I still despise lithium. It is poison. It made my hair fall out. It made me sluggish and gain weight, but worst of all it made me extremely suicidal and sickly. Since I wasn't manic anymore, everybody kinda thought that I was okay. But for me, it was worse than mania. I had no inspiration, no enthusiasm, and no hope for the future. Now that I'm on Depakote, Risperidol and Wellbutrin, I have found the right balance. My head is clear, and I possess life energy again. I have hopes and I have dreams. I am confident they will come true.