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Name - Nickname - Email Address

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fran - skitz168762@aol.com

Comments - I suppose I've always known something is "wrong" with me. I'm different in some way. Finally, in 1996, I found out that I have ADD and OCD. The whole thing started when I had suspected that my then 12 year son had ADD. Through lots of research, question asking, etc., I learned about the genetic aspects of these disorders. My whole life changed! A huge weight was finally lifted. I was put on Adderall and Paxil. For the first time in my life I realized that I am not stupid, lazy or crazy. (This won't let me tab to indent, so sorry if everything runs together!) I have always been creative, which, I suppose, is understandable considering I've always had to figure out ways to learn that are not quite "the norm". I have many jobs that I was WAY underqualified to have. Naturally, I'd panick when I realized what a fake I was. The jobs I did hold didn,t last long. There was always some justification, but in reality I was bored,therefore, I'd quit. Financially, I am an idiot! Impulsive. Whoa boy- that's me!!!! I finally found the job of my dreams. Quite by accident, I found an advertisement for flight attendants at a major airline. Thinking I was too old (40 yrs now) and not "Barbie" doll material, I went to the openhouse anyway. Long story short, I got the job and still love it! I am in my fourth year now and still wake up thrilled to go to work. I supposed the chaotic lifestyle, always changing schedule, days off(many) and meeting all sorts of people are why the job is so appealing. This is by far the longest I've held a job. I even went to college for five years. Would you believe I have nothing (tangible) to show for it. Not even an associates degree. I'm sure most of you have heard it all before - hyperfocus on subjects that I had true interest in and blanking out on the rest. I am now a very confident individual and know no strangers. It's funny to me that I am so comfortable with people when for most of my life, I wasn't comfortable with me. I've forgiven myself for most of my mistakes and try to live with the rest. After divorcing my first husband after 8 1/2 yrs, we agreed that our two boys would be better off living with him. He has a masters in engineering and was on his way to financial success. Realizing that I needed to further my education while earning an income, it seemed unjust to take my children and subject them to such a chaotic lifestyle. My ex has remarried (not terribly long after our divorce) and my boys live a structured, stable life. They are happy and do not appear to harbor resentment to my leaving. The guilt, even though now I can see how ADD comes into play, has never left me. It is difficult to look at photos of my children when they were very young. What kind of monster I must be to have given up my children! We live on opposite sides of the country now (my job sent me out of training) but because of my job benefits, we see each other often. I have been married for two years now to a wonderful, kind, understanding man. He forgives my shortcomings and tries (usually with success)to understand my ADD world. Although I now understand the strange workings of my brain, I try not to use ADD as a crutch, an excuse. I am happy and grateful at having a second chance at life. Thanks for letting me share a little of that life with you.

Sis - Missiestevenson@hotmail.com

Comments - I am desperate to help my brother. When we were very small children in Florida my brother was being studied for ADHD. I can remember going to the hospital and watching behind tinted glass as doctors experimented with him and other children in a playgroup. I cried at the age of 5 watching him get into and out of trouble with the doctors running the experiment. I'm still crying, almost 30 years later. My brother hasn't taken medication for his disorder since he quit school in the 10th grade. He is calling me now deep in depression. He lies all the time, he can't keep a job, his girlfriend of 6 years just broke up with him, and he doesn't have anywhere to go. He has broke off all contact with our Mother and our Dad might be a more harmful influence than helpful. I've invited him to stay with me and my family. But I don't know if that's what's best for him. My husband thinks he needs to do something on his own to help his situation. However; he is willing to let him stay temporarily with us as long as my brother has some type of plan. Someway to make his life better. I know in my heart he needs to be back on some kind of medication but he gets so mad if it's even brought up. He has always been embarassed about having to take medicine and has only recently admitted that he needs to get some type of counseling. Since he hasn't kept any job in the last decade long enough to get insurance he has never been to a doctor about what all is going on in his life. I see him hurting and I'm afraid that he will one day hurt himself. How can I get him to a doctor? How can I help him with out him turning from me? I don't know what I expect from writing this. I guess, after reading some of the other stories on this site I thought someone who understands could help.

Sis - Missiestevenson@hotmail.com

Comments - I am desperate to help my brother. When we were very small children in Florida my brother was being studied for ADHD. I can remember going to the hospital and watching behind tinted glass as doctors experimented with him and other children in a playgroup. I cried at the age of 7 watching him get into and out of trouble with the doctors running the experiment. I'm still crying, almost 30 years later. My brother hasn't taken medication for his disorder since he quit school in the 10th grade. He is calling me now deep in depression. He lies all the time, he can't keep a job, his girlfriend of 6 years just broke up with him, and he doesn't have anywhere to go. He has broke off all contact with our Mother and our Dad might be a more harmful influence than helpful. I've invited him to stay with me and my family. But I don't know if that's what's best for him. My husband thinks he needs to do something on his own to help his situation. However; he is willing to let him stay temporarily with us as long as my brother has some type of plan. Someway to make his life better. I know in my heart he needs to be back on some kind of medication but he gets so mad if it's even brought up. He has always been embarassed about having to take medicine and has only recently admitted that he needs to get some type of counseling. Since he hasn't kept any job in the last decade long enough to get insurance he has never been to a doctor about what all is going on in his life. I see him hurting and I'm afraid that he will one day hurt himself. How can I get him to a doctor? How can I help him with out him turning from me? I don't know what I expect from writing this. I guess, after reading some of the other stories on this site I thought someone who understands could help.

SANDRA BETTY - ghbr27699@cableinet.co.uk

Comments - my son stephen was 12 years old when we were told he had adhd. he was put onto ritalin. at first he was doing great, he mixed with others, played football for a team. but by the time he was 14 things started to go wrong. we told the doctor about the troubles we was going through, but all he did was put the ritalin up. at 15 stephen was on 10 ritalins aday, 5 in the morning and 5 in the afternoon. I felt this was too high but every time we spoke to the doctor about it he would tell us he knew what he was doing. Now I warn others about ritalin, as my son have come of of it BUT onto stronger Drugs. I feel ritalin gave my son maybe 3 years of his life but a lifetime of hell. I wish I never let the doctor give my son dugs. He is now 20 years old with no live at all.We have tryed to help him, but it is hard to do.Many anight i as his mother cry myself to sleep, it is a sorry sight to see your child alone and drugged up, all because you felt you was doing the right thing for him. Also we trusted the doctor.

Brenda Koslofski - Brendakaye@healthyplace.com

Comments - I do not have ADHD, but my husband does. When I first met Tim, he told me he had ADHD, but I had no idea what living with him would be like. The first six months were quite an adjustment, but I never thought once about leaving. We have just celebrated our first anniversary, and the thing that helps the most, is that I do not treat Tim like his diagnosis, I treat him like the person he is. His name is Tim, not ADHD. He has a job, goes to college full time, and we are more in love every day. I believe that treating him as a person had given him the confidence he needed to become an independent person. Mrs. Brenda Koslofski

JElaine - Cycles42meandU@aol.com

Comments - My husband and I both have ADHD. We also are treated for depression. My husband would like to hear from anyone who has had a better experience using Depakote, and had little or no success with several other drugs . We both take Adderall, and like it. It helps us both cope alot better than we ever thought possible. Being able to read thru a book instead of jumping around to hurry and find out what happens has been wonderful.

