9.28.99

A few things to say. First of all, I need to address one very important question. My last guestbook entry read: "do you think it was such a good idea to stop taking your meds ?!?" The answer to that one is pretty simple: HELL NO! I never said it was a good idea and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone and never did. It's AN idea, not a good one. Probably a very bad one and I'll almost definitely pay a price for taking this course. But I am taking it people.

You can call this an experiment if you want. I'm a person who learns best from her own mistakes, so I had to try it. So far, all is well and I'm not regretting my decision. I feel fine. And to think, I might have spent all that time on lithium. What a horrifying thought.

I never meant this page (the dairy one) to set an example. It's purpose is to let you people get a glimpse into my life. The truth is - I didn't think this "being okay" thing would last so long. I should have crashed a long time ago. I haven't - OOPS.... LOL. I'm doing something I shouldn't be doing, something most mentally ill people dream of doing, but know they can't. So far, it seems I'm getting away with it. But this is just luck people. To say it's a good idea--nope! I think I should add one of those warnings you see on TV: "kids, don't try this at home!"

On to other stuff. My sleep is totally messed up again and it's driving me nuts. I can't fall asleep and I wake up really late. For now, it's okay, because I don't need to wake up in the mornings and I can sleep till 2:30 p.m. if I want to. On the other hand, my school year starts in 3 weeks and I'd better get this thing fixed by then. Why can't they have classes at 2 in the morning? Those are my best hours. I'm thinking of staying up this night, so tomorrow night I'll be tired enough to sleep normally. I've been going to bed around 3 a.m. and sometimes 4 anyway, so it shouldn't be difficult. I just hope this works.

I didn't ask for it to be over. But then again I didn't ask for it to begin.
For that's the way it is with life,
as some of the most beautiful days come completely by chance.
But even the most beautiful days eventually have their sunset.
~ Javan ~

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