapy. They had been at each others throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw.

When they arrived at the therapist's office, the therapist jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be the problem?" Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, the wife began talking 90 miles and hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.

After 5 - - 10 - - 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the therapist went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for a couple of minutes, and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there - speechless.

He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The therapist spoke to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!"

The husband scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays."

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of them asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"

"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques - visualization, association - it made a huge difference for me."

"That's great! What was the name of the clinic?"

Fred went blank He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"

"You mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. . ."Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"

"Doctor, Doctor" Jokes

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a bell.

Well, just go home and if the feeling persists, give me a ring.

***

Doctor, doctor, I've only got 59 seconds to live.

Wait a minute please.

***

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm invisible.

Who said that?!

***

Doctor, doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.

Tell me about your problem.

I JUST DID, DIDN'T I, YOU STUPID BASTARD!!!

***

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I am a set of curtains!

Pull yourself together, man!

***

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a spoon.

Sit there and stop stirring!

***

Doctor, Doctor, I get the feeling that people don’t give a hoot about anything I say.

So ?

***

Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dustbin.

Don't talk such rubbish.

***

Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.

I'll deal with you later.

***

Doctor, Doctor, I can't stop stealing things.

Take these pills for a week; if that doesn't work I'll have a VCR.

***

Doctor, doctor, nobody understands me.

What do you mean by that?

***

Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a pool ball.

Get to the end of the queue (cue).

***

Doctor, doctor, People keep ignoring me!

Next!

***

Doctor, doctor, people tell me I'm a wheelbarrow.

Don't let people push you around.

***

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog.

Lie down on the couch and I'll examine you.

I can't, I'm not allowed on the furniture.

***

Doctor, doctor, No one believes a word I say.

Tell me the truth now, what's your REAL problem?

***

Doctor, doctor, I keep trying to get into fights.

And how long have you had this complaint?

Who wants to know?

***

Doctor, doctor, I can't concentrate, one minute I'm ok, and the next minute, I'm blank!

And how long have you had this complaint?

What complaint?

***

Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a bridge.

What's come over you?

Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.

***

Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a cat.

How long has this been going on?

Oh, since I was a kitten!

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