Holly Berry - hollyb@pclnet.net

Comments - My child was diagnosed with ADHD in first grade, first week of school. I'm a single mommy and it's always been he and I. In day care at age three, he was unmanageable for the preschool teachers and therefore I was called away many times from work to attend to his needs. I knew nothing about ADHD at this time and by desperation, I began a small business at home, cleaning motor homes for a local company in order to always keep Caleb by my side and "out of trouble". So at three years old, he was my chief "paper towel and spray bottle" holder. We recited the books of the Bible and told bible stories. We made up songs and sang familiar songs of old. He asked endless "whys". Little "whys" we all know and big "whys" like why am I adopted mommy? or why did you say I was brown instead of white or black? or why did Roy leave us? (my ex-husband) and on and on and on the questions went. When I looked at Caleb, that little chubby face and the most beautiful eyes in the world, a heart of gold like no other in the world shown so brightly to me and I wondered, did all parents think this way about their children? Caleb was my first and only child so I really was experiencing everything with amazement and "whys" of my own. By first grade and the diagnosis of ADHD, I was still of course very poor and attempting to go back to college myself with this new "freedom" while Caleb would be at school. However then began the road to medications....First Ritalin..then Dexedrine..then Dexedrine with Prozac and Dexedrine with Paxil and then Prozac by itself and then Aderol and then ........ What I am about to tell you will either shock you because you have never been there..or make you cry because you HAVE. On Ritalin, Caleb saw shadows that weren't there.. Oh he did great for the first two weeks..I thought all our troubles were over. But then his teacher said, No, I think Caleb needs more. So we go up on the dose..one or two weeks later..he needs more..and more OFTEN don't forget.. Dark circles appeared under his eyes..he was having nightmares, could not and would not eat..was dropping weight or staying the same weight over weeks and months..Then one night, he lay in bed with me at 2:30 in the morning. Still not asleep. Bouncing his leg up and down up and down over and over in a rhythm trying to fall asleep. He started to cry and said mommy I see a scary owl on the curtain...NO MORE RITALIN!!! Now Caleb is unmanageable at school. NOOOOOO screamed the teachers..put him back on it!! please!! Now Dexedrine..Great at first for hyperactivity, never was any better at focusing though. Then he became a different sort. From hyper to compulsive. Chewing things, pencils and erasers and paper. Writing his letters over and over on the same spot till the black pencil lead rubbed a hole in his paper. Putting ANY and all objects in his mouth. No appetite, no sleep..staying up till 4 and 4:30 in the morning..throwing all his clothes out the window at night and putting 100's of tiny holes in his bedroom walls, writing on the walls..scraping the walls...breaking his little toys into tiny pieces. LITERALLY GOING WILD as the Dexedrine wore off at night... STUPID ME!!!..I thought, IS THIS WHAT MY SON WOULD BE LIKE IF HE DIDN"T TAKE DEXEDRINE DURING THE DAY??? Never did it occur to me that he was having a WITHDRAWAL FROM THE MEDICATION at night.. I THOUGHT HE NEEDED MORE!!..I literally had to take pediatric restraints like those they use in hospitals to tie him to his bed so he would not hurt himself while I got some sleep. I cried, he cried. Even now thinking about that time in our lives...I have thoughts of suicide and hopelessness in my heart. Then one day. . . Caleb decides to play on my treadmill, unbeknownst to me. He falls off and bounces his skinny back across it. Three little sores in a row down his spine. He doesn't come and tell me because he knows he wasn't supposed to be on the treadmill in the first place. But he is still on Dexedrine and the one thing he did compulsively was pick at scabs..scratch at bug bites..etc... So one day he is picking at his back sores from the treadmill accident and the teacher tells him to get back to work. He says his back hurts and he can't work. She examines his back to find the spots. Next thing I know the Dept. of Human Resources is at my door and thus begins some awakening for me and some trouble for us as well. They talk to Caleb at school and he assures them that his Mommy did not hurt his back. They talk to me and I assure them that I did not hurt his back. We ALL go to the doctor and let the Doctor examine Caleb's back. The doctor asks Caleb how this happened? and he reveals the treadmill incident. I immediately tell the doctor that MY SON WILL NO LONGER TAKE DEXEDRINE!!..I don't care HOW MUCH THE TEACHERS BEG FOR MEDICATION...CALEB IS GOING TO be taken OFF of it immediately!! He was. Of course the very first night off the Dexedrine he was like a new child..He walked up to me and said Mama I'm a sleepy boy (at 8:30pm!!!!!!!!!!!!!). This is the child that was being tied to his bed the night before!! This is the child awake until four and four-thirty in the morning!! This WAS a child having withdrawals from the Dexedrine with a Doctor to ignorant to even UNDERSTAND THAT!!!!!!!. and a Mother To scared because of the pressures of the school system to take control of her son's life again and do what was BEST FOR HIM!! The one good thing that came from the Dept. of Human Resources was the fact that I learned some good rules of thumb about ADHD from a counselor appointed to our case. Also they gave Caleb some clothes for Christmas. This was nice and appreciated. HOWEVER...the FIRST THING they wanted to do was to put Caleb on MORE MEDICINE...I was adamant and refused. I became the enemy to my son's well-being rather than the savior. To this day I will not regret taking him off Dexedrine. No matter the lack of favor by DHR. But I weakened over the next few months. I went to IEP meetings at school. I went to a lawyer to get the school to train and educate Caleb properly. The school, once I had a lawyer, was all too willing to set up our first IEP meeting. Until then, I did not know those things even existed..hmmm. Now Caleb would have an aid in the classroom. Now he would be given the SAT one on one with his teacher or another adult. Now he would be a real CHILD and not just a NUMBER at a DESK. With the pressure from DHR and the school to have Caleb on medicine, I finally gave in and let the doctor put Caleb on Aderol. As with all the other drugs, he was OK for a couple of weeks then became compulsive and lethargic and downright OUT of focus altogether after those two weeks. I took him off soon thereafter and have held my ground ever since. He did have a spell on Prozac which seemed to help the occasional bedwetting problem. I took him off that once and the bedwetting returned. Put him back on and for a few months of maturity I waited then took him off again and there has been no bedwetting. So no more Prozac either. Oh, I forgot to mention that while Caleb was making the transition between medicine and no medicine he set a small fire the "fluff" on his mattress bottom. Resulting in a burned down apartment. We moved to another apartment. A one bedroom apartment. Here we had to hire a lawyer because we were not allowed to stay when the owner found out about the fire at the other place. Here we had to stay in our apartment at all times like caged animals for the first two months in fear that we would come home and find ourselves locked out with our meager belongings in the street. So I call and begin to cry to a total stranger and lawyer in housing discrimination. He writes a letter to the "ex-judge" of our small town who owns the apt. complex. The judge "lets" us stay. But the apartment manager makes sure to spread the word of what a "bad" child Caleb is and what a bad mother I am. We SUDDENLY HAVE ENEMIES and didn't even know anyone's name yet!! We are shunned and whispered about. Caleb is talked down to. We are poor as dirt and have lost all our clothes and his toys and books and furniture in a fire. We are outcasts and have no money to get "out" of this small "buckle of the bible belt" town. I even thought a move to another apartment would be nice. Even in the same town. Just to get away from the assaults if possible. I was ignored by the apartment manager for twenty days after repeated calls to her. She just would not accept our application. Then one day I get a letter in the mail stating that Caleb is a danger to himself and others and we are denied. Even though we had enough money to rent and we had lived in our one bedroom apartment for a year and a half with NO incident whatsoever of a fire or trouble from Caleb and had a glowing letter from our apartment manager by this time upon my request We were denied. I hate this town. I, of course had to drop out of school. With all the calls to the elementary school to deal with Caleb's issues there. Not of bad behavior. Just not sitting still, not completing work. Excessive talking. Then there were constant calls to the DHR. Saying Caleb was unsupervised. Every time he went outside to play by himself. He was in fear that someone would tell him to STAY AWAY from them or their children. We had a little creek down by our apartment and there he found the most wonderful thing in the world. Constant flowing water and lots of crawdads and fish to catch. Turtles and frogs and salamanders and bugs. His heaven on earth and no one telling him to SIT STILL and BE QUIET!! This was his own little world where he had control and respect and decency even if it was from little creatures underwater. Then eventually the children of the apartment complex changed all that. They made his new home of wonder into a sad and scary place. Throwing his bicycle in the water. Tearing up his fishing pole. Calling him stupid and retard and dummy. Generally making fun of him. I hate this town. I guess I said that already. So anyway. Tomorrow I have to go to school and sit beside Caleb all day so that he will be quiet and still and like the "normal" kids in the classroom. I had a 4.0 gpa for the first two years of college by the way. Now its a 2.43 and I don't see myself even getting to go back to school. I have 17 classes to go before receiving a bachelor's degree in Business Administration. DHR is taking us to court because Caleb is "unsupervised" in their opinion due to the five calls they received from our neighbors at the first of the year. That was the time when I let Caleb go out and play and be a "real" boy. Now he stays inside with me. He is never out of my sight unless he is at school. We are caged in a one bedroom hell and we work on the computer together. We watch cartoons and we play and do homework. We talk about having a "daddy" someday. We still pray before we eat supper and we talk about God like the days of motor home cleaning. The 'whys' get harder to answer and the tears easier to shed. Caleb is nine years old and in fourth grade now. His heart is so beautiful and glowing that it shines on me like the sun, giving me warmth and light to see far beyond my own agendas. I wonder if all parents feel this way about their children. I guess they do :))))

Rachel - eh302@barnard.edu

Comments - Hi. My exboyfriend broke up with me suddenly after becoming strangely distant for a couple of days. He couldn't maintain the separation though, and I think his chronic relationship difficulties are related to ADD. We discovered that he has almost all the listed symptoms for ADD and reacts positively to Ritalin. He read an article, however, that says that ADD was made up by drug companies, and now thinks that he can solve his behavioral problems by himself. Friends and acquaintances of his are becoming more and more frustrated with his carelessness, irresponsibility, and self-absorption. I don't know how to convince him to get help dealing with his ADD. He is 23 and a musician. He is brilliant, but I am afraid he will never succeed unless he deals with this problem. He is afraid that if he treats it, his creativity will be diminished. Is this true? Help! I don't know what to do, but it is terrifying to watch him self destruct.

Traci Connett - Drmsbydsgn@aol.com

Comments - I just read the story of Joseph Brooks. When I read it, I started to cry. My own life is such a close mirror. I am a 31 year old female who was just diagnosed in June of 2000 as having ADHD, OCD and severe panic disorder. Currently I take 40mg. of Ritalin a day, 30mg. of Paxil a day, and 1800mg of Neurontin a day. Like Joseph, I was a rotten kid, but a very smart and cunning kid. I also was reading at a college level by 4th grade, although I never could sit still in my chair and was constantly in trouble for distracting other students. Many times it was because I usually finished in-class assignments and tests way before the other children. Sports Joseph. Please. I always hated lunch and recess. First, I always ate alone because the other kids hated me for always distracting them. Inevitably I always had to play kickball at lunchtime. I was always the last one picked, and what used to really get to me after awhile was knowing ahead of time that this was going to happen. So I would stand with the other kids during team picking with my head down already knowing that nobody wanted me on their team, but since I was there I had to go somewhere. In 9th grade I discovered drugs and alcohol. When I started using cocaine and especially speed, suddenly I felt normal. I could sit on a couch for more than 2 seconds and carry on a regular conversation. My drug use escalated and escalated until finally 5 days before my 18th birthday, I was in a horrible motorcycle accident (on my way to buy drugs) and was very lucky I didn't die. I have been clean and sober since then, but without those drugs, I am a mess internally and alot of times externally. I am also a college student. The ADHD makes it extremely difficult for me here, as well as the severe panic disorder. Since I was only recently diagnosed, I was only able to educate my instructors this last semester. One instructor knows quite a bit about ADHD so she is very understanding (bless her heart) when I don't raise my hand and blurt answers out or when suddenly I have to leave the room. My other instructor however, knew nothing of ADHD and has had a difficult time dealing with me in his classroom even though I gave him several informational pamphlets from CHADD. In any case, I am trying to learn behaviorial modification techniques, but have found it very difficult. The Ritalin has done wonders for my concentration though. Instead of having 12 unfinished projects going in a day, now I have 3 or 4 completed projects. The Ritalin does not however help with the hyperactivity. My body is in motion 24 hours a day 7 days a week. It never stops. The tips of my toes on my right foot are severely damaged from constantly rubbing them in my shoes. The calouses get so thick on them that I have to use scissors to literally cut them off every 2 or 3 weeks. I also have a 2 1/2 year old boy. It is very difficult for me to handle my son sometimes. I get frustrated very easily with him and try so hard to act like a normal mom. When he wants me to lay down with him for a nap, I can't. I have to have a magazine to read or a book or something to do while I am laying there. I can't just sit down on the couch and relax or watch TV. Since the adult population, especially females with ADHD is so small, I would really like to talk to others with this disorder. Maybe someone out there can give me some good tips or advice on dealing with my whirlwindness. My husband has to put me in time-outs sometimes. Christ, I can't even get my son to take a time-out, but there's mommy, in a 5 minute time out. If any other adults are interesting in helping me, please e-mail me at drmsbydsgn@aol.com. And thank you to Joseph Brooks. Without reading his story, I never would have had the courage to share mine. Thank you for reading this.

