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Questions & Answers:
Anxiety Disorders and their effect on
relationships
Q: I had Panic Disorder and I never
told anyone not even my wife. It made everything very difficult and
our marriage suffered to the point we were separated. Although I
didn't want to separate and I did miss my wife, my panic and anxiety
eased up and almost disappeared. I finally told my wife about the
Disorder and after some long heart to hearts we decided to give our
marriage another chance. Now the panic and anxiety have returned
almost back to what it was before. Thankfully my wife is very
supportive, but I don't understand why it has come back.
A: It is not uncommon for people not to tell spouses of
their Disorder. The problem with this is that it puts people under
so much pressure to 'be normal' and the more pressure we are under
the worse we get, so the pressure to be 'normal' increases and
around and around we go. During the separation you were able to just
be yourself without having to put on a 'front' all the time. The
pressure was off and the anxiety/panic settled down. In many cases
the anxiety and panic don't just disappear forever. There is a very
strong possibility it would have returned even if you and your wife
did not come back together. It is of course important that you do
receive appropriate treatment so that you can learn to work
effectively with the anxiety and panic. I think it is also important
to be aware of you are relating to your wife and the other people
around you. Are you still trying to be 'normal'. Are you still
putting yourself under pressure by trying to be 'normal'. And/or are
you trying to be who you think your wife wants you to be, instead of
simply being yourself. When we try to be who we think others want us
to be, our anxiety and panic can know no bounds! When we accept
ourselves as we are and we can be ourselves our anxiety and panic
diminish.
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