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Resistance (cont.)

Plus, the mind is always judging the current moment from past information. If it is a totally new and unknown situation it will either stall and freeze or it will pull up a number of scenarios to threaten us with. It can't sit comfortably and totally in the present moment. That is a contradiction in terms. The mind is all past recordings.

Whenever we find a moment of peace from our mind, it will jump in telling us "how wonderful this is." We may be struck by the beauty of a sunset or the expanse of the ocean, the calm of the beach or forest. We sit with wonder and awe at what we see. Then the mind has to tell us how red the sunset is, how green the forest is, "just listen to the sound of those waves as they come in and go out..", "Isn't the ocean incredible..". The moment is lost. As much as we try to regain that feeling, that experience, the mind won't allow it.

We think that this self-talk will get us back to that openness, but we are only going out the other way. We leave the spot thinking about how great that moment was, but is is gone. The moment is of total absorption in the present and the mind needs to be in control. It is not in control in the present moment. Actually, it is peace that we seek. The mind will not allow us that peace.

Many people listen in rapt attention to someone who recounts that experience of absorption. When we try to experience that ourselves, we can't because we are trying too hard. We are trying to use the mind to create the experience. We talk to ourselves incessantly. "Look at how blue the ocean is. Look how calm the ocean is. Look at the waves that crash in on the sand..." But the moment is allusive. It is frustrating.

Has anyone had the experience of going out with a friend? You walk to the top of a hill and are overcome by the scenery and expanse you feel there. You sit on a rock, totally in awe. Suddenly, the stillness and peace is interrupted by the friend telling you how magnificent the scenery is. And how high do you think this hill is? And do you see the car on the road way down there. The moment is lost. You feel like telling the person to just shut up. All that is left to do is pack up and go home. That annoying disturber of the peace is the mind that we carry around with us continually.

A funny thing about the mind judging the present moment is that we never question the need for all this constant commentary. Heck, the ocean has been called the colour blue since the dawn of time, yet our mind feels it needs to tell us that, "Yes, indeed it is blue."

Not only is it judging the obvious, but it is judging the subtle as well. A friend comes over for a visit and seems quiet. The mind takes in the person's facial expression, the way they talk, and the general feel of the person and will tell you ..."Yep, they are angry at you. What haven't you done? What did you forget? Was it their birthday? Did you say something terrible or insensitive? .... Blah! Blah! Blah!"

We react to this judgement and change our behaviour. We may apologise profusely for God only knows what. In the end, we find out they are merely tired from staying up all night while reading a great book. The mind's judgement of the present moment is not as accurate as we credit it. We get tangled up in reactions to it's judgement and it all ends up an illusion. We are living our life in a fantasy made up by the mind. The mind seems to think it can "mind read" and we obviously believe that it can too. Otherwise, we wouldn't be reacting to all these false situations. "Oh, they don't like you," states the mind. We bend over backwards to earn that person's approval. Ends up, they are just shy and retiring people that don't think one way or the other about us. This is the illusion of the mind.

The other side of the mind is it's projection into the future. The mind actually has a problem with the future. You see the future is actually unknown. Sure it will tell us that we go to work tomorrow; and then, Saturday, we don't have to go to work. There are all sorts of schedules and routines that have been set up and it feels comfortable about this. However, the future is not truly known. Anything is possible.

The mind has to limit this, and state only those on the list that are possible. It will also tell us how we feel about those future events. We either enjoy the event, then usually there is a scenario invented by the mind to worry us, or we dread the event - based on past information. So, as we wake up in the morning, the mind has already in effect lived the whole day. We have gone to work and sorted through all these imaginary scenarios, we have returned home and watched the TV shows for the night. That is that - all before we even get to work.

In the car driving to work, we have reacted to the boss telling us we haven't got the report finished yet or we have made all those phone calls. We have contemplated how we are going to watch this or that TV show tonight. We have gone through the dilemma of peak hour traffic after work. We may have even fitted time in to contemplate shopping and how we will go by a different route to pick up the groceries. Phew! We have already lived the day in our mind before it has even happened. No wonder going through the process of actually doing it is so boring. Not only is the future planned - based on past experience, but unknown situations are thrown in for that extra jab of fear.

The mind is continually thinking up new future events to scare the pants off us. It tells us "it is for your own good," so that we can plan how to deal with the scenario. Just in case...then we'll be ready for it. We usually end up dreading the actual event. It seems so real when we are imagining the scenario. We can even feel ourselves being there. Walking into the room. What we will say. We can see the people there. It is the master illusion of the mind. Not only unknown scenarios are pondered over, but actual future events. Have we ever caught ourselves contemplating some future event. We are invited to Christmas dinner at the in-laws. We have two weeks between then and now. Yet, the mind can't give it a rest. It goes over all the bad experiences we have had at Christmas dinner with the in-laws. It goes over what they said that riled us.

It says "What if they say that again?" and we respond with all the things we will say or not say or just get angry. And what if they get you a horrid gift once again ... and what if, what if ...." So it goes. We live that Christmas dinner a million times before the actual event. When the time comes to go, we often feel like just cancelling out, saying we are sick. The mind has lived the present moment already. That is the bottom line. So we are actually not living, but going through the motions. The mind has been there, done that, and now we physically have to do it. Where is the spark or spontaneity in that. It is a drudgery.

We have a list of chores to do. While our body is going through the mechanics of doing one chore, the mind is already going over the next chore. Does this sound familiar? We have to go shopping, then pick up the children from school, then go home and cook dinner. Simple on the surface. While we are in the car driving to the shops, the mind is walking down the aisles of the super market. Mustn't forget this or that and you must buy coffee this time. It might fill in with a past event of how our spouse went off the hammer about not having coffee in the cupboard and the ensuing fight. We get angry at the memory of this and mumble, "They can get it themselves if they want it so much."

We are actually physically driving the car - on auto-pilot. We get to the shops and are actually walking down the aisles now, but the mind is at the school picking up the children. It is getting angry because the children are not waiting out the front ... again. It is considering how it is not going to get caught talking to Mrs so-and-so again. It is trying to avoid the PTA president who will ask a favour- again.

We are in the shops physically, but we are at the school in our mind. No wonder we forget things we need. So we are at the school picking up the children, but we are worrying about getting back to make dinner. We are peeling the potatoes and looking in the refrigerator for that sauce. On and on. Get the idea of how it works. The killer is--with all these imaginary scenarios that the mind creates, we are copping the reactions. We get angry or fearful or guilty or sad or whatever reaction to the mind's venture into the future. People quite honestly look at their life and say they are not stressed. Take a look at the imaginary life we live and see if we can say the same thing. So the mind projects into the future it's own creation. Then we have to walk into this set up. If it projects fear onto a future event, then we will feel that fear as we have to go into it. It puts a wall of fear around the event and we have to walk through it. The what ifs sound in our ears.

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