Letter To My Family

Dear Family:

Welcome to my little corner of the web. By now you may have read each and every word printed on these pages. I hope you have. But more than read them, I hope you have really heard what I've said, taken it in, thought about it, applied to your own life what belongs to you, and gained some valuable insight from my experiences and disclosures.

I know that first of all you are angry because I have let the cat out of the bag. I have told family secrets and in your minds, they should be kept in the closet. That is not what I believe. Secrets don't do anyone any good. Secrets don't facilitate healing. Secrets only guarantee that the things done in secret will continue on through the generations. They guarantee help for no one, especially those keeping them.

I never have been one to keep secrets. I told people I was abused even while in my teens, perhaps even younger. I told my school counselor, I told a doctor, I told someone at church. Unfortunately back then people didn't know what to do about it, so it was easier to just ignore it and hope it would go away. I didn't tell these people everything, only a little piece, perhaps to see what, if anything, they would do with it.

Then when I met my husband. I shared some of it with him because I had some real fears about getting married and having sex. Luckily, he knew how to help me through some of those fears and has stood by me as I've worked through other difficulties the sexual abuse and other abuses caused. He is so much of the reason I have made it this far.

As I encountered problems along the way, I also spoke with my pastor about some of it, but still we didn't know how to really work through it, and I would run (not go back or bring it up again) once I disclosed the sexual abuse, too. It was too scary for me and I had too much shame. I was sure others would find me repulsive when they found out. I'm so glad I know better now; that I trusted someone with my past and let him help me through it.

So even though you may have thought all this was secret until ten years ago, you were wrong. Of course, no one, except other family members, who reads these pages will know your identity unless you tell them. The other people who read these pages don't know me or who my family really is. So in some ways, your secrets are still secrets.

Now, what I want to say to you is this:

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