The Year 1999 ~ The Year 2000

1. Why I Went to a Psychiatrist in the First Place
My experiences in 1996 / 1997, the twelve months before I was diagnosed as being bipolar.

2. Trying to Get Stable - The First Try
Comparing life on Tegretol in late 1997 to life before medication. An eye opener on the difference medication can make.

3. Taking Medication, Take Two
Tegretol did not work for me long term. My experiences just before switching to a Tegretol / Lithium combination in June 1998.

4. Going Off Medication for a While
The Tegretol / Lithium combination did not work either and created their own problems. An incomplete page. There is a gap of about one year in my writings as I come to terms with being bipolar and medication.

The Year 1999

5. Just When I Thought I Was Stable
In June 1999, I'm back on medications and things, which were going pretty well, have started going astray. There is a certain horror in watching your life slip out of your hands.

6. Lives of Quiet Desperation
I sink further into depression through August 1999.

7. A Day in the Life of A Manic Person
27 August 1999. This day is the nearest I have ever been to being fully manic.

8. Here I Start Again...again
I describe what it is like to pull the strands of my life together after a bout of depression.

9. Been There, Done That, Got a T-Shirt
A statement on living with with manic / depression - and creating an identity that can prosper.

10. The First Day of the Rest of My Life for the Next Two Weeks
An upbeat restart of life after being depressed in August 1999. I actually think I am getting the hang of being bipolar.

11. Life is Boring
Epilim (Depakote) stabilises me. Then I realise I don't like being normal either.

12. Ok, Maybe Not So Boring
I confused. I don't know how to cope with being normal.

13. Trying to Stay on Medication
For the first time ever I feel that the medication and I are working together to make me to feel better. Discoveries and concerns.

14. No Motivation, Alas
For me, being normal is the same as being depressed. I finally realise this and try to come to terms with it.

15. Love is a Healer
The real difference it makes to have around someone you love.

16. Not Enough a Healer
Each time I think I've found the answer, the solution - I haven't.

17. Tales of Far Away
On arguments and being bipolar.

18. No Sleep is a Bad Idea
On sleep and holidays.

19. There is no page 19 - Space left to fill in for the gap in January 2000.

20. Crash and Burn
Coming alive again after a serious two day depression.

The Year 2000

21. Running on High Octane
After depression, some days of feeling great. A reflection on responsibility too.

22. Cycling Downhill and Trying the Brakes
I apparently can't stop cycling even with medication. I try to factor a person into my backup system.

23. Cycling Uphill and Trying the Brakes
On being hypomanic and negotiating with my psychiatrist about what medications I should take.

24. Stabilising Finally?
The last notes before things go awry in March and April 2000. To be extended to include March information.

25. Today is ALWAYS the First Day of the Rest of My Life
Reentering the world in May 2000. Learning defenses to prevent from being overwhelmed by mood swings.

26. Still Normal
Learning to live with being normal. It isn't easy or natural.

27. Relationship Problems
Getting direction in your life after stabilising is fraught with problems. Sigh.

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