Life with bipolar disorder: An online diary Part 6

8.1.99

I'm having second (third, hundred... but who's counting) thoughts about all this medication's thing. I'm worried. I'm afraid of taking them, but I'm more afraid of the psychological repercussions of taking them. The reason I was able to go on with my life was that, for the most part, I didn't really dwell on the Bipolar issue. I was really obsessed with it at first, spending all my time reading articles, going to Bipolar chats, subscribing to 3 different mailing lists - and well, I had no time for anything else. I needed to let go, to be able to "forget" about it.

Now it seems it's back as my number 1 agenda. I've been re-reading Kay Jamison's book, The Unquiet Mind, going to BP chats again and generally spending a lot of time thinking about it. I'm afraid that by re-introducing the shrinks and the meds into my life, I'm making a mistake. I don't know. Maybe it's just cold feet, but the fact remains that ever since I decided to maybe give it another try, my life has been revolving around it. What will happen? What to do? Am I really bipolar or maybe the doc's were wrong about me? Do I REALLY need to go back on meds? Opening these things now can not be a good thing! Anyway, I'll work it out eventually.

"Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you."
~ Anonymous ~

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