Birthquake
online conference transcript
 Tammy
Fowles, the author of
BirthQuake: The Journey to Wholeness, and sitemaster at
SagePlace, talked
about BIRTHQUAKES, where everything in your life is rocked and shifted, where
foundations crack, and treasures lie buried beneath the rubble. In the end,
those who experience one are, in every case, ultimately transformed.
David
Roberts is the HealthyPlace.com moderator.
The people in green are audience members.
David: Good evening everyone. I'm David Roberts. I'm the
moderator for tonight's conference. I
want to welcome everyone to
HealthyPlace.com. Our topic tonight is
"BIRTHQUAKE: Transitioning Through A Crisis in Your Life". Our guest
is Tammie Fowles, Ph.D., author of the book "BirthQuake: The Journey to Wholeness". Dr. Fowles'
site, SagePlace is
here at HealthyPlace.com. You can read more about Dr. Fowles
here,
and you may read excerpts from her
book here.
Good evening Dr. Fowles. Welcome to
HealthyPlace.com. Thank
you for being our guest tonight. What is a BirthQuake?
Dr. Fowles:
Hi David. Glad to be here. A Birthquake essentially is a
transformational process that gets triggered by a turning point or crisis, what
I call a quake. Quakes occur for most of us when we are standing at a
crossroad. They can be precipitated by a loss, a major lifestyle change, or
even a new awareness.
David: When
you say a "turning point" or "crisis," is this something of
monumental proportions or simply a significant change in our life?
Dr. Fowles:
Generally, they are of monumental proportions. Ultimately, however,
a lifestyle change or even a single awareness can prompt one. Typically, they
are painful experiences, but the pain holds promise because they trigger a
healing process.
David: Can
you give us an example of what you are referring to?
Dr. Fowles:
Sure. A man who has worked his entire life for a major corporation
loses his job, is devastated, depressed, but ultimately discovers that his life
felt empty and enters another career that offers greater rewards.
David: On
your site, you say one of the goals of writing "BirthQuake: The Journey to Wholeness" is to help
people find meaning and purpose in their life. I think, and this is especially
true here at HealthyPlace.com where our visitors deal with many types of
psychological disorders and ask, "why did this happen to me?" how
does one start on the journey to find meaning and purpose in their life?
Dr. Fowles:
Well, the discovery of meaning and purpose is a unique journey for
each of us. For myself, it was about no longer looking for the meaning of my
life, but instead to do what I could to make my life more meaningful. To create
meaning.
David: We
have a few audience questions, Tammie, then we will continue:
BlackAngel:
I have anorexia. The turning point in my life happened prior to
this, and going through the process of anorexia is the transition part, the
healing. Is that what you are saying?
Dr. Fowles:
Yes, I am saying that the recovery process you are undergoing will
lead to healing on a number of levels.
Dottie:
About two years ago, I began working through
child sexual abuse
issues and I experienced what I described as an earthquake. The memories came
flooding back, and I felt so alone through all of that. Is that a typical
reaction or feeling?
Dr. Fowles:
Absolutely, Dottie. In fact, I named my book BirthQuake
because this process is initially very much like encountering an
earthquake. This healing process, this uncovering treasures buried beneath the
rubble, this rebuilding, can lead to rebirth. Jacob Needleman wrote, "When
you're in the middle of an earthquake you begin to question what is it that I
really need? What is my rock?" I can fully appreciate your feeling alone
and overwhelmed. You will also discover your rock, your strength.
David: In
essence, what you are saying is-- when going through a BirthQuake you are
developing a "new you" and hopefully one finds themself in a more
emotionally and spiritually comforting position than even before the
crisis happened.
Dr. Fowles:
Yes, on some level you are developing a new you David, or
rediscovering the real you. You are strengthened through this process. A
Birthquake affects the entire person, affects us physically, emotionally,
spiritually, and impacts our outer world in most cases.
David: Here
are some more audience questions:
Pier: When
we feel we can go no further, experience nothing worse, do you feel that part
of the process of recovering from this is this earthquake of which you
speak?
Dr. Fowles:
Yes Pier I do, although we don't need to always get to that
place.