terri - bardguibo@aol.com

Comments - uh yeah, k, I'm 17 and I'm prity sure I'm ADD. Never finish things I start, can't sit still, loose intrest in things after about five seconds, not to mention anyone who has ever tryed to help me with my homework has thretened to kill me many times. I always just figuared I was just typical lazy stupid space case(my nick name is head-in-the-clouds),but something just didn't seem right. I was pretty smart, I got decent grades in most things because I would pick up on stuff quick but once I got into things that reqired alot of attention forget it, my notes would be decorated with random doodles and though I was awake I had no idea what was going on. Plus my volleyball coaches always hated me because no matter how hard I tryed, I just couldn't understand the drills when she explaned them, same with complicated directions or things I had to remember. I kept quiet though so no one noticed me. Then I met my boyfriend who I love more then anything. Lets just say I call him adderall boy. Well after going out for awhile we decovered that alot of our problems were identical. It seemed like every time I would do the kind of thing I hated myself for doing (i.e. spacing out, saying things that make no sence, constantly figeting he would go "Oh yeah, you've got ADHD" and I would hit him on princible. Then both my mom and I started looking into it and it was like Woah thats me, I'm not just a complete moron! Its kind of strange cause in a way I'm glad bc now I atleast know I'm weird for a reson, not just because I'm a complete idiot or lazy. On the other hand it's kind of depresing because, I don't know I guess I thought I could somehow snap out of it if I realy wanted to. But now I'm presented with a question... to take drugs or not to take drugs... see like i don't know I've made it this far (it's sucked but I've made it)but I don't know how to go about asking someone ya know cause I've alway hatted drugs cause I don't want to be dependet on something. you see my bf's been on that stuff for a long time and I realy think he's dependent more then he would have been without it. See cause he's kind of always had that excuse, but all I realy got was sit down, shut up and pay attention so now I'm just realy stressed about stuff which doesn't help. Anyway someone write me and tell what you think I should do, peace + love, terri

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Brooke - ajiasierra@aol.com

Comments - As a child I was very hyper and could not concentrate on anything for a long period of time. All through middle school and high school I experienced the same problems. I was diagnosed about a year ago. I am now 21. I have had a dream to become a photojournalist. School is such a struggle for me. I decided to join the Military hoping they would put me through school for it. I scored so low on the ASVAB that I barely made it into the military. I was told that after I got in I could take courses, retake the ASVAB and change my career field. That never happend. I have been out of the military for 2years now and been through 8 jobs. I joined the Fire Department. I lost interest. The amount of information I needed to learn was overwhelming. I tried school for a semester, did good for the first month, then I failed miserabley. That's always how school always went for me. I would be excited in the begining and tell myself I would try hard to get good grades. Before I know it I have several incomplete homework assignments, and failed most of my tests. I am starting school in the fall. I am scared. My dream of becoming a photojournalist seems to drift further and further away. I can't hold an intelligent conversation to save my life. I am very depressed, I feel stupid. I am affraid I will never succeed. Will my dream always be just a dream? I need help.

Marlene - earthangel110@juno.com

Comments - Hi, My name is Marlene and I have had ADD all of my life. I am 51. I was diagnoised about 51/2 years ago. In the past several months I've had a problems with my landlady who doesn't understand ADD.My apt. looks like it needs a FEMA team. Stuff every where! I finally have her at bay. She tried to kick me out, but I managed to stay. What I am looking at now is compromise with her. I have said she can inspect my apt 1x month with me present. I love where I live. The place is huge with old oak woodwork. I just need her to realize thatit took me along time to get the place in such a mess, so I just can't clean it up over night.Until lately I have spent years denying I have ADD. My nosey landlady was a serious wake up call for me. I went back into thearpy and am confronting my add. This will not be easy. I also have years of bad habits to over come. As I get my home in order I have mixed feelings. I got use to the chaos and clutter. It felt like a part of me, yet I'm liking what I'm seeing. Old habits die way to hard for my taste. I am slowly making progress and am more at peace with me and my add then I've been in all of my life. I do take daily medication. I notice that if I miss a dose (prozac and buspar) I can really tell the difference. I am learning to set a timer to give me a stop and start time with my cleaning. I realized that my ability to estemaite cleaning up got in my way. The timer gives me a starting and stopping space and gives me the permaniters to work in. I also will put on a CD and clean to that. Again just having a concrete time frame to work in has been a big help. The timer gives me a clear start and stop time. It keeps me from sitting on my couch and getting anxious about my mess. I always know when to stop. Oh I don't look at the face when I set it. If I do then I'd be looking at my watch. I turn the face away and set it and keep it turned away. I figure that the most time I'll spend is 60 minutes, Even if we don't have ADD 50 to 60 minutes of a task is about all the brain can handle.Hang in there!

Giannina - Giannina2hotmail.com

Comments - o.k.�'LL tell you a part of my story. the worst part. I am now 52 living alone in Ecuador. I lost my husband 10 years ago, by that time I was living in Germany with him, I had a beautiful house in the country, had a job as a secretary for foreign languages (english,spanish and german) and had a cat. When Wolfgang died, I went crazzy- I thougth it was my fault, because of been such a terrible wife. (we had sex only two years of a almost ten years marriage), but not only sex, many other things. So, I went mad. I quited the jog, sold the house, went back to Ecuador to my old father who was 90 years old, and holded to him until he died. Then I left the house, and in a way I have lost myself. My story does not have a happy end. I am now alone, i just can't deal with people. I have 4 dogs and a young man that helps me with housekeeping, because I am unable to do it. I can't even feed myself. I don't speak to my brother or to my sister. I am full of guilt and anguer agaist myself. If the dogs weren't there or Carlos i will kill myself. I take no medication, and learned just a few weeks agos aboud ADD for adults. As I read and made the test, I realized perhaps It is what I have. But now it es too late. I am too old. My psicolog gives me tasks to complete, and sometimes i respond but depression and guilt make me very unhappy.

Anne - reve4annes@aol.com

Comments - After reading the information on this website I don't know if I'm overjoyed or angry about my discovery. I am a walking, talking, dictionary description of Adult ADD. I can't believe that neither my psychologist or psychiatrist couldn't see this. They have me on medication for depression which I understand can occur at the same time as Adult ADD. However, some of the weird symptoms I always complain about to them and they say these aren't really explainable are CLASSIC ADD. CONSTANT fidgeting of legs and feet. I've even been to a medical doctor to see if there is a reason. I "tune out" to an unbelievable extent. This is what I was told by them: a way of escaping some traumatic event in childhood.(MFCC) not related to medication (Psychiatrist) I even tried to explain to the MFCC that I was not going anywhere when I "tune out" but I couldn't seem to explaining what my tunning out is like. Yet it seems that all these ADD sites know exactly what I mean. The hallmark symptom of ADD. The "tuning out" is quite involuntary. It happens when the person isn't looking, so to speak, and the next thing you know, he or she isn't there. Plus I have all the other clear signs of ADD. When I read the criteria for ADD I was dumbfounded. I can't believe there are other people out there like me, EXACTLY like me. Sorry to ramble, but I've delt with this for soooooooo long, without any understanding or help. When I read the diagnostic criteria for Adult ADD I thought what I was really reading was "What it's like to be Anne" Now I just need to find someone in Los Angeles who is knowledgeable enough about Adult ADD to help me. If anyone knows of a specialist in Los Angeles please let me know. I would like to think I'm finally going to find help. Thanks for listening everyone

Anne - reve4annes@aol.com

Fred L. Raynaud - raynaud@lvcm.com

Comments - I always thought I was a little strange, always intense, highly passionate, out-of-the-box, and on the creative edge, but there was the other side, poor time management, excessive talker, and always on the go, never being able to stay in one place or do just one thing. I work best on multiple projects. But have always had a hard time bringing projects to completion � boredom seemed to be lurking around every corner. During my childhood problems in school were the norm. It wasn�t so noticeable that I was diagnosed with ADD - they just sent to remedial reading classes until it was determined that I had an extremely high level of intelligence. Focus seemed to be one of my main issues. In high school the answers to my problems was to send me to continuation school. All of this misdiagnoses led to my dropping out in tenth grade. I joined the Army but my behavior got me transferred to a special training company for recruits that had disciplinary problems. After a year I was honorably discharged and returned home only to follow my father�s footsteps and end up in food service. My father was very much like me, moments of rage � always going a hundred miles an hour. In the last 25 years I had worked myself up from a dishwasher at a fast-food restaurant, to executive chef for a five-star resort, to corporate executive for two major casino companies responsible for 48 restaurants at 6 different properties. Quite an accomplishment for a high school drop-out, but my average time spent at any job was never longer than two years. I have always had extreme highs and lows both in my career as well as internally. In the fall of 1999, while trying to find out what was wrong with my son, who seemed to driven by the same internal struggles, I came across a website on ADHD. As I read the stories of adults with ADHD it was like looking in the mirror. I took a test on-line and as I read the questions tears began to flow down my face as I came to see the puzzle of my life begin to come together. I went to an ADD clinic and, after numerous tests; I was diagnosed with ADHD and started counseling and medication. During my first year I became aware of who I was and how I was made. I understood for the first time how my brain was wired. The pieces of my life were becoming clear. Because of my creativity and intelligence I have always been self-sufficient. Yet, as I reflected upon my past I noticed it was always marked by great heights and sudden falls. I wanted to end the cycle of going from job to job. I wanted to see my efforts over a long period and not just two years on a job. I knew that organization, time management and project completion were at the core of my problems. For a year I fought for my employer to supply me an administrative assistant, which was the norm for all other directors at my level, but my battle yielded no results. I was the creative guy and didn�t need an administrative assistance. The truth was, due to my ability to multi-task, I was left to my own without any team support. After six months I made the decision to tell my supervisor, in confidence, that I was diagnosed with ADHD and that my effectiveness would be doubled by having the right team and infrastructure in place for success. My boss blew it off, commenting that they said his son had that problem but he thought it was nonsense. Six months later with no support I made the hard decision to go to human resources and request an accommodation due to my ADHD. A week later they gave me administrative support. My boss apparently was upset. Two weeks later, on Christmas Eve, I was told that my job was being eliminated and I was being laid off. On January 28, 2001, I found myself unemployed and wondering what was going on. In my anger and confusion, I threw out my medication and stopped seeing my doctor. Now, ten months later, I am wondering if I threw out the baby with the bathwater. My wife blames our current situation on my doctor ADHD and said my doctor was a crackpot. Inside I know the truth but public opinion, politics, and a lack of solid understanding about this disorder caused my problems. Now I still struggle with ADHD and depression but I dare not share those feeling with my wife. I feel like a clown who is smiling on the outside but inside tears. The questions I know face are: Do I go back to my doctor and start my medication again? Do I ever share my condition with my employer again? Will people ever understand the complexity of ADHD and understand the contribution that one can make who has ADHD? I guess only time can tell.

