stories

Kathie's Story

Dear Steven,

Thank you for answering my e-mail. You had asked me to share my story. Well here it is.

As a pre-schooler, I was very talkative and some what Hyper. Once I started school, I was still somewhat talkative, but I don't remember being Hyper. I remember in school being sent in the coat room for punishment for talking. I was spanked, pushed, and verbally abused by the teachers. I went to a catholic school and you did not come home and say that you were spanked in school or you would get it worse when you got home. My parents really did not get involved in what was going on with me as far as school goes. Looking back, I think that both my parents had learning disabilities and depression.

I am the youngest of children, so a lot of my behavior was attributed to being the baby. I was always babied by the older kids, except my brother who is six years older, who used to beat the crap out of me.

The problems in school became worse I believe somewhere around 3rd or 4th grade. I had trouble concentrating in class. I would stare out the window or off into space. My reading level was very high, I could always read well above what my grade level was, but I could not remember what I had read. Mathematically, I am totally incompetent. By six grade, there were four of us, who were left to ourselves in math. We sent to the back of the room to work on SRA cards, while the rest of the class was taught fractions, word problems, percentages. At lunch, I was a social out cast.

I had a few friends who were somewhat like me. The other kids always thought of me as weird or nerdy. For the longest time, I thought the way I was treated in school, was because of how my brother had treated the nuns when he went through school. My interests growing changed on a daily basis. I have musical instruments that I never really mastered.

The summer between six and seventh grade my mother was told that my reading ability was poor. I was enrolled in summer program at Duguesne University, the instructor told my parents that my reading level was at a 11th or 12th grade level. When going back to school in the fall, the school did not want to hear anything about what the recommendations were. During 7th grade, my father passed away, so I withdrew further than what I had already been. The remaining years of grade school were more or less a blur. My first year of high school, I stay at a catholic school, which was pretty much the same as elementary school. Most of my teachers thought that I was lazy and that I just wasn't trying. I had one teacher who tried to work with me, but only in reading. I wasn't getting the help I needed in math.

In tenth grade I moved and transferred to a public school in a suburb outside of Pittsburgh. Those last three years of school were the worst years of my life. I was constantly teased and made the object of others jokes and because my feelings get hurt easily, and I would cry it only made things worse. I barely passed high school, but I knew that I wanted to go to college, but my mother did not want me to go, because of my grades. My senior year, there was a special Ed teacher who realized that I had a problem, but nothing was ever don e about.

After graduation I went to a business school to become a medical assistant. I thought wow I really like this and thought I wanted to be a nurse. After 2 1/2 years of taking pre-nursing courses and finally getting into the program I lasted six months and was asked to leave because I could not handle the pressures. One of the instructors tried to get me help then, She thought it would have been a good idea to go for counseling, but my mother did not think there were problems and refused to go.

At that time, I was 21 years old, very bitter and angry at the world. I did not want to be living at home any more, but I did not know how to get away. So, I joined the Army. I was called Private Benjamin, I was also told by a Drill Sergeant that I was afraid of my own shadow, but somehow there was always looking out for me who helped me make it. After completing my three years in the service, I moved to California with my oldest brother, but I could not handle living on my own. So I returned to Pittsburgh to live with my mother. Again, I was very bitter and angry, because I wanted to be independent, but for what ever reason, I always seemed to get my self in situations that I could not take care of my self.

I began working at the University of Pittsburgh in 1988. Since that time, I have transferred just about every two years. The first three jobs I left, because I was bored with the type of work that I was doing. The last job I had before coming here, I was having problems with organization, losing things, not completing tasks. At the time, I thought that my boss did not like me. But now, I realize that thinks happened because I could not focus. The same things are now happening in my present position. I did very well the first six months or so, no obvious problems. Then in June we were preparing for accreditation and my who world fell a part.

I was expected to keep up with my everyday work, plus complete all requirements by the deadlines for accreditation. In august, I began to have serious problems and was referred to the employee assistance program and then referred to a psychologist for treatment of severe depression. I feel better since being on the medication, but my financial situation is really bad, because of procrastination and my work has not really improved all that much.

I always that I was the only one like I am, but I realize now that other members in my family have the same problem.

Thanks,

Kathie

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