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Resistance (part 4)

DOUBT

We make the commitment to growth and investigation and yet - it is not all roses and sunshine. Once again, there seems to be a force that is trying to prevent us from moving in a new direction. The resistance to change manifests itself in many different guises.

One is self-doubt. We may have seen that there are certain ways that we operate in the world that need changing. We may have also seen how those ways are creating a negative effect in our life. We are filled with the first glimpses of awareness and resolve to change those ways. We set out full of motivation and set exercises for ourselves to achieve our goal.

Gradually, we start to become lapse in our practice. We see that there is actually more work than we anticipated. Face it, we all want to have that change instantaneously. Unfortunately, the initial stages of change are hard work. The mind will play it's games with us to actually prevent us from making that change. Remember, it wants us to stay in these behaviours and ways. These are known for it.

To change the way we operate in the world can be a very unknown thing for the mind. It's control over us has been supreme and now we want to take control of the reins? The mind says "I don't think so!" Say we are trying to increase our awareness and letting go skills by practising meditation. The mind will not like this overt attack on it's ruler ship of the dominion. We may have some great meditation sessions. The mind will sneak in though and then judge every meditation session. It compares our current meditation with the great meditations of the past. "Not meditating well today.." it starts out. "This is definitely not working". So, from then on, if we don't see the game the mind is playing, we are trapped into replicating the past "good" meditations. Anything else is classified as "this meditation is not working".

The same with all our efforts to change. We may make headway and have some great successes - but it needs us to keep at the practice until this is "the new way of being". In-between, there is the mind. Most people hit a hard spot where nothing seems to be happening. The change is very slow. Everything we do seems to be thrown back into our faces by the mind. Enter stage left the incredibly effective resistance that the mind uses .... Doubt. The mind says to us (usually after a lapse or setback) - this is not working.

Sure, the mind says this to us in a tone that implies that it only has our best interests at heart. It is the same with every new activity we try that needs considerable practice - be it learning a new musical instrument to learning new ways of dealing with anger. The mind tries to covertly whisper in our ear about how this is not working. The old way was considerably easier. Maybe this is not the technique for us. Perhaps we can find a technique that is more suited to us. It fills our mind with statements like:

"You just can't do it"

"This is just too hard"

"Everyone else can do this. Why can't I. I'm useless"

"It's the wrong time to sit for meditation"

"Maybe I should try some other method"

We're bombarded with thoughts of doubt. It is a very effective way actually to resist change and growth. With every self-doubt, the reaction to the thoughts are a drain on our energy. Our body energy drains away until we are dragging our slumped body around the house. Our inner-drive to change is drained away - our motivation is attacked. Our sense of direction and goals are attacked and drain away. So on all levels, we drain away our energy needed for change. These are all primary parts we need for change. Without one or all of them, it is a tough uphill climb. Sometimes we keep going on sheer willpower. The doubts knock this around, and soon we find ourselves reading about chakra alignments and the latest advances in past life regressions. We will find ourselves hop around from one technique to another. One way of growing to another.

All techniques actually require working with them, practising them and so requires action. Sometimes, we have to face the inner wish for change right now, without having to do the work. Most of us want that magical pill that gives us instantaneous transformation. Unfortunately, all real changes need us to do the slow, painstaking process of learning new ways.

When we hop around from one technique to another, we never reach any depth in any one technique. It is like digging many shallow holes in the ground to make a well - but what is required is to dig just one deep one. So it can be seen that doubt sits on the next layer of resistance. It is very subtle, but very effective. Doubt causes the mind to run around, opening the door in effect to many thoughts - each with their resultant reaction. We become confused and muddled and sink back into the quagmire of reacting and unconsciousness. We find ourselves on level one again. It is like a game of snakes and ladders really. Alot of fun when we see all this. We can start to chuckle to ourselves and say - yep - "I did it again." When we don't understand the growth process, we tend to chastise ourselves and call ourselves ridiculous names. Yep, back to level one again to deal with self-esteem hits and reaction. We need to develop compassion for ourselves. A little bit of humour.

So doubt sits very quietly niggling away at our motivation, drive for growth and change. Once again, we see that it is just thoughts. We are reacting to the thoughts with the doubt reaction. We give the doubt-thoughts more energy than they should have. We hook in. So, in this way, we need to observe the doubt-thoughts and see what they are really doing to us.

Identify the main culprit. Understand that this is resistance, a fear of change. When we have been operating a certain way for so long, there is going to be a hell of alot of energy that wants to stay that way. Fears of retribution, fears of the unknown. It is important to see, at this stage, the need of one (or more) of the aspects within us to remain the same - no change. Through very tricky self-investigations, we may even be able to understand why those aspects are fearful of change. Why the doubt is thrown up. When we see this, the more powerful part of ourselves - the one that is moving towards growth and change and completion - can move with compassion for the suffering part. We understand that growth is absolutely necessary for a feeling of wholeness and centring, but there are parts that are scared. With every step that we take, we cradle the fearful part of ourselves in our arms and reassure it. We don't drag it along screaming and kicking - it then becomes the powerful part - and we end up at stage one again. So become aware of the doubt thoughts and let go of them. The effect they can have on our journey is quite significant.

RESISTANCE TO ACTION

Go to the edge', the voice said.

'No!' they said. 'We will fall.'

'Go to the edge,' the voice said.

'No!' they said. 'We will be pushed over.'

'Go to the edge,' the voice said.

So they went

and they were pushed

and they flew

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