Rachel - popmailrachelharrison@skynow.net

Comments - My sons 6 years old and stage 3 for special needs assessments,he has not been diagnosis. Allthought my son has not been diagnosis A.D.H.D,Educatinal pychologist and myself are sure that is the problem. My son school dose not seem to ofer the right support for my son in school, she has now said she may have to exclued him. Becouse of her actions i have removed my son from the school and no other school will take my son untill diagnosis. The school he was at said thay could not help me, thay dont seem to no how i would go about Diagnosis. I have contacted Educational authority,and more and no one seems to understand. I fill as if we are getting no were, if you can help me to help my son email me.

Alfred -

Comments - I guess you can say that I've always had ADD. I remember being young and my parents being perplexed by my odd behavior at home and school. I was eventually diagnosed with ADHD and was treated with Ritalin. I don't recall how long I was on it. I guess that you really never shake ADD. My formative years were always a challenge because I fought depression and many of the symptoms of ADD. I had other mental problems which surfaced throughout my college years. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder dominated me until I sought help one summer during college. I was placed on Prozac for a while and I guess my symptoms seemed to subside. It is only now that I know that I have ADD - still. It never really goes away. I'm currently on medication for ADD. My doctor has prescribed Adderall. 30 Mg twice a day. It seems to help, but I can't say that the improvement has been great. Maybe another medication would work better. He has said that we may explore that route when the time is necessary. All I can say is that it takes great courage for all of us to come out and deal with our problem. It is truly encouraging to know that psychiatric disorders are being dealt with more patience and knowledge. I can only feel for those who came before us who suffered through this when the majority of the population didn't recognize it. If anyone is reading this and feels alone, don't.

Pat Kellogg - wwjjww@asapnet.net

Comments - It just is sad I was treated so awfully in my job in the Chemistry Department from 1994 actually until I left in 2000. It is things no one should have to go through, and affected me incredibly. It is so tough when the whole world around you seems to be attacking you.

It all started when there was a new chairperson in the department. When he was a professor he had been very nice to my coworker and I. When he became the boss he became nasty, looking daggers at us all the time, only being critical. His behavior (I really think he might have Attention Deficit Disorder!) affected the whole department, and no one was the same again. It turned from a happy, smooth going place to a nightmare.

Even with a new chairperson in 1998, things did not improve greatly. He had been my friend for so long, but had 2 different sides to him. He didn't like to have things pointed out that he needed to accomplish, and when he'd ask my advice about something, he didn't like me pointing out not only the good points of his ideas, but things that wouldn't be easily accepted by folks in reaction to changes he was envisioning.

When they would not give me the next higher level position in the office and I had to train 3 new people for it in 3 years I knew it was time to leave. My boss said he didn't want me in the position because he didn't want me bucking him.

I didn't want to leave, it was home to me (I was there 12 years). I made the move to the Social and Cultural Sciences Department (which I discovered was incredibly dysfunctional and had a bad reputation - they were constantly being disciplined by the College of Arts and Sciences for their behavior-), and got let go.

I don't think it solely was because I was not performing my job properly. I did see hyperactive problems when I first started there, and then attention deficit at the end after my probation had been extended where I was blanking out in some tasks and had to keep struggling to focus on the job at hand. This occurred when I had to keep trying to get the chair to sign paperwork and handle. He worked at home most of the time and made himself mostly unavailable. It was a nightmare.

Well, now trying to work temp jobs, I have found that the duties I have had to do were ones that ADD makes stressful. They were boring tasks. Since I got let go in November from my job I started in August, I haven't received one temp assignment.

I am hopeful that something will be accomplished through the help of the Dept. of Vocational Rehabilitation.

Pat Kellogg

Jon -

Comments - I'm a 40 year old male, diagnosed with ADD just in the past year or so. Boy, does this diagnosis answer a lot of heretofore unanswered questions. I've been fortunate to be successful, educated, and generally healthy. Although I did experience challenges in school, none of them seemed particularly troublesome or beyond the norm from other kids. I learned to read in kindergarden; this helped me to easily excel in school into Junior High. At that point I started to become labeled as an "underachiever". If there was a subject I was interested in, it was a piece of cake. Otherwise, I was a "C" student. College was pretty much the same way--I was more interested in girls and partying. I skipped a lot of classes, partied A LOT, and graduated with about a 3.0 avg. (3/4). In hindsight, I had an addiction issue with marijuana. Only now, in looking back and learning more about my condition, does this piece of the puzzle fit in. My career history has suffered due to ADD; this is the first place where things have manifested themselves really negatively. I developed a reputation for being hot-headed (which I have learned to control), and impulsive. I have been passed over for promotions due to this stigma, though luckily not in the last few years. My organizational skills are terrible. My desk is usually cluttered; I have to constantly stay on top of that to keep this issue discreet. I use a day-timer to help keep myself organized, but my wife complains that I do not use it to its fullest affect. I confess that she's correct. I understand that ADD sufferers are frequently creative; that is one benefit that I've been fortunate enough to have. I've been a musician for over 30 years with some neat accomplishments. The creative side has also helped me in my career in telecommunications, where I've been reasonably successful. Unfortunately, my ADD is catching up with me and causing havoc in my marriage. My lack of restraint in things I have said have embarrassed my wife innumerable times, and in a recent case may have been a "last straw." She doesn't want ADD to be an excuse, and she expects me to remain accountable for my actions. That's fair. However, I quickly need to assimilate techniques to prove that I'm getting this under control, and have definitely got to stop behavior that is detrimental to our relationship. That is my current quest and motivation. For me, time is running out. I've taken some medication to help with this recently, but with only some benefits. Ritalin helped me focus better, but it's too much like "speed" for me. I've used Concerta with success--the 18 mg worked good, stepping up to 36 mg has not been better. I'm going to ask my doctor to give me a prescription for 18 mg but where I can take up to two a day at my discretion (rather than having to take a full 36 mg dosage.) I've also been taking Wellbutrin, which seems to be a good combination. I'm interested to learn about any meds with which other sufferers have had success; I would also like to find techniques and reference material that can help me manage unacceptable behavior.

Allison - alw@nb.sympatico.ca

Comments - I'm enjoying reading these stories, so thought I'd share mine. Hmmm....I was an 'overactice'or as my Mom recalled 'almost hyperactive child'...hard to control-shy, smart and devious. By gr. 1 my report cards have comments like : 'always the last to respond to directions' 'directions have to be repeated', 'off in her own world' and the listening component was ALWAYS LOW ie. if I got outstanding marks in english, the listening skills were still poor In gr. 2 I had a teacher who loved me and saw the creative potential I had- she let me get engrossed in these long stories I'd write and illustrate, and various art projects etc...-not much indication of the ADD this year-probably due to the hyperfocusing keeping me happy. And the respect etc.. from the teacher. I was a really smart kid- and talented. I was old for my age-liked talking to adults and could understand or feel things above my range... In gr 4 I started at a school for the arts, I got in with my visual arts ability. From here on out, every year, every term, most subjects, my reports mentioned that: I needed to learn to concentrate, that I was distractible, distracted others, lost things, test marks were inconsistent with recent progress etc..etc..etc.. I had extra trouble with math and french (yes, I'm Canadian and we take French in school) I was gifted at english and art and causing trouble. I liked pranks and jokes and anything more exciting than sitting still. By high school (still school for the arts) I was a real problem. I got into alcohol and other drugs-mainly pot By 11th grade I changed schools (after vandalizing my old one) -they even let me stay after that !!! I liked the new alternative school more but ended up dropping out after becoming pregnant-with only 1/2 yr. to go to graduate. I had my first child in 1992-and married that year. I now have 3 children!! and have been married almost 10 years. In about 1995 I read about ADD and knew that it seemed right. Because I am articulate and above average intellegence I got 'brushed off' when I'd suggest this (I have ADD!) to my mom or family dr. I let the idea go for awhile but knew it was there -to be dealt with daily In 1998, after meeting others with ADHD and talking to people exp. with it and reading lots about i went to a 'shrink' who was awful and knew little about ADHD in women. She dismissed much of what I told her and thought I had some signs but that it was not disabling.....so I had a terrible time then because I knew I was right-she was wrong!@!!and I knew more about itthan her!! It took me until 2001-a year ago -to finally get fed up enough about it all. I reviewed the report cards-GOD_it was there and screaming!!! always there were probelms with self control, listening, following routines I also learned even more about it (read answers to distraction) and realized that IT HAD TO BE So it took about 4-5 months but i finally got a good doctor who said he saw "lots of signs!!' I take ritalin now and it does make a big difference. My Dr. and myself don't believe in meds for life so are trying to reduce my dose now that I've been stabilized-although I've only been at the right dose for about 5 months now. I hope to be able to deal with this bugger with or without meds. and I'm sure I could w/o as I did for 27 years!! BUT yes, it is a gift and when told I might still 'outgrow' the full disorder-or at least cope better-I wondered 'what about the good parts???' I am scared to ever lose those.... Al

H - whw66@yahoo.com

Comments - I've never been "officially" diagnosed with ADD, but my background and symptoms sure fit the bill, to a tee! Growing up, I never really thought I had a problem; rather, I viewed myself as just a typical youngster and teenager who was stubborn, impulsive and thin-skinned. I have been told that I have an above average IQ; I was always in higher level courses in school, had very good grades and excelled in extracurriculars, but I was also fortunate enough to attend a small, affluent surbuban school district in Colorado where about half of the teachers were PhD's from industry or academia (so I was rarely bored). Like a lot of young boys/men, I played soccer, was in the school band and had girlfriends. But I could never understand why I was always the one with the proverbial "problem" when it came to relationships with the opposite sex. I went on to finish my undergraduate degree at the top of my class, and finished a graduate degree as well. It wasn't until I encountered communication problems in my marriage that I began to see what was wrong. I was "officially" diagnosed with chronic, low level depression, and since my physician at the time was not a fan of SSRI antidepressants (as they tend to simultaneously depress sexual function, which can actually make the marital problems worse), he placed me on Wellbutrin. While a battery of mental exams confirmed my chronic depression, which did improve with the Wellbutrin, I noted something much more profound. About two weeks into treatment, I noticed that my mind was no longer cluttered. I could actually focus on one mental thought at a time, which really helped me when it came to having meaningful discussions with my spouse! It had never before occured to me that the way my mind worked - multiple lines of thought occuring simultaneously - was ABNORMAL. It had never occured to me that my over-sensitivity, my tendency to cut people off when they were speaking, my impulsiveness, was ABNORMAL. ADD was non-existent when I was growing up. The reason behind all of those years growing up with a racing mind, unable to really communicate on an intimate level, was suddenly crystal clear. My mood lifted, my work became more focused, my mind became razor sharp, and my depression lifted. I took Wellbutrin for one year, and the results have been, at least partially, lasting. My final dose was in 1998. Though my racing mind and parallel, multiple thought process has returned, the simple realization that this is abnormal, and the experience of what it feels like to have a normal thought process, has allowed me to come up with alternative methods to deal with my unoffical ADD. I now make written lists of things that I need to accomplish, then physically prioritize and number them, systematically finishing one or two at a time. When my spouse needs to talk about something, I now am able to mentally prepare myself beforehand, telling myself that things are not be taken personally, telling myself to listen and not speak until my spouse is finished, and mentally making a gargantuan effort to remain focused on what is being said and why. Yes, it is difficult, and I still suffer from the multiple thought, racing mind syndrome. But being able to recognize my limitations and learning how to deal with them effectively seems to have allowed me to capitalize on my ability to multitask. In essence, I find that I have been able to turn my "unofficial" ADD mind into an asset of sorts.

