Anger

One of the strongest feelings I cope with, in recovery, is anger. Anger was once associated with rage. Rage is anger out of control, without regard to boundary or concession. Rage is an abusive and destructive control behavior. When the anger I'm releasing (expelling) is connected with the need to have control over the person I'm angry with, I know I'm going into rage.

The need to control abusively (rage) stems from the fears of feeling helpless, controlled, and injured. Anger is a secondary emotion. By secondary, I mean that anger is derived from hurt and fear. When I feel anger, I know that somewhere preceding the anger is hurt or fear, i.e. when I'm feeling angry, I'm feeling that my security is somehow jeopardized. I feel trapped; and chose to become angry instead of being vulnerable (hurt or fear). Being vulnerable and allowing my fears and my hurts to surface in a nurturing environment, allows me to practice those feelings instead of choosing anger every time. It's like trusting myself and other people to be angry without getting controlled (abandoned) or controlling (abandon), so I may move on into the hurts and fears.

I need my anger, but I can choose to use it as a tool to expel and to set boundaries; instead of a reaction to controlling hurt and fear or someone else. I can choose to allow anger to protect me and not control me (or someone else). I take the control and the terror out of the anger in order for it not to become rage. Anger and Boundary setting is discussed in Section III.

Anger is also an avenue to grief

Grief has it's own natural progression. The progression of grief is:

• Exposure
• Fear
• Denial (filtration)
• Anger
• Fear
• Hurt, Sadness
• Acceptance

Acceptance is the next and last section of this guide. Acceptance is love.

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