David: Are
there phases to a BirthQuake -- from the crisis to healing, finding the
"new you"? If so, can you identify them for us?
Dr. Fowles:
Certainly. The first phase of a Birthquake, I call the
"exploration and integration phase." This phase is triggered by the
quake or turning point. This phase generally involves a great deal on soul
searching, questions, confusion, and uncertainty. It is during this phase that
we begin to explore what we want/need/fear, etc. Tom Bender wrote that,
"like a garden, our lives need to be weeded to produce a good crop,"
and that's what we start to do during this first phase. We look at where in our
lives we need to weed, and where and what we need to plant and cultivate.
Bender also wrote that in order for a person and a society to be healthy, there
needs to exist a spiritual core and that the spiritual core involves honoring.
An important question that we need to ask during this first phase is,
"what do I really honor, and how, if at all, does my life style reflect
what I truly honor?"
The next phase is the "movement
phase." It is here that we begin to make changes. They are often small at
first. For instance, we might change our diet or make an appointment to see a
counselor.
The final phase is the "expansion
phase." This phase is where our changes and growth not only impact our own
lives, but touches other lives as well.
David: Dr.
Fowles' website is called SagePlace. When you have some quiet time, I encourage you
to sit down at your computer and read through this excellent site. Not only is
there a lot of information, but it is presented in a very thoughtful manner.
Here is the link to purchase Dr. Fowles' book: "BirthQuake: The Journey to Wholeness".
Also, we now have hosted support groups on our
site. We are receiving a lot of very positive feedback on that. You can click
here for more details about the schedule.
Here are a couple of audience comments on
what's been said so far, then more audience questions:
flitecrew: I
think my experience qualifies as a quake. I lost a cousin, three weeks later I
lost my brother, seven months later my mother passed away in her sleep, four
months later my sister was diagnosed with incurable pancreatic cancer and died
one year later. I had given up my job to care for my sister and when it was
done, I had no immediate family left or a job. But four years later, I am doing
well, although it was a long and difficult journey.
Pier: We
have all had our terrible experiences. We have all searched for answers. The
answers lie only within ourselves. This is what I understand of healing.
Montana: I
experienced several years of severe abreactions, which in reality, helped me
get into the healing process and remove the pain and anguish. My question is
how do you connect the mind, body and spirit to find balance after the
BirthQuake?
Dr. Fowles:
By attending to each of these sacred aspects of the self. It takes
time, certainly, but they are clearly interconnected. Laurence J. Bennet
observed that, "Healing is a process of reorganization and reintegration
of things which have come apart." Step-by-step, as you make a conscious
effort to integrate mind/body/spirit, this process takes place. There are some
wonderful books that you might find helpful, Montana, such as Ken Pelletier's
books -- "Mind as healer, Mind as Slayer" and "Sound Mind, Sound Body." There are several
more.
David: Here
are two similar questions:
BlackAngel:
What if instead of going through the entire process, you fail. Where
does that leave you?
Keiki: What
if the healing doesn't work, so you rip open wounds (literally) and never feel
solace?
Dr. Fowles:
Healing is a process. You may think you've failed when you've only stumbled.
Ken Nerburn advises that, "You must ask yourself not if you will heal, but
how you will heal." You may think you have reached the end, when you are
actually simply at another turning point.
tjs53221: I
was wondering if there is any way of quickening a new birth or birthquake. I
have been divorced for three and a half years and can't seem to get over the
pain and get on with my life. What can I do?
Dr. Fowles:
I am wondering if you've sought counseling, if you've sought the support of a
group. These are two helpful steps.
tjs53221:
Yes. I have done both.
Dr. Fowles:
Perhaps, although you continue to be in pain, you are continuing to
grow. Even your pain can be a pathway to possibility. Are you journaling? Have
you looked for the lessons of this painful experience? What are you doing now
to provide support and nurturance to yourself?
David: One
of the things you talk about in your book is the myth of "happily ever
after." We are led to believe that the spouse, the kids, the white picket
fence and having money is the ideal. In reality, many people don't reach that
point, ever! What does that mean?