Brent Greiner - greinerbgreiner@msn.com

Comments - Hi. It is wonderful that I found this site. In many ways I am well versed in ADD. I was diagnosed in 1998. For the first time in 44 years I knew my true self-identity and found inner peace. I had begun a job at Austin Community College and was asked to do a 15 minute presentation at a time when all I knew was the list of symptoms (before my diagnosis) from the DSMIV. In true ADD fashion, I took this simple request and visualized a complete program for college students with ADD which a later implemented both at the college and in private practice. I was souring like an eagle--I realized that my job was simply to talk to people like myself all day. I was never happier. I not only had a job where I did this but over time had an extended ADD community from which I received referrals and established professional and personal relationships. I learned as much from my students as they learned from me. My wife for the first time understood why I do what I do the way I do them. I was never happier. Then we had to move back to Chicago due to my wife's health issues. Fortunately her health has improved dramatically. Many marvelous moments here because this is where are family is and my oldest son just blessed us with our first grandson. So in some ways I would not change our move for the world and have no regrets about the time we spent in Texas. Yet now I am at a job where it is all just too scattered for me. It is not the setting where I can make the impact that is so important to me. I have learned to see the value in the life of a sparrow but the eagle within me refuses to accept the mundaness of it all--if you get the analogy. I am trying to recreate my ADD community here in Chicago but find that there is a different mind set here--people and professionals perceive ADD in a very linear, inside the box medical model perspective and fail to see the gifts of creativity and the ability to make connections,etc. I have a meeting with a person who has a private practice working with college students with ADD tommorrow. I hope it is the beginning of a step for me to get to my professional as a learning specialist for students diagnosed with ADD and/or LD. Yet what I have found is as much knowledge, strategies, and capabilities that I have as a professional or as much as I have learned to celebrate my creative difference that it is all about the right fit which is what I had in Texas but don't have here. I am an very talented and capable person but without just the right niche, I struggle in this world. I don't know how many times I have told my wife over a period of 20 years that this world is just not ready for the likes of me. I get angry with myself for being so ungrateful when I have been so blessed in so many ways. I get frustrated that I find it difficult to be this happy person that I can be under the right circumstances. I still get angry at the stupidity of the world that can't think outside the box. The more I know about ADD the more appreciative I am of who I am on the one hand and on the other hand it is constant wake up call of how pervasive ADD has been throughout my entire life. Believe I have plenty of stories. Many are wonderful and heart warming and I am here to share and to listen. It was such a joy for students to come to me and for them to say with relief and excitement--finally there is someone who understands. I had a student that I had helped get through school and she would call me not because she was having a crisis or needed help on a particular issue at the moment--no she would just tell me--I just want to talk to someone who thinks like I think--that is not always easy to find with us ADDers. I find once again that is very important to me. To talk to someone who thinks like I think, it is nurouishment for the soul if you know what I mean. Thank you for listening. It has been awhile since I have connected with an ADD community. If anyone knows anyone both on a personal and/or professional level in the Chicago area that gets it, I would like to know that too. I hope this introduction wasn't too long. Quite frankly I have only given a small blurp of my story but I guess we can all say that. Hope to here from you. Grateful to connect Have a great day

meme - lpmalone@juno.co

Comments - I am a 51 year old female that is just now realizing that I may have ADD. What happen is my addoptive daughter's son was suppose to have it. SO unknowingly picked up this book on ADDers. And I could not sleep one early morning so I began reading this book. And the fingers was pointing at me in this book. Also my sister's son has it but we thought it came from on his father's side. now it make exist on our father's side.

Angie Alphin - angieelmore@juno.com

Comments - I am seeing someone who was diagnosed with ADD when he was a child. When he was 16 his mother passed away and the proper treatment she demanded he have was gone. He is now 24 yrs old and is still taking Aderol and Neurotin every single day. I am dreadfully concerned about what the drugs have done to his physical and mental condition throughout all these years. I would greatly appreciate any input about the medicine and the therapy he should be getting as of the present.

Frances Coco - c.coco@worldnet.att.net

Comments - Bryan has been diagnosed with ADHD. He was born in 1992. As an infant, my son Bryan, never slept; finally at age 2, he slept through the night. He would never sit and watch a program (cartoons) or videos. I thought this was a plus since he wasn't glued to the tv like most children. By age 2, and around my 33rd birthday, I was diagnosed with depression. This was as a result of fatigue, anxiety about my son, etc... I finally sought help, and with therapy I was able to recognize my illness. I went through life without being diagnosed at an early age. Several members of my family suffer as well, but being raised in the 60's, it was "hush hush." A month prior to Bryan's 3rd birthday, we placed him in pre-school. We noticed that at age 2 he was on the computer, playing games, was able to recognize letters before he could speak, etc... When he began to speak, he started in sentences. In 1995, we moved from a condo to a house. My uncle passed away suddently, and with the responsibilities of a new house, this became overwhelming for me. For the first time, I had to be put on anti-depressants. This made a tremendous difference. I finally felt myself since prior to Bryan's birth. In 1996, Bryan had chronic ear infections, and tonsilitis (age 4). He was treated with antibiotics from September 1996 to December, 1996 which did not work. January, 1997 he had tubes placed in his ears, adnoids and tonsils removed. He has since been sick about 2 times. (He is presently 9 and 4 months)

Comments -

Frances Coco - c.coco@worldnet.att.net

Comments - Continuation By the end of preschool, Spring 1997, Bryan began exhibiting behavioral problems in preschool. He began Catholic School, Kindergarten at 4. This was a big adjustment for him; I began to work full time and he was placed in an aftercare program. Finally, by the Spring of 1998, upon the recommendation of my pediatrician, I brought him to a psychologist. He was at that time diagnosed with ADHD and was put on Ritalin for a trial basis. He became a different child. Calmer, and very attentive in school. During the summer, we did not give him Ritalin. We feel it's only appropriate for school for Bryan. A month into first grade, I pulled him out of the aftercare program because he was forgetting books, etc... and do homework with him since that time. He did very well in first grade, made honor roll, second, the same, started to have difficulty in reading comprehension in third grade. With tutoring and additional help from my husband and myself, he improved. He is presently in fourth grade and the Ritalin no longer worked. A few weeks into the school year, he was nearly failing every subject. The September 11 events affected him tremendously. The television and seeing children at school waiting to find out if their parents were still alive affected him. One parent was killed in the September 11 attacks; he fears this would happen to his parents. We took him off Ritalin and started him on Adderall. The change helped. A child study team finished their evaluation recently and found that Bryan is above average in most subjects, and will offer him help. Upon my review of the report from the child study team, all of Bryan's symptoms point to "depression." He may be ADHD, but it's as a result of depression. I'm presently having him re-evaluated by a psychologist and took him off Adderall since one of the side effects are depression. Unfortunately, the Catholic school he attends is ignorant to children like Bryan. He's not a "special ed" child, and quite capable of being an "honor student," however, his "special needs" must be acknowledged and not ignored. At the end of this school year, we will determine where Bryan attends the 5th grade. As you can see, this is ongoing and what may work at one point, may fail in the future. I feel that if he is diagnosed with depression and as a result is ADHD, with proper treatment and attention, he will succeed. I'll keep you posted.

Robert A S - ilovephysics@earthlonk.net

Comments - No matter what I was for ever getting sent to the office in the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th grade. I was held back in the 1st and started school a year early. In high school I did very well at Chemistry and Physics and math, but I couldn't understand what a pronoun was or how to make a paper so I failed English. as a young adult I did very well at the start but gut into much trouble in the navy, even after I tested out of a 9 month 8hr five day a week class in Basic Electricity and Electronics. I only missed one question because I didn't have a table of Sin's and Cos's and guessed at what the Tangent of 53 deg was. as a adult I was easy to anger. People felt uneasy around me because I'd interrupt and not be able to follow any thing anyone was saying. my wife was for ever finding my keys and wallet for me. At work I got bored easy and never really finished anything I started. no matter how good I tested at the interview. Now at 46 and hurt I have nothing worth talking about. I busted my back at 17 doing something stupid one day and now it's so bad I can hardly walk. My depression is killing me, and to find anything I place it on the floor so I do not have to look far to find it. I had a house burn down because I left a stove on, one to many times. i've lost most jobs because i'd just get pissed one day and pop-off. I'm just starting to see I may have ADD but think I might have ADHD because I'm forever biting my fingers and are forever restless. I wish I just could go out and get some speed to feel normal but my probation officer would have a fit about that. I need to spell check everything I print or no one will be able to read it. It has cost me more then I can tell you and now there is nothing left to take, I've nothing left.

