I Picked Up a Few Groceries Today...

So? Big deal, right? Yes, it's a big deal for someone who has been housebound for 5 years.

I had my first panic attacks in grocery stores and they were the first places I avoided, followed by everywhere else, until I became completely agoraphobic. Didn't even know the meaning of that word until years later when depression and extreme anxiety forced me to seek help.

It's been a long and difficult journey to get where I am today…putting groceries away and dancing with delight. I did it! Yes, me! My self-esteem is elevated, my legs are steady, and my heart is light.

After many weeks of driving "just another block today", and many weeks of actually going into the store, I became able to push the cart around before escaping. A few more weeks and I could put some groceries in the cart before I left.

I Picked Up a Few Groceries Today...actually stayed, paid, and brought them home. Please go with me as I recall the day.

11.00 a.m. Too early for the lunch rush, too late for school busses…time is right. I will drive. Into the store and check the shopping list (no list, just an excuse to locate the exit and breathe). OK, Thank God for carts to hang on to and don't look at the neon lights. Concentrate. Up and down the aisles, some are alright, others are terrible.

12:00 p.m. I have finished grocery shopping now and it's time to go through the check-out. GOD, the check-out.

12:05 p.m. I manage to get the groceries on the conveyor belt even though people around me must know I am weird.

12:06 p.m. It's time to pay…the check is already made out (2 days ago), all I have to do is fill in the amount and I have forgotten how to do it. More deep breathing, settle down and ignore the people who think you are weird.

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1:00 p.m. I Picked Up a Few Groceries Today... does anyone need a urinal deodorizer or 3 lbs of brown sugar? How about pimple cream? I have everything now…including my self-esteem.

Thanks for reading.

Bless, Elizabeth.