Panic Anxiety Education
Management Services

Taking Back the Power

'If no one is going to rescue me........?', is a question from Nathaniel Branden's book ' The Six Pillars of Self Esteem' (1) and is a question we ask in one of our Panic Anxiety Management Follow up Programs. The open ended question is provoking. 'If no one is going to rescue me'..... and take the Disorder away, if there is not going to be a magic answer, a magic pill, a magic cure, and ultimately our recovery is going to be up to us, what then? Answers to the question are always extremely powerful. From outright anger, ' .....(expletive deleted).... that's not fair' to indignation, 'I'll do it myself (that will show them)' to the self-empowered, 'I know and I'm doing it'.

Paraphrasing Branden, he is right when he says, 'When the client grasps no one is coming... a 'click' seems to occur in the client's mind and a new forward motion begins.....'(1). And in most instances that 'new forward motion' is power. Personal Power. Resulting in self-responsibility, commitment and recovery. Even if the power initially comes from anger or indignation, it can be the first time people actually feel with their own strength and determination and it can be the first time they see they actually do have a choice in how they live their lives. In feeling our own power, the power balance between ourselves and our Anxiety Disorder is shifted.

It may seem strange to use the words 'power balance' when talking of Anxiety Disorders, but the majority of people with an Anxiety Disorder, give away their personal power, not just to the Disorder, but to the myths, stigma, shame and community attitudes about the Disorders and mental health generally.

Recovery for many of us who had panic disorder means we still can experience an occasional attack. The difference between panic disorder and recovery means we have lost all fear and anxiety of the attack.

There are no more 'What ifs', but instead we develop an attitude of 'So What', irrespective of how violent the occasional attack may feel. 'So what', means we have taken back the power.

Giving away our personal power is not a result of the Disorders, the majority of us have always given away our personal power and in the process we have become very passive people. We are the 'strong one' in the family, the person who family, friends and acquaintances turn to (and turn to and turn to! ) whenever there is a problem. The word 'no' is not part of our vocabulary. We are good, kind, caring people who take the responsibility for everyone else. The one person we do not take care of, or are responsible for, is ourselves.

The development of the Disorders, either gradually or as a powerfully swift and dramatic force, can destroy our lives. As we have never felt our personal power we feel completely powerless in the onslaught of the disorder. In the past and unfortunately even today, some health practitioners do not have a basic understanding of anxiety disorders, let alone knowledge in the latest treatment methods.The lack of understanding and knowledge by many of the health professions of course adds to our sense of helplessness and confusion. We go to the doctor and/or to the therapist and we wait for them to do 'something' to us to take the disorder away. If they don't know or understand anxiety disorders, their assistance is limited and we are further dis-empowered.

Even though knowledge and understanding of the disorders is now growing and will continue to grow within the health professions, we unwittingly contribute to the lack of understanding. Not only are we extremely passive, we also need to be perfect. We try to be the perfect partner, parent, sibling, employee or employer, friend, acquaintance, and we try to be the perfect patient. In so many instances we may only tell our doctor one or two symptoms. We may never tell them our full experience, our avoidance behaviour, our alcohol problem or thoughts of suicide, because it doesn't fit in with the image of who we want ourselves to be. We feel 'This is not me, I am not like this'. It is difficult for our doctors and therapists to understand and make an appropriate diagnosis if we hold back many of the pertinent facts about what we are experiencing. Not only do we dis-empower ourselves, we 'dis-empower' our doctor who can't fully assist us , because they do not know the whole 'picture'

One of the first and by far the biggest obstacles to taking back the power is the lack of compassion we have for ourselves. True compassion is the recognition, understanding and the ability to fully feel the pain of our own suffering without mentally abusing ourselves, 'I am hopeless, stupid, worthless etc' and without the brutal self hatred many of us feel. When we can feel our own pain and suffering, without trying constantly to avoid it, we then recognise, at a very deep level, the pain and in suffering in others. But true compassion does not mean taking responsibility for other peoples' pain, it means first and foremost taking responsibility in how we deal with our own.

