It's taken me many years to learn that at the core of my anxiety are the
feelings that I have stuffed for many years, and that when I'm able to express
my feelings appropriately and in a timely fashion, my anxiety is oftentimes
kept to a minimum. It's almost like magic.
I, like so many others, came from a relatively dysfunctional family (thank
goodness there has been a lot of improvement in later years) and I was
literally not allowed to "feel" when I was younger.
It seemed the only feeling I did develop was the feeling of anxiety. Some
30+ years later, I'm finally learning what real feeling is and how to express
it as it comes up. It's been the greatest gift my "recovery" process
has given me in recent years. It doesn't always "feel" good, but it's
much better than always being anxious.
I'e stumbled across many versions of a personal "Bills of Rights"
in the past few years and I will list some of the major points stated within
them (not in any order). They essentially are guidelines for giving ourselves
permission to think, feel and express, and value who we are. Some of the most
significant points are:
 I have numerous choices in my life beyond mere survival.
I have a right to discover and
know my Child within.
I have a right to grieve over
what I didn't get, that I needed or wanted.
I have a right to follow my own
standards and values.
I have a right to dignity and
respect.
I have a right to make my own
decisions.
I have a right to determine and
honor my own priorities.
I have the right to terminate
conversations with people who make me feel put down and humiliated.
I have the right to have my
needs met at least half of the time (especially in a relationship).
I have a right to make mistakes
and not have to be perfect.
I have a right to expect
honesty from others.
I have a right to be angry at
someone I love.
I have a right to all of my
feelings.
I have the right not to be OK
all the time.
I have the right not to settle
for crumbs.
I have a right to feel scared
and to say, "I am afraid."
I have a right to change my
mind at any time.
I have the right to be happy.
I have a right to stability and
security.
I have the right to my own
personal space.
There is no need to smile when
I cry.
I have the right to change and
grow.
I have the right to have
friends and to openly share with them.
I have a right to a non-abusive
environment.
I have a right to grieve over
actual or threatened losses.
I have a right to give and
receive unconditional love.
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