stories

JEFF'S STORY

Wow, for so long I thought that I was the only one. How nice it feels inside to read stories of people like me who somehow keep going. I was definitely different from the get go. At an early age (preschool) I dazzled my family members by being able to count to ten in 3 languages, comprehend simple algebra equations, and I made them all laugh by mimicking the voices of various animals and people.

My Mother was a teacher in the same school district that I attended, and she was so proud of the glowing reports that she had received about how bright and exuberant I was.

Somewhere around fourth grade a problem had developed. My desk looked like somebody had taken a giant box of assorted school supplies and tried to jam them all into one tiny space. Things were never turned in on time. Everything I did was completely last minute. If I looked out a window or at a map... (I can space out looking at a map for hours)... I would wake up having completely lost any sense of what was going on in class around me.

The burden of scoring very high on standardized tests, while at the same\time bombing every class but P.E. continued through high school. I always felt like I learned more than other students, but my scholastic results were horrible. I began to cut class because it felt so good to get out of the pressure cooker.

The only thing at this time in my life that gave me pleasure was physical release. Baseball, football, basketball, golf, tennis, it didn't matter, all I know is that when I stepped on the field of play, my mind became clear, and I felt like I was alive. I became a top rated athletic competitor, and played varsity baseball and basketball through college.

Somehow I graduated high school and even made it into my senior year of college before dropping out. My friends tell me that I am a great idea man, but that I never follow through on ANYTHING that I start. They don't even want to hear about my ideas anymore, they just tell me that I am dreaming again.

I have been called space cadet, lockup boy, nutty professor, you name it, they've called me it. I have lost my keys so many time it is ridiculous. My thought patterns are so random at times that people just have no idea what I am talking about. I sometimes lose my ability to finish a thought in mid sentence. I just stop talking in the middle of a point and I cannot remember what I was talking about. My brother falls on the ground laughing when I do this. I usually laugh good naturedly, too. What else can I do?

I can honestly say, after all of this that I love being the way I am. I see what other people don't see. I make connections between things that other people cant. I make people laugh, I have a bond with people that is beyond measure. I have 8 billion stories of adventure and hilarity.

Some of them I cant even tell because people would never believe me. I love nightlife and big cities, I can stay up for days at a time if there are enough interesting things going on around me. I look at the so called normal people out there and I think, how uncreative, how boring, how conservative these people are. I choose to be outrageous and loving, humorous and creative. I feel that all things about my life are good and wholesome, and I truly love my fellow man. The only thing is, I'm about 20,000 in debt, an occupational underachiever, with bad credit and the attention span of a seven year old. My friends and family can't decide weather they love me to death or they want to kill me. I exasperate people without even trying. I even do it to myself.

I finally decided to get help when I had a wakeup call. I set up a meeting with a few friends to discuss my flakiness and how I had planned to make changes. We agreed to meet at the restaurant at 8:30. I got there at 8:15! I was so proud of myself. At 8:45 I began to wonder what had happened to my friends when I realized that I was at the wrong restaurant!! Needless to say that by the time I arrived at the right restaurant, any shred of credibility that I had with my friends had gone out the window. They still love me, they really just don't respect me.

They told me that I needed help. My schoolteacher mother works with learning disabled kids and has told me for a long time that I am a classic ADD case. I have always denied this. I have always felt that ADD was nothing more than an excuse for lack of motivation. I have read more books on motivation, time management and organizational skills than anyone I know. And yet, I have never met anyone in my life as organizationally challenged as myself.

So, I logged on and began reading stories about others like me. I didn't know if I should have been laughing or crying, but I knew that I had found a new home, a group of people who I haven't even met yet, but that I somehow know will accept me as I really am. Nobody else ever has. I learned that I am not alone in the universe.

I feel very positive today, I made an appointment to get evaluated. I am taking baby steps toward a more balanced life. Thank you everyone for sharing as honestly as you have... Jeff

Sincerely Bruce

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