Handling Your Ill Relative's Anger

Supporting Someone with Bipolar - For Family and Friends

If you are both angry and fear losing control, it is best to separate, protecting everyone from injury. If your relative is angry and you are not:

1. Remain as calm as you can, talk slowly and clearly
2. Stay in control. Either hide your fear, as it may cause the situation to escalate, or tell the person directly his or her anger is frightening you
3. Do not approach or touch the person without his or her request or permission to do so
4. Allow the person an avenue of escape
5. Do not give in to all demands, keep limits and consequences clear
6. Try to determine whether the anger is completely irrational and thus a symptom of the illness, or if there is a real cause that you can validate
7. Do not argue irrational ideas
8. Acknowledge the person's feelings and express your willingness to try to understand what the person is experiencing
9. Help your relative figure out what to do next
10. Protect yourself and others from injury; some outbursts cannot be prevented or stopped

If angry outbursts are a recurring problem, wait until everyone is calm and then brainstorm acceptable ways in which the person can handle angry feelings and remain in control. These might include:

1. Being clear and direct at the time of minor annoyances, so the anger doesn't get bottled up and explode
2. Venting some energy via exercise, hitting something safe (a pillow), or yelling in a secluded place
3. Leaving the situation or taking some time out to write in a journal or count to oneself
4. Taking an additional dose of medication, if prescribed

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