Rape, Sexual Assault Survivor Stories

"Allow me to live
To breathe
To think
To feel
To trust
To love
Without fear"
-Anonymous

Wow! This happened so long ago but I think about it every day. Sometimes I go through bouts of depression triggered by the mention of this guy's name (he was a popular classmate), or if I see someone that resembles him, or if I get rejected in any form or fashion. I am getting stronger and can say the word "rape" now and tell others that I am a survivor.

Anyway this happened at the end of my freshman year in high school. I went over to my girlfriend's house to sit on her stoop. A bunch of neighborhood kids were out that day, hanging out. "D" came out and sat next to me on the stoop. We spoke. I always thought that this guy was so cute. He was the shy, quiet type and he had the girls FIGHTING over him left and right...so he was off-limits to me anyway....plus he had a girlfriend.

Anyway, we were all just hanging on the stoop and then he went down the street to his house to bring out his dirt bike. He came back down to where my girlfriend and I were sitting and then I asked him for a ride. He told me to get on and I did. Once we left the area, we drove towards a park and I mentioned to him that I liked him and thought that he was cute, which, by the way, is NORMAL conversation for a teenage girl. Then he asked me if I wanted to "cut" through the park. To this, I agreed.

Later he asked if I wanted to drive the dirt bike. He would show me how. I agreed. I could not balance the bike so he then drove again. Then we went deeper into the park. It had JUST gotten dark and then he pulled over. Just THAT quick, he turned into an octopus and was all over me. I pushed him away and he kept coming at me. Then, this is where it turned into the twilight zone. This GROWN man was riding his bike through the park, SAW what was happening between the two of us, then OFFERED to help! To hold me down. Then "D" ran him off.

I started to hyperventilate and begged him to take me home. I was horrified and afraid to try to run off since this other man was OUT there somewhere. "D" did not listen to me. He kept begging me to just kiss him back and to let him "break" me in. I fought this kid back. He then threw me down and raped me...and took my virginity. He then apologized profusely and blamed it on the alcohol, then took me home.

It took me years to admit what happened, to get over the guilt of accepting the ride and the shame of the rape. I never reported him. We stopped speaking to each other at school and in the neighborhood. Well--I thought that it would never happen. but I am finding peace and learning to love myself in spite of this incident.

-Vanity67

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