Alicia Brown is a Licensed Professional Counselor with a Masters Degree in Counseling. She has 16 years of counseling experience. Her expertise is in the area of loss and grief, life transitions.
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Column 1
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Jan. 1, 1999
"MOST OF US FEEL THREATENED BY CHANGE, ESPECIALLY THOSE CHANGES THAT ARE IMPOSED ON US."
JOB LOSS TRAUMA
"My company is downsizing and I may loose my job - what is a middle-aged man supposed to do?" In today's economy, the threat of becoming unemployed looms even greater than in the past decades. It seems we're constantly starting over.
Coping with these changes is difficult - for some, even traumatic. The initial response of "Why me?" and "I can't believe this is happening to me - now what?" reflects the human need to understand and gain control. These external, or "Marker," events challenge our sense of safety and security. They force us to revisit the question: "Who am I?" They impact greatly on the person who has been content, committed and values his work, making role changes even more stressful. He may feel that he has lived his life in vain up to this point and question his own competency, abilities and beliefs.
Most of us feel threatened by change, expecially those changes that are imposed on us - we feel vulnerable and out of balance. We may even feel powerless to respond effectively, adapting a "what's the use" attitude. Navigating through these transitions is upsetting because negative change plays havoc with our self-esteem. Our self-esteem is further lowered when we harbor anger toward the person or event that is perceived as responsible for the change.
What is necessary to cope effectively during this period of transition?
- First we must work through our grief. Grief is a normal reaction to loss. The period of mourning involves initial shock and denial of the life stressor, feelings of depression, anger, guilt and sadness, letting go of the resistance to change, and renewal or recommitting and risking new experiences.
- Secondly, we need to acquire new coping skills: developing a personal style of responding to change, accepting the problematic change as a normal part of life, recognize the importance of describing the problem situation accurately, inhibit the tendency to act impulsively or do nothing.
- Thirdly, we must assess and develop external and internal support systems: identifying emotional needs and people, organizations and networks who can help meet those needs. Internal support involves identifying personal strengths, negative self-statements, positive self-attitudes and construing the transition as a personal growth opportunity.
- Fourth, reduce and manage the emotional and physical distress responses by learning self-relaxation and learn to control over-stimulation or under-stimulation. Seek out a job coach, contract a career counseling center (most colleges and universities have one), for assistance in implementing new changes.
Individuals who need help in coping with intense emotions should make an appointment with a therapist. Remember, every transition begins with an ending. It is our internal adaptability to the external event and gaining competency through new learning that will help us experience success in dealing with change.
To bridge the gap in transitions, practice being "NEAR": Nourish your self-esteem, Encourage expression of feelings, Assure yourself that this is temporary, Remind yourself of your capabilities and strengths. Soon you will find yourself in a new place emotionally and hoepfully in a new job or even starting an exciting new career!
Alicia Brown's
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If you have a question or concern about grieving or a loss in your life, email me.
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