College and
Manic Depression:
One Girl's Journey

Contributing Author
Alexis A. Maislen

E-mail
aamaislen@earthlink.net

Web Site
Republic of the Law

The name of Nicole is a pseudonym to protect the party involved.

NICOLE paces frenetically all the while talking raucously into the telephone outside the college newspaper office. What began as a routine call to find out some more information for a story winds into a diatribe about how she plans on taking over the Massachusetts Democratic Party and enacting her politics of the impossible agenda. Thrown into the conversation at random are quick sexual jokes and other random puns leaving the person on the other end of the phone line confused and frightened.

Hanging up the phone, Nicole strides into the Student Center lounge. She interrupts a student studying and begins a conversation. Her mind races to her next thought and the next thought and the next.

Neurotransmitters surge.

Perhaps, you know somebody like Nicole. She's assistant editor on the college paper, held internships at three major newspapers, and a dean's list student. She is interning at a Massachusetts senator's re-election campaign, active in the women's center, a member of the campus philosophy society, and works a part-time job.

A woman about town, you always see her at every political conference or social event. She is the first one at the gym every morning exercising for one hour on the treadmill and awake far into the twilight hours scribbling poetry.

One moment, you're walking with Nicole and she leaps onto the rail of the M.I.T. bridge and proceeds to walk the railing to the other side. The next moment, she's ready to throw herself into the icy, black waters of the Charles River.

College life can be a bundle of stress to most college students. However, to students like Nicole who have a biochemical disorder called manic depression (sometimes referred to as bipolar disorder), the pressures of college may become impossible when you're dealing with extreme mood swings, psychotic thoughts, and suicidal ideations. Imagine trying to study for a Spanish test while three or four distinct lines of thought (all unrelated) race through your mind. Try reading Shakespeare or sociology texts, when your mind has gone black.

It wasn't easy for Nicole to recognize that she needed support as her mood rose. It was even harder for her to ask for help. No one at the school could offer the proper intervention because no one completely understood her situation.

Having gone to one session at the college counseling office intent on discussing these issues, she groped with words for a half hour and left. What if the college counselors violated her confidentiality and consulted the deans? What if the counselor freaked and didn't have the resources to deal with her? If she confided in a friend, she risked gossip and reprisal. Besides, she had many acquaintances but no real friends. She struggled in silence.

Then, one day Nicole's mind went black in the middle of photography class. The expensive camera was suddenly too complex to operate. She lost all clarity, couldn't think, write, or concentrate on anything. Back in the dorm room, she locked the door, turned on her stereo, picked up a razor, and slashed the pain away.

Nicole, then, went to the computer lab and posted a suicidal message to her online support group for bipolar disorder. She went back to her room, locked the door, turned up the music louder, and cut her wrists until she fell asleep on the tile floor. Ironically, it was through the depths of depression that Nicole's life took shape, again.

According to a 1996 national telephone survey of 350 college students by Janssen Pharmaceutica, more than 54 percent of college students said that little to no attention was paid to issues regarding mental health by college officials. It also concluded that 6 percent of college students seek help from college mental health services.

Allen E. Cornelius, staff counselor in the University of Hartford's Counseling and Personal Development Office, said that his office sees a number of students with various personality, mood, and anxiety disorders. "Students that need mental health services get them," he said. "If the issue doesn't touch a person personally, then they are unaware of it."

Currently in the state of Connecticut, Dr. Larry Davidson, of Yale New Haven Hospital, is developing an educational program for faculty and staff at state and community-technical colleges about mental illnesses and mental health. Often, serious mental disorders come to the surface during the college years.

The Student Life office at University of Hartford offers support and intervention for students with psychiatric disabilities. "A lot of students for fear of being stigmatized, will not disclose their histories to this office," said Sue Fitzgerald, director of student services. "It's kind of sad because they need the accommodations too. Everything that people say is kept confidential and does not become part of their permanent record."

Just like students with physical disabilities, students with mental disabilities want to be treated and respected as the rest of the student body. Coming out about their illness, may force them into a spotlight they don't need. Students with disabilities don't want to be labeled special. They want to be treated like everyone else.

What these students need is understanding, a few supportive people who will be there without judging in a crisis, and learning to appropriately advocate for themselves.

