STEP 8: Handle Your Worries
Changing the ways you worry
A momentary worry is not much of a problem. All of us experience
them. The trouble comes with how we react to worries. If we follow
those noises, if we embellish their story line, if we dwell on the
details and let ourselves become upset, then we are bringing on
trouble. Here are a couple of techniques for reducing your attachment
to your worries.
Remember that the principle behind these techniques is that your
are disrupting a thought pattern that is unnecessary, irrelevant
and intrusive. You first declare that these worries are noise, then
you intervene with one of these techniques. The primary benefit
of these two techniques is to change your emotional response to
the thoughts -- to help you feel any other emotion beside anxiety.
Write down your worries
How might you change your emotions toward your worries? The first
way is to write them down. Carry a pencil and a small pad with you
throughout the day. When you begin the noisy worries, write down
your exact thoughts. If you continue worried thoughts, keep writing.
This doesn't mean a summary of what you said in your mind. This
means a verbatim transcript of exactly what you're thinking. As
soon as you finish writing down the worry, if you think it again,
write it down again, even if it's verbatim what you just wrote down.
Don't write down the theme, write down every single repetition of
every single worried thought.
Now what's the benefit here? When you worry, you tend to repeat
the same content again and again, right? When you write down the
worries, you recognize how repetitive and senseless they are. This
perspective quiets the noise. After a while you will probably experience
the task -- of writing verbatim all the content -- as a chore. Most
of us know how easy it is to mentally repeat some worry, like, "I
hope this (whatever) turns out." It's easy to say it in your
head 400 times. It's a lot harder to write over and over again,
"I hope this turns out. What if it doesn't? Gosh, I hope it
turns out. But what if it doesn't?" There's no way you can
write it 400 times . . . it loses its power. Writing it down makes
worrying into an arduous task. It becomes more work to actively
worry than to let it go.
That's how the writing will help you. After several extended writing
sessions you are more likely to say, "OK, I'm worrying. Now
I'm either going to start writing it, or I'm just going to let it
go. I can either go through all the bother of writing these worthless
thoughts, or just stop worrying right now."
One special note: Don't wait until you want to do this task. Few
people are ever in the mood to write out their worries. Start this
and other interventions because you are ready to get stronger, regardless
of your mood or interest.
Sing a worried tune.
Another way to begin changing your emotional response to your noisy
worries is to sing them. (OK, stop laughing and let me explain.)
Pick up a short phrase that summarizes your worry. Ignore its meaning
for a while. Continue to repeat the words, but do so within a simple
melody. Keep up this tune for several minutes. Whenever you feel
you are less emotionally involved with these thoughts, let go of
the tune and the words. Turn your attention elsewhere.
That sounds pretty silly, doesn't it? Here you are, suffering from
very distressing thoughts, and I ask you to hum a few bars. But
that's the idea. The process of singing your worries makes it difficult
to simultaneously stay distressed. Yes, it's stupid. Yes, it sounds
childish.
Do it anyway!!
I don't expect that you will start singing this little tune and
instantly feel happy. In fact, it will probably be hard to feel
anything but anxiety when you start singing. But stick with it.
And while you're singing, work to become detached from the content
of your song. Remember, that's our goal.
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