Robert A S - ilovephysics@earthlonk.net

Jamie - jamiegray@johnroebuck.com

Comments - I am 23 years old and have started nursing school. It's something I've always wanted to do but didn't because I didn't think I could remember when the time came and it was really important. I struggled all through grade and high school and now I am really struggling through college. I have several friends who help me but even they get discouraged sometimes because it takes me asking 100 questions before I understand. I dont think it is fair to make others wait behind so that I get the information. What confuses me even more that as hard as it is to learn in school, in my career I excel. I think up new ideas on how to make the company run better and actually administer them. Noone else understands either. They dont get it when I cant understand what they are telling me at school. Furthermore the teachers dont seem to either. what can I do?

kayce - kayce@charter.net

Comments - i'm writing this story as i'm a step mother who has been sadden by things surrounding the ADHD child-- in January of 1997 i met my husband, who at the time was trying to partake in raising his child after a 6 year marriage. Both my husband and his wife were teens when they gave birth to him.. When i came into the picture and met this child, i thought to myself while he was around was OH MY GOSH what have i gotten myself into. The boy was so out of control and confused by everything. As our relationship got stronger the boy was spending more time at our home together, as his mom would drop him off into the wee hours of the night or she would just quite showing up to get him, or even worse not show up to daycare to pick him up. The first time this occuried I ran all over the city looking for her. She was at work and hiding out at her boyfriends house or with other friends, she refused to answer any of my phone calls.. Finally she came to my front door and said to me that she could not handle it anylonger the boy was to wild and out of control for her to deal with and that he reminded him of the father- and did not want to take part in raising the boy. Finally she moved away with the boyfriend whom by the way has no kids or want for kids and has no patience for my stepson- for one year she had nothing to do with the child, finally she called wanting to see him, i had to tell her we were moving away, to a city near hers, she showed up and took the child for a weekend on return he came back crying etc etc as she yelled and screamed at him throughout the whole weekend.. From then til now, we've had to fight schools dr.s and his mother to help him and get medication for him as he was at 6 years old going over the edge and scaring everyone. When he was taking to the appropriate dr was after the school had thrown him out for fighting begginning to fail at school and also getting tics, with his eyes mouth and other things as his control level was very small.. His mother put up two months worth of fighting as she would not sign a medical release to get him treatment-- this is courtordered so i have to do this to get the treatment.. Still not believing there is a problem with her child it took my stepson starting my mom and dads house on fire sticking animals with pins in their eyes and grabbing our new born baby by the arms or throwing things at her in anger is when a dr said i will call and get this paper signed!! BLESS HIS HEART 4 years since as to date My step son is a straight A student Plays with his sister non stop is one of the more popular students in his school and a wonderful help to us, we still have our bad days sometimes weeks but it beats how it used to be, i've worked really hard- he's worked very hard.. well i guess i'm writing this as i want people to be advised that you just dont give up on yourself or these kids there is so much out there for them as the harder you push the further they go. We also have found when excuses were not made for him that he tried harder to be like everyone else, and wanted to be like them- This boy who we love very much has worked very hard to make himself as much of a model citizen as he can be, and to me he is the model son to have!!! I wish you all well, i wish that you have what i have, and thats as good as it gets!

Brenda - brendawaz@yahoo.com

Comments - Hi my name is Brenda and I am 28 years old. I just found this web site this morning. The thing I like the most about this site is that it addresses adult issues regarding ADHD. I just moved from CA to live in NM with my sister for a little while. About six months ago I was in a treatment center for an eating addiction. I have also been diagnosised w/ Bipolar and ADHD. I recently began working at a treatment center for adults recoving from emotional trauma. The reason I work in this type of field is that this is the area I am getting my Masters Degree in. I only worked there three days before they let me go. The reason they let me go is because they thought I was on something, due to my hyper mood! I cann't count the times I have been accused of being on something even by my own family members. I am currently taking Neurontin and Ritalin and xanax for anxiety and I almost forgot Prozac for depression. These false accusations make it very difficult in any work related atmosphere. I am beyound overwhelmed explaining my moods and always being accussed of taking drugs! If anyone has advice or has felt the same way I do,I would love to hear back from you. Thanks!!!!

Comments -

Dennis - dadams2@us.ibm.com

Comments - I never knew about ADD. I always told I was a lazy under-achiever.. I went to Catholic School in 1953 and my first memory of school is when I was staring out of the window day dreaming and the nun yelled at me to come to the front of the room and she tied me to her ropes. I think (in her defense) that she was trying to wake me up... It did no such thing. I have suffered my entire life until today with this problem of not being able to concentrate. My simple homework would take hours. Even today, I will start a task 5 times or more and the next thing I will know is that I am standing in front of a junk drawer cleaning it out. With no idea how I got there. My mother-in-law thinks it is hysterical how I can get way-laid on a job. I will start a job in the garage for example. I have to change the oil on the car. I need a screwdriver to loosen a baffle, I notice my screwdiver is dull, so I go and sharpen it. and In sharepening it I start trueing up the grinding wheel and lubeing the motor, and my oil can is not full so I fill it and on and on. I may not get the oil changed. If I take medicine will it change the me that I am or just allow me to focus better?

Elan - elan_group4@msn.com

Comments - In my deep feeling of ineptness at work, I typed in: "Jobs for people with ADD" after my Director said that I am a square peg in a round hole. Facing unemployment at 50 once again and found this web site,when I read Bruce's Story my eyes welled with tears because I've been through it all. I've done every imaginable work a person can do I was a Respiratory Therapist, a Perfusionist,Pharmacy Tech, Physical Therapy Aid, Cast Room Tech,E.R. EMT Tech., HIV Counselor, car salesman, Photographer and this last venture: Network Administration/Engineer. No one but us Knows how hard live is, there has been a few times in my life I contemplated ending it because of how unbearable it is. Everyone thinks I am very smart but I don't feel like it!

Tripp - WK03475928@shtc.net

Comments - When I read some of these stories, I just have to shake my damn head. It's me up and down. Even though I have never been diagnosed with ADD the symptoms are there. The inability to concentrate or make decisions. PROBLEMS WITH AUTHORITY. I couldn't stay on a job if you chained me to it. I've had so many jobs the last 7 years I don't know where to fuckin' go to in the morning. I finally said "the hell with it." I've been out of work now for over a year and a half. I just got tired of going to a new job and wondering who I'm going to lock horns with. I'm a 35 yr. old man who still lives at home. I graduated high school on time but just barely. I tried college and tech schools 3 times but just couldn't do it. I'm the type of person who has to go over things 9 or 10 times before I understand. It's a fucked up way of livin'. I've taken my parents on a guided tour of hell. I feel like shit every day. It's bad when a 67 yr. old man has to carry your weight for you. I try to help as much as possible by doing bullshit jobs around the house. But that doesn't even begin to repay what I owe them. I've been on Doxepin, Prozac and Paxil. To me, each one of those drugs are as worthless as used toilet paper. If you haven't guessed by now, I'm also a pessimist. I have become more introverted these last 7 years. The people who haven't turned their back on me I turned my back to them. I no longer have or even want friends. I just have people I know. Most days I don't give a shit if I live or die. I'm dead inside anyway. The truth is no one gives a shit for ya except your immediate family and sometimes that connection is put to the test. I know when they are gone I'll be fucked in more ways than one. I've read some of these self-help books on ADD. They are full of silly anecdotes and stupid poems that are useless in todays world. You know it's fucked up when you have to pay some psychiatrist or psychologist to listen to ya. Then they give you medication that makes you feel like you're riding a merry-go-round on the moon. When you walk in their office you are basically volunteering to be lab rat or guinea pig. Can we really change for the better, with therapy and medication? Maybe. I don't know. Can a lion live off grass? Are zebras carnivores? I think you know the answer to that. They are what they are. You are who you are and I am who I am. Some of us will make it and some of us won't. I hope that everyone who reads this finds their place in life and the war in their heads ends soon.

Cory Stewart - korupt_2002@hotmail.com

Comments - I am 28 years old I was diagnosed with add 20 years ago and put on ritalin. I have seen the benifits ritalin CAN have on A person with ADD first hand. BUT, I have also seen the damage it can cause, I am living it now. I am glad to see that parents have access to information about the affects of ritalin. My mother and I never had that chance. Here is my story.......... After being diagnosed with ADD my Dr put me on 20 milligrams three times a day I was only 8 years old. It was great my grades in school improved, life at home was happier. For awhile....... By the time I was ten I had become addicted to ritalin. I was sneaking extra pills. Then mom figgured out i was taking extras and hide the I found them again. When I went to my Dr again she told him her concerns that I might be getting addicted. He assured her ritalin was safe and was not addictive and that I was not addicted I was only "self medicating" by this time I was 11 or 12 he suggested that the dosage needed increased increased. So he doubled my dosage My mother trusted him and did as he said. so I was a 12 year old boy on 40mg of ritalin 3 times a day. Well I again developed a tolerance and it took more to get the effect so i was sneaking them again. I hated who I was when I wasnt on my medication I often cried myself to sleep at night praying to god asking to please make me normal. But when I took my pills I thought I was normal..... All it took was a pill when mom realised I was sneaking the pills again she threw them in the toilet and I was off them for about a year but I was once again failing in school home life was terrible. so my mother carried my to the only other dr in town who treated ADD in those days and he decided I needed to be put back on ritalin along with an antidepressant called desipramine he said the would leval out my highs and lows then I would feel no need to take extras well less than 2 months later I was taking extras again this time it took three times as many to produce any affect once again mom expressed her concerns about addiction and was assured it was safe and non addictive his solution was to try welbutrine with the ritaline for awhile even tho he was aware i was abusing a controlled substance he continued writing prescriptions for it and telling use I was not addicted I was just "self medicating" this went on all my teenage years then he suggested maybe the dosage needed increased once again I was taking 40mg 3 times a day I was 17 at the time i had my first job when the dosage was doubled I became more or less a zombie I was fired from my job because my mental condition at the time indangered myself and others. I was literally a zombie. Well by this time mom had seen too much she threw the rest of the pills out and said she would never again alow me to be on ritalin after that life kinda went downhill i moved out went from job to job could keep a job anywhear. Someone told me that i should try ephedirine. I did it work a few pills a day work just like ritaline had helped before...... Withen a year those few pills became over one hundred a day as the years went by it continued to increase after six years of taking them EVERYDAY iwas taking over 200 a day. I checked myself into rehabe for ephedirine addiction and while in rehabe I was diagnosed with add and bipolar disorder. after i got out I was prescribed adderal It worked good for about a month then it started to lose effect just like the ritalin and ephedirine had so i started abusing it. Luckily I realised i was heading for trouble and stopped taking them I went two years untreated and life went to hell still couldnt hold jobs had severe mental conflicts thinking of death everyday and wishing i didnt have my daughter to concider so i could die. Well about 5 months ago i attemted to kill my self by hanging myself my g/f saw me and screamed for my best friends next door who managed to get the rope cut before it was too late I didnt seek counsiling then last month i told my girlfriend i was going to kill myself and walk out of the house and down the road and cut my wrist with a box cutter. I didnt know she had called 911 and less than a minute later im surounded by cops i was put in the hospitol and then had to seek theropy and the dr put me on Aderall again worked ok a few days then once again it took more and more to help. I have now taken myself off adderall again. I dont know where to go from here. But, the reason I am writing this is because i have ready some studies on the effect of ritalin in high doses on children and teens and it shows that there are many cases of mental problems that may be linked to ritalin misuse. I honestl feel that by those dr's ignoring my mothers concerns of misuse and writing presciptions anyway I have suffered serouse side effects in my mental health. I am going to see a different dr next week and hopefully this time I can find out what is truely wrong. If anyone has any suggestion about my legal rights against those dr's please email me And as for my mother she crys everyday for me wishing she had been able to get the information availiable today instead of trusting the dr's Cory

