Stories
Panic
Anxiety Education
Management Services
'So What' & other thoughts towards recovery
Since we have posted the series of emails between Bronwyn and
Lorrie in our article, 'So
what's so good about CBT'?, people have been emailing us with
their 'So What' experiences and other stories on the path to
recovery. As these are also motivating, as well as discussing some
of the more subtle aspects of the recovery process, we have decided
to dedicate a page to them.
If you have any 'So What' experiences or other observations about
the recovery process that you would like included in this page, you
are welcome to email them to us at paems@healthyplace.com
IS IT NECESSARY TO CONQUER EVERY FEAR WE
FEEL FOR RECOVERY?
As someone who has had panic disorder for the last 8 years and
wants to recover so badly, I have been choosing to put myself in
situations in which I feel panicky; to practice my cognitive skills.
I have just returned from a family holiday to the Gold Coast in
Queensland, Australia. It took a lot of courage for me to undertake
this trip, as I developed a fear of flying a few years ago. It was
hard to encourage and talk myself into boarding the plane especially
as we had to change planes on route, but I did it. That was because,
this is a fear I am choosing to overcome. I want to see more of the
world, and to achieve that I want to be more comfortable with
flying.
One thing I learned on the flights is that my fear of going
insane or becoming hysterical and needing to be tranquilized isn't
going to happen. The worst that happens is that I feel very anxious.
I am able to see those fears as catastrophic misinterpretations of
my bodily feelings and I am able to let those thoughts go and even
get angry with them and tell them where to go.
However, it isn't as easy to lose the fear of the plane crashing
because although that is an extremely remote possibility, it could,
in fact, happen. But do I have to completely lose that fear or can I
just be like many other travelers who acknowledge they do have those
concerns. To me, it is a more logical fear, so it isn't as easy to
dismiss. The only thing I feel I can do in this case is to remind
myself that the risk is very, very small and that I am safer in the
airplane than I am driving on the roads and that I choose to drive
every day. I am beginning to see it as a fear I need to accept if I
am to lead the life I want to live. I don't need to be completely
fear-free.
While I was away, I was able to pinpoint other fears I had that I
am not always aware of because I don't come into contact with them
that much. One that surfaced was a fear of heights. We stayed in an
apartment on the 11th floor and the first time I went out onto the
balcony I felt very scared. As the fears flooded in, I thought about
demanding a change of accommodation but decided that this was also a
fear I wanted to overcome. I managed to stay with the fear and let
any catastrophic thoughts go, as I basically knew I was safe and
that nothing was going to happen to me.
To also overcome this fear of heights, I decided to take a trip
on the chairlift at one of the theme parks we visited. I was
terrified, but did it. As my fear of the chairlift still hadn't come
down, I decided to go on it again a few days later. I now think that
was a very cruel thing to do to myself. I was very frightened
sitting in the flimsy chairlift. The bar that was supposed to hold
us in didn't have a lock and just rested loosely with nothing to
stop it being knocked out of position. I was concerned that my
youngest child (aged 5), who was in the chair ahead of us with her
older sister, might dislodge hers.
This chairlift went agonizingly slow and my fear was still very
high. Then the chairlift stopped for 5-minutes, not good for a panic
person! LOL. I thought my heart would jump out of my chest, but it
didn't. I worried I would faint and slip out, but I didn't. I had
the thought it might get too much and I would jump, but again deep
down I knew I wouldn't. However, hanging there with the chair
swaying in the breeze was a terrifying experience for someone who
has a fear of heights.
After I came off, I thought about whether this is a fear I NEED
to overcome. Do I need to be able to go on chairlifts,
rollercoasters or ferris wheels to recover from a panic disorder?
Will my life be lacking if I choose not to lose this aspect of my
fear of heights? After discussing this with Bronwyn, I feel this
isn't a fear I need to conquer. Many people without panic disorders
choose not to subject themselves to these experiences. They are
supposed to be a recreational fun thing, but it could take hours of
terror for me to habituate myself to them. They aren't something you
can slowly habituate to as once on, you are trapped for the duration
of the ride. It is not as if we can choose one rotation of the
ferris wheel and then decide to get off. Also, being mechanical,
they do on occasions stop or breakdown, thus causing more distress
than we bargained for.
So in future I am going to pick the fears I want to overcome. I
will choose to address those that hinder my enjoyment of life. I am
not striving to be fearless of every experience. If that were the
case I would need to be willing to skydive or take a trip into space
and there are many people who don't consider themselves anxious who
would know that was too far beyond their comfort zone. There is a
limit to what I feel I need to subject myself to in the name of
recovery. But recover I will!!!! S
top
self-issues | coping
| therapist stories | readers
input | meditation
thoughts about recovery | road
to recovery | something different
about us | panic-anxiety
info | treatment | paems
program | articles | q
& a
newsletter | research
| stories | famous
anxiety sufferers | top 10 |
email us
|