For Nicole, support came after a professor caught her falling asleep in a science class a few times and embarrassed her in class one day. Nicole's psychopharmacologist had recently increased her medication level. Nicole spoke with her therapist about how to handle the professor. Her therapist advised her that she must level with the professor. Nicole approached the professor after class, explained that she was taking a mood stabilizer for depression, and the dosage was recently increased. She said that it takes awhile for the body to get used to the new level of the drug. Drowsiness was a side effect. The professor understood and Nicole made up for her lack of participation in those classes with other smaller projects.

Mary Ellen Copeland in her workbook The Depression Workbook - A Guide for Living With Depression and Manic Depression believes that people with psychiatric disabilities must arm themselves with the skills to advocate for themselves. They must believe in themselves, that they are unique, valuable, and worth the effort; they must know their legal rights as stated in the Americans with Disabilities Act as well as any policies held by the organization they are working with. They must decide the objective they are aiming for, gather facts that support their decision, and plan a strategy for achieving their goals.

Because this can sometimes be overwhelming to a person experiencing a major depression, creating a support network to include people who can take action on the issues pertaining to their goal is necessary. And finally they must remain clear, calm, and persistent. Writing your goals down on paper and giving a copy to members of your support team is a good idea. Keeping a journal will also help resolve issues and chart moods. Sorting through old journal entries from time to time helps to retain focus.

Whether a friend of a student with mental illness, a college health care provider, a faculty member, or a member of the staff or administration, there are several steps one should know when choosing to be a key player in someone1s wellness plan. First of all, it would be a good idea to look around at the ways society discriminates against the mentally ill and work through any issues of internalized prejudice. Think about ways non-mentally ill people can be made aware of their peers struggling with complicated issues. Secondly, read as much factual literature about mental illness that is available in the library and the bookstore.

Thirdly, it is important that a person feel completely safe when confiding in an ally. It1s not a good idea to start the rumor mill. However, when issues come up that become stressful and scary for the ally, they must have access to another member of the support team. When a person opens up to an ally, a response of active listening makes the person feel more comfortable and less threatened.

It is important not to judge a person's decision to be on medication. Medication may be the only way the person has of surviving. The decision to take medication may have been particularly hard. Many people with mental illnesses feel funny about popping a pill every day. Many also stop their medication because of the horrible side effects. Going cold turkey on medication is extremely dangerous and could lesson the effect of the medication if the person ever decided to get back on that medication.

If a friend feels uncomfortable about picking up a prescription at the pharmacy and asks for moral support, offer to go with them the first time they go. The same goes for seeing a therapist. Offer assistance in finding a therapist that will be a good match for the person and be there when the person makes the initial call to set up an appointment. If it is okay, offer to drive the person to their first appointment and if they want to share how the session went, afterward, be open.

Allies should sit down with the person and make a list of things to do and not to do when the person experiences a breakdown or crisis. Mary Ellen Copeland suggests in her book that the person should draw up a legal contract stating the kind of care they would like to receive should such an event occur. Should an ally witness a breakdown or psychotic episode, they should remain calm and answer any questions the person might have about the incident post de facto. Try to resist using words to describe the incident such as loony, psycho, or crazy.

Finally, it is important not to play shrink to a friend with a mental illness. An ally can give someone with a mental illness love and support but cannot nor should not offer psychiatric suggestions or therapy. As Whitney, a twenty-something from Berkeley, CA., wrote in her zine Alien, an underground publication about mental health issues, "Love and affection is something that is very lacking in the mental health profession." Not only do health care providers need to add these components to their practices but friends, family, and school officials need to learn to give this as well.

Acceptance is crucial on the journey to wellness. Nicole read about the biochemical consistency of her medication. She learned to avoid sugars and caffeine, eat a wholesome diet of foods rich in vitamin B and C, maintain a daily exercise schedule, and resources available to her in the community. She learned about holistic therapies such as herbal remedies, meditation, and aroma therapy. Most importantly, she discovered she was not alone in her struggle. It took her a few years to accept that the chaos that bipolar disorder caused in her life all happened for a higher reason. She was not cursed with an illness but blessed with a gift that gave her insight into the depths and dimensions of life. It took awhile for Nicole to feel comfortable to reach out and ask for the support of others around her.

Gradually, through asking one person at a time, she began to realize this was an opportunity for her to open minds.