Leslie - tigersneak@hotmail.com

Comments - I have had a hell of a time, this last year has been bad. I wasn't sure what was wrong with me, but somthing sure was. Generally speaking I have problems, ,with concentration/memory, inconsistent behavior, SLEEP troubles, among other things. Things got worse when I lost my job last August: "ran out of last chances", I guess. Lost two more jobs since then for being late, inconsistency, and overall not being able to get my shit together. Chronologically, my trouble was first documented at age ten, when I was found to have PTSD. I have scattered memories from that time, but I only recall thinking I was seeing ghosts. I didn't sleep for the next two years out of fear. I also recall the consensus between health professionals I saw, was that I had been sexually abused, however I have no memory of this happening around that time. Complicating the issue, my step father was very hypercritical of the whole deal, defensive, and believed me to be 'faking'. Consequently, the trauma from his verbal abuse has affected me to varying degerees throughout my life. I am now 30. By age fifteen problems moves on in a more pronounced way, into more areas of my life. School was affected: bad grades, truancy, poor academic performance dispite evident intellegence. Abuse at home, parental alcoholism and disfunction escallated. I was removed from the home by police, and taken into a shelter care briefly, before my parents signed me into a psych ward for behavioral issues. I remember being a particularly angry child during this time, refusing medication, and for the most part was uncooperative. I thought they wrote me off as being 'stuipid', and I thought they were trying to brainwash me, or somthing. After my discharge, I got thrown out of the house and spent 3 months being homeless. Some nice lady found me, and eventually convinced me to stay with her. She bought me some clothes, noticed my creative abilitys, and gave me a job at her art gallery. She also took me to the doctor because I was so malnourished, and I had to be weaned back onto solid food. I was also put on medication, Desipramine. She felt I was depressed, and I trusted her enough to do as she advised. I was very lucky, and because of her, I do believe in angels. Since then I worked at various jobs, most of which I was eventually fired for not being on time, and the rest I quit on impulse. I did get my GED on time: I could have scored much better, but I gave myself a break because I never did finish 9th grade. I flunked out of college, because I couldn't keep up. Information just didn't stick, but I never told anyone, because I was so afraid of people believing my to be stuipid. Defaulted on my student loans too, ,but eventually paid them all back. I tried to go to massage school at night, a couple years ago, but couldn't keep up there either. I couldn't stay awake whenever I started to study. Eventually I just gave up, like I always do, but inside I felt bad, and wondered what was wrong with me. Been plagued with bad relationships. I typically find myself with people who are chemically dependant, or abusive in some form. Lots of communication problems. I was impulsive and flew off the handle easily, which always adds fuel to the fire. Not to mention my trust issues. I went through 5 months of "co-dependancy treatment, and 20 weeks of sexual support group therepy dealing with all those issues. I did try very hard. That was an ugly, yet healing time for me: but in the long run worth every single tear. As for myself, I think I was saved from becoming chemically dependant, thanks to my agonizing history growing up in such an alcoholic enviornment. I even took care of my grandpa the last years of his life, while he died from late-stage liver failure. Ironically, he was a brilliant physician, and knew better than anyone what his drinking was causing. More than anything I wasn't going to grow up like them, and was smart enough to know that I am genetically at risk, so I tried to be very careful. I have drank, but only in moderation. I hated that feeling of loosing contol. I smoked pot ocasionally, at different times of my life. Mostly at bedtime, because it seemed to 'settle me down' so I could sleep better, and sometimes when I needed to sit still for long periods of time. At an early age I saw a few close friends turn into crackheads, and totally fry thier brains, so I avoided all the harder drugs almost phobically, my whole life....like the plague. I was diagnosed with Graves disease in 1991, at age 20, and recieved Radioactive Iodine for that. It took about 2 years to regulate my doseage of thyroid hormone, thanks in part to my inability to take my medicine correctly. To highlight my trust issues with doctors, let me tell you about my experience with Lithium. Right after my Treatment for Graves disease (Hyperactive Thyroid), I was swinging back and forth between hyper, and hypo. I experienced panic attacks for the first time in my life. Scary stuff. I saw a doctor then, who insisted I must be Bi-polar. The Lithium flattened me out completely, and despite horrible side effects, he insisted there was no other medication for me. I kept missing appointments, etc, and once I finally got off that med, my boyfriend helping me remember my thyroid pills, eventually I went back to normal. My thyroid has stayed level since then, thank God. I have never demonstrated any manic behavior since that time either. His insensitivity towards my medical condition during that already horrible time, made an impression on me that will last for as long as I live. Back to the present year, I have desperately been searching for answers. Complicated by the fact that I have no health insurance, it has been a struggle at best. I don't qualify for assistance, unless I am accepted for Social Security. I am entangeld in that nauseating process at this time, not because I want to be disabled, but because I need medical care, ,so I CAN work. Something else happened during this year that was significant. I was having so many problems, that one of my friends gave me somthing that he thought would help me stay awake. His Narcolepsy meds. At that time I was so desperate, and at the verge of loosing my job, that I was willing to TRY anything. I was not prepared for what happened. It did more than keep me awake. For the first time in my life, it was as though someone had turned the lights on. I was able to focus on one thing at a time, and even finish things! Things that took me so much effort before, began doing themselves. He gave me about a weeks worth more, and I took one pill every morning. After just a couple days, I was waking up in the morning better, and going to sleep at night ON TIME, and sleepy, for the first time in my life. People at work noticed the change for the better too, but I didn't dare tell anybody what was going on. Especailly when I found out exactly what I was taking. That same kind of drug that I had feared so much my whole life. That is when I met Ritalin. Of course, this promoted me into further cautious experimentation, which I would suspect to be common. I couldn't get a Dr. to look at me, so I felt I was on my own. I found out right away the hazards of street drugs, and luckily ended that experiment, practically before it started. There was another perscription med Dexadrine, which I thought more effective, mostly because it seemed to hold on a little stronger during the hours of afternoon to supper. I can totally understand how people could want to abuse these drugs, but I also can't ignore the way they affected me. But WHY? What is wrong with MY brain. To date, I have taken about 8 Riatlin total, and that was last year. This year I took a total of 3 Dexadrine. I never tried any form of speed until that first Ritalin, one year ago. My little experiment did, however give me some hope. There are medications out there that can help me. So, In Janurary, I renewed my quest for a doctor, who can help me find the right ones, and help me understand.....why. I decided also not to do any drugs at all, until I can find a Dr, who will help me do all this, so as you can imagine, I'm not getting alot done. The last Dr. I saw strongly suspected that I was Narcoleptic. I didn't even mention my little 'experiment'. I just told him my problems and my symptoms. But, $2300 in testing throughout May ruled that out. This made me very puzzled. I have been treated for depression off and on, with different medications, consistently during periods of my life: while I was involved in domestic violence issues, normally. Remove those problems, and the sadness was always gone too. For that reason I stayed single now the last 3 years. Consistently the anti-depressants intensify my sleeping problems, and leave me emotionless, while it do nothing to treat my inability to focus. My lack of concentration is pronounced, and inconsistent. People don't understand why I do/say such stuipid things, or how I can be so scatterbrained, because most know I really am smart. I feel worse than anyone about it. I know I am capable of doing better, but all efforts seems to bring me failure. Historically, I have been getting nowhere fast. ....hummm.....History. In anticipation of an impending Dr. appointment (with a Psychologist) Social Security kindly made for me, I decided it might be helpful for him if he had some of my history. For that I had to make a phone call to my mother, who has apperently saved every report card, and even journals back from my PTSD. She made copies of everything, gave them to my aunt, I got them this weekend. Sitting in my empty apartment, facing eviction, and impending homelessness, I spent the weekend retracing my life. I guess there was a lot I just didn't remember. I was diagnosed ADHD at age 15. Along with that, Oppositional Defiant Disorder. I had to look that one up, but found it pretty interesting. There was alot I didn't know. My IQ scores proved that I am very smart, but there were discrepancys. I brought this all to my Social Security appointment that was today. The Psychologist I saw found them interesting as well, however he can't treat me. He can only do the tests that SS orders, but he did think I needed this medication. It was interesting that every report card I recieved, beginning with the 1st grade gave hints towards attention problems, and in kindergarden I was being considered for acceptance into a program for gifted children. Amazing to me that I didn't realize any of this until now. I guess I must not have been paying attention. He was a great doctor, but I can't go there without insurance. So I have to go back to the 'free' mental health place, but he wanted me to go right away, so I did that today too. In two weeks, I get to see a case manager, who's gonna help me sort out all the overwhelming details from my life thats falling apart. I won't get to see a Doctor who can provide me meds for another month at least. There is a great chance that I will be homeless by then. The intake counselor there instructed me to go to the 'free' medical clinic, to get Thyroid levels in advance for the doctor I will eventually see, and also in hopes that I could get me some medication for my ADHD symptoms to get me by til then. So I did that today too. That was a little different story, but understandable I suppose. Had to wait about an hour to get in, and ended up utilizing that time to take an unavoidable nap. You wouldn't believe how four hours of being evaluated can wear a person out. I woke up to two very tall doctors staring down at me, and was as disoriented upon waking as usual. After my attempts to explain my situation, where I had been, and what I needed, they assumed I was an average crackhead, of course. Coincidentally, the one had taken classes taught by my grandpa while he was in med school....the one who drank himself to death. He did give me a perscription for Wellbutrin, but said the effects wouldn't take effect right away. Might be 4 weeks. Researching the drug on the internet, found out it is the same as Zoloft. I took that before, and it did nothing to me. Either way, I will give it another chance. Buy the time I see the dr, I should have some idea if it will help me at all. "I don't perscribe stimulants to adults with ADHD". Thats what he told me. I did what I could, and it was a long day. I did really well, and I didn't even fly off the handle when he asked me, over and over again, if I had a history of chemical addiction. I was too tired to me too mad. (lucky for him) I went home, and took a 4 hour nap. I have made great progress in biting my tounge over the years, and that helps...sometimes it is best. I don't communicate very well verbally. I write better, but can't do it at all without a computer. So now, back to the waiting game. I would really like to get a job today, but I have tried it, and it is only a short matter of time before they realize that somthing is not right with me. I don't want to put myself, or ANOTHER employer through it again. I can't even be on time for anything, and I have to have people come and wake me up. I feel humiliated enough as it is. I wish I understood more about this, but I guess that is what counslers are for. I need a good one.What frustrated me more than anything, is I know there is medication out there that could help me right away. I could be in the workforce by the end of the week, or least I would have a chance to keep from loosing my apartment, and my truck. It is better if you can at least tell people that you have a paycheck coming. I would go back to my Narcoleptic friend today, if I didn't feel it would so discredit me later. I can't stand being labeled as a crackhead, and it doesn't seem fair that I am ineligable for assistance, because I was responsible enough not to have children. I can barely take care of myself. I hope to go to school someday, because I think it would be nice to be educated, but I guess will wait for that too. There is simply somthing wrong with the system today. I can understand how people get caught up in things they shouldn't, because they just don't know what else they can do. I am going to keep hanging in there and try to see if I can avoid slipping through the cracks again, but at the same time, I still wonder how many still do. I appologize for the length of my post, but I do hope that there some people will be able to relate. Maybe someone who reads this will have an idae I haven't thought of yet. It is easy to think you are going nuts, until you find out that there are lots of people having the same troubles as you. The hard part is searching for the solutions, and putting them into practice. I wish that society will grow to become more understanding of problems like these. Things are not always so black, and white. There are many different shades of gray. I just want to be able to DO somthing, at least with the second half of my life. Leslie

