stories

ML's Story (7/12/97)

I have a son who drove me crazy over the years. When he was born, he wouldn't sleep except in half hour stints. I couldn't keep a babysitter and I couldn't stay at home with him. He began walking at six months old but didn't talk until he was three. He drove his nursery school and kindergarten teachers crazy with his antics and know it all behavior.

He wouldn't sit still. By the end of grade one he had a permanent desk in the principals office because "he was too distracting". We had him tested for everything, but the real crunch came when he was kicked out of a school in grade four for disruptive behavior.

The next school he was put in, decided after a few months to have a child psychologist do some testing. They didn't believe me when I told him he had ADHD. He wasn't hyper enough for that - just had behavioral problems. He was re-diagnosed with ADHD and then transferred to a school for kids with behavior problems and taught how to deal with his "anger".

This school was good for him - and by time he left there at the end of grade six he had progressed to a grade five reading level and was slowly beginning to cope with his frustrations. But alas, we were transferred to another province and once again, my son was put in a regular school. He was only suspended 14 times in grade six, but no one could give us any help. In grade 7, I finally convinced the family doctor to refer him to a child psychiatrist and he began monthly visits. Then at Christmas, the school gave us an option, he either went on Ritalin or would be permanently suspended from school. We put him on Ritalin and it was like having a different child. Suspensions stopped, almost completely and his marks soared. But my son had a mind of his own. By time grade 8 rolled around, he didn't want to take the pills any more.

He started being suspended again and his marks dropped. He made it through to grade 9 and then, the bottom fell out. I work and he decided he wasn't going to school any more. He skipped 107 days of school and the school, having had enough of him and his problems did not even bother to inform me. Needless to say, he failed grade 9.

Once again we were transferred to another province and this year I put him in a catholic school, hoping that a small school would be able to help. It is a constant war to get him to go to school and an even harder one keeping him there. He has been suspended 4 times this year and mostly for childhood pranks, except for once when he got verbally abusive due to him feeling a teacher was treating him wrong. The school is having him tested, already has him in special classes, but the child feels lost. Some teachers have had him removed from their classes because they are afraid of him and his anger.

He has virtually no friends, probably due to his attitude, etc..he only seems to get along with younger children, ones he can boss around and relate to. I foresee many more problems with him, but I am dealing with it the best I can. The support here is next to none as we don't live in a large community and the people seem to shy away from "troubled teens".

I know that he can legally quit school on his 16th birthday which is just around the corner and I feel he will probably pack up and leave at that time - His frustrations are great and I can only hope that somewhere out there, in Canada there is help for him when he is ready to accept it. I cannot push him into accepting the help as he has decided that I am too pushy into making him accept it. I'm not making sense. He refuses to go to any doctor's offices and figures anyone offering help is full of b.s.

I have taken some courses on dealing with children with problems, and have learned to cope - but I need to know - Is there somewhere he can go, as a teen, where he can feel wanted and respected for all his differences. Is there someone out on the net that can offer some help for him?

My husband sometimes loses hope over Matt being a normal child/teen, but me, I guess a mother never gives up. We love our son, and tell that to him constantly and we both try, but the patience does run thin sometimes.

ML

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