My Journey With Bipolar
Disorder
By William Baker
(August 13, 2004) -- At this point in my life at a age 46, having
Bipolar
Disorder, I would not change a thing about my past. I would not change a
single event, with no regrets. Being diagnosed at 19, after very stressful first
year away at college, my life went into a tailspin for sure. I would never have
the chance for a normal lifespan again. Looking back, I missed a lot along the
way. I am making up for it in my later years now in a major way. Life is good!
You see, after being diagnosed with Bipolar , I would spend the next 18 years
believing everything I heard and read about the disorder. I would not
characterize my life up to 1995 as tumultuous. I was fairly happy. I received a
bachelors degree in 1982 and a Masters degree in 1989. I was hospitalized in
1977, 1980, 1981, 1982 and 1989. All
manias. After needing to quit college a few times, I continued to persevere.
I have no wild tales to tell with regard to getting ill. Sure, the manias were
bizarre. But after a hospitalization, I would go home and recover, and then
resume my life. I was motivated to live a productive life! In the late 1980’s I
would be back in Philadelphia as soon as I could. I am originally from York, PA.
All of my life I had problems with relationships. My inner child was wounded.
Of course a strong sense of discipline was instilled in me at an early age.
My father was tough. Abusive? Maybe. He cared. He did not let up when I was
diagnosed in the following years. If had done half of the personal work
eventually, I would still be caught up in the abuses of the past. My father’s
discipline is the number one reason I have been able to manage the illness. He
made me care about my health and well being. Discipline kept me from telling
those stories of an uncontrolled life. While my father instilled discipline, I
had a mentor from 1977 to November of 2003, a second cousin named Hank. He
taught me to look at problems rationally and creatively, not emotionally. He
coached me all of those years.
In the Fall of 1995, I came to a crossroads in my life. I was fired from a
job and my sister was diagnosed with Leukemia. I lost my temper with the boss,
having a continued problem with authority. I was devastated. There was trauma to
my brain. Soon after, I went on a journey to find some answers. I told my mentor
I would search as long as it took. Eventually I began to separate my problems
out. After time passed I finally figured that most of my problems had nothing to
do with Bipolar Disorder. This was an important recognition. I had some good
teachers including my mentor along the way. How about Stephen Covey, Robert
Schuller, John Bradshaw, Depak Choprah, James Loehr, and singer Bruce Hornsby
among others? I also had great counselors, a tremendous psychiatrist, and
recently a Life Coach where I live now in Colorado, that helped me tie up the
emotional loose ends, finishing the work.
I am at a good place now. Why? Because I
faced my fears throughout the journey, along with the discipline,
creativity, self-awareness, health,
optimism, and emotion muscles! Once and awhile the illness throws me a
curveball. But, then, as Hank often said, we never stop learning.
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