Adam - aba28@aol.com

Comments - First let me say that some of you who may be reading this section are doing so right now, because like me you were probably distracted and are procrastinating from doing something else! Now my story: I am a 36 year old male. After going to a Psychiatrist for some problems related to a recent break-up of a relationshion, we began to uncover over the last 1-2 years of therapy that I had many symptoms of Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. Looking back many years, I realized I was usually in a state of mild depression or melancholy, exteremly disorganized, consistently late, and having issues with focusing and interperonal relationships...especially at work. Growing up I was never the classic "hyperactive kid" or got into a lot of trouble in school, but rather generally have always been considered "mellow", nice, and somewhat social and having plenty of friends. However, growing up I was constantly accused of "not paying attention in class" because I was spacing out. I excelled in history and english classes, but was terrified of math and science. Studying, and following math problems in class being explained on the blackboard by a teacher were an agonizing challenge. I always thought I was a bad student or stupid for not being able to get my homework done on time, or at all. I always knew if I could only sit down and focus on an assignement I could do it, and do it well. My parents always pushed me, and wanted the best. But even when they pulled me away from the TV to focus on my homework at night I would find something else to distract me. I also was and still am a terrible test taker. I was always one of the last to finish a test in class, and the "timed" multiple choice tests were the worst. I could mull over a difficult multiple choice question forever. If I knew I had to take an exam or a term paper was due in 2 weeks I would always wait until the day or night before to start working on it. I had a nasty college english teacher who gave me a D on a term paper that should have been an A or B. She only gave me D because she knew I only put it together in a couple of days. She said the paper was good, nothing wrong with it, but that " I didn't put enough time into it"! My argument to her was that the end result mattered, not if I completed it over 10 hours one day, or 2 hours a day over a 5 day period. She basically scoffed at my response. That incident has stuck with me to this day. I've since learned that many ADD people work well under pressure, especially when there is an important deadline and they are truly forced to hyperfocus. I did manage to graduate college with a C average, and eventually go into a career in medical/pharmaceutical sales. In my work life, a lot of these symptoms have carried over to be both a blessing and a curse. I went into sales for the risk, the money, and the freedom of not having to sit at a desk all day, and have people watching over me. And ofcourse, the office gossip and politics which I realize now can make an ADD sufferer like me feel maligned and depressed more than the norm. I usually was able to work from home or on the road most days, but at at several sales jobs (usually during a meeting of the sales force or working with my manager) I was accused of being unenthusiastic, not paying attention enough, and not being a team player, and of course being disorganized and too often handing in paperwork late. Even when my sales were good, and I was hitting company goals, these issues always arose to my detriment. I was always enthusiastic with my customers, creative in ways to find and grow my territory's sales volume and business, and motivated to make money. Unfortuanetly, when dealing with co-workers and managers my lack of appearing "pumped up", and to just being "one of the guys" on the sales team (it seemed like a frat boy mentality to me) proved to be my downfall in a couple of jobs. Only recently, have I been fortunate enough to become self employed and make a living as an independent sales rep in the medical field. I am motivated by my freedom, no bosses, no politics, work at my own pace and style. And if I screw up---which I do, no one can fire me or castigate me, but myself. My main challenge now is my disorganization, messy desk and papers everywhere and trying to focus on the priorities of the business. I still am often late for appointments, but I am working hard at this because its MY business and can be considered rude or disrespectful to my customers. I soon hope to hire an administrative person so I can focus on what I am good at which is the creativity of sales and marketing. Over the last 6-12 months i have been taking a combination of Wellbutrin and Concerta, which seems to help somewhat, but its still truly hard to measure tangible results.

Selena L'estrange - peepee7902@yahoo.com.au

Comments - I'm a 22 year old sufferer of ADHD and mild Tourette Syndrome and I guess I've been properly diagnosed at age 19. Well lets start with the beginning of life,I was a product of a long and difficult birth, the labour was approximately 86 hours and I was delivered by forceps, I look healthy and was fairly quiet despite been described as active in the womb, then at around 6 months of age Mum then noticed that there was something wrong as I wasn't speaking as well as I should've and I also had some unusual behaviours such as palilalia, rocking, talking to oneself as well as severe hyperactivity and accident proneness. Over the years I was taken to several doctors and given many diagnosises and labels. I was once assessed and treated at a facility for Autistic children for around about 6 to 8 months, my assessment report said apart from the defiant behaviour which was quiet normal for me, it stated that I displayed socially appropriate behaviour and normal emotions along with some other normal behaviours and therefore Mum was told that I didn't fit in or belong in their facility. Aged 4 I was put into a living facility for severely disabled people and remained there for 2 years, even though I was generally well treated I feel it stunted me in every way, academically, emotionally, socially etc, however I didn't feel like I was different until I went to was one of many special education schools then I realised most of my disabled classmates lived with their parent's but I didn't so I mentally questioned this and I started to get mood swings every time someone would mention family life at home, then one fine sunny day I went home with Mum for good. In 1992 I went into mainstream school which were the WORST 4 years of my life, I failed every subject apart from occasionally passing english, I was verbally harrased and bullied day in and day out, I had objects thrown at me, I was occasionally sexually propositioned and harrassed by both sexes, I had slanderous rumours spread about me, I had things written about me in the toilet walls, I was rejected and excluded from groups, tolerated prank phone calls to my home as well as having Pizza Hut falsely sent to my home and generally made to feel like a freak, I guess the rejection and exclusion hurt the most, however life looked up at 17 when I got my first job, for the 1st 6 months that was ok but then I had a bastard of a male manager give me hell basically driving me out of my job, in the end I resigned. I have nearly every symptom of ADHD and about 6 symptoms of TS and life's chaotic but good I now work as a part time cleaner and I'm a Workplace Assessment Training student and my aim is to study more and get a job and eventually either travel to the UK to live and work or settle here and buy a home, marry and have a family, I don't know yet I find that if I have specific plan it never works so I'm just going to go where the world leads me to ..lol, I hope this story is helpful and I like this site

Selena L'estrange's Story Part 2 - peepee7902@yahoo.com.au

Comments - Well I'm still here and I've decided to seek help at the Brain Injury Association of Queensland it's just getting some bills paid and getting on top of things finacially that I have to work at but I'm doing Ok, I've also decided to change psychiatrists and get a neurologist to perfrom an MRI,SPECT and a PET scan to check out my brain(god knows what we'll find there..lol). I'm moving out of my current home sometime soon to hopefully a much better quality of life. I've given up on the UK idea and I've decided to do a Diploma in Diversional Therapy next year so friends fingers crossed..lol

cindy - windofspirit7454@earthlink.net

Comments - well,i don,t know where to start,i alsways new i was different from all the others in school but never new why.when i finished high school i couldn,t read,if i had to do a book report i made up the story and the book.and thats really how my life is a made up story cheating my way threw life.my last job i worked for 12 years the only way i was hired was to send someone in my place and take the typing test for me and when they passed it they called me in for an interview and got the job,still can,t type much. i made the company 8 million dollars in car rentals in the 12years i was there,the most anyone has ever done,i knew i had to be good so they wouldn,t find out about me so i would go to work at night and try to learn what i needed for the next day.i worked so hard at not being dumb and if we had a meeting where we had to read i called in sick. i never really knew what was wrong with me i just knew i had to be the best at what ever i was doing so no one would find out. i,m 48 years old and i wonder why it took all these years to catch up with me. last year i started not doing well couldn,t fousus on anything and my job was getting very hard for me. about 14 years ago i walked into a store that was being robbed and was beaten and raped by the two men that robbed it.it took all those years for that to catch up with me i finally went to the doc and he told me i had adhd and ptsd,what a mess,a adhder with a bad temper. after 9/11 i was layed off and don,t have a job,i have ran out of unemployment and don,t figure anyone would hire me unless i find a way to cheat my way in somehow. i still go to theripy every other week,what in the world can i do i can,t live on adhd,please help someone out there give me some advise before i loose everything and myself. thank you for reading this cindy

Bruce sher - sherbruce2002@yahoo.com

Comments - I get depression bad. I take medication that wears off and wears the care givers. I'm creative and only wasted that skill in sales. I have trouble holding jobs. Anyone want to talk? Thanks--Good column here

Erin - EDuffy@new.rr.com

Comments - I have a 3 1/2 year old son who has been diagnosed with ADHD. He is currently on Adderol XR and clonidine to help with sleeping and of course the hyperactivity. He is on the maximum dose of Clonidine that he can be and while it worked for a few months, it has almost completley stopped working. He falls asleep, but only sleeps 3-4 hours and then most nights(like 6 out of 7) he is up for the rest of the night. The doctor cannot prescribe any more without affecting his heart and blood pressure. I have no idea what else to do. We have tried natural things such as aroma therapy but that doesn't help. The doctor said to try something like Benedryl but that had absolutely no affect. My husband and I are at our wits end. We have discussed talking to the doctor about hospitalization. We don't know what else to do. We love our son very much but don't know where else to turn. If anyone out there has any ideas or are going through something similar, please feel free to write me at EDuffy@new.rr.com. Thanks.

Erin - EDuffy@new.rr.com

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