Dr. Fowles:
Frederick Edwards wrote of living on the "deferred payment plan,"
that's what we do when we hope that some event will lead to us being happily
ever after. The truth is that there is no "happily ever
after."
adultchile:
How can you attend to these sacred aspects when you are doing all
you can to just keep breathing and keep a roof over your head? How can you get
your perspective back, when you don't feel safe?
Dr. Fowles:
It doesn't come with the right partner, job, etc. That's a very good question,
one that speaks to my heart. The priority first is to do what you need to do to
feel safe. That comes first.
When you are living with anxiety and fear, it is
difficult to have a positive outlook or a healthy perspective, so sometimes you
have to "borrow" the perspective of others.
This helps you to keep your expectations of
yourself modest, to take one step at a time, and trust to the very best of your
ability that you'll make your way out of the darkness. Once you begin to feel
safer, and that will require work on your part as well as reaching out, your
perspective will shift.
David: I
want to mention here that we have a very large journaling community, people who
keep online diaries of their experiences. We are looking for journalers in the
alternative mental health community.
It is not only helpful to the journaler, but also to the visitors who come by
and discover they are not alone in their feelings. If you are interested in
journaling with us, please click
here.
Dr. Fowles:
I highly recommend journaling as well.
David: Here
are a few more audience comments on what's been said so far:
Keiki:
People don't ever reach "the white picket fence" because they hurt
too much inside themselves.
Joyce1704:
The truth is, you are as happy as you allow yourself to be. It comes
from within. As I know, if you learn to love all the little pleasures, soon the
larger problems melt away. In 1962, I suffered a near fatal auto accident
resulting in total amnesia. I had to have the faith to start a whole new life.
With faith in GOD and Divine intellegence, I built a new life. It wasn't
easy.
Pier: We are
not human beings trying to become spiritual, we are spiritual beings trying to
become human.
Dr. Fowles:
I absolutely agree with you Joyce and Pier.
Reenie274:
What about the severe traumas we may have encountered in our lives, things that
we have yet to resolve. Does this relate to them as well?
Dr. Fowles:
Absolutely. Confronting those, very often leads to a
Birthquake.
David:
Another audience comment:
tjs53221: I
journal sometimes. I guess I don't really nurture myself because I keep
dwelling on the pain.
Montana:
Healing and Growth takes practice, practice, practice and
willingness, willingness, willingness!
Dr. Fowles:
Absolutely, Montana. Edwin Louis Cole observed, "You don't
drown by falling in the water, you drown by staying there." Dwelling on
the pain might still be part of the process for you, but you need to move
beyond this dear sister. Have you heard of dialoging as a journaling
tool?
David: Can
you briefly explain that?
Dr. Fowles:
Well there are many forms of dialoging. But one that I often suggest
is dialoging with our inner wisdom. Each of us contains an enormous storehouse
of wisdom that we need only tap into. When we simply write to ourselves, we can
get mired in our pain, anger, confusion. If we write to our inner wisdom and
then allow that inner wisdom to answer, then we begin to make progress. There
is an amazing amount we can learn from ourselves.
David: One
thing I want to ask: Concretely, how do you move from beyond the pain to
starting the transformation, to the "journey to wholeness" as you
describe it?
Dr. Fowles:
I think the first step is to ask yourself, "how do I grow from
here?" There is no one specific action that each of us can take that works
for all of us. I hate to be in pain. I hate to hurt. But when I'm hurting I've
learned to ask myself what lessons live along with this pain. What do I need?
What must I do? What must I change? etc. James Hillman once said, "Every
major change involves a breakdown." What change is this breakdown calling
for?
David: I
want to thank Dr. Fowles for being our guest tonight and sharing her knowledge
and experience with us. And thanks to everyone in the audience for coming and
participating. I hope you found it helpful.
Dr. Fowles:
I would like to thank you David for providing us with this
opportunity to explore this area together. And thank each of you for being
here. I sincerely hope you found this chat helpful. Goodnight.
David:
Thanks again and good night everyone.
We hold topical mental health chat
conferences every Wed. and Thurs. nights. The schedule and transcripts from
previous chats are
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