Guidelines For Using Time Out
With Children and Preteens
(contd.)

Alternatives to Time Out

Children 10 and over may decide they are "too big" for time-out because "it is for babies." Here are some other negative consequences that have been successful in reducing inappropriate behavior.

Tell the child that each time he displays the inappropriate behavior, he will have to write sentences to remind him of how he should behave. For instance, every time you talk back you will have to write, " I will talk nicely and show respect to my parents." The first time this happens on a given day the sentence is written 5 times. If this does not help them remember then the next time the sentence is written 10 times. The number is increased by 5 or doubled (depending on the age of the child) each time the behavior occurs on that day. The next day the first occurrence receives 5 sentences.

Remove privileges or objects that you can control. Make a list of privileges or objects (TV, ride bike, stay up late, go outside and play, etc.). Tell the child that each time the undesirable behavior occurs, one item will be crossed of the list for that day. Each day the procedure starts over.

Advantages of Time Out

• It is less aversive than other procedures, such as physical punishment.
• It eliminates a lot of yelling and screaming on the part of the parents.
• It increases the probability that parents are going to be consistent about what is going to be punished, when and how.
• The child learns to accept his own responsibility for undesirable behavior. The parents are not punishing the child; rather the child is punishing himself. The child should be repeatedly told that the parents did not put him or her in time-out but that the child put himself in time-out.
• The child more readily learns to discriminate which behaviors are acceptable and which are unacceptable.
• The child begins to learn more self-control.
• By keeping a written record of time-outs parents can see if the procedure is reducing the targeted behavior. Also, reward can be tied to only receiving a certain amount of time-outs in a day or a smaller time period.

Guidelines For Parental Discipline

• Never disagree about discipline in front of the children.
• Never give an order, request, or command without being able to enforce it at the time.
• Be consistent, that is, reward or punish the same behavior in the same manner as much as possible.
• Agree on what behavior is desirable and not desirable.
• Agree on how to respond to undesirable behavior.
• Make it as clear as possible what the child is to expect if he or she performs the undesirable behavior.
• Make it very clear what the undesirable behavior is. It is not enough to say, "Your room is messy." Messy should be specified in terms of exactly what is meant: "You’ve left dirty clothes on the floor, dirty plates on your desk, and your bed is not made."
• Once you have stated your position and the child attacks that position, do not keep defending yourself. Just restate the position once more and then stop responding to the attacks.
• Remember that your behavior serves as a model for your children’s behavior.
• If one of you is disciplining a child and the other enters the room, that other person should not step in on the argument in progress.
• Reward desirable behavior as much as possible by verbal praise, touch or something tangible such as a toy, food or money.
• Both of you should have an equal share in the responsibility of discipline as much as possible.

The "3 Fs" of Positive Parenting

Discipline should be:

• Firm: Consequences should be clearly stated and then adhered to when the inappropriate behavior occurs.

• Fair: The punishment should fit the crime. Also in the case of recurring behavior, consequences should be stated in advance so the child knows what to expect. Harsh punishment is not necessary. Using a simple Time Out can be effective when it is used consistently every time the behavior occurs. Also, use of reward for a period of time like part of a day or a whole day when no Time Outs or maybe only one Time Out is received.

• Friendly: Use a friendly but firm communication style when letting a child know they have behaved inappropriately and let them know they will receive the "agreed upon" consequence. Encourage them to try to remember what they should do instead to avoid future consequences. Work at "catching them being good" and praise them for appropriate behavior.

For additional help with Time Out and discipline we recommend [Why Children Misbehave and What To Do About It].

Additional Topics of Interest

Guidelines For Good Communication With Children
Improving Your Child's Behavior and Self-esteem
Parenting 101 Online Parenting Workshop

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