stories

JUSTIN'S STORY

Thanks everyone who sent stories, especially Steven's story. His site was one of the first ADD life stories that existed on the web...we're talking the beginning of 1996!:) Well, anyway, here's my story.

I was born in Cleveland, OH. From birth, my mom knew I was going to be quite an active kid. Numerous falls down the stairs assured life wasn't going to be easy for me! We moved to Florida, where I drew on walls, broke toys, and wandered around distracted most of the time.

Eventually, Mom took me to a group of psychologists at the University of Florida, where they told my parents "get out of the South, your child will not get good schooling here." Off we went to Wisconsin, to Madison!

When I entered school, I was a strange kid...you would think kids would hate textbooks and teachers like the plague! Yet I loved textbooks...in fact, I would study textbooks when other kids were playing ball. You could say I was HYPER FOCUSED, but in a strange way. I don't know why...I'm still figuring that out. To move ahead...all through grade school, I did well in some subjects, and had some friends...but in other situations, I did terrible, and even though I had friends, they were often kids I met at school that also had social problems.

I was fortunate to be in a good school system, first in special Ed, then in public school. I was also fortunate that my mom continued to fight for me, talking to teachers and finding the best accommodations for a "hyperactive" child. I slowly adjusted to a regular school setting, but I had my problems too. I remember getting homework in 2nd and 3rd grade back with hundreds of red marks, with the word MESSY or MESSY WORK written on most of it.

In 4th and 5th grade, I moved to an elementary school that had a reputation for being one of Madison's best. I still had problems, but my mom continued to fight for me, finding a teacher that would work with me...individually! I consider myself lucky in those grades to have found somebody that would work with me 1-1. Because of this aid, I did surprisingly well on my work...and made some good friends...in 4th and 5th grade. It was a happy time for me.

That was to change when I entered middle school. Distractions were abound. Kids teased me more than ever. I felt isolated, lost, and confused, even though my teachers tried to work with me...and I with them. This continued into high school. I was still doing extremely well academically, but I avoided people, acted without thinking, was distracted, and often lost in thought. I was a social loner.

Based on some of these experiences, I tried to find a college with small classes and a small town atmosphere. I finally decided on St. Olaf College in Northfield, MN. People here ask me, what attracted me to mathematics (that became my major)? Well, math was something that I could apply, something that I thought made sense in real life. Most of all, I liked having a great ability to play with numbers and find solutions to problems that were hard to work previously in school. I'll tell you about some of my methods if you like.

It was in 1991, the year I entered college, that I was formally diagnosed with ADD and put on Cylert. My parents helped me learn how to cope with some of my ADD behaviors before I went off to college. Consequently, I was able to fit in somewhat. I was also lucky to meet Brian, my roommate. I told him that I had ADD, and told him that I would need support sometimes. He agreed to give it to me, no matter what. I met many people that year, including some that I still keep contact with.

Yet I still had difficulties. I still had problems fitting in with the crowd. I still had problems turning assignments in on time. I still had problems acting up outside of class. And I didn't get involved in extracurricular activities. Many times I would hide in the computer rooms. I was still...a social loner.

Worse yet was when mathematics became less intuitive and more THEORETICAL. Now I had to use already-proved proofs to solve math problems. No more intuition. I could not conjure some of these proofs if I tried. My math dreams led me to Eastern Europe, where I studied THEORETICAL MATH for 4 months. I failed miserably, lucky to get out of the program by dropping the math courses and doing well in culture class and Hungarian.

Furthermore, I was continuously taunted for my social problems. I was wandering aimlessly...hiding behind alcohol, loneliness, computers, and shame. I didn't measure up at all.

I graduated from college with a B.A. in Mathematics in May 1995.

Aimlessly, I tried to sign on with temp agencies as a data entry operator (including my current job with the Wisconsin Dept. of Revenue). I was looking, interviewing, but finding nothing I could find useful. This lowered my self-esteem.

By this time, my dad, who was always a perfectionist, was diagnosed with depression. We all started seeing a psychiatrist to work out family problems about the time I graduated from college. In the midst of my dad's search...I decided to confront my ADD, and learn about it. The time had come.

Mom, as always, would help me with my search. She called many psychotherapists, and ended up with two...one to handle medications and one to handle ADD behaviors. I was formally diagnosed with ADD in August 1995 (using Barkley's test), and put on Cylert. It helped me as I struggled through that year.

It was through my first book...You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy!?...that I started to learn about myself. From then on, I started to see that ADD behaviors can be an asset as well as a liability. The authors of that book made me proud to be an ADDer.

Ever since, I've become an active member of CH.A.D.D. of Dane County, gone to Eastern Europe again, and gone to tech school to learn more about computers. However, despite all my strides, I still was dissatisfied with my work life...as I learned more about how I didn't fit in to previous jobs, I wanted out more and more of those situations.

My goal is to fight the good fight, and give people who are suffering from ADD the chance and the abilities to use their ADD behaviors as an asset. I have developed a website this year that I pray and hope will help me and others accomplish their long-awaited dreams and goals. I'm also planning to talk with teachers at the tech school about ADD. Living and working together, I believe we can make ADDed dimensions out of ADD behaviors.

Don't doubt the dream...or it will never come true!

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