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What ifs

Q. My goal is to become well and help other people. I need a miracle. You don't know how happy it makes me feel to get this opportunity to tell you this. You have saved my life and given me hope to carry on each day. My symptoms have changed over the years. But now I know that negative thinking can hold you down. The fear of fear. "what if ....happens?" cycle must be broken. Over the years I have received treatment from psychologists, hypnotherapists, doctors, a reiki healer. I have just tried medication one year ago for panic attacks and tried bach remedy. I have read so many books from the library from "Agoraphobia, coping with the world outside." to "Recovery from Depression, A self-help Strategy." I have listened to cassettes on positive affirmations and self hypnotherapy to relax. They have all given me relief for a short period of time but nothing has given me hope to say yes this is the answer. That was until I met you.
I came across your cassette at the library which helped me. Now I have your cassettes "Taking Back the Power & The Power of Meditation." I carry these tapes with me wherever I go and listen to your comforting voice. Everything you say on these tapes means so much to me.

You say on the tape, "The only thing we can bring with us to the present moment is that despite the suffering and trauma nothing physically has happened to us as a result of the attacks or the anxiety. We haven't lost control nor have we gone insane and we won't in the future. We are living ,breathing proof of this. If it was going to happen, it would of happened on day one." I am worried about this statement because my worst fears have been realized and I did lose control and not just once. By losing control I mean I became so anxious I didn't make it to the toilet because I was left alone when I was at work. So now I am trying to get over being left alone in the shop where I work and not becoming anxious when there is no means of escape.

My boss fired me when I told him I had agoraphobia. I didn't say I had it at the time of employment because I had no panic attacks at the time. But I convinced him to hire me again and as a result I now work part time permanent. I don't know when I will be ready emotionally to work full time again. Well in this job anyway.

I also fear of losing control wherever I travel to and always go to the toilet a few times before I leave the house and search for a toilet when I get to my destination. If I know there will be no toilets there I won't go. I have tried to counter act this by taking acidophilus bifidus tablets everyday but I still get an urge to go if I become anxious. I know I shouldn't think "but what if this happens?" Can you tell me what to do? I feel so embarrassed at what has happened . I don't want it to happen again. My doctor doesn't say much. Maybe I should change.

Thanks for taking your precious time to read this far. You are my only hope. Could you also explain to me about the cognitive therapy please? I do want to get better and I need to know there is light at the end of the tunnel.

A. We are glad we've been of help to you and hope we can assist you further. Bronwyn sends her thanks to you for your comments.

The problem is every time you what if and/or worry about not getting to a toilet on time all you are doing is turning on the fight and flight response. The F&F shuts down the non essential organs such as the bladder, bowel and stomach and everything therein can be evacuated, so you do go around and around in circles.

You have already done a great job in 'taking back' your own power re your job etc. you just need to take it one step further. One true story Bronwyn tells is of a girl in Sydney who became housebound because she had the same problem as you. One day she reached the point of enough is enough is enough. She marched out of the house, went to a Boutique, bought a pair of Bikinis, put them on and spent the day walking around Bondi. Her attitude was 'So what. So what. So what! And she really meant it. She did not want her life ruined anymore and she was going to get it back no matter what the cost.

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