In the early stages of the Disorders many of us say, 'This is not me, I am not like this' and in doing so we negate and invalidate our own suffering and our own pain. Most of us cannot see, let alone acknowledge or appreciate own strength and courage which has bought us thus far. The first step in taking back the power means learning to be compassionate toward ourselves. How can we recover when we continually invalidate, mentally abuse and hate ourselves? How can we feel true compassion for others if we cannot feel it for ourselves? How can we recognise strength and courage in others, when we fail to see it in ourselves? When we can begin to be kind to ourselves, when we can feel our own pain and suffering without trying to avoid it, when we can accept, 'I do have an anxiety disorder', and when we accept our own strength and courage, we take back the power.

The other major obstacle, which keeps us dis-empowered is again related to compassion. While in time we may accept our anxiety disorder and accept our strength and courage, there are so many others things that have to be done before we can concentrate on recovery. Usually the other things are for other people. Our recovery can end up on our list of priorities as number 5, or 10 or number 20. Bringing our recovery to number one priority goes against who we think we should be and what we think compassion is. We give away our power and our recovery in the belief we are being selfish in making our recovery number one priority. There is no denying other people can and do get upset when we start to say no and begin to put ourselves first. The question of selfishness arises time and time again, not only from people with the disorder, but also from partners, family members and/or friends. But how can caring about and looking after our own mental health be selfish? Taking back the power means our recovery is number one priority.

Taking the power back means working in partnership with our doctor and/or therapist. It means being fully open and honest. It doesn't mean working in partnership with humiliation, stigma and shame while waiting for 'something to be done to us'. Taking back the power means we realise we have nothing to be humiliated or ashamed about. If our doctor or therapist does not understand and does not want to understand, then we find a doctor and/or therapist who does.

Taking back the power means seeing we have a choice of therapies, which can be used if and when needed. But and it is a huge but, we can try every therapy known to man, mainstream and alternate, move in and out of various support groups, but until we commit and work with a cognitive behavioural therapy program, long term results will be elusive. A cognitive behavioural program can teach us why, despite the sometimes unremitting symptoms, there is nothing to fear. In seeing why and how we contribute to the ongoing build up of symptoms and fears, means we see we have a choice in our we react to the disorders. Seeing the choice, we can take back the power.

However well meaning, some support groups can also contribute to our dis-empowerment. Choose a support group where members have found their own power and are in the various stages of recovery. The energy levels of such groups are high and can assist us in getting in touch with our own power.

I usually ask people who come through our Panic Anxiety Management program, why they aren't angry. Angry at the disorder and angry at the lack of appropriate treatment services. On a personal level, the only anger people feel is toward themselves for having the disorder in the first place. Again this is dis-empowering and only adds to anxiety levels. Anger, when directed at the Disorder, can be the 'rocket ship' to recovery. The power of our anger directed towards the Disorder is usually greater than the anxiety, panic and primary fear/s. And in getting angry at the disorder, the anxiety and fears disintegrate, leaving us without any doubt, of the strength of our power and our ability to recover.

On a community level, there are over 2 million people in Australia who have an anxiety disorder. Everyone has at least one other person, whether it be a partner or family member or friend who is directly affected by our own disorder. That means a minimum of 4 million people. Not to mention the health professionals who are trying to do so much with so little resources. 4 million + . That's a lot of people and a lot of lobbying and voting power. Why aren't we angry? Why aren't we using this power to get the needed treatment services.

The question, 'If no one is going to rescue me.....?' , can lead us, sometimes quite dramatically, to the shift in the power base between us and our anxiety disorder. We have the power, it is already there, it is not something we have to manufacture. Recognising and using our power means self responsibility which in turn leads to freedom. Freedom from the disorders and freedom to be who we really are, not who we think we should be. The choice is ours!

Bronwyn Fox

References
Branden N., 1994, The Six Pillars of Self Esteem, Bantam, New York

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